Why Colourism Needs To Stop!

Why Colourism Needs To Stop!

What is the meaning of the term “black beauty?” is it a compliment meant to flatter people who are dark-skinned and look good, or is it in fact meant to downgrade darker women? Thinking about the possible meaning and origin of the word, it occurs to me how light-skinned people are not given this “presumed privilege”. That is to say, if you are light-skinned, you are simply accepted as beautiful, but if otherwise, then your beauty needs to be stressed!

Like telling someone “You look good today” when in fact saying “You look good” alone is sufficient. The person may at first feel happy and complimented but may begin to wonder if he/she looked less good on other days. Likewise, if you tell someone that he or she is a black beauty, it may mean the person is beautiful despite being black. So instead of telling people, they are black beauties, simply address them as “Beauties”.  

It is almost as if dark-skinned people are not expected to be beautiful and in the event that they are, it calls for a special celebration. I believe this discrimination is one of the few effects of colorism in our society today.

Colorism arises from a difference in skin tone colour and skin tone colour is dependent on melanin; which is responsible for determining skin and hair colour and is present in the skin in varying degrees, depending on how much a population has been exposed to the sun historically. Other factors such as geography and genetics then play another role in differentiating the skin tone colour of people of the same race and climate. 

Colorism; an offshoot of racism, is discrimination based on skin tone between people of the same race where lighter-skinned people are treated better than dark-skinned ones. It originated during the times Europeans enslaved Africans. During that period, the darker-skinned slaves were put to work in the fields while the lighter-skinned slaves with more European-like features took on more domestic and easier tasks within their masters’ households. This was done to cause separation within the enslaved community.

In 2002, Nigeria had over 99.5 million users of bleaching products placing second globally after India.

If you observe, Nigerians are constantly in the habit of mocking Ghanaians and Kenyans for being too black just because they are darker than us in complexion. In Northern Nigeria, there is a popular saying that goes:

Farar Mace Alkyabbar Mata

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Meaning “A fair lady is a cloak to other women” and in a deeper context simply means fair women are better and more attractive than darker women.

But what are the consequences of these bold claims thrown in favour and on the face of light and dark-skinned women in Nigeria? Below are among many of the negative effects of colorism especially for Nigerian women: 

1. Increases Preferential Treatment at Home and School

Sadly, the roots of colourism have taken deep into the fertile soil of our domestic lives. In our homes, neighbourhoods, and schools, children of lighter skin tone are treated better than their darker skin tone peers.

At home, lighter-skinned children are preferred when it comes to accompanying the mother to outings. Sometimes they are even given less stressful chores because they are deemed more fragile and precious. In large gatherings like weddings or ceremonies, light skin children are more adored and carried than darker ones who are told immediately to go to their parents.

Likewise, in school, lighter-skinned children are picked for parades, plays, and sometimes even quizzes to represent their respective classes, houses, or schools.

This personal preference may lead to loss of child confidence from a young age; promote sibling or peer rivalry and also break the trust between guardian and child. 

2. Leads to False Sense of Identity and Superiority

One of the effects of colorism is, it gives fair people a feeling of superiority. When you constantly show people that they are better or more attractive than their peers, you might as well just have issued them a blank check or lottery ticket to do whatever the hell they want. Their egos rise and some of them automatically feel they have made it in life due to their skin tone. When this happens, they gain an added rise in ego, self-praise, and shamelessness resulting in them belittling those that they feel are inferior to them through physical and emotional bullying and degradation.

They feel it is their place to pick the more attractive garment since it will flatter them more. The more attractive men approach them and their friends is their birthright. They can even go to the extent of thinking they cannot do belittling works or chores despite their financial status.

3. Colorism Narrows Beauty and Societal Standards

When the measure of attractiveness is continually narrowed down by the day until it comes down to the level of melanin one possesses, the standard of beauty diminishes, and unrealistic societal standards are set. This affects other factors including class, intelligence nobility, and even hygiene.

In a glimpse, a light-skinned person is by default expected to possess more class, intelligence, and nobility than a dark-skinned one. Children of the rich are expected to be fairer than those of the poor to reflect their luxurious lifestyle and proper hygiene. A recently married woman is expected to grow lighter in complexion and the white races have been officially stamped to be more intelligent than black people.

In short, people feel they need to be fair to be beautiful, or else they also lose some of their societal respect and perception.

4. Collapse in Self-esteem Is One of The Effects of Colorism

One of the effects of colorism is, it reduces self-esteem. When a person grows up feeling rejected or treated differently by his/her family, peers, and society in general due to his/her skin colour, that person may fall into self-hatred and feel ashamed of his/her appearance. This mostly happens when the person does not understand the true origin of colourism and fight against its effects. 

Also without having people accept him/her for who they are, depression kicks as they begin to feel discomfort in their own skin. For a woman, constantly having her fair friend admired and picked over her by her crushes due to narrowed beauty standards makes her feel ugly and unattractive.

This may lead to her having a loss of self-esteem and self-confidence.

5. Encourages Production of Harmful Skin Bleaching Products

If everyone feels beautiful and is comfortable in their own skin despite their skin tone, then cancer and other skin ailments will go a long way in being reduced worldwide. On a global scale, some skincare products are made up of bleaching products, many of which are harmful as you use them or later in life when you stop.

Although, it is a choice to bleach. When people refuse to genuinely see and feel beauty in all skin tones, many lose self-confidence and are cajoled to begin bleaching their skins. A woman who feels her marriage is dependent on her skin colour will not hesitate to bleach as she has seen her peers do it successfully and feel she is doing it for a greater cause.

As Nigeria continues to boast a worrying amount of bleaching experts with famed male crossdresser “Bobrisky” as one of them, they are cashing in on the desperation of people especially women to acquire a lighter skin tone. 

6. Colorism Promotes Discrimination in Work Places

Another effect of colorism is that it promotes discrimination in the workplace. People especially women seeking job opportunities have suffered the effects of colorism. This is especially true of jobs where part of customer patronage may depend on their attraction to people offering them services.

Because of colourism, potential air hostesses, waitresses, hotel room service, models, bank tellers, product adverts, and many more have been dismissed and disqualified for the job as their less attractive dark skin is less preferred to satisfy customer’s aesthetic satisfaction. Their other qualifications may come second in their Employer’s requirements.

This is also true in Nigerian Movie Industry popularly known as “Nollywood”,

7. It Reduces Moral Values Among Women

Just like how many students throw away a handout once they are done with a course, many women feel they have gotten their life distinction because of their skin tone. They ignore other personal and moral values especially regarding themselves, relationships with people, and marriage.

For a woman who lacks a stern upbringing, this is an opportunity for her to throw her manual out the window. Don’t completely blame her though, society has already given her a life certificate. As a saying goes in Northern Nigeria:

Farar mace ko mayya ce

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This is commonly said by men who have a desire to wed a fair woman. The phrase literally means “A fair woman even if she is a witch” which means that they don’t mind any kind of woman so long she is light-skinned.

While darker women strive to be personally, educationally, and morally upright, the societally right egoistic ones fall deep into the pit of shame and illiteracy. 

8. Enhances Divorce Rate Among Men

This is also one of the numerous effects of colorism. Of course, when you marry a woman solely for your attraction to her skin colour while throwing other values out the window, you yourself are bound to be valueless. As such, any small mishap in your relationship or marriage may lead you to send her back home. From there, you either become aware or move to the next bus stop of alighting fair women.

Women of lighter skin should beware of such kinds of men as they only care about themselves. No! More preferably, light-skinned women should have other values that will help them throughout their lives and give them a compass.

9. Colorism Promotes Prostitution

Even in the prostitution industry, perceived beauty values make light-skinned women have higher market value than light-skinned ones. This is a call for desperate light-skinned women out there to join the industry as an easy way out. Also, those already in the business strive to bleach and increase their market worth. So-called friends wanting to initiate others could be heard easily advising their friends and saying:

…After all, you are fair and men like fair women, this industry is meant for people like you.

Ask for my advice and I will tell you even if you are fair, look for another job and keep your dignity.

10. Lastly, Colorism Promotes Racism

Racism has already eaten us to the buds. Colourism is serving as a catalyst. When we don’t accept and embrace our skin tones, nobody will. No one will feel threatened or intimidated to discriminate against our race if we ourselves don’t embrace and protect it fiercely.

Conclusion

Now looking at these ten troubling effects of colorism, this goes to everyone involved in the rising pandemic.

Look at your hands and try picturing all your fingers becoming equal. Next, imagine which one would be most useful. If you can’t give yourself an answer, then simply know that everything was created differently to serve a unique purpose. Are all your teeth exactly similar or is everyone you know rich? What if everyone became a doctor or all the people you know are lawyers. Crazy right? So why should everyone be of the same colour?

In uniqueness lies in beauty and beauty lies acceptance. Accept who you are and imagine everyone else as a finger or a tooth that needs to be different and accept them too.

This Is The Right Way to Protect Your Children from Pedophiles

This Is The Right Way to Protect Your Children from Pedophiles

Did I just hear you say sexually molesting a helpless child/baby is a mental disorder? Does that mean that very soon, child sexual offenders will happily roam the streets free, after being fully acquitted from a non-guilty plea, on the cushioned grounds of insanity?

No, I don’t want to believe that our world today is agreeing with this gruesome misconduct and grievous rebellion against the laws of nature. After being termed with a ‘fancy name’ to legitimize its birth, “Paedophilia” went further to being baptized as a ‘Psychiatric disorder’; subconsciously assisting its so-called sufferers to get away with their acts.

Whatever complicated theory the world may choose to weave about ‘Paedophilia” today, the simple fact is, we need to reject this mental slavery the second it lands on our runway; starting from protecting our children from these walking monsters.

What Is Paedophilia?

Before we can protect our children from paedophiles, we need to first and foremost understand what it is, its extent, and its limits. Therefore, we will look at its basic history/evolution, definition, and signs of a paedophile/paedophilia.

History/Evolution of Paedophilia

Formally recognised and named in the late 19th century, the term ‘Paedophilia’ comes from Greek words; ‘Paidos’ and ‘Philia’, meaning ‘Child’ and ‘Friendship/friendly love’ respectively.

This term was used to describe sexual interest in mostly male adults, to feel sexual urges or engage in sexual acts in prepubescent children; that is children who have not attained puberty.

However, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders replaced the term ‘Paedophilia’ with ‘Paedophilic Disorder’ arguing that a paedophilic desire, practice, or behaviour in itself does not constitute a mental illness and that it is only a disorder when it is mentally or socially affects the concerned individual and also exerts harm to unwilling persons or victims.

Warning Signs of a Paedophile

There are no outward signs of a paedophile. In fact, they look and act very normal just like you and me. The only difference is that they are sexually attracted to children and you are not.

However, below are ten warning signs you should look out for in a paedophile; gathered from their criminal profiles and psychological studies. Remember, they do not make one automatically a paedophile, but should be enough to make you as a guardian be cautious:

  • He is a victim of molestation before himself
  • He is most times someone close to you; a relative, friend, co-worker, neighbour, and so on.
  • He is always around children or has work related to children.
  • His environment is decorated in childlike décor that will appeal to the age and sex of the child he desires and not scare them away.
  • He is very patient. He spends time as much as possible with your child, constantly giving them gifts, prolonged hugs, and attention. In other words, he grooms both you and the child to trust him.
  • He watches or masturbates to child pornography.
  • He talks to or treats children like adults.
  • Also, he is mostly friends with single mothers or women who lack sufficient male support in their lives.
  • He has an impeccable reputation and good manners or a mental illness such as a mood or personality disorder.
  • He is always on online platforms popular among young adolescents.

How to Protect Your Child from Paedophiles

We have understood the concept of paedophilia and looked into the warning signs of a potential paedophile. Now this will help us in delving head-on into ways we can protect our children from falling victims to their traps. Ways you can protect your child from a paedophile include: 

1. Educate Yourself about Them

You need to be aware of the traits and behaviours of a paedophile before you can be able to protect your child. Most criminals like rapists, armed robbers, serial murderers have similar patterns of behaviour and regularly devise new ways of achieving their aims.

Arm yourself with regular updates about the latest trends in use by these sexual predators so that you will not be taken by surprise. 

2. Educate Your Child to Keep Private Parts Private

Distinguish appropriate and inappropriate touching for your child. Let him know that there are good touches and there are bad touches. Your child should know that a high five or a pat on the back is different from a butt squeeze or a kiss on the lips or tongue.

Also, do not stigmatise teaching your child from an early age about the concept of private parts. Let your children understand that certain places in their bodies are not for the public. Go further to protect those places for them from view from people when bathing or dressing them up. This includes family members also.

In addition, constantly remind them by saying things like; “Listen to me sweetheart, do not allow anyone to see or touch you here and here. Whoever asks you to show or touch it, run straight to me and tell me”.

This will keep your child alert and inform them that there is something wrong when someone tries to see or touch their privates.

3. Teach Your Child to Not Talk to Strangers or Follow Them to Places

Paedophiles usually observe a child they are interested in and work tirelessly to isolate them from their peers. They appear where they usually play and talk to them until they become a familiar face even if the child doesn’t know them. When they establish familiarity, they lure them to isolated places, have their way, and later disappear without a trace.

Discourage your child as much as possible to feel at home with strangers. 

4. Teach Your Child to Inform You about Gifts

One of the popular ways paedophiles get to children is by giving them gifts. Generally, discourage your child from accepting gifts all the time. “I will give you a packet of sweets if you let me see or touch you in this place” is an example of phrases a paedophile uses. For the average child, this feels like a relatively fair deal if they don’t know that these are not things to bargain with.

Also, whenever someone presents your child with a gift, encourage them to first show you before accepting or consuming it. If you notice any abnormal way in the gifts or manner which they are given, ask your child questions like “Did he ask you to give him a gift in return?” Questions like this will help you understand the true intentions of the giver.

5. Supervise Your Child Regularly

Whether your child is alone or not, engaged in a playful activity or another; make sure you regularly show up in places where your child spends long hours on their own or with other people. Be positive that there are no short or long-term disappearances from where your child is engaged in an activity.

If left with a friend, family member, co-worker, or nanny, take breaks from work or what you are doing to check up on them regularly through phone calls or visits. 

6. Do Not Leave Your Children Alone At Public Places

At a birthday party, wedding, or shopping mall, keep your eye on your child at all times. Sexual molesters use these gatherings to snatch children away and force them. Also, watch out for onlookers who are always present at children’s gatherings without having an actual reason to be there.

Also, refuse to send children to open doors when the door rings or send them on errands where they have to pass secluded places. These sexual predators are everywhere waiting for the perfect opportunity to snatch your child.

7. Be Your Child’s Friend

Build an environment that is emotionally conducive for your child. Listen to their concerns and do not make them feel judged or ashamed. Remember, child molesters often use threats to keep your child quiet about the atrocities they constantly do to them.

Your children can only overcome that threat or fear instilled in them if they feel you can protect their interests after they disclose their secrets to you. Typically, child molesters target children who do not get much attention from their parents and act only after gaining their trust and friendship.

Be friends with your child; share your own thoughts and feelings, have open and honest conversations and they will never feel threatened or afraid to tell you their secrets.

8. Notice When Your Child Is Acting Differently

Is your child behaving in a withdrawn manner around a certain person or cringes when you brush past their privates during bath time? Try to know your children’s regular pattern of behaviour and watch out for any changes. Do not ignore them.

Constantly ask your children how their day was at school, how the outing with an adult went, or why they are not playing with their friends. “Did you fall and hurt your buttocks?” Asking these questions regularly will keep the lines of communication open to bring up any answers to such matters.

9. Trust Your Child’s Instincts

Do not dismiss your child’s claims about not wanting to be around someone simply because you feel that someone is too virtuous. Children have the best instincts and if they do not feel comfortable around someone, do not force them. 

10. Monitor Your Child’s Internet Activity

Children at a very young age these days are allowed to handle and operate gadgets. Alas, this has proven a favourable decision for paedophiles online who stalk social platforms and chatrooms popular among children; sending them pictures to entice them before finally luring them into an open meeting.

As a guardian, establish internet rules; regularly monitor your children’s online activity by asking them about people they meet and by checking it out on your own.

Conclusion

We must do our best to protect our children from harm at all costs. Say again that molesting a helpless child/baby is a ‘mental disorder’ and we will echo in unison the death of those who deservingly need to be punished for their acts. 

Sexually molesting a child is a crime against mother nature. They wish to speak up for the rights of mental health of people that engage in these gruesome acts – acts of sexually molesting children including babies of only three weeks old. Meanwhile;

Who is standing up for the mental health rights of children sexually molested every day?

Why Northern Nigeria Needs to Stop The Practice of Girl Child Marriage

Why Northern Nigeria Needs to Stop The Practice of Girl Child Marriage

Over 12 million girls are married out before the age of 18 according to UNICEF statistics. Child marriage is being practised across countries, cultures and regions. We have to stop stealing adolescence from our young girls. Northern Nigeria is one among many other African countries that practised child marriage, which has constituted a large number of girls marking an end to their childhood and any possibility of personal growth and development.

However, several N.G.Os have sprung up in the last decade to fight against this problem and come up with a possible solution to abolish this drawback.

Factors Leading to Child Marriage

Poverty, Cultural, traditional and religious factors are among the many factors that contribute gravely to the high number of child marriages in our society. Broken homes and economic crises are also basic factors that can’t be disregarded.

Child marriage in northern Nigeria is most prevalently practised in the rural, underdeveloped and poor communities, where women are seen as a means to an end. The devastating economic hardship in Nigeria is a major contributing factor to making the nation being ranked as the 11th highest contributor to the rise in child marriage in the world with an estimated 42% of girls married before age 18, which is considered child marriage.

Effects of Girl Child Marriage

Early child marriages anywhere in the world stand to intervene on the health, psychological well-being and formal education, as most of them abandon education and skills to focus on raising children and building a home. This is common with many ethnical groups in the country. But it’s predominantly common in the Northern part of this country.

Girls are forced to become the three most difficult things Woman, Adults and Mothers. The tradition is driven by poverty just to reinforce social ties in other to create financial stabilities for the benefactor families and improve their social status.

Jamila, a young girl I met and spoke to at Giwa local government of Kaduna State always wanted to be a nurse. The entire concept of science fascinates her. She told me she wanted to be a nurse for so many reasons as her mum battles severe back pain with a long medical history. All that faded as she explained how her father arranged her for marriage immediately after she got to SS2 ( Senior Secondary School.) She also explains how she went through miscarriage twice and struggles with physical and mental illness.

Little or zero health care is being provided while they’re exposed to many risks like depression, cervical cancer, malaria, fistula, and other forms of diseases follows.

Early pregnancy makes girls more predisposed to the risk of losing their life, increases in premature labour and this has given rise to high maternal death. They also have many medical complications such as. Vesico-Vagina Fistula ( VVF) And rectum vagina fistula (RVF).

What We Should Be Doing

Female child education reduces chances of infant mortality, promotes health, improves and raises economic productivity cohorts, enhances political participation and prepares the ground for educating the next generation.

In ending child marriages, we must consider accelerating our efforts to help change the lives of girls and young women by understanding the complex drivers behind the practice in a different context, identifying the variables that hinder their growth in society and implementing all necessary assistance the society needs to develop and enhance the social-political wellbeing of women and female child.

The Silent Culture of The Samburu People

The Silent Culture of The Samburu People

The Samburu people are known for the colourful beads adornment they wear around their neck and other parts of their body like waist, leg and hands. This means beauty and wealth for women and men.

The Sambarus, are nomadic and pastoralist community settlers in northern parts of Kenya who have preserved their culture, tradition and way of life from pre-colonial times to the current days. Sambaru is a small community in Kenya that’s organized according to gender and age.

In this community, women as young as age 13 indulge in a full sexual relationship leading to unwanted pregnancy by warriors or any male from other clans like the Rendille.

The Silent Culture of The Samburu People

This silent culture is about to terrify you as we go deep to understand what Beading in Samburu means. It’s a preventive measure put in place by elders to prevent the young warriors from bedding married women (elder’s wives) the warriors are seen to be seductive to married women and this often leads to conflict between the warriors and the elders.

This practice gave the warriors a pass on young girls as a way for them to stop sharing wives with the elders. Beading was a form of conflict resolution. Samburu and Rendile communities are the two main closest communities who practice Beading as they share customs and another way of life.

Beading practice, as well as female genital mutilation, is a cultural harmful practice. According to the Samburu people, Beading is their traditional way of life that allowed warriors (Morans) to have a temporary marital relationship with a very young girl who shares the same clan as the warrior.

The warriors (MORANS), after getting a directive from the girl’s guardians, after which they make their proposal known to the uncircumcised young girl by providing the uncircumcised girl with a bead. By giving her a colourful bead-like Red signifies his interest in wanting to have a sexual or intimate relationship with her, that which is seen as a way to prepare this child for marriage in the nearest future to come.

The Girls undergo female genital mutilation (FGM) in their teenage years to prepare them for marriage. An uncircumcised woman is still considered a child and is not eligible for marriage but eligible to have a sexual relationship with the MORANS. The relationship does not lead to marriage and pregnancy is forbidden.

In case of pregnancy, the girl will have to abort the pregnancy or the baby be killed after birth using herbs poisoning, since the child is seen as bad luck and considered an outcast. The lucky babies who survive are given out to other communities like the Turkana tribe.

Abortion is performed traditionally by elderly women leading to all kinds of health complications and even death. Beading increases, the risk of spread of all kinds of Sexually Transmitted diseases and in an extreme case HIV/AIDS. The Morans are at liberty to have more than one sexual partner, while the women are unassisted to deal with the outcome or consequences of their sexual relationship with the Morans. The tradition decrees that men speak on women’s behalf and whatever the men have spoken remains final. The women have little or no say in their tradition.

My Fibroid Journey by Maimuna Garba

My Fibroid Journey by Maimuna Garba

My name is Maimuna Garba, and this is my Fibroid journey.

During my university days, almost towards my final year, that was around 2011, I started experiencing heavy bleeding. At first, I took it as a normal thing, and attributed it to stress, because anyone who was in the final year in the university knows how stressful it can be. Not only did the flow become heavier, but I also started experiencing cramps and clots during my menstrual period. My period days increased from 3 days to five days, to 7 days. I didn’t take it to be anything and still attributed it to stress.

I went on with my normal activities but dreaded seeing my monthly cycle because it turned into a scary experience. It became so severe, that I rarely go out any time it was that time of the month. Even when I had to go to school, it was with a full bag of sanitary towels, toilet paper, extra underwear and if possible change of clothes because one could never predict the flow.

I decided this was not a normal experience and I had to see a doctor but didn’t know which hospital to go to in Jos that had a good gynaecologist. I asked around and some people gave recommendations.

On that faithful day when I set out to go to the hospital, my mum asked if I was ill. I told her I needed to do a check-up because I didn’t understand the symptoms I have been having. I got to the hospital, did the necessary procedure of registering and getting a card. I was nervous and afraid.

All sorts of ideas had crossed my mind, was I dying, was it cancer? My name was called and I went into the doctor’ office, he asked the usual questions, when I saw my period last and all that. I told him about all the symptoms I have been experiencing and he asked me to lay down so he could do a physical examination. As soon as he placed his hands around my pelvic area, I felt a very sharp pain, the doctor looked at me and said, ‘do you know you have fibroid?’

As soon as he blotted those words, the world stopped, I was trying to process what I had just heard. The doctor asked again and I got jolted back to reality, I said fibroid how come? He said as he touched my pelvic area, he could feel it, but to further get a confirmation, he said he will do a scan.

The scan confirmed my fears, it was indeed fibroid. I was perplexed, my thoughts were racing all over the place. The doctor asked a couple of more questions like if we had a family history of fibroid and all, I answered in affirmative. I told him I thought these things do not occur except in women in their 40s (I was just 27 years old). He told me he had operated on a 16-year-old who had fibroid. I was shocked. He gave me a pep talk reassuring me that having fibroid does not mean I won’t be able to conceive and it could be treated with surgery. Two types of surgery were required to treat fibroid. One was uterine myomectomy which was the removal of the non-cancerous cells known as the fibroid and the other treatment option was a hysterectomy, which was the complete removal of the uterus.

He suggested I take the former treatment plan because I was not married and had not had children. The latter treatment option was for women who had had kids and didn’t have a need for their uterus anymore. The doctor gave me some medication to help with the pain and the excessive loss of blood. He told me to go home and think about when I wanted the surgery to be. I thanked him and left the hospital.

It was the longest drive of my life that day, I thought of all sorts; how could I have this, where did I go wrong, what did I do? The questions were endless. I got home, I told my mom, called my sisters who were in school and told them too… It’s was an emotional moment. We were all crying. My mom told me she will support whatever decision I made. My sisters were also supportive.

I managed the symptoms with the medications, but it really didn’t help, I had a terrible habit then of taking fizzy drinks (I didn’t know I was doing a lot of harm to myself) the fibroid kept growing.

During my first visit to the doctor, the biggest size of the fibroid was about 6cm, after 6 months when I went for another scan, the size of the biggest of the fibroid grew to 11cm…unknown to me, the fizzy drinks and dairy products were feeding the fibroid and making them grow at a faster rate. I had to do a test called HSG to know if my fallopian tubes were blocked(that test was a test from hell) it was so painful, it was like my whole insides were tangled and were trying to untangle.

Read: You Will Never Take Soft Drinks Again After Reading This

It took me 4 days to recover after doing that test. I had graduated, the symptoms were more severe. One morning I woke up and decided I couldn’t take the pain anymore, I was going in for the surgery. I informed my mom, she was her usual self, very supportive and calm. We went together to book the appointment for the surgery, I told some of my family members… Some were of the opinion I should not do the surgery, my mind was made up, I couldn’t deal with the pain any longer.

The surgery was scheduled for the 21st of March 2014, which was almost a year after discovering I had fibroid. I had done extensive research on the fibroid. I prepared my mind for the worse (which was death). Prior to the surgery date, I had bled the whole month of February into March.

When I went to see the doctor for a final check-up on the 20th of March, I was still bleeding. He told me if the bleeding didn’t stop, they couldn’t carry out the surgery, because it was a life-threatening situation. I went back home and I prayed, I was tired of all the physical and emotional pain. My mental health was also suffering.

By the mercy of Allah SWT, the blood stopped on the night of the 20th. On the 21st of March, I packed my bags with my mom in tow and went to the hospital. I tried to remain calm because my blood pressure could not rise beyond a certain level, if not the surgery will be cancelled. The surgery was slated for 2 pm. I had my family around me. The situation was tense, but I tried to make jokes so everyone could relax. By 1 pm, the surgery team came in and gave me some talks again, asked if I wanted to be put to sleep or I wanted to be conscious. I chose the latter.

At 1:30 pm, it was time to go, I hugged my mom, my family members and told them, I’ll see you all later in shaa Allah. Some of them had tears in their eyes, I braced up and walked out of the room (I didn’t let them wheel me into the theatre). I walked in myself. I said my prayers and lay down waiting for the unknown.

The surgery took almost 3 hours. I was wheeled out at about 5:00 pm. The anaesthetic was still in effect, but I could feel the pains. They sedated me and I fell asleep. I woke up at about midnight with very severe pain. I was crying and weeping and asked for water. They said I couldn’t drink anything. I was crying and shouting. The pain was unbearable. The nurse on duty that night was the sweetest nurse I have ever met (we became friends to date)

I started vomiting, I vomited blood all on the nurse. I was apologizing to her and weeping at the same time. She told me not to worry, that it’s okay, she sedated me again and I went back to sleep. Apparently, it was an ulcer that was making me vomit. In the morning, the pains were more severe. They had to call the consultant who then said they didn’t have to wait for me to fart, they could give me Lipton to drink because I had an ulcer.

I stayed five days in the hospital. Recovery was painful and very slow. I was in and out of hospital for two months. At one point I just wanted to die so all the pains could end. My mom was there every step of the way. My family was also there.

For 2 months, I couldn’t eat anything. Nothing will stay down, everything I ate, I vomited. My blood level was low (17%). I had to have a blood transfusion in that 2 months of gruesome pain. I felt like I was carrying a stone in my stomach, I couldn’t walk upright. The doctors had scanned, they could not figure what was wrong, but I was in pain and wasn’t eating. In one of the checks up, the doctor said if they couldn’t find out what was wrong, I may have to go back to the theatre, be opened up to see what was really happening inside of me.

The night before the scheduled second surgery, I went into the bathroom to pee, after peeing, I stood up, I felt a liquid coming out, I thought I was still peeing, but it wasn’t pee, it was pus from my operation site. I screamed for my mom, the whole house was in pandemonium. I was rushed back to the hospital. They had to open up the stitches a bit to suck out all the pus, they did that for 5 days. It was after this that I started to fully recover. It was a scary and painful experience.

After the surgery, my period went back to normal, it lasted 3 days, the flow wasn’t heavy. I was happy… But that didn’t last long. After 3 years, the heavy periods were back, the period went from 3 days to 7 days, the clots were bigger. I was back in the hospital. The doctors didn’t know what was wrong because the scan wasn’t showing anything, they suspected a lot of things including adenomyosis.

I was asked to do another HSG to determine what was happening, and I did. This was timeless painful because the doctor gave me some injections and medication on the day I went for the HSG. I was afraid, I didn’t want to go through another experience of pain. The HSG results came out and my worst fear was confirmed, the fibroid was back.

This time around, I was calm, I prayed, I said oh Allah, I do not know why you are giving me all these trials, but I know it’s for the best and you are never wrong. I was expected to conceive after the first surgery to eliminate the chances of the fibroid reoccurring. But since I wasn’t married, there was no way I could have conceived. I made up my mind I did not want another surgery and was going to manage it to the best of my ability. I did further research, found some supplements online that claimed they could shrink fibroid without surgery, and bought a whole lot of them, I drank, but when nothing changed, I stopped buying.

My Fibroid story

This time around I knew I had to control my diet, so I don’t have the fibroid growing at a fast pace. I had stopped taking fizzy drinks, dairy products. To the glory of God, the fibroid didn’t grow bigger, they remained the size they were when it was discovered again. I also tried to control my stress level, because, in the course of my research, I found out that stress made the fibroid symptoms worse.

I’m still managing it, I have learned to live with it, I have learned to not let it dictate my life. Some days I feel overwhelmed by the pain and the bleeding, other days I just try and be happy and LIVE.

One thing I noticed is, I didn’t find support groups for people living with fibroid, because there were days I wanted to talk to someone who was experiencing what I was experiencing, but I couldn’t find any. If there is anyone going through this, you can reach out to me, we can start our own support group for women who had/have a fibroid.