by Musa Bala | Jun 11, 2022 | Relationships & Weddings
Do you think your husband is controlling? Being in a marriage where your husband is controlling can be very trying, controlling husbands often try to limit and manage the activities of their spouses. This controlling behavior could really put a strain on a marriage, depending on how intense and frequent it is exhibited. Here is how to deal with a controlling husband, but before that, let’s identify controlling behaviors.
Why Do People Develop Controlling Behaviors?
Before you know how to deal with a controlling husband, learn why people become controlling in the first place. The reason why people become controlling differs from one person to another, this is because they’re different causes for the development of controlling behaviors. However, among generally identified causes for controlling behaviors, someone could become controlling if they’ve experienced some kind of abuse in their lives earlier on
An example is when someone experiences abuse as a child when they have no control over the situation, there is a great chance that they’ll become controlling as a means to prevent themselves from getting hurt again.
Extreme levels of low self-esteem and self-confidence have also been linked with the need to be in control. When a person has been let down so much in their lives or has a personality disorder or a psychological condition that makes it difficult for them to have confidence in themselves, they will try to control anyone they can in a bid to feel superior to them.
Typically, they boost their self-esteem and confidence by putting others down.
Signs of a Controlling Husband
While they are many subtle signs of a controlling husband, such as extreme jealousy, emotional blackmail, disrespecting you and your feelings, caring too much about your finances, loving conditionally, spying on you, and many more.
They are major signs that characterize controlling husbands. If you know them, you can know how to deal with a controlling husband.
1. He Criticises You A Lot
This is the most obvious sign, a controlling husband constantly criticizes you and anything you do. This is so you feel like you can do anything without him and always need him, and he feels he’s important in your life.
This criticism often starts on benign things and manners such as the way you talk, the way you work, or your point of view on certain matters. Eventually, it stops being on one or two things, but he starts criticizing everything you do, your appearance, the work you do, or even the way you have sex and so many aspects of your life.
At some point, you end up feeling like you can’t do anything right before your husband.
2. He Isolates You
A controlling person wants you all to themselves, therefore they will isolate you from every other person, including your friends and family. They try to control you by making sure you have no one else to run to, making you completely dependent on them.
Controlling husbands want to control their wives without anyone realizing it, such that to outsiders they’re the perfect supporting husbands.
3. He Uses What He’s Done For You Against You
A Controlling husband often does nice things for his wife, helping out with home chores, staying away from other things to be with you, getting your gifts for no reason, or simply going out of their way to help you with something.
While this seems like a nice romantic gesture, there are strings attached. After they’ve done something nice for you, you’ll have to be extra nice to them also as they expect.
This means you’ll have to do what they want and how they want it, giving them the control they desire. This is one way to learn how to deal with a controlling husband
4. He Makes You Feel Guilty
Anything you do that does not make your husband happy, a controlling husband makes you feel guilty for it. They do this in an attempt to manipulate you into doing what they want, the way they want it.
A good example is when they don’t like you meeting friends or family members, when you get back home, they make you feel guilty for not staying at home and spending the time with them.
If they do this everyone you meet friends and family, it gets to the point where spending the time with them instead of family friends seems easier. When this happens, they’ve successfully isolated you further.
5. He Wears You Down
The ultimate goal of a controlling husband is to make you completely dependent on them. And often they do this by trying to lower your self-esteem and confidence, such that you feel you need them.
A controlling husband wants to make sure they are the only ones in your life so they can control you. So they criticise you, threaten you, gaslight you, and isolate you from your friends and family.
All these aims at wearing you down to the extent you give in and do the way he wants. The earlier you learn this, the earlier you learn how to deal with a controlling husband.
How to Deal With a Controlling Husband
1. Reach Out to Other People
When you have reasons to believe your partner is attempting to control you, it is important that you reach out to the people around you. Your controlling husband will try to keep you away from your friends and family, but you must try to keep them close
It’s a good idea to open up to someone you trust about your situation when you feel comfortable doing so. They may be able to offer advice or a comfortable and safe space for you to express your feelings at this time.
Don’t let your spouse ruin the relationships you have with your family and friends.
2. Talk to Your Husband
A controlling might not listen to you or take your expression seriously, however it is important to tell him how he makes you feel, and maybe it will dawn on him that he is hurting you.
You need to let him understand that you are strong and still have self-esteem, and you can’t put up with his controlling behavior. Also, be sure to let him know that you want to help him and make the relationship work.
You could also suggest a couple’s therapy to get help from professionals. They’ll help identify possible areas your husband can improve.
3. Set Boundaries
It is important to set boundaries if your husband’s behavior has gotten better after seeing a therapist. This will help you establish to your husband what you’ll tolerate and what you’ll not in your marriage going forward. This would also help your husband understand when he is crossing the line in your marriage.
Try to reach a mutual agreement on how the marriage should be. Even when your husband isn’t cooperating, this will help you decide what you’ll and will not stand for, and identify when your husband is back to his controlling behavior.
4. Decide to Stay or Leave
If you should observe that your husband’s behavior isn’t getting better, and he’s not willing to seek help in improving his behavior, then you need to choose if you would remain in the marriage or not.
If you feel your husband is becoming increasingly controlling, it is better to leave the relationship.
Conclusion
A healthy relationship is that in which there is an equal balance of power. Being in one where power and control are held by one partner makes it difficult for the other partner to feel in control of their life. However, by knowing how to deal with a controlling husband through effective open communication and professional help, the victim can regain a sense of control over their lives.
If you find yourself in such a relationship, ask for help, don’t let your husband weigh you down. Know that you can get through this and always choose your well-being above any other thing.
FAQs
Can a controlling husband change?
Yes! Psychology tells us that every behaviour can be learned and unlearned. The same goes for controlling behaviour, with the help of a marriage and couple therapist, a controlling husband can unlearn his controlling behaviour and learn how to maintain an equal balance of power and control in his relationship.
How does a controlling husband affect me?
To gain absolute control, controlling husbands try to make you completely reliant on them for everything. They do this by isolating you from others, limiting you, and wearing down your self-esteem. This leads to self-doubt, low self-confidence, and helplessness which takes a toll on your mental health.
How do I communicate to my controlling husband?
It might be difficult to get a controlling husband to listen to your opinion. Nonetheless, expressing how they make you feel to them might let them know just how their behaviors hurt you as most controlling people do not know they are controlling.
You could also reach out to a professional to help your husband identify his controlling behavior and profer means to maintain a healthy relationship.
How do I set boundaries if he doesn’t listen to me?
Even when he doesn’t listen to your opinions, make your demands clear and explain the things you won’t take anymore. If he still ignores you, go ahead and set the boundaries and if he violates them, give him the consequence to let him know how serious you are about your boundaries.
When do I leave a controlling husband?
With the right professional intervention, the controlling behavior of a husband can be addressed. However, when the husband becomes increasingly controlling or emotionally abusive even after seeing a couple or marriage therapist, it is advised that you leave the relationship. Always put your well-being above any other thing.
by Musa Bala | May 21, 2022 | Relationships & Weddings
Said to be the most common mental health problem, depression is a complicated disorder characterized by feelings of extreme sadness that affect the emotions, thoughts, and behavior of a person. This leads to feelings of helplessness and worthlessness. Dating someone with depression can leave you bewildered and confused. This article will focus on how to date someone with depression so that both your loved ones and your wellbeings are encouraged.
Watching someone, you love to suffer from depression and not knowing the proper steps to help can be challenging. If not adequately addressed, you might put your mental health at risk.
People who suffer from depression are hopeless about a better future and may show signs of social withdrawal; this can make you feel like you did something wrong when you didn’t.
Understanding depression and knowing how to date someone with depression can help you understand and improve your communication skills with your significant other when the symptoms of their depression come up.
How To Date Someone With Depression
Dating someone depressed can be difficult for you and your loved one; their symptoms may become factors in your relationship.
However, by self-education, communication, and making yourself mentally strong, you may maintain a healthy connection with someone suffering from depression while also assisting them in receiving the necessary assistance and therapy.
You have to accept one fact before supporting them: you cannot completely heal their depression, and even trying can leave you both drained. Nonetheless, you can provide compassion and nutritional support in some ways, as discussed below.
1. Know The Type Of Depression They Are Experiencing
There are several types of depression with different causes; to support your loved one, you’ll have to understand the kind of depression they are experiencing and identify possible root causes.
For example, persistent depressive disorder (dysthymia) is different from bipolar disorder depression, and they have other reasons. Understanding your loved one’s depression diagnosis will help you plan toward a healthy association with them.
2. Assure Them That You Are There For Them
Depression is known to instill feelings of worthlessness in people. When learning how to date someone with depression you learn that they may feel they are unworthy to be with, let alone listened to. Try your best to be there for them and assure them that you’ll be there whenever they need you.
Simple phrases such as “I understand,” “I hear you,” and “I’m here for you” or other ways of saying I love you without saying I love you go a long way to let them know their pain is heard, seen, and understood. This will help tackle their feeling of worthlessness.
3. Communicate, Listen and Understand
Your depressed loved one needs to feel comfortable sharing how they think and what they want with you. This can only happen when you establish an open communication line with them such that depression is something that can be openly discussed between you two.
You should also be comfortable expressing your concerns with them if you notice that their depression is getting worse or returning after specific improvements.
4. Engage In Their Self-Care Activities
When you are dating or trying to date someone with depression, it is essential to know how to support them. This is by first acknowledging that you cannot fix them; you can only keep them by listening to them and encouraging behaviors or strategies that will help them recover as recommended by a therapist.
You can encourage these helpful recommendations by taking part in the activities. This will make your partner not feel alone and may end up enjoying the actions recommended.
5. Don’t Blame The Depression
When your loved one starts to experience withdrawal symptoms, they do not want to go out like they used to; they prefer being alone at home to going out, avoiding blaming their depression or telling them depression is the reason for their decision to be alone.
This makes them feel ashamed and highlights their low self-esteem, as you just expressed that they can’t make decisions independently.
People with depression need to feel empowered and not judged to avoid depression naturally.
6. Don’t Push Them To Be Always Happy
It is essential to understand that you can’t heal them; you can only support them. While you try to provide support, don’t expect them to be always happy and full of energy. Be understanding when they don’t feel like going out as planned, don’t try to force their mood as that will only make your partner feel like you don’t listen to them and do not care.
You could, however, try to figure out what they like and do it whenever you can.
7. Know When To Act And When To Step Back
There would be times when your loved one would need you to support them by listening to them or talking about their depression. There are also times they’ll need you to take an active stance.
Try to understand your loved one’s needs and when they need you to support them or be actively involved in their efforts to heal.
8. Provide Practical Help
When you date someone with depression, it can be challenging to make certain decisions or organize things. Their processing slows down, and their higher cognitive functioning is impaired.
Don’t force their decision-making but encourage them and help them achieve the ones they’ve made.
For example, if they’ve decided to see a therapist, you can help them look for one or offer to drive them to their appointments with their therapist.
9. Be Attentive
After getting educated on the depression your loved one is suffering from, pay attention to their needs and health, so you know when they need support and how they want it.
When you notice some decline in improvement, check if there’s anything you can do, encourage them to exercise, eat and sleep well, and seek professional help.
Let them know when you notice positive changes because they may not see their improvements. This will further encourage them and amplify their mood.
10. Establish Self-Care Routines
While you look for how to date someone with depression, it is also essential you don’t neglect or put your health at risk. Be sure to take care of yourself. Exercise regularly, sleep well, eat healthily, socialize, manage your stress or even see a therapist when you have to.
Taking care of yourself by being mentally strong will prevent you from adding your problems to your loved one’s existing problems.
FAQs About Dating Someone With Depression
What early signs of depression should I look out for in my loved one?
Symptoms of depression settle in with time. However, the earliest people tend to develop a change in interests, sleep problems, and changes in appetite.
These symptoms may seem usual, so it is difficult to detect depression at its earliest stage of development.
How do I get my loved one to go to therapy?
When your loved one suffers from depression, they might not want to get help from a professional, and you should not force them but instead encourage them.
Therapy only works when the person is willing to commit. You could promote their commitment by showing support and sharing your experience if You’ve been to treatment before.
Conclusion
Depression and its symptoms can be treated. If you are dating or trying to date someone with depression, encourage them to seek help and support.
Knowing how to date someone with depression entails providing support to your loved one and taking care of yourself to be emotionally strong enough to encourage their recovery and not add to their existing problem.
by Musa Bala | Apr 30, 2022 | Relationships & Weddings
Maintaining the intimacy of marriage and other important relationships in our lives can prove to be a challenge, especially when it comes to friends of the opposite sex. Maintaining a same-sex friendship outside marriage might seem relatively easier when compared to the challenge it could be nurturing a close opposite-sex friendship. When your partner is close to someone of the opposite sex, here’s what to know. But first, let’s take a scenario:
“Every case is different, however, I do believe there must always be boundaries if you are in a committed relationship. For example, my wife dated this guy once and they knew it wasn’t going anywhere yet they remained friends before we met. After we started dating, she would want to go hang out with him at an event he invited her to b/c his buddy or another gal pal couldn’t make it. I had no problem with her going to an event with him it was a group thing, but her going by herself with him didn’t sit well with me at all. I believe this is a boundary line you shouldn’t cross. Am I insecure? Yes because my ex-wife cheated on me with someone who was a friend of ours. Affairs can start with seemingly innocent relationships. It always starts emotional before it gets physical. So in my opinion, your relationships with the opposite sex should be very guarded and you should value your husband’s opinion and respect his desires. Otherwise, you are creating tension and struggles for him”
If you are married, there’s a good chance that you’ve had a discussion with your spouse about a relationship between someone outside your marriage and one of you. You have to decide how you should approach other relationships because obviously, your marriage is the most important relationship to be protected.
However, this doesn’t mean that you have to end your relationships with other people outside your marriage. Such friendships with someone of the opposite sex are not generally a problem until when it becomes more intimate either emotionally or physically. This could make your spouse feel uncomfortable and find it difficult to trust you thereby developing into a problem in your marriage. This article will help you with changes you can make to prioritize your marriage.
When Your Partner Is Close to another Person of the Other Sex
There are conceivable circumstances under which your partner could be friends with someone of the opposite sex without any physical attraction or sexual compatibility. In such situations, having a friendship with someone of the opposite sex might not be an issue at all. An example is being friends with old women or men around where you live. Your partner can go to their house for chats, share their personal stuff and listen to their experiences as well, help them with certain tasks and you can be sure nothing is ever going to happen.
It is also important that you realize that many opposite-sex relationships involve people who in different circumstances would be potentially emotionally and sexually engaged. While married people need to stop considering alternatives, it is common for men to befriend women they have a certain degree of attraction. When you regard someone as a potential alternative, then that friendship has a great risk attached to it.
The major difference between these two aforementioned kinds of opposite-sex relationships Is fantasy. This is when your spouse starts wondering, “I wonder what it would be like to have sex with that person or married to”. Such thoughts degrade your spouse’s intimacy, commitment, and loyalty to your marriage, and it is called considering potential alternatives.
Look Out For Warning Signs
When you have any reason to think that your partner is close to someone of the opposite sex, here are signs to look out for so you can be sure before acting on what doesn’t exist.
- When you find your spouse consistently calling or texting with someone of the opposite sex, especially when their communication is not limited to work or other necessary responsibilities.
- If you observe their relationship is becoming more intimate either emotionally or physically. Like they share personal things they wouldn’t share with someone of the opposite sex normally, holding hands or always wanting to sit together, there’s a good chance they’re becoming too close.
- If your spouse tries to arrange more meetings or reasons to be together with their opposite-sex friend more time than usual. For example, if a friendship started at work but they now want to meet more often.
- If your spouse is hiding from you the details of their communication and time together with the other person, their relationship is too close.
- When you realize they think about the other person a lot. An example is when your spouse sees or hears something, they say it reminds them of the other person.
What You Should Do
1. Reflect On Your Feelings About Your Discovery
After discovering your partner is close to someone of the opposite sex, the first thing you should do is understand how the situation makes you feel. Do you feel bothered, threatened, ignored, insecure, disrespected, or even jealous?
Knowing where your feelings lie, will help you determine how you should handle the situation.
2. Reflect On Your Relationship With Your Partner
Understanding your relationship with your spouse can give you an idea about why your spouse enjoys the friend’s company, this can also give you directions towards handling the situation permanently with much ruckus.
Try to understand the state of your marriage, how well do you communicate? How is your intimacy? How much time do you spend together? Answers to such questions can clarify what you need to do.
3. Talk to Your Partner
The important thing you can do when your partner is close to another person of the opposite sex is to first talk to them, and let them know how it makes you feel and how they are hurting you. You need to let them understand that you can’t stand them being too close to another person of the opposite sex.
Listen to your spouse as they try to explain their behaviors toward the other person and be sure to let them know that you want to make your marriage work.
4. Encourage Your Partner to Set Boundaries
Setting up boundaries can help a lot to manage other opposite-sex relationships outside your marriage by prioritizing the relationship between you and your spouse. It also protects the trust between you and your spouse. When you and your spouse set boundaries on opposite-sex friendships, it will help keep the balance between your marriage and other relationships with the opposite sex. Some boundaries your spouse and you can look like:
a. Any friendship with someone of the opposite sex must be in the open.
b. Do not share details of your spouse with a friend of the opposite sex.
c. Don’t be alone with a friend of the opposite sex outside of work, unless when agreed by your spouse.
d. Don’t be friends with anyone your spouse does not feel comfortable with.
e. Build a shared social network with your spouse.
Related: Why Setting Boundaries in Relationships Is Important
Conclusion
When your partner is too close to someone of the opposite sex, it could lead to you feeling threatened, abandoned, and even lose trust in your them. Talk to your them, they might even know they were making you uncomfortable.
You could also prevent such “closeness” between your partner and someone outside your relationship by strengthening your union and cultivating a deep friendship with your partner.
FAQs
When married, can opposite-sex friendships work?
Yes, it can, as long as your marriage is always prioritized above opposite-sex relationships. A relationship with someone of the opposite sex can work when it is not allowed to affect the trust, commitment, and intimacy you share with your spouse. A working relationship should be kept as such, there should be a limit which your relationship with someone of the opposite sex shouldn’t cross.
Should opposite-sex relationships be completely avoided?
Relationships with someone of the opposite sex can be harmless when there’s no fantasy, physical attraction, and sexual compatibility as explained earlier. In such a case, there’s no need to be alarmed.
However, some opposite-sex relationships can nurture sexual tension between a spouse and someone outside the marriage. This should be outrightly avoided.
Can opposite-sex relationships ruin a marriage?
When an opposite-sex relationship threatens your relationship with your spouse, such that you hide things from your spouse, you share intimate and personal details with your opposite-sex friend, you regard your friendship outside your marriage to the extent that you ignore the realities of your marriage, Yes!
Can men and women be just friends?
Men and women can be just friends when the friendship is practiced with self-awareness and boundaries. Without these boundaries, a man and a woman can’t just be friends. This is because it is common for men to befriend women they have a certain degree of attraction.
How do I balance my relationship with someone of the opposite sex and my marriage?
The first and most important thing to understand is that your marriage always comes first. Never allow your friendships to affect your marriage negatively. Listen to your spouse when they tell you how they feel about your relationship with someone of the opposite sex and together establish boundaries that will help protect the trust and commitment in your marriage.
by Musa Bala | Apr 23, 2022 | Health & Wellness
Emotional Abuse, unlike physical abuse, can be complicated to identify. While physical abuse often comes with obvious signs, emotional abuse isn’t that obvious especially when you are the victim as you must be in some kind of relationship with the abuser. Emotional abuse can lead to serious mental health conditions such as low self-esteem and confidence and depression. This is why understanding how to recognize emotional abuse could help you overcome this negative behavior on your mental health.
Emotional Abuse is described as the use of emotions to criticize, embarrass, shame, and/or blame others as a way to manipulate and control them.
While emotional abuse is prevalent in married and dating relationships, it can also exist in common relationships amongst family members, friends, and co-workers. A relationship is said to be emotionally abusive when there is consistent emotional bullying and the use of abusive words which derail the victim’s self-esteem and mental health, in extension.
Hardly identified, emotional abuse is a form of domestic violence that goes undetected and should be given much more consideration as a form of abuse. It is degrading, humiliating, and terrifying and leads to a long-lasting feeling of helplessness and worthlessness completely messing with the victim’s mental health.
How to Recognize Emotional Abuse
As stated earlier that emotional abuse can happen in any kind of relationship, it can also happen across all ages, people of any age or gender can abuse or be abused. Nonetheless, it is not your fault and you do not deserve to experience it.
Some behaviors you experience every day can be normal in a relationship but when it happens consistently and with intensity, they can be tools for emotional abuse.
1. They Always Want to Control You
Emotional Abusers use abusive behaviors and sometimes shame in an attempt to control. When you have someone who is overly interested in your social life, trying to limit who you engage with, they want you to do what they want without regard for your desires, then you might just have an emotional abuser.
They mostly try to control you by making threats, monitoring your whereabouts, and depriving you of making your own choices either overtly or covertly.
2. They Isolate You
In their effort to manipulate their victims’ lives easily, emotional abusers often isolate their victims. Isolation keeps the victim dependent on the abuser and prevents them from getting support from their loved ones that could help them recognize emotional abuse. Emotional abusers may isolate you by limiting your access to people who would support you such as family and friends. Also, they often tell you that they are the only ones who care about or can put up with you.
Signs that someone is isolating you could be that they become angry when you contact a loved one, they restrict your social life and they insist on going everywhere with you.
3. They Yell At You
Yelling at someone might seem normal in certain situations but when it becomes often and with great intensity, it can be the early signs of an emotionally abusive relationship. Emotional abusers use yelling as a tactic to create or display an unequal power dynamic, where the person whose voice is essentially louder and more aggressive has more power and can instill fear in the other. The abusers use this fear to control their victims.
When your partner, parent, or boss often yells at you as a way to get you to do something they want, then there’s a great chance you are a victim of emotional abuse.
4. You Are Always In the Defensive
Another way to recognize emotional abuse is that the abusers always feel superior to their victims and try to show the victims that they can’t do anything without them. They seem to always want to find faults in any action or decision the victims make without them in the bid to keep their victims dependent on them, so they question everything the victims do.
As a result of this excessive questioning, you always feel the need to defend yourself and everything you do.
5. They Gaslight You
Another common tactic emotional abusers use is gaslighting. Emotional abusers deny that events their victims talk about have happened to make their victims doubt themselves, and their judgments and question their perception of reality. This helps the abuser maintain control because their word becomes more realistic than the victim’s own beliefs, memory, or experience.
An emotional abuser might use some of these phrases to gaslight you; “I never said that”, “You’re crazy for thinking that” and “You’re making a bid deal out of nothing”.
6. They Use Insulting Language at You
To attack your self-esteem and worth, self-confidence, and value as a person, emotional abusers use insults and name-calling to degrade you. They might say things to you like “I’m the only one that can love you”, “You’re too stupid to earn a degree” and “you’ll never get a job”.
When such phrases are repeatedly said to the victims they might start to believe them, and this can affect the victim’s mental health. This tactic wears down the victim’s self-esteem and value.
7. They Are Extreme Jealousy
In addition, extreme jealousy is another way to recognize an emotional abuse. While jealousy is common in relationships, it is important to know that they are positive and negative levels. When jealousy leads to intense anger or controlling behaviors, it can be a warning sign of emotional abuse.
Such extreme jealousy stems from the abuser not feeling like they have power or control over you and your decisions. Some controlling behaviors the abuser may use are; monitoring your calls, texts, or emails, constantly accusing you of cheating, excessively calling you when you are not together, and controlling your appearance, including what you wear.
What To Do When Someone Is Abusing You Emotionally
The most important step in dealing with emotional abuse is identifying and acknowledging the abuse. By being honest to yourself about what you are experiencing you can begin to take back control of your life. Below are practicable steps to reclaim control of your life.
1. Prioritize Yourself
Always put yourself first when it comes to your physical and mental health. Take care of yourself, and stop worrying about pleasing the person abusing you. Be sure to practice self-care by exercising, eating, and resting appropriately. It is also important that you realize you are not to blame for the decisions and behavior of the abuser.
2. Establish Boundaries
Establish achievable boundaries by firmly letting the abuser know that you can’t tolerate their yelling, name-calling, insults, and so on. Also, let them know the consequence if they should choose to re-engage in their abusive behaviors. For example, anytime they call you names, you’ll leave the conversation.
3. Understand You Can’t Fix Them
Remind yourself that the abuser decided to behave in an abusive way and you are not to blame for their decisions. Also, understand that you cannot control their actions but you can control your response.
4. Build a Support Network
Sharing your experience with someone can be difficult but it could also be if great help. Talk to friends and family or even a therapist about your relationship with the abuser. Stay away from the abuser for some time and spend some time with loved ones who will provide you with the support you need. This network of friends and family will help you feel less isolated and their truths can help you put things into perspective.
5. Develop an Exit Plan
If the abuser has no intention of changing or stopping their abusive behavior, know that you can’t stay in this unhealthy relationship forever. You may need to take steps to end the relationship.
Each situation is different, so discuss your exit plan with trusted friends, family, or a therapist. Also, understand that such abuse often escalates when the abused decides to leave the relationship, so make plans for a safety net. You’ll need help from trusted friends, family, and a therapist to heal from the abuse you’ve experienced.
Conclusion
Emotional abuse may not leave scars and scratches but it can be as harmful as physical abuse or even more. How to recognize emotional abuse is important in understanding and addressing emotional abuse. Signs such as gaslighting, yelling, isolation, and others explained above, can be experienced in relationships with partners, family members, or coworkers.
Emotional abuse can be self-consuming, leading to a range of mental health issues. Reaching out to a mental health professional can be lifesaving.
FAQs
What are the effects of emotional abuse?
Emotional abuse directly affects the mental well-being of the victims. The criticism, verbal abuse, gaslighting, and name-calling degrades the victim’s self-esteem, and self-confidence and amplifies self-doubt and feelings of worthlessness and helplessness.
Emotional abuse also leads to health problems like depression and anxiety, stomach ulcers, eating disorders, rapid and irregular heartbeat, and insomnia.
How do I deal with emotional abuse?
Emotional abuse unlike physical abuse is difficult to identify, but when you do, here are some tips to address it; make yourself and how you feel a priority, stop blaming yourself, establish boundaries, work on an exit plan and reach out for support.
Why is emotional abuse difficult to identify?
Most victims of emotional abuse do not know they are being abused because they believe that everything they experience is common in a relationship. They believe everything the abuser says to them as such agreeing that they are being abused is extremely difficult and most times takes the help of a friend or family to recognize the abuse.
When is the right time to leave an abusive relationship?
Once you’ve been able to realize that you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, imagine the kind of relationship you want and compare them with the abusive one. Knowing what you want in a relationship will help you decide when to leave.
How do I help someone in an emotionally abusive relationship?
If you suspect a loved one or friend is in an emotionally abusive relationship, try to be supportive without judging or blaming them for staying. Educate yourself about emotional abuse about what they are going through, you can gently push them towards available resources or professionals that can help, and lastly, know that the decision to leave the relationship isn’t yours.
by Musa Bala | Apr 16, 2022 | Health & Wellness
Managing your work, family, and personal life, trying to find balance in the daily hassles you encounter can become overwhelming to your body and mind. In response, your body develops certain symptoms, these physical symptoms are collectively identified as signs of physical stress.
Stress is everywhere and it affects everyone, over 7 million Nigerians suffer from stress and stress-related issues. While a little stress is fine and can be beneficial, too much stress can affect your physical health negatively – to an extent, your life.
Stress affects both mind and body, however, for this article, we’ll be focusing on the signs of physical stress, its major causes, and how to manage and cope with these signs.
What Is Physical Stress?
Physical stress is a normal bodily reaction to changes or challenges whether they are real or perceived. When you experience such challenges, a chemical reaction occurs in your body that allows you to respond appropriately to the challenge. This reaction is known as the “Fight or Flight Response“.
Your bodily responses help you to adjust to respond appropriately to challenges. Physical stress can be beneficial to you when it alerts you of unpleasant situations or motivate you. A good example of when stress is beneficial is when you have an interview, a physical stress response will hello you to stay awake to prepare well. Physical stress can also be harmful to you when the challenges continue for an extended time without relief or relaxation.
Signs of Physical Stress
Physical stress affects your daily life, but because people manage stress differently, the physical symptoms of stress can be different in people. However, some symptoms have been identified to be common to physical stress:
When stress is left untreated for an extended period of time, it often becomes more life-threatening. And if still not treated, can develop serious physical health complications such as:
- Back pain
- Worsening asthma symptoms or any other chronic disease an individual has
- Increases risk of hypertension, stroke, and heart attack
Chronic Physical stress can affect your entire body by increasing the risk of certain diseases and reducing your quality of life.
What Are the Causes of Physical Stress?
As stated earlier, physical stress develops from our daily experiences and challenges. Now since people have different experiences and challenges and also react to them differently, the causes of physical stress in people also differ. An instance is, someone could be overwhelmed by a traffic jam while another turns on his car air conditioner and turn on music, making the experience less inconvenient.
Some factors able to develop physical stress could be what we are already used to but experienced with increased intensity or it could be a completely new challenging factor. Major causes of physical stress are streamlined as:
1. Financial Problems
When you find yourself feeling guilty after buying non-essential things, feeling anxious and worrying about money, and frequently arguing with loved ones about money, there’s a chance that your stress is financially caused.
2. Work
Physical stress as a result of work is often characterised by frequent rapid heartbeat severe nervousness, sweaty or sweaty hands and legs when carrying out a specific project or assignment at work. Job dissatisfaction also plays a role here.
3. Personal Relationships
There are many causes of stress in personal relationships – social media inclusive. The natural urge to compare yourself with others can lead to the stress of feeling inferior or inadequate.
Abuse or control in a relationship, loss of a loved one, moving to a new home, lack of communication and not being able to spend much time with a loved one are other common stressors.
4. Daily Life Hassles
Day-to-day hassles are common to us such as forgetting your keys at work, misplacing an item, running late, and other common inconveniences. Normally, they are inconvenience you often look over, however, when they occur frequently or with increased intensity, they could become sources of stress for you.
How You Can Manage Physical Stress
There’s no way to avoid stress but you can manage its symptoms on your physical health by practicing some strategies that will help you maintain not just a healthy body but your mind as well.
Exercising, eating healthily, getting enough sleep, relaxing and other healthy living practices go a long way to help with the signs of physical stress.
Check out 10 Amazing Ways that Will Help You Relieve Stress Naturally.
Conclusion
While stress is natural and normal, when its intensity increases or duration is extended, physical and mental symptoms develop.
The physical symptoms of stress ultimately affect our health negatively, increasing our risk of diseases and reducing our quality of life. Nonetheless, some natural consistent practices can help manage the physical symptoms of stress.
FAQs
How is physical stress diagnosed?
Most healthcare providers make use of questionnaires to understand the stress an individual is experiencing and how it affects their life. This is because stress is subjective, it is not measurable with tests, and only the person experiencing it can tell how it feels.
Healthcare providers evaluate physical symptoms that are related to stress such as high blood pressure and provide the appropriate care.
What happens to the body during physical stress?
Stress comes as a response to challenges or changes you experience. During Stress a chemical reaction occurs which is known as the Fight or Flight Response, this response triggers your autonomic nervous system which controls your heart rate, breathing, vision changes, and more. This response is also responsible for the signs of physical stress as listed above.
What are the effects of stress on our mental health?
Stress affects all areas of our lives, physical and mental. Stress affects the way we think (cognition) and the way we act (behavior). Common symptoms are; feelings of helplessness, inability to focus, loss of appetite and interest in activities once enjoyed, mental exhaustion, and constant worrying among others.
How do I avoid stress?
Stress is part of our lives, it cannot be prevented. However, they are daily life practices that help manage both physical and mental symptoms of stress.
Relaxing, exercising, maintaining a healthy diet, having enough sleep and rest, being positive and realistic, accepting that you can’t control everything, acknowledging the good times, and reaching out to a mental health expert are ways to manage stress.
When is the right time to reach out to a mental health provider?
It is important to reach out to a mental health expert immediately if you feel overwhelmed. A Mental Health expert will help you manage physical and mental symptoms of stress and help you go through your experience. Mental health professionals also give advice and develop techniques that will best address your problem.
