10 Eye-Opening Reasons Why People Remain Single

10 Eye-Opening Reasons Why People Remain Single

Over the years I’ve had people ask me this question. Why are you always single? I’ve heard the “Do you want to be a nun”, “Why are you so picky” questions. Although my reason for being single may be totally different from others, I’ve found out that there are some reasons that are more common than others. While some people are single because they have no interest in romantic relationships, others are for a whole variety of reasons. Here is a list of some reasons why people remain single.

10 Reasons Why Some People Remain Single

1. Fear of Heartbreak

One of the reasons why some people remain single falls in the line of defence. People have been in relationships that broke them so badly and their reaction to that hurt is to make sure they never get hurt again. There’s always that fear of getting committed again and being treated the same way.  Some of these painful experiences can build up to bitterness and force us to build up walls. It’s sort of a defence mechanism to protect ourselves.

There’s no relationship that will thrive without trust and vulnerability and some people never get to the point where they completely trust again so they rather stay single.

2. Being Stuck in a Fantasy

As young children, especially females, we already had a big picture of what we wanted our lives to be. Fall in love with prince charming and live happily ever after. We could blame that on Disney. Some people never really outgrow these fantasies and this is why some people remain single.  There’s a picture they have of the kind of relationship they want and when they put themselves out there and can’t find what they pictured, they’d rather stay single and daydreaming than undream and accept that there’s no perfect relationship. Until you are open-minded when looking for a partner, you’ll always be disappointed.

Hardly is there anyone that can meet those unrealistic expectations you have. If you do not want to die single, then you should try living in the present rather than in your fantasy.

3. Busy Schedules

I know a lot of people who say they are too busy to pursue a romantic relationship. You may have heard some people make statements like

“I don’t have time for girls; I’m trying to make money”

“I can’t deal with relationship drama. I don’t have the time”.

“Relationships are distractions”

“My job sustains and fulfills me. I don’t need a partner”.

Whether it’s school, work, or raising kids, some people work so hard and so many hours of the day, they never get the time to go on dates. They are career-focused and have tight schedules; they think having a partner will be a burden. Some people have no social lives outside work. It’s just work, work, and more work. The only people they meet daily are colleagues and with some companies’ policy that says no office romance, colleagues are off-limits.

For single parents who have to raise their children all by themselves, from changing diapers to attending PTA meetings, some never get the time to pursue romantic relationships. If building your life around your career makes you happy, why not. If you want a relationship but can’t find the time, then you have to intentionally make time and make it part of your priorities.

4. Self-Discovery

Self-discovery is a common reason why some people remain single. As we mature and grow as individuals, we begin to ask important questions about ourselves like “What’s my purpose for being here”, “Who Am I?” and some deep questions to know ourselves fully. while some people don’t mind finding themselves when they are in a relationship, some others are strong believers that you can’t effectively search deep into your soul to find out who you are until you take time away and be by yourself.

They embrace the solitude and peace that singleness affords and take time to focus on their inner self, their preferences, and their wellbeing.

5. Negative Feelings towards Relationships

There is no denying that the rate of divorce has skyrocketed and it’s starting to seem those romantic relationships take more from you than it benefits you. For this reason, some people have negative feelings towards relationships. Why even try when it’ll end up in divorce or worse- destroying your life. Failed marriages and relationships project relationships as stress and ultimately a fight you can’t win. This is why some people remain single.

6. Low Self-Esteem

Some people want a romantic relationship but they don’t believe anyone will want them.

They have low self-esteem and a negative image of themselves that even when someone shows genuine interest, they never believe they genuinely love them. They make statements like:

“I’m too fat, too short, too skinny, or too ugly”

“He’s way out of my league”,

“She’ll grow tired of me”,

“He’ll be settling with me”.

Some people run away from people they have an interest in. They’ll rather stay away from them in fear of rejection. This may be due to some childhood trauma or past relationships that left them feeling unworthy and rejected. I may not know so much but I know that there is someone out there for everyone.

If your reason for being single is this, I want you to know that you are worthy. Don’t write off your relationships before they’ve even started. Put yourself out there and give yourself the chance to love and be loved.

7. Pickiness

In the process of finding the right one, some people become too picky. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you should settle for just anybody but when your reason for rejecting suitors is lame and unbecoming, you just may be picky. Bad experiences and unrealistic expectations can make us pickier and automatically write off potential partners.

There are still good people out there, you have to stop pinpointing their weaknesses and see the best in them. Sometimes we think we are settling for less but the truth is we haven’t even given them the chance to show us who they really are. We may find out that they are good people.

8. Routine

People dread change and factors that force them to leave their comfort zone. I also have this problem. I remember one time when I was introduced to someone over the phone. The conversation was going nice until he asked to meet. I bailed on the nigga. I would be lying if I say it happened only once. When people ask me out on a date, I become stressed. All I want to do on weekends is to curl up under my blanket, watch dumb movies till I fall asleep. Having to dress up and go out into this uncertain and anxiety-provoking world is not something I’m used to doing. I prefer staying single than compromising my routine to accommodate another person.

The funny thing is I enjoy my own company so I never feel lonely or unhappy. If you are interested in a relationship but have a problem with leaving your comfort zone, I recommend that you make an effort to get out into the world; go on dates, meet new people and try new activities. Challenge the inner voice in you that keeps making you choose your comfort zone over taking the risk of putting yourself out there. Yes, you may get hurt but not trying at all reduces your chances of finding love.

9. Sexual Dysfunctions

It may sound a little bit strange but this is in fact another reason why some people remain single. Some people have sexual dysfunctions and due to the knowledge of that, refrain from entering romantic relationships.  They don’t believe anyone will want them after knowing their problem. The truth is not everyone is open to dating people that are disabled or have one disorder or the other. In order to save themselves from rejection, they choose to stay single. Choosing to be single is a way of self-protection.

10. Peace of Mind

We can all attest to the fact that relationships come with ups and downs and while some people have accepted that it is part of the package, others can’t deal with the unnecessary drama. They feel relationships temper with their peace of mind and negatively affect their mental health. The fact that they have to be answerable to someone doesn’t sit well.

Others don’t have time for fight and chaos. Singleness affords them the peace that a relationship doesn’t. This is one reason why some people remain single.


Whatever your reason for being single is, whether by choice or by circumstances, the most important thing is to make sure you are happy with your choice and maximize your singleness. While some people tag singleness as a bad thing, it’s not always the case. You can fully embrace and enjoy your life as a single person. At the end of the day, your choice to be in a relationship or your choice to remain single should bring out the best in you.

In addition, if your previous experiences or that of people around you is the limiting factor, just remember that holding back won’t make the pain go away. It’ll only stop you from experiencing better in the future. So free yourself from the bitterness and when you are healed and ready, allow yourself to love again. With love, there are no guarantees but it is a battle that is always worth fighting for.

This Woman Has a Rare Medical Condition, She Doesn’t Have a Hole!

This Woman Has a Rare Medical Condition, She Doesn’t Have a Hole!

I remember the first time I heard about the condition. A 20-year-old opened up and said she didn’t have a hole. She had tried to use tampons but she couldn’t get through. I was confused because I didn’t think it was possible to not have a hole. It was after she visited the doctor that she realized that she had a vagina but she had a condition called vaginismus.

What is Vaginismus?

Vaginismus is the involuntary and unintentional contraction of the vagina that makes vaginal penetration painful, difficult or even impossible. Women experience vaginismus when something attempts to penetrate the vagina or even comes close to the vaginal area. It usually occurs when a person has sex for the first time while inserting a tampon or during a pelvic examination.

It also occurs in menopausal women because oestrogen levels have dropped and the vagina is not lubricated so penetration is painful.

Read: 7 Natural Ways to Get Rid of Menstrual Cramps

What Causes Vaginismus?

Experts are not sure why some women experience vaginismus but there are factors known to contribute to the condition which is mostly psychological. They include;

1. Sexual abuse

2. Trauma from rape

3. Fear of sex due to negative feelings about sex

4.  Past painful intercourse

The vaginal contraction is some sort of defence mechanism the body has built to prevent these negative experiences from happening. The vagina closes, preventing any form of entrance.

This sounds serious!

Can it Be Treated?

Yes, it can. Vaginismus can be treated and treatments are usually focused on reducing the reflex of our muscles that causes them to tense up.

Since vaginismus is more psychological than it is physical, counselling and therapy are effective ways to treat it. It addresses the mind and the anxieties or fears that contribute to the condition. There’s also physical therapy which aims at teaching you to relax your pelvic floor muscle and the use of vagina dilators.

Vagina dilators are tube-shaped devices that come in various sizes and gets progressively bigger. The main purpose of the dilators is to stretch the vagina and get the woman comfortable with vaginal penetration. As she gets more comfortable, she increases the size of the dilators until she’s comfortable enough to use the biggest. Because it has to do with both the mind and the body, treatment might take time and the patient has to be content to wait if necessary.


In this part of the world, conversations about sex are somewhat forbidden and are supposed to be left unsaid which is one of the reasons people suffer in silence. Vaginismus is not your fault and there is nothing to be ashamed of.

If you are experiencing any pain during vaginal penetration, feel free to speak up about it and seek medical attention. You will, in no time get better!

10 Proven Tips to Make Long Distance Relationships Work

10 Proven Tips to Make Long Distance Relationships Work

You know that chill that runs down your spine when your partner reveals to you that they are moving away for school, work or personal purpose. The worry on your face as you mourn your relationship.” How are we going to cope? Distance spoils everything”.” What if they find someone better than me over there? “. The questions keep flooding your mind. You just found the absolute love of your life and you have to let them go. Long distance relationships can be scary and seem almost impossible. If this is your dilemma then don’t fret. These are some tips for a long distance relationship to work.

How to Make Long Distance Relationships Work

1. Communicate with Each Other Constantly

Communication is vital for every relationship. For long-distance relationships, this is your lifeline. You have to keep your communication lines open. Talk about everything. check up on each other when you can. The most important thing is that you communicate.

If you have a different time zone, you may want to find a convenient time for your bot to talk. You can video chat via Skype, face time or even WhatsApp.

Just make sure you find a means of communication that works for both of you.

2. Send Each Other Presents

Presents do not have to be limited because you cannot hand them over personally. With technology, everything has been made easy. You can order them something you know they like online and have it delivered to them. You can also ask the courier service to help you attach a love note to the present.

This way, you remind your partner that although you are miles apart, you are always thinking of them.

3. Do Something Fun

You might be wondering how this is possible since you are apart. It is very achievable, all thanks to technology. You can play games online and challenge each other. Maybe you can join an online book club or even recommend movies for each other. You both watch it alone and then talk about the movie over the phone. You can read to each other over the phone or learn to cook a meal together over any video chat app.

The most important thing is that you can still enjoy each other’s company and spend time together even if you aren’t physically together.

4. Trust Your Partner

Trust issues are one of the biggest killers of long distance relationships. This is one of the tips for a long distance relationship you do not want to overlook. If you do not trust your partner, you will always doubt them. Your mind will play games with you until you kill yourself with worry and end up with high blood pressure.

Unless your partner has given you reasons to doubt them, do not assume they are cheating on you. No relationship works without trust. As long as they have earned it, trust them!

6. Talk About your Expectations

People go into relationships for different reasons so you might want to make sure that you and your partner are on the same page. You do not want to be holding on to someone who is not committed to you. Talk about your level of commitment.

Are you allowed to go on dates with other people?

Is the relationship exclusive or are you in an open relationship?

Is this relationship leading to marriage or is it for fun?

Are you two compatible with each other?

You do not want to put in your effort in a relationship that doesn’t mean anything to your partner. You should make this clear so you know where you stand.

7. Do Not Be Careless

Sometimes we can get so used to being single we forget we are in a committed relationship. Make sure you do not get caught up in dangerous situations. If doing something will make your partner upset or fuel their insecurities, do not do it. For example, being in the club with a friend of the opposite sex at an odd time. Even if you are not doing anything wrong, you’ll give your partner a wrong idea and you will open room for doubt.

If you must do that, let them know before you go and be as transparent as possible.

8. You Need to Reassure Them A Lot

Distance can very well fuel doubts and insecurities. When you have negative friends and family members, it is even worse. There will be people telling both you and your partner that the other is unfaithful. They may even mean well and think they are looking out for you. How do you make sure your partner is secure? You have to make them feel secure.

Remind them that you love them and you choose them. Reassure them twice as much as you would if they were with you in person. Know their love language and speak it to them.

9. Always Have Your ‘Me Time’

Being around your partner can limit the things you can do since you have to spend time with them and consider them when making decisions. See the distance as an opportunity to work on yourself and build an identity for yourself.

You can learn a new skill, travel to places you’ve always wanted to visit, find a new hobby, get some more quality time with your family and friends and just enjoy being single. You do not have to put your life on hold.

Live your life to the fullest.

Check out how single people rock and enjoy their lives and emulate them.

10. Find Healthy Ways of Resolving Conflicts

Fighting over the phone can move from bad to worse very quickly and when the conflict is left to linger, it grows into resentment. You might want to make sure that every little disagreement and misunderstanding are addressed on time and communicated effectively. I’d advise that you refrain from fighting over text. missing one punctuation can change the meaning of a sentence.

Because they are not hearing the tone of your voice or seeing your facial expression, there’s so much room for misinterpretation. You have to be willing to apologize when you are wrong and forgive when you have been offended. It will also help to make sure that you settle all your issues before you go to bed every day.

That is how couples settle their disputes amicably.

Bonus: Pay Each Other Surprise Visits

One of the very important tips for a long distance relationship is bridging the distance. As often as you can, visit your partner. I know sometimes the distance is across oceans and visiting might be difficult but if you have the means, please do. It will help to keep the hope of the relationship alive. Your partner needs to see you, feel you, smell you and be reassured that they are not dating a ghost.

You can even make it fun by paying them a surprise visit. I can only imagine how overwhelmed and excited they’ll be.


Long distance relationships may seem hard but they are achievable. You just have to remind yourself why you chose your partner in the first place and see the upside. Always be positive. If you believe it will work and put in the work, it will.

These tips for a long distance relationship are here to help you. When you get a chance at love, fight for it. Distance got nothing on you! You’ll be fine.

Have you ever been in a long distance relationship or currently in one? Tell me what’s t like in the comments.

Does Social Media Ruins Relationships? Check Here

Does Social Media Ruins Relationships? Check Here

Our evolution into a digital world has been proven to do so much good. The introduction of social media which is known to make our work easy, improve marketing, and connect the world by easing our communication is one innovation we couldn’t be more grateful for.  Social media has become an essential part of our lives and imagining a life without it is almost impossible. Does it do any harm? Oh yes! Social media can become catastrophic to our relationships if not managed well and used within limits.  Are you wondering how social media ruins relationships? These are 7 ways it can!

7 Ways Social Media Ruins Relationships

1. Social Media Gives Room for Comparison

With the amount of information people put out on the media, it is almost impossible to not want to compare your life with others. You see a girl posting the expensive presents she received from her boyfriend on her birthday and you wonder whether her boyfriend has two heads that your boyfriend cannot do the same.

It can cause you to put unnecessary pressure on your partner and that can cause a strain in your relationship. It fuels discontentment and it makes it difficult for you to be satisfied or pleased. You can lose a good relationship because you wanted to be like someone whose life is probably fake. Every relationship is unique and you have to learn to be content with your partner no matter how imperfect they are.

2. It Breeds Distrust

Looking through the comment section of your partner’s social media page is totally normal but looking through it and seeing comments from a previous love interest or some admirer, opens room for insecurities and distrust.

A lady was getting ready for a dinner with her boyfriend and as she looked through the gram, she saw a comment from her boyfriend’s previous lover. The comment implied that they had met recently and she was mad. She began to undress in fury as different scenarios played through her mind. Is he cheating on me? Did he ever break up with her in the first place?

That relationship ended that night but what the lady didn’t know was that her boyfriend went to see the ex-lover to tell her he was done with her and he was planning to settle with his new partner. This is an example of how social media ruins relationships.

3. It Encroaches in Quality Time

For any relationship to thrive, quality time with your partner is very important. It doesn’t always have to be long but it should be qualitative. Usually, partners use this time to talk, listen, and give each other undivided attention but now, you can find two partners hanging out but they both have their eyes fixed on the phone – probably tweeting or entertaining themselves. Some people may even live together but communicate via text. Consider this scenario:

You are having a nice time with your partner and all they are concerned about is filming it so you both can oppress people online. Instead of actually enjoying the moment, they are busy trying to capture your best moments for the gram.

4. Social Media Deprive You of Your Privacy

Social media ruins your relationships by depriving you of your privacy. The temptation to put all of your business out there for others to see is a hard one to resist. There’s the need to prove to others that your relationship is perfect. Moments that are meant to be Intimate and private become public because of your constant need for validation or public opinion. The problem is that as you keep sharing private things with the public, you create room for other people to give comments on your relationship. Some of those comments are capable of destroying your relationship. Sometimes it puts ideas in your head. And if your partner is a private person, they can get upset if they find out everyone is in their business.

I recently read the story of a popular couple who just ended their engagement and while different rumours were passing round concerning the split up, the bride wrote a message to the public and said these words “please respect our privacy”. I literally screamed too late because the whole of social media folks were already analyzing the situation and giving their opinions on it.

If you want your privacy, do not put your private business out there for everyone to see. Limit what you share.

5. Pressures to Live Up to People’s Expectations

Maintenance of a certain status on social media has become the new norm. Social media says if you are in a relationship you have to cohabit, go on vacations, serenade your partner, and visit exquisite restaurants. Then, you find yourself visiting a very expensive restaurant you do not like and cannot afford because it looks good for the gram. You are starving so you can afford to go on a vacation.

Having to constantly do things for the gram is how social media ruins your relationship.

6. Social Media Increases the Chances of Infidelity

As social media connects you to a lot of people, it also increases your chances of infidelity. There’s little or no control when it comes to posting nudes and provocative pictures making it easy to be attracted to another person. You can just slide into any DM, probably even sext with strangers without your partner finding out. It can also cause you to be emotionally detached from your partner since you now have a new chatting buddy.

7. It Brings about Addiction

Social media can be very addictive. It’s slowly becoming the story of many users. Imagine the first thing your partner does is check their phones and notifications before greeting you good morning. In addition, they are constantly on the phone trying to keep up with the latest news and trends, obsessed with getting every detail of your lives out for everyone to see.

Their screen time is more than the time you spend together talking. They seem to prioritize their fans and followers than you. Not only will this cause conflict, but it can also go as far as ending the relationship.


You can get so carried away with social media that you become oblivious to how social media ruins your relationship and the damages involved. You have to regulate your screen time and have limits to what you put out there. This will help maintain privacy and your sanity as well.

Use the media healthily and responsibly.

I hope you find this article worthwhile. You could also tell us other ways social media ruins relationships. Thank you.