If You Notice These Signs, You Are Not Compatible with Your Partner

Written by Amina Lawal

Amina Lawal is an Android Developer, writer, project manager, a Google Developer Student Club lead, and a Google Woman Techmaker ambassador. She frequently writes about poetry, personal development, learning to code, and working in tech. She is also very passionate about the tech community and the general community as a whole.

October 16, 2021

So many of us spend a good chunk of our lives looking for “the one”. But what happens when we find someone? How do we know if they are the person who is right to spend the rest of our lives with? Or even if starting a relationship with them is the right choice? How do you know the signs if you are not compatible with your partner?

While compatibility is no guarantee of longevity, studies show that it is directly related to the quality and satisfaction of our relationships. Simply put, the more compatible you are with your partner and the happier you are likely to be with them. 

Everyone has their ideas about what qualities and traits their dream partner should have, but rarely do we ever find someone who’s a perfect match. Instead, we learn to compromise where we can and grow to love people despite their flaws and imperfections. However, it can be hard to differentiate normal differences from incompatibility. 

So, if you are wondering whether or not you and your partner are incompatible, there are signs that you are not compatible with your partner.

7 Signs That Show You Are Not Compatible with Your Partner

1. Not Getting Each Other Is A Sign that You’re Not Compatible with Your Partner 

Right from the get-go, this can tell you a great deal about how good of a match you and your partner make. If you have a hard time understanding how they are feeling, what they are thinking or what they need, then they might not be the one for you and vice-versa. It is better to be with someone you can be in sync with. Someone who picks up and understands your nonverbal cues and discerns the tone of your voice, and ‘gets’ what you try to tell them.

Otherwise, miscommunication and misunderstanding can pile up in your relationship.

2. Being Too Different from Each Other Is One of The Signs That You’re Not Compatible with Your Partner 

While it’s technically true that opposites do attract, every solid healthy couple should share at least a few similarities with their partner. This doesn’t mean having to like all the same music or movies that they do or even sharing the same hobbies as them. It can even be refreshing to be in a relationship with someone radically different from yourself.

Sadly, though the excitement won’t last forever if the similarities are too scarce or non-existent, once the “new and shiny effect” wears off, you are both left with someone who doesn’t share the same humour, interest, value, ideals, or principles, making it difficult to relate to one another in any meaningful way, which makes you and your partner incompatible.

3. When They Try to Change You, Instead of Growing Together

The hallmark of a strong and healthy relationship is having a partner who gives you the drive and motivation to change for the better. That’s the whole point. It must be something you want for yourself, your idea, not theirs alone. Despite your partner expressing irritation or dissatisfaction with you, it is generally ineffective and not sustainable. If you are forcing change on yourself solely because they want it and you don’t.

You have to want it for yourself and this goes for many things, whether it’s the way you speak, dress, or who you hang out with, only you have the right to decide who you want to be. If you don’t feel comfortable showing your true colours to your significant other, even in a private setting, this is a definite red flag and a sign of incompatibility.

4. When There is Constant Argument

It’s perfectly normal and healthy to disagree with your partner about something from time to time, especially if it’s over something important to the two of you. We didn’t choose this person so we can be with a clone of ourselves. disagreements become a problem, however when the arguing is constant and over even the tiniest of things.

This is even unhealthier if the fighting is dirty- shouting, name-calling, humiliating each other, holding grudges, and emotional blackmail.

Being in a relationship with a partner who tends to bring out mostly the ugliest side of you is never good.

5. When You Attain Peace by Avoiding All Problems, It’s a Sign You Are Not Compatible

It’s all about moderation. While constant fighting is not ideal, it’s also not good for a couple to never disagree about anything. You need to be honest and communicate openly with one another about how you feel even if it is not in agreement with the other person.

Constantly pretending everything is “ok” or “blind agreements” to the wants of the other person, does not make the relationship stronger and may result in catastrophe and blow up later. Conflict can be a positive one-building event if it can be given and taken constructively, which in turn, can lead to personal group and a deeper mutual understanding.

This is one of the considerable signs that you’re not compatible with your partner.

6. When You Are Isolated From Friends and Family

Do you find that when you and your partner go out it is nearly always only with each other, no friends, no parties or group hang out? Do you never spend time with your friends? Have you ever met their friends? Is their family still a group of mystery people you never met? You’ve never been introduced to even though you have been together for a while? If you answered yes to any of these, this could be a potential problem.

You must spend time with your partner’s loved ones and get to know them better. Couples who make the effort to be close with other important people in their partner’s lives tend to have longer and happier relationships.

7. When You Are Not Attracted to Them, It is a Sign That You’re Not Compatible with Your Partner 

Lastly and most importantly even if everything seems okay on paper if you don’t have any romance or chemistry, it’s simply not going to work. Without even an inkling of these factors, you might have a best friend but not necessarily a significant other.

The result is that you will naturally be drawn to people you have that “more than friends attraction to”. If you have not even an ounce of attraction, this is one of the definite signs that you are not compatible with your partner.


In the end, there’s no such thing as a perfect relationship. Everyone has doubts or disagreements at times with the person they love. A strong healthy relationship takes ongoing effort, dedication, and also time for it to grow. 

What is important is finding that someone who to you is worth that effort, dedication, and time. First impressions and initial choices do not seal your fate. A lot of people stay in incompatible relationships because we’ve been conditioned to believe breaking up with someone is wrong, or just insensitive, but the reality is relationships don’t work out and that’s okay. It’s now up to you to know and recognize compatibility versus incompatibility. It will save you much heartbreak and possibly avoid more serious scarring. 

Don’t ignore the red flags and get stuck in an entanglement. So take your time to evaluate your relationship with these key points in mind and honestly ask yourself “Is my partner right for me?”, tell me in the comment section, if you’ve noticed any of these signs in your relationship.

You should also check out these signs to find out if you found your soulmate and 10 things to do at the start of every relationship.

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Precious Alex-Toji
October 16, 2021 11:45 pm

When you said, ” what is important is finding someone who’s worth that effort, dedication…”, I felt it deep in my soul. This was a brilliant read.

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