Love Isn’t the Most Important Thing in A Relationship

Written by Abdullahi Malumfashi

Abdullahi Malumfashi is a writer, editor and translator. When he is not busy working on an article, he is probably laying somewhere reading one of the many unfinished books he started. He also loves sleeping.

September 17, 2022

Love. The burning sensation you feel whenever you see that person. The sense of deep and tender attachment. The mortal yet physically beautiful feeling (It’s Shakespeare oo, not me). The most stubborn yet persistent illusion. Oops, sorry, I got carried away. That was Einstein defining time.

But whatever your definition of love is, them letting you sleep (seriously, what’s more love than that?), annoying the living daylight out of them, you can’t deny that love is the most important thing in a relationship. Or is it? What if I tell you you are wrong? That love is not the most important thing in a relationship?

I know, I know. You must think I’m some heartbroken fella who’s just been served ‘breakfast’ or a love hater. But hear me out before you judge me, okay? (Or fall in love with me, idk)

If you believe love is the most important thing in a relationship, read these 13 proven ways to make someone love you and leave us alone. Here, we are discussing things that are more important than love.

Now that we’re alone, behold the 7 most important things in a relationship.

7 Most Important Things in A Relationship

Now don’t confuse these important things in a relationship with the 7C’s of communication. Those are about communicating effectively, for those interested in that kind of thing.

These 7Cs of relationship are developed by yours truly. No, seriously. Do you see why I asked you to judge me later? I’ll gladly accept your apologies now.

So what are these 7 Cs that I’m rambling about? They are;

  • Compassion, Care, and Concern
  • Communication and Comprehension
  • Compromise
  • Compatibility
  • Consistency
  • Complains
  • Comfort

Let’s dive in (not into love),  shall we?

Compassion, Care, and Concern

This is what many people confuse love for, even though they are different. They care, so obviously, they love you. After all, people only show concern to the people they value the most.

‘Have you eaten?’

‘Call me when you arrive safely’

Classic I care phrases. Until they serve you breakfast. I am not prophesizing sha.

Showing concern and care (even if fake) are definitely one of the most important things in a relationship.

Ask people who’ve been married for 20 years plus (apologies to the under 20s), and they’ll tell you what remains after all that love fades (whatever it is) is caring and compassion.

Communication and Comprehension

Am I communicating?

Communication is a big deal in relationships, and improving communication skills with your significant other is one of the things you should consider when choosing a life partner. It will help you go a long way in strengthening your relationship with your partner.

Not that it won’t end ultimately, but you get the gist.

But allow me to add that comprehension is equally important. Let me give you an example.

A: “Hi love, I’ll need to go watch football today. I’ll call you later. Take care.”

B: “So football is more important than me”

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Or

A: “I feel like you don’t love me anymore.”

B:  “What did I do now? Am I caught cheating”?

For scenario one, the message was that A wanted to take time off the relationship (do they do that ?) to watch their favorite team. On the other hand, B believes that the game is more important than the relationship.

Unfortunately for A (and fortunately for B), they trash his favorite team 8:2. So now he’s grumpy and doesn’t bother reaching out like he promised, confirming B’s suspicion.

As for the second, all they needed was reassurance.

“Why will you think so? You know I love you to the moon of mars and back, and I’ll do anything for you. Come let me give you chocolates.”

But then, due to the lack of comprehension (and effective communication), A gets all defensive, and an argument ensues, followed by 3 days of non-talking.

Need I talk more about communication and comprehension?

Compromise

If I am asked to name one word that best describes love, I’ll say ‘compromise.’ That’s another word for sacrifice.

You love something, and your partner can’t stand that? You avoid it.

You want something, and your partner wants something else? You reach a compromise.

You want to sleep, and your partner wants you to watch a movie? You sleep.

You think there’s a compromise on sleep? Please. Try again.

Anyways, for any relationship to work effectively, both parties must compromise. Willingly.

Next time sacrifice that El Classico match for your wife to watch her favorite Telemundo show, and she’ll do the same for you next time.

Or not.

Compatibility

Don’t go and look for someone you’re not compatible with oo! According to a love Guru, compatibility is one of the most important things in a relationship. I’m the love Guru, by the way.

Are you an extreme introvert who prefers your own company to other people around? (I’m referring to you), then look for someone who won’t always bring friends home.

Are you a foodie who loves that source of sustenance without which you’ll die? Look for someone with the same passion for not dying of starvation.

Do you love sleeping with the lights on? Find someone who is a cultist like you.

You love sleep? Look for someone who you can participate in a sleeping competition with. Just don’t ask me who’ll do the cooking when you guys wake up.

Compatibility also means determining if you have the same genotype, Rh factor, parenting styles, and expectations. Asking these is one of the first things you must do at the start of every relationship.

Don’t say I am AS, so?  

To be sure, you can also take these medical tests before marriage.

Consistency

You can’t take a break from these things. Forget the classic ‘I need break’ statements; they’re meant to soften the blow.

There is no rest. You wake up every day and do it over and over again. Till…well, till whatever happens happens.

The other gender is all about this and believes consistency is one of the most important things in a relationship.

Why start what he can’t finish, they ask?

My gender, on the other hand, is guilty of this.

You send her bouquets every week, bomb her phone with sweet text messages every day, and constantly tell her she’s beautiful, yet stop after marriage? Naah, you probably have another woman somewhere (according to them oo)

So for your own sake and that of your relationship, only introduce her to a vibe you can maintain.

I didn’t say you shouldn’t do all those things, though.

Or did I?

Complains

This is where you throw the phone and be like, what the heck is this guy talking about?

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Again, hear me out.

The other gender loves this. If they love you, they have to be able to complain to you about the most mundane of things.

The fact that in a closet full of clothes, she has nothing to wear or that her co-worker wore the same top as her and she felt so embarrassed (bro is probably thinking, what’s wrong with that? We’ll even take a picture).

The point is that women love complaining about things; it is their love language. The fact that they complain about you doesn’t mean they don’t value you. They do, and to them, complaints are one of the most important things in a relationship.

So next time she complains that she ‘has to handle everything,’ resist the urge to quip ‘including the bills?’ Don’t say I didn’t warn you. Enjoy the complaints (pronounced as compliments) while it lasts.

If they stop coming, well, you already know what that means.

Comfort

Who doesn’t love a luxurious life? To be treated like royalty. Dinner dates in exquisite places, lots of flowers, great food, uninterrupted sleep on a king-sized bed with lots of pillows while soft music…

Okay, I got carried away. But you get the gist.

If you’re comfortable enough, you don’t need to worry about some relationship problems.

Why let your relationship deteriorate when you can buy a bouquet and plenty of chocolates or take a private jet to land in their city to apologize anytime you mess up?

A life of comfort and riches? Yep, one of the most important things in a relationship. Just ask your rich friends in a relationship. Don’t stone me oo. I didn’t say you are not rich.

Bonus: Children

Okay, the last one, I promise. I couldn’t resist the urge to sneak in this one. This could be controversial, as it might make or mar your relationship. Having children can reignite that spark if you look for the long-lost love in your relationship.

Or lose all forms of affection for you and devote 100% attention to the child. Either way, it is a win-win, right?

So here it is, folks. The 7 most important things in a relationship, otherwise called the 7Cs of relationship, as coined by yours truly. Do you agree with them? Of course, you do. Let me know to what extent in the comments.

If you want to share your amazing experiences in the comments, perhaps I might just write on it next time.

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Happiness Hassan
Happiness Hassan
September 17, 2022 4:36 pm

Yeah, the complain part is vital, if the male must flow with female in a relationship.

An eye opening truth, really learned a whole lot.

Thanks, love GURU!

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