10 Things Every Marriage Need

10 Things Every Marriage Need

It is a thing of joy to finally move from singlehood to the married hood. That extraordinary happiness you derive when you find your soulmate, who would make you embark on the “for better for worse, till death do us part” journey, someone who turns “micasa (my home) to sucasa (our home)”. While growing up, we learned that marriage is the union between two individuals in love, who have decided to spend the rest of their lives together, basic mathematics; “1+1= you and I”.

We also learned the conventional things every marriage needs, like commitment, compatibility, love, trust, loyalty, time, communication, endurance, perseverance, and so on. But no one ever taught us to think beyond all these conventional needs. We usually act like there is an imaginary box governing the marriage affairs, but what if we break the box, what if we act like there was no box to even begin with?

You probably stopped to think a bit, not to worry. I have come up with a list of things containing what every marriage needs. Trust me, you can add yours too, depending on how much spice you want to add to your marriage.

10 Things Every Marriage Needs

1. Be Best of Friends With Your Spouse

You might ask how friendship falls under unconventional needs. The truth is, some people skip the friendship stage and jump right into love, without realizing that friendship helps you develop tolerance, helps you build compatibility, trust, loyalty, and so on.

2. Love Notes

What every marriage needs are that little spark you get from love notes from your spouse. Remember back in school when you were trying to woo her or back at a gathering when you were trying to get his attention, remember what you did? Why stop because you are married? It doesn’t end there. You need to constantly woo her, constantly remind him of how much you love him, by sticking tiny letters in his bag or on the mirror. You can also text, whichever works for you.

3. Take Them to That Special Place

Every marriage needs a special place, be it a restaurant, a beach, a gallery, where they first met, that one place that reminds you of why you decided to be with your partner. Take them there once in a while and have fun.

4. Be of Good Manners to Your Spouse

We shouldn’t only teach children good manners. As adults, we also need to learn good manners like, saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you’, picking up after ourselves, not inviting anyone into our home without asking our spouse first, continuing the act of opening the door that started while you were dating, saying ‘excuse me’, saying ‘I am sorry’ and every other good manner you can think you. This is will increase the bond between you two. Looking for what every marriage needs, try this.

5. Let the Compliments Keep Coming

Compliments are essential in a marriage as it helps a couple to communicate the admiration, gratitude, and appreciation they feel towards each other. Compliments make us feel good, whether we are receiving or giving them. It also makes us want to do more.

6. Show Respect to Each Other

Respect is an essential need in every marriage. Respect means that you acknowledge that your partner is not just a means to get something you want, that your partner has a different perspective and that is ok with you. You don’t always have to agree on things, but you know how to respect his or her opinions without making a fuss about it.

Respect also means that you put aside every societal norm and value and you treat your partner like a whole person.

7. Little Arguments

What every marriage needs are those little arguments. No relationship or marriage is complete without little arguments or quarrels. Arguments spring up to show the different opinions and perspectives that exist between a husband and a wife. Your ability to prevent little arguments from turning into huge ones will show how strong your marriage will turn out to be.

8. Prioritization of Each Other

Every couple needs to learn how to prioritize each other. This can be achieved by spending quality time together, understanding each other’s love language, being affectionate (saying I love you every day), and so on.

9. Understanding the Emotional Needs of Each Other

Finally, a husband and wife need to understand each other’s emotional needs and how unequal they can be. Emotional needs can be in form of sexual fulfilment, intimate conversations, honesty, openness, affection, and so on.

10. Every Marriage Needs Strength

I would like to add STRENGTH to the list. Call it conventional or unconventional, the point is, we never acknowledge the fact that it is important. Every marriage needs strength to make whatever you bring to the table work. And you can only acquire strength by building each other.


The above-mentioned points are what every marriage needs. Do not take them lightly as they help increase the bond between you and your spouse. Furthermore, I bet you will want your marriage to be a successful one. If that’s the case, you will need to focus on every point mentioned in this piece. Good luck with having a happy home.

If you find this article worthwhile, please leave a comment in the comments section. Did I miss any point? Let me know. Thank you.

You could also check: Things You Should Tell Your Daughter Intending to Get Married

12 Things That Could Ruin Your Relationship (Beware of No. 9)

12 Things That Could Ruin Your Relationship (Beware of No. 9)

When it comes to relationships, stages are met – talking, friendship, getting to know each other, and finally dating. Along the stages, there are things that could ruin your relationship with this other person. In this post, we’ll run you through these things. Let’s get right to it.

Things That Could Ruin Your Relationship

1. Having Disrespect towards Each Other

A common reason why most relationships go sour is by being disrespectful towards your partner. Remember, the basis of any relationship is ‘respect’ and to hold your partner in high esteem.

Being disrespectful to them can do more harm than good. This act inevitably leads to a bridge in a relationship you’ve put in time and effort into. Of course, respect is earned and not demanded the same way it is reciprocal. Respect should be given to your partner and in the same way, you get your respect from them.

2. Bridge in Communication

Before I proceed, take the time to read on this:

Not communicating with your partner is a thing that could ruin your relationship.

Communication is key in everything, remember? Communication is not only key in a relationship but also at work, friendship, and family. It is vital to communicate effectively with your other half. This makes the relationship work and of course not only breaks that bridge but also strengthens the foundation of the relationship.

3. Holding Grudges

“Let bygones be bygones,” they say. I’ve always heard this one since my secondary school days whenever my colleagues or are is one way or another involved in a quarrel. This saying is also applicable in relationships too and life in general.

No one is perfect, yes? We all make mistakes and as such, we should learn the habit of letting things go and forgiving too.

When you hold grudges with your partner, you’re not only ruining it but also creating a bridge between you two. This also takes away the peace of mind in your heart.

4. Not Spending Quality Time for Your Partner

Relationships come with giving time, undivided attention, devotion, effective communication, commitment, and of course many others. But the first two: time and undivided attention are the main factors that keep a relationship from going sour.

“The little things matter” we always say. The little things you do, the little time you spend with your other half is vital for the relationship to keep going forward. Just merely taking some minutes off work to call your other or taking the next flight to surprise them is always worth it. This puts a smile in their heart and also reassures them how much you feel and think about them.

This is surely one of the things that could ruin your relationship.

5. Saying Rude Remarks or Sentences to Your Partner

There are always going to be ups and downs in relationships. No relationship is perfect, it gets bumpy but there are things one needs to do to keep them going forward. If these things are not done and taken care of, it leads to bigger problems and arguments.

When arguments come, one tends to say things they actually don’t mean. But when words are said, they can’t be taken back, okay?

If you have this issue in your relationship, treat it with caution and have self-tolerance towards uttering some hurtful words to your partner, most especially during arguments.

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6. Making Attempts to Change Your Other Half

Relationships are about complete acceptance of flaws and all, maybe more. If you can’t seem to accept each other for who you are, it’s best you accept you aren’t many for each other and move on to the next phase. I mean, thank you, next? Am I right?

“Yes, people change” but this happens on their accord and because they want to out of their own free will. This change shouldn’t be forced onto them with insults, recommendations, and suggestions.

7. Taking Your Partner for Granted

“We’ve been together for years, where can he go to? Who will understand him as I do?”

Sometimes, people begin to feel entitled towards their partner due to the years put into the relationship, the attachment, and the commitment. Inevitably, without even knowing, we begin taking our partners for granted. We begin to feel no one will love and understand them as we do and this is disheartening.

Sometimes, we measure relationships by the years of togetherness and tolerance of some characters and the bumpy rides. When you begin to think this way, you tend to not see the importance, qualities, and personalities you fell in love with at first and this is definitely a thing that could ruin your relationship.

For an effective relationship, you need to keep showing appreciation towards each other and not get tired of each other.

8. Neglecting Sacrifices, Compromises, and Commitments

It takes two to tango, right? A relationship is like a tango, it takes two to make it work. A relationship can never work if the other person is selfish and not ready to sacrifice, commit, and compromise to make the other half happy.

A successful relationship revolves around sacrifice, commitment, and compromise. A partner should always consider the needs and wants of his other half and place them ahead in other to make them happy, cared for, and loved.

9. Cheating on Your Partner

Cheating, infidelity – whatever you call it is a thing to never do to your significant other for any reason at all because it could ruin your relationship. A relationship where you don’t pledge loyalty to your partner is baseless and useless. If you’re having problems with your partner, the most logical thing to do is talk and fix the problem, not finding solace in the arms of another man or woman.

Remember I said relationships get bumpy but that is not reason enough to cheat on your partner, no one can tolerate that.

Cheating leads to bigger problems and as such, it is really important to stay loyal to your partner and with your partner. Do you get what I’m saying? Body, heart, mind, and soul. Complete pledging of loyalty towards them.

10. Not Saying or Showing How Much You Love Your Partner

Different strokes for different folks, yeah? I’m talking about body language here.

People are into words of assurances, others gifts, surprises, etc. Which is your partner’s?

Saying I love you to your partner in any way you can not only send butterflies to their stomach but also strengthen your bond. Most often, people stop showing how much they love their partner once they are in the relationship and this is wrong in every language.

Remind your partner and let them know that you still love them even when you already have them. You can even tell them how you love them, without saying it.

11. Blaming Your Partner

Nobody is perfect, remember everyone is with flaws. As this is true, it’s not reason enough to blame your partner for any tragedy that happens in your relationship. Shit happens, tender an apology, and accept their apology. Forgive and forget it and move on from it.

Remember number 3? Don’t hold grudges. We know sometimes, it tends to be very hard to find ways to get someone to forgive you, but it’s still worth giving it your all.

12. Not Opening Up To Your Significant Other

Avoiding difficult conversations or not opening up to your partner about awkward situations or a problem you’re going through will create problems in your relationship. This act of not opening up will lead to lingering issues and make every communication a mess as you will keep having a hard time getting through to them.

Remember the start of the relationship where you couldn’t go a day without sharing what you ate or what you did? Those hours of good talk and no sleep? Keep that same energy going.

Oops I’ve said too much.


In general, relationships get better when both parties are willing to avoid things that could ruin the relationship. There is always hope, especially when you both recognize the problem and decide on ways to fix and make the relationship grow again.

You can always pick up a relationship where it was left off, only if you’re willing to. It takes two to tango, remember? I must have missed one or two, feel free to let me know in the comment section. Thank you.

12 Factors to Consider When Choosing a Life Partner

12 Factors to Consider When Choosing a Life Partner

Choosing a life partner is not as easy as going to the market to get foodstuffs. It is as hard as it gets. You need to ask yourself if you are ready to look beyond his or her flaws if you are ready to not just think about yourself if you are ready to spend the rest of your life with him or her, when things are smooth or not. Selecting a partner for life is one of the most critical decisions you have to make but it can be easy by following the right steps. Below is a list of factors to consider when choosing a life partner:

12 Factors to Consider When Choosing a Life Partner

1. Family Background

Before deciding to spend the rest of your life with someone, it is imperative to know the persons’ family background and traditions that might exist, the persons’ family language, system, and behaviour. It is also important to know the person’s relationship with his or her family members as knowing this will enable you to know how the person will relate with your family members.

2. Know If They Have Any Health Issue(s)

Before choosing a life partner, you need to know the health background of the person in order to know the health issues the person might have. You need to know the persons’ genotype, blood group, and other health-related issues. This would help you decide whether to continue or let go.

3. Make Sure They Are Hardworking

Nobody wants a lazy partner. We all want someone who is hardworking in all aspects; females should be able to take care of the house and also the children, while the men should be strong enough to be able to fend for the family needs. Therefore, it is important to know if the person is lazy or hardworking.

4. Choose Someone You Can Rely On

You need to choose someone who you can rely on at all times. Someone you can trust to catch you when you fall.

5. They Should Have the Ability to Forgive

Another factor to consider when choosing a life partner is their ability to forgive. Everyone makes mistakes and the ability to look past the mistakes makes your relationship strong. No relationship is without quarrels, because we were not all brought up the same way, which makes us have different opinions. Choosing a partner who knows how to say “I forgive you” and mean it is very important.

Related: How to Get Someone to Forgive You

6. They Should Be of Good Character

In choosing a partner, their character is one of the most important factors to look into. This is because their character is what defines a person. It is the replica or the mirror that reflects the persons’ worth. You automatically know how a person would turn out in the next 10 years, by the character they portray.

7. Check Out Their Level of Maturity

Age is not an indication of maturity. Actually, it is nothing but a number like it is often said. Someone who is mature physically, emotionally, and intellectually must know how to handle issues without bringing a third party into the relationship.

8. Ascertain Whether They Have A Sense of Humour

You need to choose a partner who knows how to make you laugh after a very annoying day at work, someone who knows how to change your sour mood, by bringing up funny conversations.

9. Sexual Attraction

In my own opinion, choosing a partner who doesn’t believe that sex in a marriage is important, means that there would be an unfulfilled desire in the marriage. You must choose a partner you are sexually attracted to and also someone who is sexually attracted to you. Trust me, there must be an absolute desire to satisfy each others’ sexual needs in order not to feel cheated.

10. Choose Someone Who Likes You

Love is not the only factor in a relationship; friendship is also a factor you need to consider. When you are at that point in your life when you have to choose a partner, you need to choose someone who likes you for the imperfect being you are. You also need to choose someone you like and can tolerate.

11. There Should Be Mutual Respect Between You Two

You obviously do not want to spend the rest of your life with someone who doesn’t acknowledge and respect you. You need to choose a partner who would respect you at all times and also acknowledge your decisions, goals, and dreams.

12. God Fearing

One of the most important factors to consider when choosing a life partner is, choosing someone who loves God. This is important because only then can the person love you too.


I am sure that at some point we have all said to ourselves “she is the one or he is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with”, but then, we get disappointed along the road. Disappointments spring up because we don’t try to get to know the person we want to be with, we just fall in love and think that is enough to sustain a relationship. Finding that one person, choosing a life partner is a full-time job, it is not a school course you pick and just drop because it is hard. No, it is a decision you make to stay put no matter how hard it gets, a ‘together for worse, for richer or poorer, till death do you part’ decision, and trust me, you don’t want to be wrong.

The list is unending, you don’t just make use of the above factors, which is why I need you to add your factors to consider when choosing a life partner in the comment section below. Thank you.

How to Handle and Settle Crises in Marriage Amicably

How to Handle and Settle Crises in Marriage Amicably

Marriage is supposed to be a happily ever after union as every couple pictured from the sunset. Unfortunately, they ignore the fact that life is an alternating period of ups and downs. Furthermore, conflict is inevitable in every relationship, especially marriage. Therefore, to avoid walking out of your marriage too soon, you should learn how to handle crisis in marriage. This enables you to see the light at the end of your marriage tunnel when things aren’t going as expected.

Crises in marriage are caused by numerous factors ranging from planning and utilizing family budget, selecting the right school for the kids, invasion of the third party, the individual preference, among others. However, this post will outline the steps on how to handle crises in marriage successfully.

Steps in Settling Crises in Marriage Amicably

Step 1: Identify the Root Cause of the Problem

Before providing solutions, comes clear identification of the root cause of the problem. This step is important because it helps you seek out direct solutions and preventive measures to avoid the recurrence of such crises in the future. Unfortunately, it requires maturity to state the main cause especially when you’re the one at fault. However, you must learn to choose the happiness of your marriage over your selfish pride.

Step 2: To Handle Crises in Marriage, Take Full Responsibility for Your Actions

Irrespective of who is at fault between you and your spouse, there is every need that you take responsibility for your actions. This is because crises occur in marriage when the two parties involved are on two opposite lanes. Hence, everyone thinks they are right. But, for you to learn how to handle a crisis in marriage, you have to be courageous enough to fix the problem instead of running away or transferring blame on your spouse.

Step 3: Engage in a Brief Retreat Period

Approaching your partner immediately after a crisis isn’t a good idea. Similarly, avoiding your partner for a long time isn’t advisable. What then is a retreat period? This is a short period of time in which you stay alone and think through what has happened before taking further decisions. The retreat period is an essential ingredient when learning how to handle crises in marriage.

Its advantages are numerous; it gives you the avenue to recognize and control your emotions – anger, regret, depression, and sadness. It also averts the transfer of negative emotions. Furthermore, it helps you think from an understandable position considering your partner’s views and emotions.

Step 4.  Resolve Within You to Approach Your Spouse

Two wrongs don’t make a right. Hence, whenever there is a crisis at home, be courageous and be the first to seek peace. I understand how this stage might be difficult when you aren’t wrong. But then, a settled dispute is better than getting a divorce which has a grievous impact on the kids and between your family and your partner’s. You must realize that divorce always leads to emotional neglect and defaulted psychological coordination in kids.

In addition, avoid assumptions during a crisis. Instead, resolve within you to approach your partner, asking questions on the things you’re unsure about. This is surely one of the ways to handle crisis in marriage.

Step 5. To Amicably Settle Marriage Crises, Reconstruct Your Manner of Approach

The achievement of peace after a marriage crisis is solely influenced by your manners of approach. Meeting the above four criteria isn’t enough to handle the crises. Instead, you must carefully reconstruct how you approach your spouse. Avoid approaching your partner when they aren’t in a good mood, perhaps, tired, hungry, or angry. 

Furthermore, you could as well speed up the process by creating a conducive atmosphere. For instance, surprise him/her by performing their supposed duty in the home, preparing their favourite dish, or by giving them gifts.

Step 6. Carefully Select Your Words Before Approaching Your Spouse

In addition to your manners, you need to critically select your words. Your word choice will influence the outcome of your quest for peace. Therefore, you must be able to communicate effectively. Most importantly, avoid those words that portray blame and guilt so also insulting and criticizing words. In contrast, go for words that show you really want a settlement and truly value your spouse. This kind of word enhances the love bond between you and your spouse and safeguards your marriage.

Step 7. Have a Heart-to-heart Discussion With Your Spouse

Having met the above-listed criteria, it’s time you sit and discuss what exactly happened with your partner. Afterward, delegate together the best way to avoid such crises in the future. This stage is divided into 4 units.

  • Be Direct

Always go straight to the point without beating around the bush. Being direct involves expressing yourself in the best possible way, so your partner can relate to your feelings.

  • Willing Listen

After you have expressed your point of view, allow your partner to express theirs while you listen. It’s disrespectful to interrupt your partner while they express their emotions.

  • Be Quick to Apologise

It doesn’t matter if you were right or wrong. All that matters is saving your marriage. Therefore, how to handle crisis in marriage requires you to tender apologies to your spouse. Besides, they may have felt hurt by your actions or words during the cause of the crisis.

  • Willing Forgive

Once your partner apologizes without even asking, you should be willing to forgive them and forget. Remember, this is the person you desire to spend your entire life with, so, there isn’t any need for grudges or holding onto past offenses.


In marriage, you certainly need to remain open-minded and willing to forgive even before a crisis arises. If truly you love your spouse, the application of the above steps on how to handle crises in marriage won’t be difficult to inculcate.

Perhaps, you can relate to the above steps. Do share how you were able to handle your marriage crises amicably. Thank you.

You could also read on: You Are Not a Good Parent if You Don’t Avoid These Parenting Mistakes.

9 Things You Should Never Say to Your Partner During An Argument

9 Things You Should Never Say to Your Partner During An Argument

Relationships have their own ups and downs, compromises and sacrifices, arguments and misunderstandings. But this is completely normal and as a result, there are exceptions to what not to say in an argument with your partner.

With all these, love still remains a beautiful thing and as such there are words and statements to never utter to your partner – even at your angriest. Let’s go through some of those words and statements.

What You Should Avoid Saying in An Argument

1. “You’re Such a Failure”, “You Can’t Do Anything Right”, or “Why Are You Such a Failure in Every Aspect?”

Words above when said will be heartbreaking and shocking to your partner. As such, words like that should not be said to the person you claim to love just because of a misunderstanding.

Words sadly can never be taken back once uttered in the peak of anger and rage. As a result, these words will forever be engraved in their hearts and that might cause ruins in your relationship.  

Unless of course, they have a really strong forgiving heart.

2. “I Wish I Never Met You”, “I Wish I Never Knew You”, or “I Wish I Never Gave You a Chance”

When such words are uttered, you tell your partner you regret everything and anything you two must have been through. Consequently, even if you don’t mean it, the deed has already been done.

This is the worst you can do and say to them as it makes them start having doubt if you ever truly loved them. No matter how pissed you are, this is a thing to avoid saying to your partner as you can never take them back once said.

3. “Do Whatever, You’re Such An Idiot”, “You’re Such An Idiot”, “You’re Mad”, or “You Piece of Shit”

Ever heard of “bridges” in a relationship? In other words, a path that disconnects bonds and foundation? This is what leads to bridges in a relationship.

It tells your partner you don’t respect them, their opinions, and their values. Also, you tell them that you see them as worthless, and even if you don’t mean that, well guess what? You can’t eat your words back now, can you?

4. “Your Parents Are So…”, “Your Mother Is So Full of Herself. Who Does She Think She Is?”, or “Your Father Is So Silly, Why Did He Do That?”

Above all things you should never say in an argument, this is everyone’s top priority. It is quite understandable as families should be highly respected not only in relationships but in general. It is very important and as such, should never be tampered with. Never bring their parents into an argument you both are having.

Words like that really pierce through especially when it’s carried with insults or anything, its best you don’t. There is no justification for this, leave them out of your mouth, always. 

5. “You Shouldn’t Feel This Way”, or “You Shouldn’t Be Feeling This Way About This Issue”

It is not right to tell them how they should feel and how not to feel when in the heat of an argument. You should rather try to calm them down and understand but telling them how they should feel and think is wrong.

You should let them feel and do whatever they want as long as they are not breaking things around the house. People are entitled to their feelings. Therefore, you should understand them in situations like this.

6. “I Don’t Have Time for This”, “I Don’t Have Time for This Shit Right Now”, or “I Don’t Have Time for Your Tantrums Right Now”

These, I’ve seen mostly in the movies and the actor always walks out afterwards and every-time, it annoys. So, therefore, I’ll be including this as what not to say in an argument with your partner. This action is quite hurtful and disrespectful as you’re telling them you don’t care or want to listen to what they have to say.

As a result, you pass the message that you don’t respect them or their opinions and this ruins communication and builds bridges.

7.“I Hate You”, or “You Piss Me Off, I’m Starting to Hate You”

This is just unnecessary and it’s my top on the list when it comes to things you should never say in an argument to your partner.

Consequently, this builds doubt even after you both resolve the issues. The words linger and stays and this leads to mistrust in the relationship and that is why it should be avoided.

8. “Shut up!”, “That’s Dumb”, or “That’s a Lie, Just Shut Up”

These particular words sound dismissive – you’re done talking and whatever it is they have to say, you don’t want to listen.

It’s disrespectful and shouldn’t be uttered unless when you’re being playful and not in the heat of an argument.

You should listen to your partner and give them the chance to talk and explain themselves but don’t dismiss them abruptly.

9. “Bitch/Asshole/Slut/Whore, Fuck You”, “Fuck You, Bitch/Asshole”, or “You’re Lying, You Bitch/Slut”

Here is yet another dismissal tone but this carries heavy words, heavyweight like Mohammad Ali. A partner going as far as insulting one and attributing such words to them is a low blow and not ideal at all.

These are all vulgar words and should not be introduced in a heated conversation with your partner.  And as a result, you might not recover from this one once uttered.


Like I said, relationships are bumpy but learn to train your mind to not lose yourself in the heat of the moment.  If you’re having a hard time, you should check out how to improve your communication skills.

Try this – take the moment to calm down, relax, pause the argument, resolve, and communicate with a cool head.

Patience is indeed a virtue in every relationship. So, be patient, understanding, and have the right use of words.

You could tell us more in the comments section below. Thank you.