by Happiness Hassan | May 12, 2021 | Family & Parenting, Personal Life
Child bullying at school has been in existence for over centuries. However, during the last two decades, it has evolved into different forms. So, while parents, guidance, and teachers are on the watch-out for physical signs of bullying there seem to be rare cases of their search. The reason has been that bullying goes beyond physical attacks and has other unnoticeable signs.
I was a victim of bullying in grade 3. I still recall the pain I went through as a new student who had no friends. Furthermore, I was alone, therefore vulnerable to bullies. It began from verbal bullying due to my small feeble body stature. Then it resulted in stealing my belongings, I was inferior and kept everything to myself.
This continued for weeks. My mom noticed my insecure appearance, low self-esteem, and sudden dislike for school, although she wasn’t sure what was going on she kept monitoring me. One day, After school, the usual bully gangs who termed themselves tough kids seized my bag while I retaliated. I got pushed off the stairs. It became obvious that I was bullied at school when I returned home with a series of bruises on my body. My parents took fierce action when they discovered what was going on.
I hate child bullying at school because I was a victim and can relate to all other kids going through similar or worse cases of bullying. Therefore, in this post, I will be sharing everything you need to know about bullying and how I overcame bullying.
What is Bullying?
This is an abuse of power over others by the virtue of being superior to them using verbal and physical means to intimidate others. This behaviour is dangerous and leads to psychological and physical harm.
What are the Forms of Bullying?
1. Physical Bullying
This is the most common type of child bullying at school because its effects can’t be hidden. Therefore, physical bullying is the use of physical strength to humiliate and hurt others who are less defensive.
Usually, physical bullies are stronger and bigger than their peers. It could be in the form of kicking, punching, slapping, pushing, hitting, and slamming.
2. Emotional Bullying
This form of bullying involves a behavioral attempt to make others feel left behind. These are tactics employed to exclude someone out of a particular clique, creating a feeling of loneliness and isolation in the victim. Oftentimes, parents and teachers overlook this form of bullying and advise kids to get over it. But that won’t solve the problem as it affects their emotional coordination.
This form includes spreading lies, disclosing secrets, ganging up with others to tarnish someone else’s reputations and breakage of trust. Common among the female gender.
3. Verbal Bullying
This takes the form of name-calling to embarrass someone. Also, the use of hurting/hideous languages and words to humiliate another. Verbal bullies use the weaknesses and physical challenges of their victims to attack them.
These effects are not seen physically but lead to internal injuries and destroy the self-esteem of their victims.
4. Sexual Bullying
Hurting someone sexually, either physical or non-physical. It’s also an attempt to reduce someone’s reputation by using sexual language, gestures, and violence.
In addition, It involves inappropriate touching without consent, forcing the victim into sex texting, indulge in promiscuous acts, and exposing something about their sexual life.
5. Cyberbullying
This is becoming predominant in our tech-savvy generation. Cyberbullies go under cover of the screen on various social media platforms to degrade others through hurtful comments, slander, the spread of rumours, sharing embarrassing images, threaten and harass their victims.
6. Prejudicial Bullying
This form of child bullying at school is carried out to humiliate others because of their race, religion, skin colour, background, weaknesses, health challenges, and sexual orientation. This usually results in restrictions and isolation of the victim. For instance, the segregation of new kids or kids from poor homes who are less privileged.
How to Tell if Your Kids are Being bullied
- Mood swing
- Self-isolation
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Lack of confidence
- Lost of interest in studies
- Unexplainable bruises
- Secretiveness
- Unnecesary Anger
- Aggressiveness
- Poor academic performance
- Appear insecure
- Missing and damaged belongings
- Changes in eating pattern
- Withdrawl from normal lifestyle
- Adiction to alcohol or drugs
What Can Be Done?
To eliminate child bullying at school there is a need for cooperation between parents, their kids, and teachers.
1. Keep A Close Watch On Your Kids
Victims of bullying are secretive about what they’re experiencing due to fear of the unknown. Therefore, as a parent be quick to detect the signs of bullying. In addition, don’t be carried away by your career, goals, and business while your kids suffer secretly.
Furthermore, keep a check on their behaviours, social life, friends, social media handles, and also their academic performance.
2. Alert the School if You Noticed Anything Strange About Your Child
Peradventure, you notice your kids have been bullied at school. Let the school authority know about it. This helps the school management to enforce rules against bullying. Oftentimes, parents prefer to change their kid’s school instead of speaking up thinking it will solve the issues. However, that won’t solve the problem rather alert the school management.
3. Listen to Your Kids
Create a conducive atmosphere where your kids can open up their deepest feelings and secrets to you. Don’t also shut them out with a strict mood. Make yourself approachable, so your kids can walk up to you confidently if they are experiencing any form of bullying.
4. Teach Your Kids to be Bold
Exercising boldness when faced with a bullying situation will scare away bullies. This is one of the practical techniques my mom taught me. The next day at school, my bullies forcefully took my bag expecting me to retaliate. Instead, I spoke back with boldness, ordering them to hand my bag over, or I go report a teacher. Seeing the boldness in me, they knew they had lost grip on their victim.
5. Teach Your Kids Not to Stay Alone
Kids become victims of bullying when they isolate themselves from others. Advise your kids to move around open spaces with lots of people at school. In short, they should sit at the front in class. In addition, let them make trusted friends who can look out for them.
6. Teach Your Kids How to Seek Help
Furthermore, When away from your kids, encourage them to tell a trusted adult when they have been threatened by bullies. They should trust their teachers to help if they don’t feel comfortable around certain persons.
7. Teach Your Kids About Social Media Platforms
Social media has its benefits. however, there are disadvantages such as exposure to cyberbullying. Hence, give your kids guidelines to follow on social media, chat rooms to avoid, and sites not to visit. Ensuring your kids are safe online is one of the tactics in combating child bullying at school.
8. Set Rules and Policy
As school management, it’s your responsibility to set rules regulating the behaviours and activities of students. Moreover, those caught in the act must face the consequences for their actions to serve as an example for others.
9. Active Guidance and Counseling is Needed to curtail Bullying
Regularly, students should be counselled on the right conduct of behaviour and how to relate with their fellow students. Also, It’s the responsibility of the school to teach the students disadvantages of negative behaviour and also the advantages of positive behaviour.
10. Teachers Should Get Involved in Eradicating Bullying
As a teacher, you need to monitor your students and look out for any act of bullying among them. You should separate their seats to avoid close contact. If there is any who is physically deformed or appears weak in your class, you need to move their seat forward and keep a close eye on them.
Conclusion
The above-mentioned ways are tactics to combat child bullying at school. However, those who are bullies come from homes which means they might have learned such behaviour from their respective families. In essence, give your kids a proper upbringing, so they portray decent behaviour when outside the home. In addition, be a role model for your kids to imitate.
Furthermore, don’t hesitate to share your views in the comment section below.
by Happiness Hassan | Apr 28, 2021 | Family & Parenting
If your child has never said to you; “I will love to be like you someday”, it’s an obvious sign you’re lagging in your parenting duty. Parents are the first contact of a child. In other words, children are configured to watch and learn from their parents. Perhaps, you’re still thinking about how to be a role model for your child? Relax, this post is for you.
Being a role model is the most powerful form of educating.
John wooden
Hence, utilize your position as a parent in your child’s life. However, before we go into how to be a role model for your child. We should understand who is a role model.
Who is a Role Model?
A role model is someone worthy of imitation by others either in character, career, academic, relationship or financially. Also, one is said to be a role model when positive, commendable traits are evident in that person’s life.
10 Ways to Be a Role Model For Your Child
1. Self-Examination
Hey parents!
You know yourself better than anyone else. I’m sure that deep within you there are certain behavioural traits that you aren’t proud of. If that’s your struggle, it’s time to work on yourself. Start by making a list of all the negative traits you want to get rid of, next, a list of all the positive traits you love to develop. Your level of discipline determines your rate of change. Besides, don’t expect a 24hour instant transformation, because change is a progressive process.
2. Develop an Optimistic Attitude
People tend to repel those with pessimistic discouraging attitudes.
Likewise, your kids can tell when you’re optimistic about life and hoping for the best. This attitude imprints into their heart confidence and trust in you as their parents. They start believing that no matter how things get rough, you would always find a way out of it. Instead of giving in to self-pity, depression, and unhappiness.
3. Lead by Example
How often do you instruct your kids to do the right thing, then as a parent you find yourself doing the opposite? Your nonchalant attitude towards doing the right thing says a lot to your kids. They begin to question the instructions given to them. Kids love to see you take the first step then they follow.
Don’t advise your kids to live on a healthy diet whereas as a parent you eat junk food. They are watching you. Also, not leading by example is one of the biggest Parenting mistakes you should avoid.
4. Avoid a Life of Pretence
Do you want to be your child’s role model? If yes, quit living a fake life and be real. Why do all the good stuff in front of your kids than in their absence reverse is the case?. Certainly, when your kids find out you’re not who they thought you were, you’ve succeeded in tarnishing your reputation before them.
Since they don’t know the real you, why should they imitate you? Also, always tell your kids about your past and things happening around you and within the family. Be open-minded, keep no secrets. Furthermore, as you begin to share your personal experiences with your kids, they also tell you things about themselves.
In addition, learn how to recognize your emotions, which helps you relate effectively with your kids.
5. Be the Best at What You Do
As a parent be the best version of yourself, strive to be the best you can be in all your endeavors. Your kids are watching you. And your excellent performance at work, sport, career, and other fields will speak for you. As your kids learn to know how successful you’re at so many things, they become proud of you and desire to become like you someday.
Always work hard to obtain that promotion, reward, recommendation, and applause. It pays off when others give positive testimonies concerning you in the presence of your kids.
6. Be Your Kid’s Hero
Ensure that your kids can count on you at all times. Learn to be there for your kids, pay attention to their complaints and provide solutions. Don’t abandon your kids because of your quest for possessions, spend quality time with them. Check out how to increase the love bond with your child.
Furthermore, listen to them, consider their opinion, support them, desire the best for your kids and help them grow into the best version of themselves.
7. Discipline Your Kids in Love
In how to be a role model for your child, love is an important factor that should be given much consideration. It’s out of the love you have for your kids that you’re able to make sacrifices to ensure they grow. Indeed, the craving of every parent is to see their child succeed. To achieve this, your endless encouragement is required.
As your kids begin to feel the impact of your encouragement in their life, their response will be gratitude, respect, and honor to you as their parents. Also, when you discipline them for their wrongs let love influence your actions, not anger. Check out the correct way to discipline your child.
8. Maintain a Healthy Relationship
How is your relationship with your spouse and others? Do your interactions with them portray peace, unity, and understanding? The way you relate to other people in the presence of your kids matters.
Hence, be mindful of the way you relate with others.
Consider Ahmed’s story
Ahmad grew up in an unsettled home, every day he watches his parent’s exchange words and oftentimes result in physical violence. Little did they know their behaviors were gaining advanced effect on their son. Ahmad grew to view fighting and quarreling as a normal way of settling disputes when someone offenses you. One day at school, he had a misunderstanding with his fellow student.
Ahmad felt he was right and deserved an apology. The other student felt the same way. But Ahmad chose to have his way through violence. This act got him into lots of trouble. In the counselor’s office, when his parents were called for their child’s actions. It became obvious he had learned such an act of violence from his parents. It dawns on his parents that they had influenced their child in the wrong way and need to make amends before things get out of control. In other words, as a parent, you either influence your child positively or negatively.
9. Teach Your Child Core Values of Life
Regularly sit with your child to advise them. Teach them about acceptable and unacceptable traits. Likewise, the rewards for each trait. Tell them stories about things that had happened in your life and how you overcame them.
This is necessary, it enables them to learn from your mistakes and avoid such.
10. Be committed to Making Your Kids Happy
Your kid’s happiness should bring you Joy. Therefore, discard behaviors that make them sad. Such behaviors include unnecessary yelling, showing less interest in their passion, restricting them, comparing them to their peers, and imposing your will on them.
In contrast, create a conducive atmosphere for your kids to express themselves, go shopping together, visit interesting places, buy them gifts on their birthdays, reward and commend them when they do things right.
Conclusion
Don’t engage in activities that will create hatred between you and your child. This is vital because if the atmosphere becomes hostile how to be a role model for your child becomes difficult and unachievable. Love your kids and desire the best for them. This will convince them that the perfect role model they can have is their parents.
Moreover, as a parent what are some of the ways you have influenced your kids?
by Happiness Hassan | Feb 15, 2021 | Family & Parenting
Should parents make their children’s decisions? This has been a challenging question most parents can’t seem to find an answer to. However, there is a need for a balance in terms of decision-making for one’s kids. When it comes to the relationship between parents and their kids; the one who pays the piper dictates the tone becomes the reality. Parents believe that since they provide the necessities for their children, they are also responsible for making decisions for them.
The Need For Balance
Imposing your will as a parent on your children is one of the parenting mistakes to be avoided. However, it’s your responsibility to guide your children on the right path to tour in life. This guidance becomes more effective when you hear their opinions about a matter.
In as much as you want the best for them academically, socially, morally, financially, and otherwise. Ensure that you strike a balance by carrying them along when making decisions regarding them.
Most teenagers feel caged and deprived of their freedom of decision-making when they are being forced to do something outside their choice like being pressured to select a particular career.
Therefore, as a parent, the best you can do for your children is to offer them your advice regarding certain decisions. By stating the reason for your decisions.
Perhaps, you feel your children are making the wrong decisions, sit with them and talk about it. Tell them the consequences of their decision and also give them room to outline the reason for making such decisions.
7 Reasons Why You Should Let Your Children Make Their Own Decision
1. They Learn to Be Self-reliant
To enable your children to learn how to be independent when away from you, begin by letting them make certain decisions by themselves.
The more they learn about good decision making, the more they attain a state of self-reliance capable of managing their affairs without being confused by all other sorts of counsel that may come from their friends or others.
2. Decision making Boosts Their Confidence
Low self-esteem can tear down a child’s emotional coordination. Subsequently, it affects every other aspect of that child’s life ost especially their academic performance.
In contrast, you can boost the confidence of your child by guiding them on the right decision to take. Subsequently, they develop a sense of self-worth and value in themselves.
3. It Brings about Self-discovery
Most parents are yet to learn about how to discover their child’s interests. However, this is made easier when you study the choices made by your kids. For instance, instead of shopping for all the cool stuff, you think kids love, you can go with your kid and watch them select the things they prefer.
It will amaze you how your child would prefer shopping for a bunch of papers, crayons, poster color, and its kinds. Instead of shopping for fancy toys, shoes and clothes. The above is a pointer to that child’s interest— being an artist.
Furthermore, decisions made by a child that leads to self-discovery automatically provides an answer to our initial question; should parents make their children’s decisions?
4. Creativity is Enhanced During Decision Making
Decisions making helps fosters the creativity of a child—applicable to other aspects of their lives. Most importantly, decisions are taken in an attempt to solve a problem. Consider a child who lost contact with his mom in the shopping mall. At such a point, most kids will give in to tears and appear afraid.
However, despite this, they’re compelled from within to make a decision to solve the problem by figuring out a way of locating their mom.
Next, that child approaches an adult still in fear and tears requesting to place a call across to his mom through any available cell phone. In a nutshell, that child will be found sooner than expected. Subsequently, his creativity grows to solve other problems.
5. Kids Learn to Be Responsible Whenever They Make Their Own Decisions
When children make their decisions they automatically become responsible for the aftermath of their decision—either good or bad. In other words, they learn to make quality decisions to avert negative consequences.
In addition, should parents make their children’s decisions wouldn’t be asked by most parents. This is because their children can take responsibility for their decisions.
6. It Makes Them Trust You as Their Parents
Whenever parents impose their choice on their kids unconsciously their kids begin to lose trust in them. Furthermore, they view their parents as being selfish without needing the best for them. Therefore, avoid imposing but choose to advise them. It’s easier to gain your child’s trust for future decisions when you seek their opinions before arriving at a conclusion.
When your kids trust you, they become open to tell you things bothering them. In addition, they look up to you as the right role model for them to follow.
7. Allowing Your Kids Make Their Own Decision Communicates Value
Parents communicate the feeling of value and the message of love across to your child each time you allow children to make their decisions. They realize that it’s out of a loving heart you offer them quality advice regarding their decisions.
Once this is known, be rest assured that they wouldn’t make wrong decision choices but will do what will make you proud as their parents.
Conclusion
Therefore, should parents make their children’s decisions? Certainly yes by offering their children advice and guidance on the right decision to make. In addition, while you advise them to be mindful of imposing your choice on them. Your role is to state the advantages and consequences of the decision they are about to take and watch them select their preference—they would always go for positive decisions with excellent outcomes.
Also, don’t forget to join the discussion in the comment section below.
