Being kind and helpful is no doubt a good thing, however, people-pleasers are known for doing whatever it takes to make other people happy. They tend to prioritize other people’s needs over theirs. They are sensitive to others and are frequently regarded as agreeable, helpful, and kind. People-pleasers may, however, have difficulty advocating for themselves, which can lead to a harmful pattern of self-sacrifice or self-neglect. This article seeks to tell you the reasons why you need to stop being a people pleaser.
Furthermore, people-pleasing has been linked to a personality trait known as ‘sociotropy’, or being overly concerned with pleasing others and earning their approval in order to maintain relationships.
Why People Develop People-Pleasing Behaviour
People-pleasing behaviour is rarely developed as a result of a single factor, however, a combination of two or more psychological variables has been known to be a trigger.
1. You Are Insecure
People may try to please others because they are concerned that if they do not go out of their way to make others happy, they will not be liked. Prior rejection by other people can lead to feelings of insecurity, which might prompt people-pleasing to gain acceptance from people.
2. You Probably Have Poor Self-Esteem
In other cases, due to a lack of self-confidence, people have a need for external validation. In addition, they may believe that doing things for others will result in approval and acceptance.
3. Past Experiences Forces People to Be People Pleasers
People who have experienced traumatic events in the past as a result of their opinions and choices may try to avoid triggering abusive behaviour in others by pleasing others and being as agreeable as possible.
Sometimes, people just want to have a perfect relationship with everyone around them. They want to be appreciated and loved. In other to achieve that, they tend to do everything to make people around them happy.
People might genuinely want to help others in need, as in the case of altruism. In other cases, people-pleasing is a means of feeling affirmed or appreciated. By making sure that people are happy, they feel as if they are useful and valued—By making people happy, they feel valued.
Why You Need to Stop Being a People-Pleaser
Whereas being a caring person is important in maintaining healthy social relationships. However, it becomes a problem when a person is more concerned about the needs of others at the expense of their emotional well-being.
People-pleasers tend to experience the following emotional conditions:
1. You Will Lack Authenticity When You Become a People-Pleaser
By placing the needs of others over theirs, people-pleasers hide their feelings and opinions. This can lead to a feeling of ingenuity, to an extent, one might not feel alive.
2. You will Always be Angry and Frustrated
Doing things for people out of the mere reason that you want to make them happy often leads to frustration. Anger develops when you understand people are taking advantage of your will to help, this might result to regret, in some cases.
3. You Will Probably Have Anxiety
The constant effort people-pleasers give to make others happy stretches out their strength and resources thin. This leads to mental exhaustion as they are always focused on making people around them happy.
4. Your Willpower Will Be Depleted
Another negative effect of people-pleasing is the reduction in the willpower of people-pleasers to achieve their own goals. Willpower can be a limited resource and utilizing it to make other happy simply means that you don’t get to utilize it towards achieving your goals.
5. You Might Feel Resentful
By putting people’s needs before yours; thereby making them happy, they will appreciate your pleasing nature but might begin to take your kindness for granted. When people start exhibiting such behaviors towards you, you might feel used and to some extent resentful.
Tips on How to Stop Being a People-Pleaser
1. Be Genuine
Always make your own decisions, never let others make them for you. By staying true to yourself, do things because it is right by you and not because it’ll make you look good in people’s eyes. Do not change yourself for others and people will respect you for it.
2. Accept Yourself
When you accept and love who you are, you care more about what you think of yourself than what others think of you. Acknowledging your strengths and weaknesses and using them to your advantage is a means to accepting yourself. When you are confident about who you are, others will accept you as you are.
3. Establish Boundaries
Establish clear and specific boundaries on what you are willing to take on. When it seems like someone is asking too much of you, let them know it is over the bounds of what you are willing to do, no hard feelings. This helps in making sure you don’t place people’s needs over yours.
4. Spend Some Time by Yourself
Whereas isolation could easily lead to some mental issues, spending some time alone helps you to understand yourself and often leads to self-confidence. People are afraid of being alone as they dread being lonely, bored, or anxious.
When you are alone there’s no one to please but yourself. Understanding your thoughts and feelings can also help you find out what makes us happy or unhappy. Being able to know ourselves better can be very helpful in many ways.
5. Know That You Can’t Please Everyone
Another reason why you need to stop being a people pleaser is that you should know you can’t please everyone. This is difficult to take in, but you have to accept that you can’t make everybody happy all the time because people’s needs are different from each other. Acting or doing things a certain way to please one person may offend someone else.
Instead of trying to please everyone, act authentically and do things your way, people who like the real you will appreciate and accept you for who you are.
People-pleasing is not a healthy way of living. It’s important to control your life and know that you are important too. People-pleasing can start to feel like a habit and difficult to break out of. But with time, patience, and perseverance, anything is possible.
If being nice is taking its toll on your mental well-being, please talk to a mental health professional to help prioritize your needs and manage your behaviour.
Mental health professionals you can reach out to include Mentally Aware Nigeria and The Sunshine Series Mind Wellness.
Check: People Will Only Respect You If You Do These 13 Things.
Sexual Transmitted Diseases popularly abbreviated as STDs are diseases transmitted through sexual contact, caused by bacteria, viruses, or parasites. STDs are often confused with Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs), however, they aren’t actually the same thing.
An infection is when bacteria, viruses, or parasites attack the body comes before a disease. And while an infection may result in zero symptoms, a disease usually always comes with clear signs. Now that you know what STDs are, here is everything to know about STDs.
What Causes STDs?
All STDs develop from Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs). STIs are often transmitted through sexual contact, including through bodily fluids or skin contact via vaginal, oral, and anal sex.
There’s a good chance you can get an STD if you are sexually active. That chance can be high if you:
- Have unprotected sex
- Don’t use condoms or use them incorrectly
- Keep multiple sex partners
What Are The Symptoms of STDs?
STDs aren’t always asymptomatic or may only develop mild symptoms. It is possible to not know you have it, but still pass it on to others. If there are symptoms, they are not limited to but may include:
- Pain or discomfort during sexual activity or urination
- Sores or rashes in or around the mouth, vagina, penis, testicle, anus, or buttocks
- Unusual discharge or bleeding from the penis or vagina
- Abdominal pain
What Are the Types Of STDs?
STDs are serious illnesses to which treatment is utmost. STDs such as HIV can’t be cured and are deadly. By learning everything to know about STDs, you’ll be able to protect yourself from the many types of STDs.
There are over 20 types of STDs, including:
- Genital herpes
- Pubic lice
- Pelvic inflammatory disease
How Do You Prevent STDs?
Since all STDs develop from STIs, the best way to prevent contracting an STD will be to avoid STIs. And the most effective way to do that will be to avoid sexual contact.
However, they are other ways to make sexual contacts safer, thereby reducing the chances of getting an STI. They are:
- Get tested for STIs often; It is very important when you have new or multiple sex partners.
- Always use condoms, and make use of them properly.
- Talk about sexual health with your sex partner(s) and decide what is comfortable for you.
How Are STDs Treated?
As stated earlier, STDs are caused by bacteria, viruses, or parasites. STDs caused by bacteria or parasites can be treated with antibiotics. Unfortunately, there is no cure for STDs caused by viruses, but the symptoms can be managed with drugs, thereby lowering the risk of spreading the infection.
Some STDs such as HPV and hepatitis B can also be prevented with the use of vaccines.
Common Myths about STDs You Should Avoid
So much misinformation gets passed around STDs. You do need to stay informed and learn what’s true and what’s not. Here is some of the most common misinformation around STDs:
1. Only “Trashy” People Get STDs
The first thing to know about STDs is that they do not discriminate. Anyone can get them, whether you are poor, rich, a professor, a religious scholar, even someone just having sex for the first time. The best way to prevent STDs is to stay away from any sexual contact.
When you decide to have sex, always use a condom.
2. STDs Have a Certain Look
STDs don’t always develop symptoms. But it is possible to carry and spread an infection even if you feel completely healthy. People with STDs might not know they have them. Even professional medical doctors can’t tell if someone has an STD by just looking, they have to carry out tests to ascertain that.
Read: This Is What You Need to Know About Rh Factor.
In addition, even when you and your partner feel healthy, you should go for a medical check-up before having sexual relations.
3. STDs Can’t Be Transmitted through Oral and Anal Sex
This is likely the most shared misinformation around STDs. The same bacteria or viruses that cause STDs can get into the body through tiny cuts in the mouth and the anus, as well as the penis and vagina. Some STDs can spread through just skin contact with an infected area such as herpes or genital warts.
4. You Can’t Get STD More Than Once
Most people think that once they’ve had an STD and treated it, there’s no chance they’ll get infected by that same STD again. This is so not true. Some STDs such as herpes and HIV are yours for life.
Some like gonorrhoea and chlamydia can be treated but you may get infected again when you have sexual relations with someone infected.
5. If You’ve Been Tested STD-Free, Your Partner Is STD-Free Too
Just as stated earlier, STDs can be asymptomatic, people might have an STD and do not know it. It is advised that when you get tested as STD-free, encourage your partner to guttered too. Or better still, get tested together. No one will want to be tested free from STD only to get it from their partner.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) About STDs
Q: Am I at risk of an STD?
A: If you’re or you’ve had vaginal, anal, or oral sex you are at risk of being infected by an STD. Some STDs can be passed through sexual interactions and plays that do not involve intercourse. STDs affect people of all backgrounds, races, and economic levels.
Q: Shouldn’t I only get tested when I have a new sex partner?
A: No! You should get tested for STDs at least once a year. However, if you engage in high-risk sexual activities such as frequent change of sex partners, sex with multiple people, or unprotected sex, it is advised you get tested every three to six months.
Q: I have been diagnosed with an STD, what should I do?
A: Once you’ve been diagnosed with an STD, the first thing to do is not to panic, as it doesn’t help in any way. Contact your health care provider immediately for treatment. It is strongly advised that you notify your sex partner(s) so they could get tested also. This will reduce the risk of you being re-infected after successful treatment. You and all of your sex partners must avoid sex until treatment is complete and all symptoms have disappeared.
In the case of STDs caused by viruses such as HIV, genital herpes, and hepatitis which have no cure, special care and measures can help control the infection and maximize health.
Q: Can an STD lead to cancer?
A: STDs increase a person’s risk for several types of cancer. Some high-risk types of human papillomavirus (HPV) are known to be cervical cancer in women and penile cancers in men. HPV can also cause cancers of the mouth, throat, and anus in both men and women.
Viral hepatitis B and C has have been associated with liver cancer, and untreated HIV/AIDS increases might lead to several types of rare cancers, such as lymphomas, sarcomas, and cervical cancer.
Q: Do STDs cause infertility?
A: Infertility is linked to STDs mostly when they are left untreated. Whereas gonorrhoea and chlamydia can be easily cured, however, when left untreated they could lead to Pelvic Inflammatory Disease (PID) which can cause chronic pelvic pain, ectopic pregnancy (pregnancy outside of the uterus), and infertility in women. In men, they might lead to epididymitis, which causes painful urination and fever.
Symptoms of STDs can be mild or severe, either way. STDs are serious illnesses that if left untreated can develop into serious health complications. Many STDs can be treated but not all of them can be cured, although the symptoms can be managed.
After learning everything to know about STDs, it is important to note that the best way to avoid STDs is not to have sex, if you do; use a condom and get tested regularly. Early detection and treatment of STDs are an advantage in maintaining your sexual health.