by Abdulsalam Yunusa | Mar 26, 2022 | Uncategorized
The Hausa language is the predominant language in the northern part of Nigeria, with a significant population of indigenous speakers in the Niger Republic, Ghana, Cameroon, Sudan as well as other African countries.
Hausa ladies are no doubt beautiful, soft-spoken and elegant. If you have been active on social media for the past few years, sights and sounds from the glamorous weddings of Hausa ladies are enough to make you wish to have one as a wife. Well, if you are curious and would like to know how to get married to a Hausa lady, you are at the right place. But before you start thinking of the numbers and colors of kaftan to sew, it is important for you to know these steps that I will share with you. Now, let’s go straight into it!
How to Get Married to a Hausa Lady
With a large percentage of Hausa people practicing the religion of Islam, marriage in Hausaland shares an intricate relationship with that of Islam. This involves laws that disallow any unnecessary communication and physical contact completely between prospective spouses until they become officially pronounced as husband and wife.
That being said, what will you do when you finally see the Hausa lady that captures your heart?
The first thing you need to do after seeing the lady of your dreams is to do a little background check, after which you will send your relatives or other respected members of the society to meet her parents, inform them of your intention and seek permission to initiate communication between you two. The lady will then be called upon by her parents – usually the mother – and be asked whether she loves you. If she does, then the proposal will be accepted and investigations regarding you and your family will begin almost immediately. Some families will only accept your proposal if they are satisfied with the results of the background check they have conducted. While a lot of youths now skip this step and go straight to letting the lady know of their intentions, it still remains the ideal.
Now that you have been accepted as a prospective son-in-law, you will be formally allowed to go see their daughter from time to time and discuss future plans. Don’t forget to be going along with gifts though — ladies love gifts.
READ ALSO: Why Hausa Societies Don’t Perform Anymore Baiko During Marriages
Hada Kayan Lefe
After fixing a date for the wedding, this is where your savings will play a part. You will start buying Kayan Lefe. This includes a set of boxes containing jewelry, cosmetics, shoes, bags, undies, and any other clothing material that your future wife will use in your house after marriage. These items are bought based on the list that the lady will provide; you sure wouldn’t want to spend your money buying things that she won’t need. The quantity and quality of items depend on your financial status and that of the lady’s family, so you should be mindful of the family you are planning to marry from.
READ ALSO: The Average Cost of Kayan Lefe
Na Gani Ina So
After seeking permission to start seeing their daughter, some female members of your family are to meet with the lady’s family to present them with gifts. The gifts can be in form of a box containing clothes, jewelry, shoes, bags, and even some cash, depending on your financial strength.
Gaisuwan Iyaye
A little later after being accepted as a prospective in-law, what comes next is to officially go and greet your in-laws-to-be. Here, you will go well-dressed along with your siblings, close friends, or relatives to greet the parents of your future bride as well as their close relatives and friends. You might want to carry some cash with you and give it out after every greeting.
Fixing of Wedding Date (Sa Rana)
As you start getting along with your future wife, you will be expected to start making more moves towards making it official. This is where kayan sa rana comes in; these are items your family will present to the lady’s family so as to fix a date for the wedding. The two families will negotiate and finally agree on a date that will be most convenient for both sides, nevertheless, the lady’s family usually has the upper hand in making the decision. Kayan sa rana usually includes packs or cartons of sweets, chewing gums and kolanut, and some money. For a Fulani lady, you will need to add some bags of salt too.
Shelter and Kayan Daki
Providing shelter is your sole responsibility as the prospective husband. If you cannot build a house, you should rent or get a comfortable apartment before the marriage. While getting the apartment is your responsibility, the lady usually will furnish the house with furniture, kitchen items, etc. Notwithstanding, there is nothing wrong with you doing it by yourself, especially if her family will find it difficult to do it. After all, you are interested in knowing how to get married to a Hausa lady and you want her to leave her parents’ house and move to yours.
Pre Wedding Events
Several pre-wedding events are sometimes held. While events like Kamu, Kunshi/Sa Lalle, and the likes have been practiced for quite a while in Hausaland, many events, earlier unknown to Hausas have been borrowed from other cultures. This includes bridal shower, mother’s eve, Arabian night, and lots more. So, depending on the family you are marrying from, you could end up with a wedding without a single pre- or post-wedding event, or one with several.
ALSO READ: The Evolution of Kamu Tradition in Hausa Land
Kai Kayan Lefe
Delegated female members of your family will take the kayan lefe you have bought to the lady’s family. This is usually done about a week before the wedding. The lady’s family will prepare a small feast that day, and your delegates will be given some tips, known as tukwuici.
Jere
A few days to the wedding, female members of both families will go to the house you have prepared for your bride and arrange the kayan daki brought by her family, and the lefe brought by you.
Kayan Gara
These are food items that the lady’s family will bring to you usually in large quantities. It is either brought during the jere, along with the amarya after the Wedding Fatiha or after the wedding celebrations. If you have spent all your savings and even borrowed additional money to meet up with the marriage expenses, this will help you to recover for a while, before you continue with your responsibility of providing food for the family.
Sadaki (Dowry)
Unlike in some foreign cultures e.g. in India, where the bride’s family is obliged to give out the bride alongside the bride price, it is not the same in Hausaland. Here, the man is expected to give this obligatory gift to his prospective wife, or at least make a promise to pay it at a later time if he cannot afford it at the moment. This is an expression of the man’s desire to marry her and shoulder her responsibilities. It can be as little as agreed by the prospective couples or as much as they can afford, without however going to the extremes. Nevertheless, if the lady is of Fulani origin, you might be expected to give some cows as dowry or a mixture of cash and cows. It is advised that you consult people from the same community as your prospective wife, to know the range of amount in cash or its equivalence in-kind usually given there.
Daurin Aure
This is the day you have been waiting for. The Wedding Fatiha is officiated by Islamic scholars or other respected members of the society. The lady’s guardian, ‘waliyyi’ will formally announce to have given out his daughter in marriage to you, and your representative, ‘wakili’ will accept her on your behalf in the presence of witnesses. This is done to involve elders in the union, so that whenever the couples are facing a problem, they will be able to intervene and provide solutions. The amount of dowry paid before or on this day is also announced to the hearing of those present.
Conveyance of the Bride (Kai Amarya)
After the Wedding Fatiha, and all other events that will follow, the next thing is to convey the bride (amarya) to her new home. This is the time when most brides cry, not because they are not happy getting married, but because of how sad it is to finally leave the home they’ve known all their lives, for a completely new one. The bride is escorted by her friends and close relatives to the new house, and sometimes one or two might spend the night in the house.
Conclusion
Now that you know how to get married to a Hausa lady, we hope you will take the necessary steps and invite us to your wedding soon. Do you have more to tell us about Hausa weddings or how it differs with your tribe’s, please do tell us about it in the comments section below. We are eager to hear from you!
FAQs
How do Hausa people marry?
This starts from seeking permission from the parents, followed by some pre-wedding rites and events, and officially concluded during the Wedding Fatiha with representatives from both families and witnesses.
How long will it take to marry a Hausa lady?
This depends on several factors, including financial readiness and parents from both sides being satisfied with their prospective in-law.
Can I marry a Hausa lady in four weeks?
Yes, you can. For some families, the whole wedding process can be concluded in much less time.
How much is Hausa Bride Price?
There is no fixed amount for bride price in Hausa land. It can be as low or as high as the two families agree on. However, moderation is advised, so, always consult with people from the same community ad your prospective wife.
Is Hausa wedding expensive?
This depends on the family you are marrying from. You will definitely spend a lot if you are planning to marry someone from a rich family, but overall, Hausa weddings aren’t expensive.
Can a non-Hausa man marry a Hausa lady?
Yes. A significant example is the marriage of Idris Ajimobi, son of Oyo state governor, Abiola Ajimobi, and Fatima Ganduje, daughter of Kano State governor.
by Thaalith Abubakar Gimba | Dec 21, 2021 | Uncategorized
To be born in Nigeria is one thing. To grow up with Nigerian parents is another. But then, growing up with Nigerian parents comes with its perks. This is so because their methods of moral orientation will shape you in such a pattern that allows you to perceive the intricacies of life while growing up. Nigerian parents don’t allow their children to do useless things. Thus, they nurture their children until the ethos inculcated in them becomes unforgettable.
However, growing up in a Nigerian home can make some children feel suffocated by the iron hands used in moulding them. But it doesn’t kill them. It only makes them stronger. You know, sometimes, they can just be difficult to deal with. Moreover, when you see certain children or people behave in a disciplined manner, then, such is attributed to the proper upbringing. Nevertheless, Nigerian parents are often glorified for their nifty style of parenting.
Signs That Show you Were Indeed Raised by Nigerian Parents
1. Helping an Elderly Person with Work
One of the traits which exhibit that you grew up with Nigerian parents is helping an elderly figure do something. The thing may be heavy or not, it doesn’t matter. In Nigeria age is revered. Once you become an elderly person. Young people cannot just watch you carry anything by yourself.
Also, when you see an elderly person working, you give a helping hand to that person. It doesn’t necessarily have to be your parents who need helping household chores but it’s expected that the ethos inculcated in you must have given you common sense. It is more like a taboo for you to pass an elderly person without proffering any form of assistance.
2. Sneaking Out to Play With Friends
Nigerian parents so much believe in controlling the playing time of children. It’s as though they have no idea that playtime is an essential part of childhood development. For their child to play too much, it is better they read too much. If you really grew up with Nigerian parents, you can attest that it’s the strictness that makes you weasel out of the house to play with your friends.
“All work no play makes Jack a dull boy” is most common among the boys. They scheme their sneaking timetable in tandem with when their parents leave home. Nigerian parents don’t understand the language of harmonizing work with play.
3. You Never Cry When Lashed
Spare the rod and spoil the child, has always been one of the most cherished principles of Nigerian parents. They don’t want to hear you preach things like counselling their children to stop them from doing something wrong. The only instrument that serves as deterrence towards something bad is “Koboko whip”. They’ll batter your body black and blue, adding that, “if I hear pim, you’ll receive more.”
You are already in pain and wouldn’t want to be flayed alive, so you’ll cry inwardly. When they flog you, they warn you not to wail.
You may want to check out: Beating or Scolding? This is the Correct Way to Discipline Your Child
4. Wanting to Become a Medical Doctor
One of the most intriguing parts about growing up with Nigerian parents is the subconscious persuasion of becoming a medical doctor. (Nigerian parents are not moved by the mere idea of becoming veterinary doctors.) Nigerian parents love to extol the medical profession like it is in every child’s destiny to embrace it. They make it seem like any profession that isn’t MBBS is second.
A lot of Nigerian children out there were, and are still made to believe that becoming a medical doctor is one of the best decisions a child can make regarding future ambitions. But their parents preferred them to study MBBS as one of the most accomplished courses in one’s life. They imply that other professions do not have first-class regard like medicine.
5. Sneaking Out to See Your Lover
This point is mostly connected to girls. Nigerian parents are anti-boyfriend and protective when boys start seeing their daughters. They get this popular belief that boyfriends are a distraction as well as a harbinger of shame.
More so, parents are always cautious of the bad influence that comes with dating. A lot of girls on the other hand cannot do without seeing their boyfriends. Thus, they sneak out to spend time with their lovers.
6. Putting on a New Dress You Don’t Fancy
You just can’t escape this one if you’re growing up with Nigerian parents. From sewing dresses with mawkish style to buying clothes you don’t find attractive. Sometimes Nigerian parents don’t give you room to select what suits your taste buds.
It’s one of those annoying things Nigerian parents do. You must bend to their command, which is regarded as absolute.
7. Avoiding Eye Contact With Elders
Whenever an elder speaks to you, your eyes must never meet theirs. It is perceived as utter disrespect seeing a child look at elders in the eyes when spoken to. So when you’re growing up with a Nigerian parent, you’ll learn to lower your gaze when an elderly person is talking.
The moment an elderly person notices you look at him/her in the eye, the first thing that comes to their mind is that the child is from an uncultured home. And most Nigerian parents don’t allow such indiscipline to manifest in their children.
8. Early Morning Pleasantries to Parents
Nigerian parents love it went their children are well disciplined. Whenever a child wakes up in the morning, it is a ritual to greet his parents. When you grow up with Nigerian parents, early morning sleep isn’t an excuse. If one wants to be free from their drama, it is best to occupy oneself with morning chores.
In addition, Nigerian parents do not tolerate nonsense. They strongly believe in discipline from A-Z. If you happen to come across someone who greets his/her parents early in the morning, you should understand that that person comes from a Nigerian setting. It becomes part and parcel of that person.
9. The Joy of Guests’ Leftover
Truth be told, everyone knows how Nigerian parents regard guests, they treat them like gods. The way they appease them will amaze you, so much that their children will be craving for the leftovers of either juice, snacks, etc.
Nigerian children like to scavenge the packages given to guests. They will be yearning and waiting patiently for the guests to say “I think I shall be taking my leave” so that they can taste all the sweat their mothers broke to make such a masterpiece. Nothing excites Nigerian children like asking their mother, “can I drink the remaining Fanta?” They’re always hopeful that their requests become granted after their long-term patience.
Typical Nigerian children are crazy!
10. You are Always Greeting a Person You Don’t Know
One of the signs that shows growing up with Nigerian parents in one is when parents call their children to greet a distant relative or a family friend. “Mansur, come and greet my mother’s step-grand uncle. He used to visit us when you were born.” And then, the guest will respond, “You won’t know me.” Proudly, they will say it in a tone of jest. And as a child, you have no choice but to greet them.
Nigerian parents are funny people. You can’t take it away from them. Some of the things they do will just leave you shaking your head inwardly, especially as a child. “Mama why na?” can be one of the things that will cross your mind but then, you love them anyway because of their selfless sacrifice.
11. Assisting an Elderly Person Carry Stuffs
There’s a difference between growing up with a Nigerian parent and growing up with a “Nigerian parent”. The first one in bold means Nigerians who are hardworking and train their children to be disciplined in all ramifications, while the second one simply means Nigerian parents who do not strive to inculcate proper values into their children. In a nutshell, when we speak of Nigerian parents, we talk about the first one.
Another sign that shows one grew up with Nigerian parents is assisting an elderly person carry anything with a considerable amount of weight. It is taboo to see an elderly person carrying, let’s say a piece of luggage, and you confidently just walk past them or even ignore the elderly person. The ideal thing to do is to quickly collect the item from the elder, even if the elder says you should leave it. When they say leave it, you should have the sense not to “leave it”.
Nigerian parents don’t allow the infection of indiscipline to afflict their kids.
Conclusion
Summarily, it is reasonable to conclude that growing up with Nigerian parents impacts you in so many ways. Yes, Nigerian parents are strict, that’s unequivocally true. But then, they display their strictness at the cost of giving their children the best in everything. Nigerian parents hate to hear people blemish either their name or reputation.
So as a child, when you’re being raised by them, you’ll ooze with so many traits that whenever people see you, you’ll be recognized and also respected. Those signs can boldly be perceived like messages written on a billboard.
Please feel free to drop your thoughts and opinion on this article. Thank you.
You can also read on: How to Raise a Child as a Single Parent in Arewa.
by Happiness Hassan | Jun 21, 2021 | Uncategorized
Raising a child as a single parent is stressful. This stage comes with several unpredictable changes and takes your life off balance. You will have to make crucial decisions. Oftentimes, choosing the happiness of your child over yours. Recently, the percentage of single parents is rampant. This is as a result of a separation or divorce. Which leaves hurting scars on the child involved.
Therefore, as a single parent, you need to equip yourself with the right knowledge and skills to raise a decent child without burning out. Irrespective of your partner’s absence—although it hurts.
How to Raise a Child as a Single Parent
1. Eliminate perfection
Expecting to be perfect at raising a child even as a single parent is the fastest route to stress. This mindset builds pressure on you and makes you liable to other forms of health challenges such as depression and high blood pressure (hypertension).
Therefore, give yourself some credit and take parenting one step at a time. In addition, don’t give in to self-guilt when you get into mistakes. Such as using violent methods to discipline your child, nagging, abandoning them to the care of someone else, or pampering them. Accept your mistakes and learn from them.
2. As a Single Develop an Optimistic Attitude
As a parent, you are the first role model of your child. In other words, they are watching every step you take, this includes your attitude. Despite the awful situation surroundings you at the moment, you need to maintain an optimistic attitude. Your attitude influences that of your child.
Therefore, being negative when things go wrong will discourage your child from trusting you. Instead, cheer them up with positive words and an outlook.
3. Tell Your Child About the Separation or Divorce
Be open to tell your child about the absence of your partner. Keeping it a secret will tarnish the blossoming relationship with your child when they find out by themselves. Telling your child about the separation enables them to understand and cooperate with you better. However, don’t create a wrong impression about your partner before your kid, despite what they may have done.
This wrong impression may later result in resentment towards those of the same sex as your departed partners either male or female.
4. Create a Light Schedule For Yourself
The day you become a single parent marks the dawn of an entirely new life for you. Therefore, things are not going to be the same. And you would need to adapt to the new change. Hence, you need to lighten up your schedule by erasing unnecessary activities. Any activities that add little or no value to your life are best avoided.
Whereas, there are other activities you need to engage in once a month or suspend until your kids are much older.
5. Financial Stability is Needed
A stable financial life will be required to keep the family together. This will require effective planning on how to utilize your monthly earnings towards the needful. The needful includes providing the necessities of life and health care facilities for yourself and your child. In addition, affording a standard school for your child and other miscellaneous.
Raising a child as a single parent requires discipline in terms of money management. This will enable you to meet up financial goals and invest your money wisely. Always have a plan B for the unexpected event and the future. Subsequently, as a single parent, don’t rely on one source of earning. Engage in various legit businesses and learn to cut your coat according to your size.
6. Spend Quality Time With Your Kids
Oftentimes, your child may begin to feel the absence of your departed partner and results in emotional disorder. However, to fill in that gap, you need to spend quality time with your child. And engage in the activities that make them happy. Although there may be times you need to stay out late to make extra money.
However, don’t make that your routine which can detach you from your kids. A close, healthy relationship with your kids helps you discover your child’s passion. Likewise, their weaknesses, to help them improve. Spending quality time is one of the activities that can increase the love bond with your kids.
7. Create a Routine and Stick With it
A balanced routine helps create an order for your day-to-day activities and that of your child. This reduces stress and encourages independence in the life of your child. So, even while you’re away for some time, your child can coordinate him/her self.
There should be a set time to perform the important activities such as a set time for shopping, cooking, doing the home chores, and exercise.
8. Set Limit to Your Action
To control the urge of giving your child whatever they ask for, you will need to set limits and stick to them. Setting boundaries is one of the proper methods of disciplining your child. This helps instruct and guide them on the right code of conduct to put on. Set a limit to what they eat, how they associate with their peer’s and the time spent on the screen.
Instead, occupy them with activities that improve their emotional intelligence and academic performance.
9. Create a Personal Time
Your health as a single parent influences the wellbeing of your child because if you get sick, there’s no other person to look after your child to your satisfaction. Therefore, don’t become a workaholic, which causes the body system to break down. Create time; a time for yourself away from distractions. A time to relax and meditate. Also, a time to engage in the activities you love and spend time with your friends.
These sets of activities boost your immune system, enabling you to think through your problems from an advantageous perspective. Furthermore, it enhances your mental, physical, social, and emotional health.
10. As a Single Parent Take Decision Making Serious
A large percentage of single parents struggle to make crucial decisions about the well-being of their families. This is because they have become accustomed to sharing ideas with their partner before concluding what to do. Therefore, the departure of their partner leaves them confused. They begin to doubt if the choices they make are right.
On the contrary, as a single parent, you need firm courage in decision-making. Believe that your decision is for the betterment of everyone. Perhaps, you’re unsure about certain decisions, consult a family counsellor or a trusted friend or family member.
11. Share With Other Parents How You Feel
When it comes to healthy parenting, no one is a superhero at training kids. Similarly, every parent needs the advice of other parents to forge ahead when raising a child as a single parent. There will come a time in your life as a single parent where you’re overburdened and feel like giving in to your challenges. During this period, staying alone often leads to depression. Instead, learn to share your feelings with others who are willing to listen to you.
Seeking the help of others doesn’t mean you’re weak or makes you an irresponsible parent, rather, it helps you ease the burden you feel. However, you should join a single parents club or group. This helps you get advice from other parents who can relate to what you are experiencing in raising a child as a single parent.
12. Create a Relationship Between Your Child and the Opposite Sex
This kind of relationship depends on the gender of the partner that has departed, either male or female. There is always a need for a child to feel the love of both a mother and a father while growing up. Therefore, create a connection between your child and a trusted person. A person who truly shows and represents the love that your child needs to receive from a mother or a father. This could be a family friend or relatives or counsellor.
Conclusion
Raising a child as a single parent can be made much easier if you take parenting one step at a time. It isn’t compulsory to get it right at first. Gradually, with time, you will succeed at raising a child without the help of a partner.
Perhaps, you have a tight working schedule to meet up with the growing family needs, endeavour to get a babysitter to look after your kids while you’re away. Meanwhile, this practise shouldn’t be a routine. This often distances you from your child, which is one of the parenting mistakes you should avoid.
Finally, share your thoughts in the comment section below.
by Happiness Hassan | May 24, 2021 | Uncategorized
The act of spanking children for behaving badly is stored up in the subconscious mind of most parents. Therefore, beating, scolding, spanking and its sorts come like a reflex action. It seems to be the fastest and effective tactic to show disapproval over a child’s wrong deed. However, as a parent, these are negative modes of disciplining your child. These methods are effective for a short period and cause long-term damages to a child.
Discipline is all about guiding, instructing, and training a child about the Dos and Don’ts of behaviour. In essence, teaching them to comply with the right code of conduct. However, when kids go against these rules they are being forced to face the consequences of their actions through punishment.
It’s disastrous to beat your child without stating their wrong, It passes the wrong message of cruelty to them. Besides, this creates more tendency of repeating that same wrong. Therefore, in this post, we shall be evaluating other alternatives to beating your child.
What are the Effects Of Beating Your Kids?
1. Beating imbibes Fear in Your Child
Violence towards kids ignites fear in their hearts. They begin to view you as a taskmaster instead of a loving parent. Subsequently, your presence starts terrifying them. These sets of kids wouldn’t love to try anything new or explore with their peers. Due to fear of being spanked by their parents if they do something wrong.
2. Poor Cognitive Abilities
Victims of negative discipline lose touch with their minds and brains. They experience difficulty thinking through logical questions or manage their emotions. The danger is this since such a child no longer reason appropriately they indulge in wrong behaviour innocently and get punished. This circle continues and eventually, the child’s mental health becomes deteriorated.
3. Physical Injury
Mostly, beating a child results in physical injury. Due to uncontrollable anger, parents go the extra mile in ensuring that children sustain injuries to serve as a reminder. However, this is the wrong way to discipline your child. The physical scars might heal, although the internal scars last longer.
Recently, there have been cases whereby in the act of disciplining a child, the object used gets in contact with delicate organs of the body such as the eyes. Resulting in further intense damages. Hence, to avoid regrets, learn to apply the alternative method of disciplining your child.
4. Decreases The Love Bond
All parents desire to be closely connected to their kids and would search out activities that can increase the love bond. However, they fail to realize that beating a child makes their initial desires fruitless. It makes no sense telling your kids how much you love them and the next minute you’re spanking them. In essence, beating detached you from your kids.
5. Low Self-esteem is Often a Result of treating a Child Violently
Beating makes a child think less of themselves, and call themselves failures. They begin to feel it’s because they aren’t good enough that they get punished frequently. Gradually they become antisocial. These kids are prone to negative self-talk and suicidal thoughts since their self-esteem is damaged.
6. Violence/Anger
The more you spank a child, you’re indirectly telling that child that beating is the standard way of showing disapproval when someone does something wrong. Therefore, when offended by their peers, immediately they retaliate by displaying aggressive behaviours.
This is The Correct Way to Discipline Your Child
1. Give Your Child Proper Training
Don’t expect your kids to do the right thing when you haven’t told them what’s expected of them. As a parent don’t allow your kids to guess their way through. Create time to teach them the Dos and Don’ts of behaviour. They deserve to know! Failure to do this makes your child feel hated when beaten for what they had little or no knowledge about. Furthermore, ensure they are cognizant of the needful skills that help in regulating their behaviours such as effective communication skills and tolerance etiquette.
2. Teach Your Child About Consequences, Instead of Beating
In addition to knowing the right way to behave, your kids still deserve to learn about the consequences of negative and positive behavioural patterns. Let them know what punishments are attached to being disobedient. Likewise, the rewards for being obedient. This will guide them in doing the right thing and save you the stress of beating your child whenever they go wrong.
3. Withdraw Privilege When Your Kids Go Wrong
This method is based on the privilege enjoyed by your kids. Therefore, when disciplining your child, don’t hesitate to withdraw certain privileges enjoyed by your kids when they go astray. This method teaches them that what they had done was wrong.
For instance, if they are caught fighting, instead of beating them, insist they stay away from TV, video games, or outing with friends for a period of time. Oftentimes, you need to take back their pocket money for grown-up kids for some time. In addition, add up to their normal home chores as a way of showing disapproval over their manner. However, don’t go extreme with this method.
4. Reward Good Behavior to Encourage Positive Manners
Kids are motivated to do their best next time when they are being rewarded for behaving right. Rewarding them with gifts gives them a reason to continue on that same behavioural path that earns them those rewards. And shy away from negative behaviours. Let them know which of their behaviours was commended. In addition, you can make disciplining your child a fun activity to do by keeping score sheets and giving stars. Whereby, showcasing a well-mannered behaviour earns them stars and points.
5. Talking Often Resolve the Issues Between You and Your Child Compared to scolding
To succeed at disciplining your kids there will be a time when you need to sit with them and talk. Talk about why he or she misbehaved, while they talk, listen attentively. Whenever kids give genuine reasons for their actions or show remorse, as a parent your anger gets to subside. Besides, No one is above mistakes, therefore, even with the rules and consequences they can still go astray. Hence, when they make mistakes, sit them down and tell them how disappointed you’re about their behaviours. Likewise, how you expected more from them. Applying this alternative shows them how much you love them.
6. Reasoning Techniques is an Advantageous Punishment for Kids
You can discipline your child and at the same time improve their intelligence IQ through reasoning techniques. Instead of beating your kids for doing the wrong thing, give them reasoning punishment.
For instance, when your kids go wrong, ask them to write a letter stating what they did, why they did it, and a letter of apology with a specific word count. Two copies for you and two copies for themselves. It’s wise to request that they rewrite if the letters are poorly written.
7. Be A Role Model
Kids are uniquely designed to watch and learn from their parents. Therefore, almost every behaviour they exhibit is copied from what they see their parents doing. This is another indicator to help you in disciplining your child. First, ensure that those things you beat your kids for are not evident in your life. Perhaps, you behave like that unconsciously. Make amends! Be a good role model for your child to emulate.
Conclusion
Parenting isn’t an easy route to trail on. In essence, patience is a vital ingredient in parenting. This helps you not to go extreme when disciplining your child. However, If as a parent you still struggle to manage your emotions such as anger it would be difficult not to retaliate when your kid’s misbehaviour. Therefore, work on that temperament. Keep them under control.
Finally, ensure to share your views in the comment section.
