7 Tested Ways That will Teach How to Handle Criticisms Better

7 Tested Ways That will Teach How to Handle Criticisms Better

Knowing how to handle criticisms better is a valuable skill necessary for thriving in the workplace and society at large. We are humans and imperfections are a part of our DNA. We do not have the chance to always be perfect at what we do, hence, those who can see our flaws have the right to criticize and call us to check.

However, if you do not know how to handle criticisms better, you would have issues relating to people around you. Particularly because it is easier for others to see our flaws and give correction and people find it difficult to take or even learn from correction.  

Types of Criticisms

Criticisms are opinions, judgments, or values someone has on a person’s work, actions or thoughts. It can be a positive or negative opinion and is usually aimed at pointing out flaws.

There are two types of criticism and you can identify them by how they are delivered- Constructive criticism and destructive criticism.

Constructive criticism is a good type of criticism aimed at pointing out your flaws and showing you how to work on them. Receiving constructive criticism can help you improve better if you work on it.

Destructive criticism, on the other hand, is a type of criticism that has no aim of improving a person. It is done without carefulness or consideration of a person’s feelings. Although it may have some truth in it, it would be difficult to act on it because the criticism comes with so much anger and hurt.

The difference between these two types of criticism is in the delivery. When criticizing someone, do it with understanding. My mum would say, “Correct a person the way you’d love to be corrected”.

Knowing that criticisms can come with so many emotions, here are 7 tips on how to handle criticisms better.

7 Tips on How to Handle Criticisms Better

1. Control Your Emotions When Receiving Criticisms

You are much less likely to learn from your mistakes if you react angrily to every correction you receive. And trust me, you’d receive corrections every day.

The first tip on how to handle criticisms better, is by knowing how to control your emotions. It is natural to want to react when you are being criticized but this method does not prove effective. Instead, it stops you from learning.

The more emotional we are, the more defensive we become.

The best emotion to show is no emotion. When you know you are building a defensive wall around your actions, take a deep breath and pause. It is a simple but effective way to cool down that immediate reaction building up.

If you know you are not in the state of mind to respond appropriately, ask if the conversation can be had another time and give your reasons why politely.

2. Learn to Listen Attentively

Attentive listening involves paying attention to what is being said and giving your speaker nonverbal signs that you understand.

Receiving criticism can be very uncomfortable and our natural technique is to withdraw and act nonchalantly or even dismiss the correction.

Once I was cooking at home when my sister told me not to take a certain action until she told me to. I did not listen because, first, I am older than her and secondly, I had years of experience in cooking compared to her. Let’s just say, when I was done, I wished I had listened to her.

When you’re being criticized, learn to listen objectively. This means, paying attention to the corrections with an open mind without jumping to conclusions immediately. Listening to corrections gives you a view of your actions from another angle different from yours.

As Dale Carnegie said in his book, “How to Win Friends and Influence People”-

“Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain but it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.”

Dale Carnegie

3. Focus on the Suggestions and Not the Tone

And we have come to the hard part of criticism – the delivery.

See, I need you to understand this – people are very different. How I would take or interpret your words or actions will be different from how another person would. Again, how your parents will correct you will be different from how your boss in the office would.

Do not think or expect everyone would criticize with a friendly tone.

Some people may have valuable suggestions that can help you improve but their tone and manner of approach may affect how you receive them. In situations like this, pay attention to the message, not the messenger.

Subsequently, you can approach the person and appreciate their feedback while politely letting them know how you felt about their manner of approach.

4. Avoid Taking Criticisms Personal

I don’t know if you’ve noticed but people hate to be corrected and when you correct them, they tend to take it as an attack.

As much as you hate being criticized, you also dish out criticism to others. Shocked?

Alright, check this. Has someone done something or said something and you felt it was wrong and you pointed it out to the person?

How you view criticisms will determine how you handle criticisms better. When you understand that constructive criticisms are meant to point out our mistakes, you’d learn to appreciate them more.

5. Always Ask Questions From the Feedback

A good way of checking how helpful a criticism will be is by asking questions from whoever is giving out the feedback.

Not all criticisms are valuable. Some are given out of a place of anger and hate. These are destructive criticism and they usually have no solutions on how you can work better on them.

A good way to work on criticisms is by asking questions on how best to work on the flaws being identified. Especially when the corrections are coming from people you trust and have a good relationship with.

I was to work on a group project with a few course mates and we planned on working on a presentation. During practice, I was always interjecting my mates and interrupting their speech. A close friend of mine within the group called me aside and told me the negative effect of my actions and gave me tips to work on them.

Subsequently, I had to learn how to let them speak without interrupting them with corrections. Only after their full speech did the group point out where they needed to work on and improve. The presentation was a success!

The purpose of criticism should be so you can improve.

6. Receive Criticism With Humility

One good way of how to handle criticism better is by being open to corrections irrespective of your age, status, or position.

Did I just shake a table?

It is easier to receive criticism from people above us but what happens when the suggestions are coming from those, we consider junior.

You see, the Nigerian “do you know who I am” attitude has blocked us from being open to correction. And, you don’t need to be on the third mainland bridge to exhibit it.

Every time you belittle suggestions from people you feel are inferior to you in age, status, position, or class, you are saying “do you know who I am. Why should I listen to you?” Just as how I refused to listen to my sister when I was cooking.

Be open to corrections from everyone. We do not always know it all.

7. Resist the Urge to Criticize Back

Coined from the popular saying “resist the urge to shalaye”, resisting the urge to criticize back is a better way to handle criticisms.

When you are being corrected and you realize that the flaw isn’t from you but the person criticizing, it is always best to avoid criticizing back, immediately. That would only add fuel to the burning fiery emotions.

Instead, nod in the affirmation that the criticism has been well received and give your feedback later when emotions are not misfiring.

Also, when receiving criticism, that is not a time to also remember the flaws of the person. Responding to criticism with another criticism has proven to be a very bad move.

Conclusion

In this article, I have shared 7 tips on how to handle criticisms better. The real effect is not just in reading but putting these tips to practice.

Criticisms are part of our daily interactions. We can be better at handling them by keeping an open mind, controlling our emotions, and paying attention to suggestions.

What tip do you wish to work on? Let me know by dropping a comment in the comment section. Personally, my favorite part has to be tip 6.  

FAQs

What are criticisms?

Criticisms are opinions or judgments we have of the actions, behaviors, or thoughts of others.

Is criticism bad?

There is nothing wrong with receiving criticisms. They help us know our flaws and prove that we can work to be better every day.

How to respond to criticisms?

The best ways to respond to criticisms are by remaining calm, paying attention to what is being said, and asking questions on how to improve.

What are the types of criticisms?

There are two types of criticisms. Constructive criticism is given with the aim of correction and improvement while destructive criticism is done without regard for a person’s feelings.

How do I criticize someone?

When criticizing, understand that the person has feelings too. Give corrections just as how you would love to be corrected. This involves appreciating a person’s effort, giving out the corrections, and ending with an appreciation again.  

How to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking

How to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking

The fear of public speaking in its severe form is known as glossophobia. It is a common form of fear among a number of people. The thought of standing and speaking in front of a crowd rips some people apart. Are you one of such persons?  If yes, then there is a need to know how to overcome the fear of public speaking. So, read on.

As much as the fear of public speaking is valid, public speaking skills are one of the most important skills one needs in life. This is because, at one point or the other, you would need to speak to a crowd. You want neither yourself nor others to notice you fidget, sweat, or stammer while making your presentation out of fear. As such, overcoming the fear of public speaking is super important.

Common Causes of Fear of Public Speaking

  • Negative mindset.
  • Being self-conscious.
  • Inadequate preparation.
  • Fear of ridicule.
  • Little or no knowledge about the topic to speak on.

10 Tips for Overcoming the Fear of Public Speaking

1. Have a Positive Mindset

This point is always my number when it comes to overcoming the fear of almost anything. Being positive should not be mistaken for being in denial. Here, you acknowledge that you have this fear but you have a belief that you can work on it. You strongly believe you can be a good public speaker.

You can work on your mindset by having positive self-talk. Tell yourself that you can do it. Encourage yourself. Use positive affirmations like:

“I am a good public speaker “,

“My audience is happy with my message “,

“I can make a good presentation”,

“I love public speaking”, etc.

You can as well visualise yourself giving an excellent speech. Work on this step first before proceeding to the next.

2. Start by Speaking on Areas of Interest

Overcoming the fear of public speaking is not a day’s job. It’s a journey that should begin from somewhere. If you are glossophobic, you can start building your confidence by speaking on topics that interest you.

As you read this, think about an area that sparks your interest. Select some topics that you would love to talk about. Stand in front of your friends and speak on such interesting topics. Get used to talking about those things. When you are used to this, you can easily progress to speaking based on requests which might not be on familiar topics.

I guess you love those who can give impromptu speeches. They started somewhere. So, start talking!

The remaining points are needed as you improve.

3. Know Your Topic

Do you want to know how to overcome the fear of public speaking? Master your topic. The importance of this cannot be overemphasized. Before you can confidently give a speech as you would love to, it’s important to have a good grasp of your topic. What are the expectations? How deep should you discuss the topic? etc. The more you know your topic, the lesser your fear and the more your confidence.

Another importance of knowing your topic is that it helps you anticipate possible questions. Having a firm grasp of your topic makes answering questions after your presentation easy.

4. Know Your Audience

This is as important as knowing your topic. Having prior knowledge of your audience guides your preparations. It enables you to know the kind of persons you would speak to. Also, it gives you clarity on the terms to use in addressing them.

In addition, it helps you anticipate likely questions and attitudes to expect.

5. Adequate Preparation

Prior preparation prevents poor performance. Your confidence is in direct proportion with how much you prepare. In essence, the more prepared you are, the less anxiety you develop.

Write out your presentation and prepare beforehand. Get all the necessary information and resources you need to make a wonderful presentation. Stay organized.

6. Practice and Get Feedback before the D-Day

If you’re on the journey of overcoming the fear of public speaking, your ideal audience shouldn’t be the first to listen to your presentation.

Get used to making your presentation beforehand to a familiar audience. You can do this a day or two before the main event. This audience could be your siblings, friends, spouse, your kids, etc. Ask for honest feedback from them and work on areas of concern. You can do this more than once until you are confident about it.

In the absence of a familiar audience, you can practice before your mirror. You can as well make a video of yourself as you practice. Then listen to yourself. Observe the tone of your voice and the pace at which you speak, and then adjust where necessary.

7. Have a Structure or Outline

This is important in overcoming your fear of public speaking. You might wonder how.

With an outline, you have a guide that would see you through your presentation. Great public speakers also use guides for their presentations. You shouldn’t be an exception. With an excellent structure, you can calmly make your presentation and easily flow from one point to another without difficulty.

You don’t want to just memorize your presentations and get stuck along the line.

8. Breath Mindfully

The fear of public speaking manifests in breathing fast. This affects the pace at which you speak and sends a negative message to your audience. To prevent this, take deep breaths before the presentation of your speech. While presenting, stay conscious of your breath and ensure you’re breathing calmly. You can use deep breaths as your break in between your speech. This helps you maintain a steady composure.

9. Know That Your Audience Trusts You

Maybe no one has told you this. The truth is your audience is there to listen to you. They trust you and your message. This means you should focus on the message you’re passing across. Don’t give too much attention to the audience’s appearance. Some might appear uninterested or distracted; this shouldn’t affect you or make you disappointed.

10. Ask for Feedback as You Progress

Here, you are asking for feedback from your ideal audience. This is one area I don’t joke with. Whenever I give a public speech, I ask at least two persons from my audience to give me feedback.

It takes courage to ask for feedback. And the whole essence is to help you improve. The more you do this, the better and more confident you get.

Additionally, you should consider joining public speaking clubs where you meet like-minded individuals. You can also buy online courses on public speaking or hire a speech coach.

Conclusion

Having known how to overcome the fear of public speaking, you know it is important and can be achieved. However, it should be noted that it wouldn’t happen automatically. You should apply the tips I shared with you above.

Do you have an idea worth sharing with us? The comments section is open.

You could also read on: 10 Tips to Improve Your Presentation Skills.

Want to Master Public Speaking, Check These Tips

Want to Master Public Speaking, Check These Tips

Are we born public speakers or do we have to work on building our public speaking skills? This is the question, many ask. This is also the excuse introverts like me use to hide in their shell. In one of my posts, I wrote briefly about my leadership journey and how leadership roles helped me with my public speaking phobia. Have I become extroverted and less nervous during a public speaking session? The answer is No… But I have learned to build strategies and techniques that help me act more confident and relaxed during public speaking. In this article, I will be sharing with you the best tips for public speaking.

Important Skills that Can Help You Learn How to Become an Effective Speaker

1. Practice More Often

When it comes to public speaking, there are never many times enough for practice. Make it a habit to always practice before any public presentation. Never assume you are good to go. Overconfidence is always the biggest cause of public speaking mishaps.

When practicing my speech, I will stand in front of a mirror and assume I am in front of an audience. Before your next speech, watch pre-recordings of your speeches or practice with a friend or family. Practicing is always the shortcut to a successful public speech.

2. Know Your Audience

One of the biggest blunders speakers always make is to assume different audiences to be the same, thereby using similar speaking strategies for all talk situations. Your speech is about them, not you. Make extensive research on your audience, their age group, ethnics, environment, believes, and laws.

You should not use the same speech technique on elementary school kids with working-class adults who might probably know more than you do. Don’t give a talk on the importance of beef in India. Be lucky if you make it out alive.

3. The Act of Public Speaking Demands You Discover Your Style

In my post on leadership, I emphasized the importance of having a mentor or a guide you aspire to be like. Regardless, ensure you discover your style before emulating a role model. Are you a calm soft-spoken person or an outspoken person with a burst of energy? Make your public speaking style in a manner that goes with that flow. Either way, don’t forget to share some stories and jokes with your audience, this keeps them listening with all attention.

Do what you know will make your speech stand out and feel natural.

4. Be Calm, Don’t Be Afraid to Fail

 The one who falls and gets up is stronger than the one who never tried. Do not fear failure but rather fear not trying.

Roy T. Bennett

As weird as it might sound, I have built the habit of loving failure because failure is the biggest teacher you can ever have. The word Glossophobia was not invented due to your error, and it simply means the fear of public speaking. This condition affects four out of 10 people. Calm down and don’t beat yourself up for making a mistake, you are not alone on this journey.

Learn from your mistakes and do better the next time. Act calm and confident anytime you miss a word or stutter.

5. Listen to Your Body Language  

The stage is all yours and yours alone. Don’t stand still, move around the stage at a calm confident pace. Use your voice and hands naturally. Don’t give out nervous gestures. Don’t stand at the corner of the stage like a wet scared bird, that won’t look good on you. Stand straight, articulate your speech accurately and win over the crowd.

This is one of the tips for public speaking worth noting.

 6. Ask for Feedback

During my public speaking sessions at the toastmaster club, the feedback always helped me in my next presentation. The format was Commend-Recommend-Commend style. Constructive feedback and recommendation by your audience will be a great advantage to you to prepare better for your upcoming public speaking sessions.

The audience always sees and observes things you probably missed during your rehearsal.

Conclusion

Consistency is always the key to perfection. There is no easy way out of public speaking. Discipline yourself and make it a habit to practice, learn from books, videos, and great public speakers. Don’t be afraid to fail, practice with friends and families or join public speaking clubs in your town.

These tips I shared will not only change your personality but help you build the unique public speaking techniques that will make you stand out and act confident during a public speaking session.

Finally, were there times you were afraid of speaking in public? If yes, tell us about it and how you overcome it.