by Happiness Hassan | Mar 27, 2022 | Family & Parenting
Setting rules helps everything go as planned. However, when it comes to parenting, flexible parenting plans should be adapted in place of rules. This is because rules have consequences attached to them and these consequences hurt children. Furthermore, consistency style in parenting views rules as the basis of the relationship between parents and their kids. Sadly, in such homes parents will unconsciously force their will on their children and their kids have nothing to say but to obey in silence. In contrast, learning how to be a flexible parent is all you need to inculcate both discipline and love as your parenting style. This in turn, boosts the love bond between you and your kids.
What is Flexible Parenting?
A flexible parenting style is a parenting approach that works based on teamwork between parents and their kids. In other words, parents aren’t rigid in their dealings with their kids but are open to new possibilities, considering the needs of everyone involved before a conclusion can be reached about a matter. Indeed there is no such thing as perfect parenting, similarly, being authoritative doesn’t make you a good parent, rather creates a separation between you and your kids.
Why is Flexibility More Important than Consistency in Parenting?
1. Flexible Parenting Enhances Effective Communication
Exchange of pleasantries with your kids every morning when you wake up and each time you return from work isn’t tagged effective communication. As a parent you need to know deep things about your kids; their challenges, fears, likes, dislikes, what’s bothering them and more.However, a flexible parenting plan will help you loosen up your rules by boosting effective communication between you and your kids.
2. Builds Self-confidence in Children
Being flexible means you’re open to the opinion of your kids regarding certain decisions. Interestingly, allowing your kids to make suggestions and decisions by themselves is one way of boosting self-confidence in children. In addition, they will feel valued and cared for because they now know you have their needs at heart and not just imposing your will on them.
3. Enhances a State of Mindfulness and Calmness
The state of being mindful isn’t restricted to meditative techniques of calmness, but a flexible parenting plan also guarantees calmness in your life as a parent. How? By bringing you into the consciousness that your kids will do the right thing even in your absence. Oftentimes, parents set rules to control the behavior of their children when away, but this shouldn’t be as it indirectly affects the self-esteem of your children.
4. Boost Self-discipline in Children
Rules aren’t what make children self-discipline rather it makes them feel controlled and may never grow up to be emotionally mature. But, as you begin to understand how to be a flexible parent it becomes easier for you to teach your children instead of controlling them. In essence, teach your kids about the rights and wrongs they deserve to know. This method helps kids feel empowered and take responsibility for their life even as they grow up.
5. Problem-Solving Skills
Kids learn how to be independent as they grow up through problem-solving. Yes, you’re their parents and are expected to provide solutions to all their problems, but spice things up by frequently letting them think through their problems and provide solutions. Their solutions may not be perfect but at least they have learned something tangible through that experience. Most importantly, problem-solving skills boost the intelligence quotient of children.
How Do I Become a Flexible Parent?
1. Choice Teamwork Over Self-centeredness
Oftentimes, parents feel they are fulfilling their parenting duty by doing everything as regards the family alone. This might sound great but it’s a form of self-centeredness. Sadly, some parents make family decisions without considering their spouses, not to mention their kids. If you must learn how to be a flexible parent you should willingly embrace teamwork.
For instance, don’t do the house chores alone while your kids stay back and watch you. In response to this, assigned household chores for kids to them, in addition, working together as a family boosts unity and strengthens the love bond.
2. Be Open to New Ideas
Everything is subjected to change even in parenting. Therefore, stop using the same parenting approach your parents use to bring you up on your kids. I’m not saying it’s wrong but those parenting styles that are outdated due to changes in times and environment should be modified. In essence, inculcating a flexible parenting plan involves accepting new ideas that work. Remember we learn every day, so, be open to learning from friends, family, experiences, situations, parenting books, and even from your children.
3. Involve Your Children in Making Decision
Don’t assume you know what’s best for your children, as you may not be correct at all times. Therefore, feel free to involve your children in making decisions, their contribution might be little but it can also be a pointer to the solution needed. The importance of children making decisions can’t be overemphasized because it helps them become independent, disciplined, responsible, emotional, and socially mature among other benefits.
4. Listen to Your Children More Often
As a parent when things go wrong or your kids make mistakes don’t be quick to act in anger by giving them tedious punishment. In contrast, hear them out, get to understand what led to the mistake, and see where you can help. This parenting approach makes your kids feel understood and secure to always run to you for help when things go wrong. Furthermore, to avoid acting out in anger you should learn how to identify and control your emotions, this will guide you on how to maintain your peace amidst unpleasant situations and take the best possible actions.
5. Teach Your Children
Most parents interchange teaching with controlling. Hence, they find them trapped in the web of using force to make their children obey them. This parenting approach only deprives you of having a healthy relationship with your children. Therefore, teaching your children the do’s and don’t of life is a basic requirement in the flexible parenting plan. The moment your children can differentiate between right and wrong and the results attached to both decisions, I assure you they will always go for the best option.
6. Prioritize Your Self Care
Parents who are plagued with mental and emotional issues like anger, depression, emotional neglect, bipolar disorder, anxiety among other disorders tend to be authoritative— using force to make things go their way. This approach doesn’t make things better but seeking medical help will improve their condition. Perhaps, you desire to learn how to be a flexible parent amidst your mental and emotional issues, it’s great but the first step to begin is by seeking medical help to avoid hurting yourself and your kids any further.
7. Practice More of Acceptance
Acceptance in this context means accepting the feelings and emotions of your kids. In other words, learning to be more empathetic, by doing so you will be mindful of how you set rules and make decisions. This attitude guides you in taking into consideration what your kids will feel when you take that decision you’re about to take. Better still, put yourself in their shoes and analyze the outcome if you were to be at the receiving end of that decision.
Conclusion
There are no set rules and guidelines for parenting and this is what makes learning how to be a flexible parent of great necessity. It’s on the wings of flexibility you’re able to do things differently, adapt to the methods that work, say no to unprofitable rules. Most importantly, place the love you have for your kids above every parenting decision.
Therefore, as a parent what’s your experience with flexible parenting approach?
FAQs
What are the 4 types of parenting styles?
Permissive parenting (lenient attitude from parents who only steps in when issues get serious), authoritarian parenting (Parents impose their will/authority on children without consideration), Neglectful parenting (nonchalant attitude from parents, having fewer rules, guidance and parenting attention) authoritative parenting (Uses rules with consequences, considering the children)
Why should parents be flexible?
Giving a child proper upbringing is only achieved when there is a healthy relationship between parents and their children. In other words, adopting a flexible parenting approach helps enhance the relationship with your children. Hence, your children become open to telling you things and run to you for solutions at any time.
What is soft parenting?
Soft parenting is a parenting style involving fewer rules and regulations and giving more attention to a child’s emotions. In essence, parents are more concerned about their children’s emotions and wouldn’t do anything to hurt them. This parenting approach is one way to make a child emotionally mature.
What parenting style is the best?
Research has revealed that an authoritative parenting style has great benefits to a child. This style still utilizes rules with consequences attached but involves positive discipline and welcomes a child’s opinion. This in turn makes a child self-disciplined and becomes more responsible.
How do I know if I’m a flexible parent?
Being flexible in parenting isn’t a day job but takes a series of processes. However, the main sign that shows you’re becoming a flexible parent is when your children become free to tell you everything about themselves without fear or constraints.
by Precious Alex-Toji | Mar 7, 2022 | Personal Growth
It is natural to know the signs of being intelligent, especially if you doubt your capabilities.
Sometimes, we exhibit subtle traits that show how intelligent we are as a person, but because we do not relate these traits with intelligence, we tend to overlook them. In my childhood, I remember thinking passing examinations was the only criteria for being intelligent.
You are probably familiar with the Intelligence quotient (IQ) – a test of your aptitude and ability. However, there are various types of intelligence ranging from emotional intelligence to social intelligence.
In this piece, I’d be showing you signs of being highly intelligent using traits you possibly might have overlooked.
6 Signs of Being Highly Intelligent
1. You Have a High Level of Curiosity
A good sign of being highly intelligent is your desire to know more about everything and anything.
As children, we were born with a desire to try out anything without fear of the outcome. We are born with an innate desire to want to know things. As we grow, our experience begins to interfere with this innate desire and we suppress the desire for knowledge.
If you get fascinated with new things (like how I was with the concept of the metaverse) and find yourself looking things up constantly, that’s a pretty good sign of being intelligent.
According to a study, highly intelligent people are very curious people. They want to know more about a thing than the average individual. This also shapes how they think and refines their depth of knowledge.
Remember how Ben Carson sounded smart in class because he knew an answer no one in the class had an answer to? Look up “Gifted Hands” to know more about Ben. Did I just steer up your curiosity now?
2. You Adapt Quickly and You Are Flexible
Being intelligent and flexible is one of the signs of being highly intelligent. Intelligent people can thrive in any circumstance. Irrespective of the complications or restrictions placed on them, intelligent people always have a way of getting things done.
Being flexible and adaptable also means finding new ways of doing things. It means being creative in whatever you do. Life throws different circumstances at us and being able to navigate through these situations is a good sign of intelligence.
My mum used to ring my head with these words, “There is no one way of doing things.”
As humans, we love routines because they make us comfortable. Sometimes we stifle the genius in us when our routine changes and don’t adapt by finding solutions to it.
3. You are an Empathetic Person
One key sign of being intelligent is empathy. It is how well you relate with someone because you experience things from their perspective.
According to a study, one component of emotional intelligence is your ability to feel the needs and emotions of others and act sensitively towards those needs.
If you are an empathic person, it is most likely people would find you interesting to talk to and always want to take your advice. It means you can sense what a person is going through emotionally, usually through body language or behavior.
You can develop empathy as a skill. It requires you to be observant of people’s behavior and listen more. When people find you comfortable to relate with, you build a tower of intelligence in their eyes.
4. You Cherish Your Time Alone
Yes, I am about to drop a bombshell! Intelligent people love to have time in solitude for themselves, something I call an “alone” time.
If you are an introvert, I probably have you smiling sheepishly right now. Not to spoil your moment, but it isn’t shying away from people and the public that shows signs of being intelligent, it is what you do with your alone time that matters.
A lot of people hate to be alone. I love being alone, a lot. Not because I dislike the public, it is more of a productive time for me. You know that moment when you are alone and you fix up your chores, meet up with tasks you’ve postponed, find the infinity stones and then you can conquer Thanos.
The truth is the more time you spend socializing, the less time you have to think about your own interests and development. Intelligent people strike a balance between events and personal time. As long as you create time for yourself for personal development to recharge, it is okay to spend time with people.
5. Having a Good Sense of Humour
Highly intelligent people tend to have a good sense of humour. I mean, that is exactly what makes them approachable and friendly.
Once, I saw a tweet where someone said “Sarcasm with Nigerians is an extreme sport. I am tired of having to say ‘I’m sorry’ and explaining memes” and I could relate.
I love witty, cheesy, sarcastic, humorous (I might have run out of adjectives) people. Nobody likes to relate to boring people. It is the reason we all love to attend classes where the lecturer is prone to chipping little jokes to his teachings.
People with a good sense of humor have good social skill that draws people to them. Humor and friendliness is an essential skill for socializing. Then, when people find you as a safe space, you get to have an insight into what they are feeling and can offer help to them.
I had a dream last night! I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. Turns out it was just a Fanta sea. (You should see my face right now). What’s your favorite cheesy pun? Drop some in the comment section!
6. Intelligent People worry a Lot about Things
Worrying about a lot of things is one of the signs of being highly intelligent. I might have finally found a trait that accommodates everyone except me.
I dislike worrying and having to overthink things. It just gives me unnecessary headaches. I have learned, the hard way, that worrying changes nothing. It is how I learned to be flexible and adapt to changing situations.
However, if you are an overthinker, studies have shown that you are more intelligent than you think. This is true because people who worry are always thinking about the outcome of things to come and trying to fix things before they happen.
However, this is not to encourage you to keep worrying about everything. A good way to channel your worries is by making plans with alternatives. It makes you prepared for any changes.
Don’t worry about things yet to happen- like how we all worry about what our future would be. Again, make plans with alternatives.
How to Increase Your Intelligence
How intelligent you are is determined by different factors. Intelligence can be inherited through genes from your parents. It can also be developed personally through the actions you take. Some of the ways to improve your intelligence include:
1. Sleeping Regularly
When you sleep, it gives your brain and body time to rest and allows enough time to process the information you have gathered while awake. It also gives your brain a fresh start to process new information when you wake up.
2. Exercising Frequently
Exercising helps stimulate brain functioning. The good thing is, you do not have to exercise vigorously to enjoy the benefits of exercising. A light walk daily can work wonders on your body.
3. Read Every Day
Reading stimulates your brain to keep information regularly. The more you read, the more you get to know about things. We learn every day. Reading gives you knowledge on things you do not know and expands your knowledge of things you know.
Fun Facts- According to Forbes, the top 4 countries with the most intelligent people are from Asia with Singapore topping the list.
Even after his death, Sir Isaac Newton still remains the most intelligent person in the world. Currently, Terence Tao is the smartest person alive with an IQ of 230. For context, I took an IQ test and I scored 141.
Conclusion
There are ways to detect intelligence in a person, and it goes beyond being book smart.
There are varying types of intelligence, and each has its own traits that can be identified in a person. An emotionally intelligent person would show signs of being intelligent through emotional self-control and empathy towards others, while a socially-intelligent person can light up a room with a smile and build networks.
Whatever trait you identify with, remember that as humans, we are naturally intelligent beings. It is the actions we take that build up the genius in us. (This my words of wisdom is not for free o).
FAQs
How to Increase Your Intelligence
How intelligent you are is determined by different factors. Intelligence can be inherited through genes from your parents. It can also be developed personally through the actions you take. Some of the ways to improve your intelligence include:
- Sleeping Regularly: When you sleep, it gives your brain and body time to rest and allows enough time to process information you have gathered while awake. It also gives your brain a fresh start to process new information when you wake up.
- Exercising Frequently: Exercising helps stimulate brain functioning. The good thing is, you do not have to exercise vigorously to enjoy the benefits of exercising. A light walk daily can work wonders on your body.
- Read Every Day: Reading stimulates your brain to keep information regularly. The more you read, the more you get to know about things. We learn every day. Reading gives you knowledge on things you do not know and expands your knowledge on things you know.
What country has the most geniuses?
According to Forbes, the top 4 countries with the most intelligent people are from Asia with Singapore topping the list.
Who is the most intelligent person in the world?
Even after his death, Sir Isaac Newton still remains the most intelligent person in the world. Currently, Terence Tao is the smartest person alive with an IQ of 230. For context, I took an IQ test and I scored 141.
What Are the Signs of High Intelligence?
A highly intelligent person would naturally show these 7 signs:
- Good problem-solving skills
- Good decision-making ability
- Creativity
- Good memory
- Good command of language
- Knowledge of general happenings
- Poor romantic ability
