The Rise Of Aphrodisiac Sale In Arewa

The Rise Of Aphrodisiac Sale In Arewa

Kayan Mata translates as “women’s property.” This category, Kayan Mata Hausa encompasses all of the products used by women.  However, aphrodisiacs are more commonly referred to by this term.

Aphrodisiacs are substances that arouse or are thought to arouse sexual desire (such as food or drug). A wide range of herbs and food including fruits have been related to the term Kayan Mata.

It is also noted sometimes to include incense, which triggers sexual urges among couples. Other triggers include aphrodisiac foods and drinks.

Origin of Kayan Mata

The word “Kayan” directly translates to the ‘property of…’, and “Mata” means ‘women’ in the Hausa language which is the dominant language of the northerners. This term originates from the northern part of Nigeria dating as long as time.

Originally, northern women have traditionally utilized Kayan Mata to prepare a bride who would be able to meet not just her husband’s domestic requirements, but also his sexual cravings.

It was designed specifically for married women who wished to spice up their libido. However, modern-day Kayan Mata now encompasses a large number of individuals and has spread far beyond Northern Nigeria’s borders.

Types of Kayan Mata

There is a wide range of Kayan Mata Hausa which comes in the form of tablets, syrup, drinks, perfumes, and dishes. And these can all be categorized based on their uses.

1. Kayan Mata for Vagina Tightening

This includes various types of herbs that facilitate making the vagina tight for sexual pleasure. Herbs used in this category may include lalle (henna plant), bagaruwa (Acacia), and also cloves. These are mostly boiled, and used for sitz baths, or used to wash the vagina.

It is also believed to also help treat various vaginal infections such as yeast infections when used periodically after a woman’s menstrual flow.

2. Kayan Mata for Libido-Boosting

In this category, these herbs are used to treat erectile dysfunction. Here, the Goron Tula fruit also known as the silky kola is used where it can either be chewed or its juice extracted and boiled with other herbs to help treat the problem.

Also, gindin ayu, which is derived from the genital of the fish known as Ayu, is mostly found in places like Maiduguri. This is used to make one’s partner remain faithful as he gets maximum satisfaction. The fish remains glued to its partner’s genitals and even separated, does not desire another. This is replicated with men and women who use it as they exhibit traits of the Ayu faithfulness.

3. Kaya Mata for Favour and Attraction

This Kayan Mata Hausa is one of the most controversial of these aphrodisiacs, as it is believed to be laced with spiritual powers. Prayers are done and mixed with the components used for this type, to gain favour from one’s partner.

Causes of the Rise of Aphrodisiacs Sale

One cannot categorically state the reason for the sudden rise of aphrodisiacs sale in Arewa, but it can be identified, with these:

1. Social Exposure

The mingling of the north to the outer world can be associated with the rise of aphrodisiac sales in the north; to be more precise, interaction, and association with individuals, either on the internet, or person to person. This gives room for the knowledge of the existence of Kaya Mata to be widely spread.

2. High Market Demand

Well, if more individuals get introduced to Kayan Mata Hausa, there would be an increase in the market for these products – a factor that is a likely cause for the rise. The demand becomes higher hence, the increase in the production and competition for the sale of Kayan Mata Hausa.

3. Its Affordability

Most Kayan Mata Hausa produced in Arewa is fairly cheap. For example, ingredients used to make tsumi are very much available and affordable to the general public thus, become a moving factor for the increase in the rise of aphrodisiac sales in Arewa.

4. Sexual Exposure

Let us dive into the most crucial reason for the increase of the rise of aphrodisiac sales in Arewa. Sex is a leading factor in the reason why there is a high demand for Kayan Mata Hausa products. Individuals of various ages ranging from adolescence are the main consumers of these products at an alarming rate.

Side Effect of Kayan Mata

Though these aphrodisiacs have been largely proved to be medicinal, and have been able to help with sexual enhancement, it is like every other thing, with a side effect. This mainly arises because there are no systematic and scientific procedures for manufacturing it and also because its dosage can be abused.

Components of herbs used do not undergo any testing to prove their compatibility with other herbs combined which are used to produce these products. Some of its side effects may include:

1. Kidney Failure and Liver Damage

Due to the rise of aphrodisiacs sales in Arewa, vendors sell adulterated products to unsuspecting customers, who have no idea of the concoctions sold to them. Such herbs can cause liver damage and kidney failure as they can contain toxic materials.

A study published in the medical journal of Australia has shown that these herbs contain toxic metals that interfere with having a healthy liver.

2. Drug Interactions

One of the side effects of Kayan Mata Hausa is that it is a herb that would interact with many medicines. Drug Interactions sometimes can stop the drug from working and other times, it would enhance the medications depending on the properties used.

Therefore, it is advisable to avoid the usage for pregnant women.

3. Withdrawal Syndrome

This is a medical condition that is brought about when there is a discontinuation of a certain type of medication. This may mean that when Kayan Mata Hausa herb is meant to increase libido. It is very possible to return to having a very low sexual drive.

4. Mental and Spiritual Interference

Aside from the use of Kayan Mata Hausa herbs, the controversial favor and attraction are attributed to the spiritual properties of these certain products.

It is thus capable of leading to mental and spiritual interference when the user is not religious or spiritually sound. It could also lead to several occurrences of mental breakdown.

5. It Could Lead to Contamination

A major concern for the production of Kayan Mata is hygiene and bacterias presence which may be pathogenic and nonpathogenic. It is advisable to wash fruits or herbs specifically used to produce these aphrodisiacs to avoid contamination.

Popular Vendors and Market for Kayan Mata

As the rise of aphrodisiacs sales in northern Nigeria continues to hit the market’s supply demands, a lot of vendors have risen to the challenge of sourcing these materials. This makes it making final products to be distributed within and across the nation.

A popular vendor known for her favor and attraction Kayan Mata Hausa and also for the discovery of the various use of Goron Tula is Hauwa Saidu Muhammad also known as Jaruma who runs the Jaruma Empire.

She has successfully hit market-wide a wide range of this Kayan Mata Hausa and has recorded huge success.


There has been a vast rise in the sale of aphrodisiacs in northern Nigeria. this might be due to the high demands for this product across the nation, thus making these herbs which were neglected over time to be in demand.

For example, the Goron Tula fruit also known as silky kola indigenous to the Tula tribe in Gombe state has become very expensive as there is a higher demand for it.

How to Easily Recognize an Emotional Abuser

How to Easily Recognize an Emotional Abuser

Emotional Abuse, unlike physical abuse, can be complicated to identify. While physical abuse often comes with obvious signs, emotional abuse isn’t that obvious especially when you are the victim as you must be in some kind of relationship with the abuser. Emotional abuse can lead to serious mental health conditions such as low self-esteem and confidence and depression. This is why understanding how to recognize emotional abuse could help you overcome this negative behavior on your mental health.

Emotional Abuse is described as the use of emotions to criticize, embarrass, shame, and/or blame others as a way to manipulate and control them.

While emotional abuse is prevalent in married and dating relationships, it can also exist in common relationships amongst family members, friends, and co-workers. A relationship is said to be emotionally abusive when there is consistent emotional bullying and the use of abusive words which derail the victim’s self-esteem and mental health, in extension.

Hardly identified, emotional abuse is a form of domestic violence that goes undetected and should be given much more consideration as a form of abuse. It is degrading, humiliating, and terrifying and leads to a long-lasting feeling of helplessness and worthlessness completely messing with the victim’s mental health.

How to Recognize Emotional Abuse

As stated earlier that emotional abuse can happen in any kind of relationship, it can also happen across all ages, people of any age or gender can abuse or be abused. Nonetheless, it is not your fault and you do not deserve to experience it.

Some behaviors you experience every day can be normal in a relationship but when it happens consistently and with intensity, they can be tools for emotional abuse.

1. They Always Want to Control You

Emotional Abusers use abusive behaviors and sometimes shame in an attempt to control. When you have someone who is overly interested in your social life, trying to limit who you engage with, they want you to do what they want without regard for your desires, then you might just have an emotional abuser.

They mostly try to control you by making threats, monitoring your whereabouts, and depriving you of making your own choices either overtly or covertly.

2. They Isolate You

In their effort to manipulate their victims’ lives easily, emotional abusers often isolate their victims. Isolation keeps the victim dependent on the abuser and prevents them from getting support from their loved ones that could help them recognize emotional abuse. Emotional abusers may isolate you by limiting your access to people who would support you such as family and friends. Also, they often tell you that they are the only ones who care about or can put up with you.

Signs that someone is isolating you could be that they become angry when you contact a loved one, they restrict your social life and they insist on going everywhere with you.

3.  They Yell At You

Yelling at someone might seem normal in certain situations but when it becomes often and with great intensity, it can be the early signs of an emotionally abusive relationship. Emotional abusers use yelling as a tactic to create or display an unequal power dynamic, where the person whose voice is essentially louder and more aggressive has more power and can instill fear in the other. The abusers use this fear to control their victims.

When your partner, parent, or boss often yells at you as a way to get you to do something they want, then there’s a great chance you are a victim of emotional abuse.

4. You Are Always In the Defensive

Another way to recognize emotional abuse is that the abusers always feel superior to their victims and try to show the victims that they can’t do anything without them. They seem to always want to find faults in any action or decision the victims make without them in the bid to keep their victims dependent on them, so they question everything the victims do.

As a result of this excessive questioning, you always feel the need to defend yourself and everything you do.

5. They Gaslight You

Another common tactic emotional abusers use is gaslighting. Emotional abusers deny that events their victims talk about have happened to make their victims doubt themselves, and their judgments and question their perception of reality. This helps the abuser maintain control because their word becomes more realistic than the victim’s own beliefs, memory, or experience.

An emotional abuser might use some of these phrases to gaslight you; “I never said that”, “You’re crazy for thinking that” and “You’re making a bid deal out of nothing”.

6. They Use Insulting Language at You

To attack your self-esteem and worth, self-confidence, and value as a person, emotional abusers use insults and name-calling to degrade you. They might say things to you like “I’m the only one that can love you”, “You’re too stupid to earn a degree” and “you’ll never get a job”.

When such phrases are repeatedly said to the victims they might start to believe them, and this can affect the victim’s mental health. This tactic wears down the victim’s self-esteem and value.

7. They Are Extreme Jealousy

In addition, extreme jealousy is another way to recognize an emotional abuse. While jealousy is common in relationships, it is important to know that they are positive and negative levels. When jealousy leads to intense anger or controlling behaviors, it can be a warning sign of emotional abuse.

Such extreme jealousy stems from the abuser not feeling like they have power or control over you and your decisions. Some controlling behaviors the abuser may use are; monitoring your calls, texts, or emails, constantly accusing you of cheating, excessively calling you when you are not together, and controlling your appearance, including what you wear.

What To Do When Someone Is Abusing You Emotionally

The most important step in dealing with emotional abuse is identifying and acknowledging the abuse. By being honest to yourself about what you are experiencing you can begin to take back control of your life. Below are practicable steps to reclaim control of your life.

1. Prioritize Yourself

Always put yourself first when it comes to your physical and mental health. Take care of yourself, and stop worrying about pleasing the person abusing you. Be sure to practice self-care by exercising, eating, and resting appropriately. It is also important that you realize you are not to blame for the decisions and behavior of the abuser.

2. Establish Boundaries

Establish achievable boundaries by firmly letting the abuser know that you can’t tolerate their yelling, name-calling, insults, and so on. Also, let them know the consequence if they should choose to re-engage in their abusive behaviors. For example, anytime they call you names, you’ll leave the conversation.

3. Understand You Can’t Fix Them

Remind yourself that the abuser decided to behave in an abusive way and you are not to blame for their decisions. Also, understand that you cannot control their actions but you can control your response.

4. Build a Support Network

Sharing your experience with someone can be difficult but it could also be if great help. Talk to friends and family or even a therapist about your relationship with the abuser. Stay away from the abuser for some time and spend some time with loved ones who will provide you with the support you need. This network of friends and family will help you feel less isolated and their truths can help you put things into perspective.

5. Develop an Exit Plan

If the abuser has no intention of changing or stopping their abusive behavior, know that you can’t stay in this unhealthy relationship forever. You may need to take steps to end the relationship.

Each situation is different, so discuss your exit plan with trusted friends, family, or a therapist. Also, understand that such abuse often escalates when the abused decides to leave the relationship, so make plans for a safety net. You’ll need help from trusted friends, family, and a therapist to heal from the abuse you’ve experienced.


Emotional abuse may not leave scars and scratches but it can be as harmful as physical abuse or even more. How to recognize emotional abuse is important in understanding and addressing emotional abuse. Signs such as gaslighting, yelling, isolation, and others explained above, can be experienced in relationships with partners, family members, or coworkers.

Emotional abuse can be self-consuming, leading to a range of mental health issues. Reaching out to a mental health professional can be lifesaving.


What are the effects of emotional abuse?

Emotional abuse directly affects the mental well-being of the victims. The criticism, verbal abuse, gaslighting, and name-calling degrades the victim’s self-esteem, and self-confidence and amplifies self-doubt and feelings of worthlessness and helplessness.

Emotional abuse also leads to health problems like depression and anxiety, stomach ulcers, eating disorders, rapid and irregular heartbeat, and insomnia.

How do I deal with emotional abuse?

Emotional abuse unlike physical abuse is difficult to identify, but when you do, here are some tips to address it; make yourself and how you feel a priority, stop blaming yourself, establish boundaries, work on an exit plan and reach out for support.

Why is emotional abuse difficult to identify?

Most victims of emotional abuse do not know they are being abused because they believe that everything they experience is common in a relationship. They believe everything the abuser says to them as such agreeing that they are being abused is extremely difficult and most times takes the help of a friend or family to recognize the abuse.

When is the right time to leave an abusive relationship?

Once you’ve been able to realize that you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, imagine the kind of relationship you want and compare them with the abusive one. Knowing what you want in a relationship will help you decide when to leave.

How do I help someone in an emotionally abusive relationship?

If you suspect a loved one or friend is in an emotionally abusive relationship, try to be supportive without judging or blaming them for staying. Educate yourself about emotional abuse about what they are going through, you can gently push them towards available resources or professionals that can help, and lastly, know that the decision to leave the relationship isn’t yours.

Avoid Slimming Teas. They Are Bad for You!

Avoid Slimming Teas. They Are Bad for You!

There is a current craze about having a slim figure. This is especially common among female folks. As a result, it has led many to the use slimming teas. The effectiveness of the slimming tea is the center of most adverts. But wait, is slimming tea really effective?

Slimming tea is used with the main aim of weight loss. It promises its users instant loss of weight within a short period of its consumption.

No doubt, having a healthy weight is important as being overweight/obese predisposes one to certain diseases.

When you rely on the efficiency of slimming tea without making any lifestyle changes, this becomes an issue.

What makes slimming teas more enticing to many is the idea that they’re made from natural ingredients.

However, these ingredients are not meant for continuous consumption due to some of their negative impacts.

Constituents of Slimming Teas

The following are the major constituents of slimming teas in addition to different tea types like green tea.

Slimming tea can contain one or all of these as the case may be and they add to the effectiveness.

1. Laxatives

A laxative is meant for the treatment of constipation. It works by increasing bowel movements thereby aiding defecation. It is not meant to be taken for a long time.

Laxatives are a major constituent of slimming teas as such there is a high likelihood of consistent consumption.

A friend once described how the slimming tea she bought worked. She said it made her purge excessively thereby shedding weight.

Now you know why you purge after taking these teas. It’s due to laxatives being active ingredients in them.

Examples of laxatives used are; Senna, cascara, aloe, etc.

2. Diuretics

Diuretics are used to treat high blood pressure. Also known as a “water pill”, a diuretic helps the body to get rid of excess water and salt thereby lowering blood pressure. 

These diuretics are contained in slimming teas as well.

So you shouldn’t be surprised when you find yourself urinating frequently after using them.

4. Stimulants

Stimulants like caffeine are contained in slimming teas. They are meant to curb your appetite and increase your body’s metabolism. They reduce your urge to eat more thereby preventing weight gain which makes it seem effective. However, they come with negative effects too when consumed excessively.

Is slimming Tea Effective?

This is usually the first question on any consumer’s mind. The answer is, that they are effective only when taken continuously. It means as soon as you stop taking these teas, you return to your previous weight or even gain more.

10 Reasons You Should Avoid Slimming Teas

Having known the constituents and effectiveness of these slimming teas, the following are reasons you should avoid them.

1. They Do Not Have Long-Term Effects

Most slimming teas are only effective within the period you use them. If you use them without any lifestyle modification, you have a high tendency of weight gain when you stop.

To prevent this weight gain, some have developed a dependency on these teas. This is to help them maintain a consistent slim figure. Sadly, such dependency is harmful.

2. Their Consumption Results in Diarrhea

Diarrhea is a major effect of the use of laxatives. This results in dehydration and loss of electrolytes. It also presents with vomiting, headache, fatigue, etc.

3. They Can Cause Severe Dehydration

The laxative and diuretic constituents of slimming teas lead to loss of water.

Water is lost in two ways; as a result of purging from the laxative effect and frequent urination from the diuretic constituent.

This leads to dehydration which has a dangerous effect on the kidney.

Dehydration leads to weight loss which should be a health concern. However, you would consider such weight gain as an effective result of the tea.

4. Loss of Electrolytes

Electrolytes are important components of your body fluids. Examples of these electrolytes are sodium, potassium, chloride, etc. Electrolytes are important for the proper function of muscles, maintaining blood PH, etc.

Dehydration is accompanied by loss of electrolytes. The use of slimming teas could result in the loss of essential electrolytes.

Absence or reduced electrolytes lead to spasms and abnormal heartbeats, cardiac arrhythmias, and even death.

5. Weakened Colon

Slimming teas work on the colon to increase its movement and aid defecation.

When the colon is stimulated consistently, it weakens over time. And this becomes an issue as it results in dependency.

6. Dependency

When a colon is weakened by the effect of consistent stimulation, dependency sets in. In this case, the colon now depends on the laxative to cause movement and defecation. As such, you depend on slimming tea to carry out the normal function of a healthy bowel.

7. No Loss of Fat

If you have been reading between the lines, you would realize that we didn’t mention anywhere where fat is shed. Why? This is because the slimming teas don’t work on them. They’re ineffective in that regard.

Complete digestion and absorption take place in the small intestine. The effect of laxative is exhibited on the colon (large intestine).

This shows that it doesn’t prevent the absorption of fats. It only makes defecation easy.

Other harmful effects of slimming teas are abdominal cramping, headaches, and increased blood pressure.

Healthy Ways of Losing Weight

The major way you can lose weight is by lifestyle modification. This is based on two major factors:

  • Diet
  • Exercise

1. Check Your Diet

The importance of a healthy diet cannot be overexpressed. It is important in weight management as well as overall general health. To maintain a healthy weight, do the following:

  • Consume more fruits and vegetables.
  • Eat high-protein meals for breakfast.
  • Avoid sugary foods and drinks.
  • Cut down consumption of fat.
  • Avoid processed and canned food. Eat more unprocessed foods.
  • Stay hydrated by drinking an adequate amount of water.

2. Exercise Regularly

Exercise doesn’t have to be hectic. Walking, cycling, jogging, skipping, and dancing are simple exercises you can engage in to keep you healthy and maintain a healthy weight.


Above, we have explored what makes up slimming tea, its effectiveness and why you should avoid it. We have as well given you a better alternative to maintaining a healthy weight.

Although some people have given slimming teas favourable recommendations. We however recommend that you see your doctor before using any slimming tea. Before you try any slimming tea, you should balance the benefits and drawbacks.

Have you used slimming teas before? What are your thoughts on their effectiveness?

Do share your thoughts in the comment section.


Is slimming tea effective?

Yes, but only on a short-term basis. For long-term effectiveness, it has to be used continuously. This poses serious harm to one’s health.

What makes slimming teas harmful?

The ingredients contained in slimming teas are not meant for long-term consumption. As such, taking these teas without proper guidance come with lots of health risks.

What should I do before consumption of any slimming tea?

Check out the ingredients first. Consult your doctor to ensure you don’t react to any of the ingredients contained in the tea. Ensure you eat healthy meals and do not consume them for a long time.

Does slimming tea make one stool?

Yes, it does. This is due to the presence of laxatives in most of them. Ensure you have a restroom close by before you consume it.

Is it okay to drink a slim tea every day?

It is not healthy to drink slimming tea every day. This is due to the harmful effects it has on the body from long-term consumption.

If You See These Signs, It Is Time to Take a Break

If You See These Signs, It Is Time to Take a Break

Managing your work, family, and personal life, trying to find balance in the daily hassles you encounter can become overwhelming to your body and mind. In response, your body develops certain symptoms, these physical symptoms are collectively identified as signs of physical stress.

Stress is everywhere and it affects everyone, over 7 million Nigerians suffer from stress and stress-related issues. While a little stress is fine and can be beneficial, too much stress can affect your physical health negatively – to an extent, your life.

Stress affects both mind and body, however, for this article, we’ll be focusing on the signs of physical stress, its major causes, and how to manage and cope with these signs.

What Is Physical Stress?

Physical stress is a normal bodily reaction to changes or challenges whether they are real or perceived. When you experience such challenges, a chemical reaction occurs in your body that allows you to respond appropriately to the challenge. This reaction is known as the “Fight or Flight Response“.

Your bodily responses help you to adjust to respond appropriately to challenges. Physical stress can be beneficial to you when it alerts you of unpleasant situations or motivate you. A good example of when stress is beneficial is when you have an interview, a physical stress response will hello you to stay awake to prepare well. Physical stress can also be harmful to you when the challenges continue for an extended time without relief or relaxation.

Signs of Physical Stress

Physical stress affects your daily life, but because people manage stress differently, the physical symptoms of stress can be different in people. However, some symptoms have been identified to be common to physical stress:

When stress is left untreated for an extended period of time, it often becomes more life-threatening. And if still not treated, can develop serious physical health complications such as:

  • Back pain
  • Worsening asthma symptoms or any other chronic disease an individual has
  • Increases risk of hypertension, stroke, and heart attack

Chronic Physical stress can affect your entire body by increasing the risk of certain diseases and reducing your quality of life.

What Are the Causes of Physical Stress?

As stated earlier, physical stress develops from our daily experiences and challenges. Now since people have different experiences and challenges and also react to them differently, the causes of physical stress in people also differ. An instance is, someone could be overwhelmed by a traffic jam while another turns on his car air conditioner and turn on music, making the experience less inconvenient.

Some factors able to develop physical stress could be what we are already used to but experienced with increased intensity or it could be a completely new challenging factor. Major causes of physical stress are streamlined as:

1. Financial Problems

When you find yourself feeling guilty after buying non-essential things, feeling anxious and worrying about money, and frequently arguing with loved ones about money, there’s a chance that your stress is financially caused.

2. Work

Physical stress as a result of work is often characterised by frequent rapid heartbeat severe nervousness, sweaty or sweaty hands and legs when carrying out a specific project or assignment at work. Job dissatisfaction also plays a role here.

3. Personal Relationships

There are many causes of stress in personal relationships – social media inclusive. The natural urge to compare yourself with others can lead to the stress of feeling inferior or inadequate.

Abuse or control in a relationship, loss of a loved one, moving to a new home, lack of communication and not being able to spend much time with a loved one are other common stressors.

4. Daily Life Hassles

Day-to-day hassles are common to us such as forgetting your keys at work, misplacing an item, running late, and other common inconveniences. Normally, they are inconvenience you often look over, however, when they occur frequently or with increased intensity, they could become sources of stress for you.

How You Can Manage Physical Stress

There’s no way to avoid stress but you can manage its symptoms on your physical health by practicing some strategies that will help you maintain not just a healthy body but your mind as well.

Exercising, eating healthily, getting enough sleep, relaxing and other healthy living practices go a long way to help with the signs of physical stress.

Check out 10 Amazing Ways that Will Help You Relieve Stress Naturally.


While stress is natural and normal, when its intensity increases or duration is extended, physical and mental symptoms develop.

The physical symptoms of stress ultimately affect our health negatively, increasing our risk of diseases and reducing our quality of life. Nonetheless, some natural consistent practices can help manage the physical symptoms of stress.


How is physical stress diagnosed?

Most healthcare providers make use of questionnaires to understand the stress an individual is experiencing and how it affects their life. This is because stress is subjective, it is not measurable with tests, and only the person experiencing it can tell how it feels.

Healthcare providers evaluate physical symptoms that are related to stress such as high blood pressure and provide the appropriate care.

What happens to the body during physical stress?

Stress comes as a response to challenges or changes you experience. During Stress a chemical reaction occurs which is known as the Fight or Flight Response, this response triggers your autonomic nervous system which controls your heart rate, breathing, vision changes, and more. This response is also responsible for the signs of physical stress as listed above.

What are the effects of stress on our mental health?

Stress affects all areas of our lives, physical and mental. Stress affects the way we think (cognition) and the way we act (behavior). Common symptoms are; feelings of helplessness, inability to focus, loss of appetite and interest in activities once enjoyed, mental exhaustion, and constant worrying among others.

How do I avoid stress?

Stress is part of our lives, it cannot be prevented. However, they are daily life practices that help manage both physical and mental symptoms of stress.

Relaxing, exercising, maintaining a healthy diet, having enough sleep and rest, being positive and realistic, accepting that you can’t control everything, acknowledging the good times, and reaching out to a mental health expert are ways to manage stress.

When is the right time to reach out to a mental health provider?

It is important to reach out to a mental health expert immediately if you feel overwhelmed. A Mental Health expert will help you manage physical and mental symptoms of stress and help you go through your experience. Mental health professionals also give advice and develop techniques that will best address your problem.

Does Virginity Depend on The First Night Bleed?

Does Virginity Depend on The First Night Bleed?

In Arewa and many other cultures, it’s believed that virginity depends on the first-night bleed. That’s why some couples use white bed sheets for the bloodstain to be seen.

If the woman didn’t bleed at the first intercourse in her matrimonial home, it is considered she had pre-marital sex. Hence the accusing fingers of infidelity, harlotry, and other baddies point at her no matter how sane she was formally considered.

All these are because most people don’t know much about the hymen.

What is Hymen?

The hymen is a piece of membrane that is situated about an inch and a half deep inside the vaginal canal. It separates the outer part from the inner part within the vaginal walls. One might ask if there’s a membrane then how does the menstrual blood flow out? Well, the hymen has a small opening(s) through which the blood passes.

Like any other part of the human body, the hymen does not look the same in every female. Some hymens are rich in blood vessels and nerves, others are not.

While most females have thick or thin hymens, some few others have no hymen at all, they were born with no hymen! Yes, it is normal and poses no health risks.

What Causes Premier Bleeding?

In females with hymens rich in blood supply, there occurs tear of the hymen at first penetration which causes the bleeding, with accompanied pain if the torn hymen is rich in nerves.

This bleeding is what makes the bride proud, the groom fulfilled and the families satisfied with the virginity and moral decency of the bride.

What if She didn’t Bleed?

Since we said that the bleeding is due to a tear of the hymen at first penetration, what of those that passed the first night with no blood drop?

Remember we said that some females have hymens not rich in blood supply, in these cases, there might be very little blood to be seen.

Also, nature blesses a fraction of females with thin hymen that could easily tear during exercise, cycling, horse riding, a simple act of running, or use of wrong sized tampons mostly with no bleeding or pain as the result of the poor blood vessels and nerves in the thin membrane. And if it bleeds and pains, it’s mostly mistaken for menstrual flow and cramps. It had gone! Unnoticed!

Moreover, about 1 in every 300 females was born without a hymen. Therefore, they experience no bleeding at first intercourse


So, the above-mentioned categories plus the few unfortunate ones that faced the wrath of sexual violence, are all punished by our collective dogma of any bride that didn’t bleed on the first night is overly-experienced. Uncultured. Bad. Cursed.

What a pity!

Red Flag: Re-virgination

Since society defines any woman that bleeds on the first night as a virgin. No matter how bad her record was, the medical community came up with an option; hymenoplasty.

Hymenoplasty is the surgical reconstruction of broken hymen. The operation is been done by surgeons, heals early with hard-to-notice traces. It restores the hymen, therefore the lost ‘pride’.

After the procedure, the hymen appears intact again and bleeds as supposed at the next penetration. Period!

By now, I hope you understand that not all virgins have the hymens to break and bleed, and not all those that bleed were virgins.

Help me answer the question, does virginity depends on the first-night bleed? It’s high time we stop determining the virginity of women by an uncertain fragile tissue. Some lost it by accident, few were not given at all.

Stop the stigma, spread love!