by Musa Bala | Jun 11, 2022 | Relationships & Weddings
Do you think your husband is controlling? Being in a marriage where your husband is controlling can be very trying, controlling husbands often try to limit and manage the activities of their spouses. This controlling behavior could really put a strain on a marriage, depending on how intense and frequent it is exhibited. Here is how to deal with a controlling husband, but before that, let’s identify controlling behaviors.
Why Do People Develop Controlling Behaviors?
Before you know how to deal with a controlling husband, learn why people become controlling in the first place. The reason why people become controlling differs from one person to another, this is because they’re different causes for the development of controlling behaviors. However, among generally identified causes for controlling behaviors, someone could become controlling if they’ve experienced some kind of abuse in their lives earlier on
An example is when someone experiences abuse as a child when they have no control over the situation, there is a great chance that they’ll become controlling as a means to prevent themselves from getting hurt again.
Extreme levels of low self-esteem and self-confidence have also been linked with the need to be in control. When a person has been let down so much in their lives or has a personality disorder or a psychological condition that makes it difficult for them to have confidence in themselves, they will try to control anyone they can in a bid to feel superior to them.
Typically, they boost their self-esteem and confidence by putting others down.
Signs of a Controlling Husband
While they are many subtle signs of a controlling husband, such as extreme jealousy, emotional blackmail, disrespecting you and your feelings, caring too much about your finances, loving conditionally, spying on you, and many more.
They are major signs that characterize controlling husbands. If you know them, you can know how to deal with a controlling husband.
1. He Criticises You A Lot
This is the most obvious sign, a controlling husband constantly criticizes you and anything you do. This is so you feel like you can do anything without him and always need him, and he feels he’s important in your life.
This criticism often starts on benign things and manners such as the way you talk, the way you work, or your point of view on certain matters. Eventually, it stops being on one or two things, but he starts criticizing everything you do, your appearance, the work you do, or even the way you have sex and so many aspects of your life.
At some point, you end up feeling like you can’t do anything right before your husband.
2. He Isolates You
A controlling person wants you all to themselves, therefore they will isolate you from every other person, including your friends and family. They try to control you by making sure you have no one else to run to, making you completely dependent on them.
Controlling husbands want to control their wives without anyone realizing it, such that to outsiders they’re the perfect supporting husbands.
3. He Uses What He’s Done For You Against You
A Controlling husband often does nice things for his wife, helping out with home chores, staying away from other things to be with you, getting your gifts for no reason, or simply going out of their way to help you with something.
While this seems like a nice romantic gesture, there are strings attached. After they’ve done something nice for you, you’ll have to be extra nice to them also as they expect.
This means you’ll have to do what they want and how they want it, giving them the control they desire. This is one way to learn how to deal with a controlling husband
4. He Makes You Feel Guilty
Anything you do that does not make your husband happy, a controlling husband makes you feel guilty for it. They do this in an attempt to manipulate you into doing what they want, the way they want it.
A good example is when they don’t like you meeting friends or family members, when you get back home, they make you feel guilty for not staying at home and spending the time with them.
If they do this everyone you meet friends and family, it gets to the point where spending the time with them instead of family friends seems easier. When this happens, they’ve successfully isolated you further.
5. He Wears You Down
The ultimate goal of a controlling husband is to make you completely dependent on them. And often they do this by trying to lower your self-esteem and confidence, such that you feel you need them.
A controlling husband wants to make sure they are the only ones in your life so they can control you. So they criticise you, threaten you, gaslight you, and isolate you from your friends and family.
All these aims at wearing you down to the extent you give in and do the way he wants. The earlier you learn this, the earlier you learn how to deal with a controlling husband.
How to Deal With a Controlling Husband
1. Reach Out to Other People
When you have reasons to believe your partner is attempting to control you, it is important that you reach out to the people around you. Your controlling husband will try to keep you away from your friends and family, but you must try to keep them close
It’s a good idea to open up to someone you trust about your situation when you feel comfortable doing so. They may be able to offer advice or a comfortable and safe space for you to express your feelings at this time.
Don’t let your spouse ruin the relationships you have with your family and friends.
2. Talk to Your Husband
A controlling might not listen to you or take your expression seriously, however it is important to tell him how he makes you feel, and maybe it will dawn on him that he is hurting you.
You need to let him understand that you are strong and still have self-esteem, and you can’t put up with his controlling behavior. Also, be sure to let him know that you want to help him and make the relationship work.
You could also suggest a couple’s therapy to get help from professionals. They’ll help identify possible areas your husband can improve.
3. Set Boundaries
It is important to set boundaries if your husband’s behavior has gotten better after seeing a therapist. This will help you establish to your husband what you’ll tolerate and what you’ll not in your marriage going forward. This would also help your husband understand when he is crossing the line in your marriage.
Try to reach a mutual agreement on how the marriage should be. Even when your husband isn’t cooperating, this will help you decide what you’ll and will not stand for, and identify when your husband is back to his controlling behavior.
4. Decide to Stay or Leave
If you should observe that your husband’s behavior isn’t getting better, and he’s not willing to seek help in improving his behavior, then you need to choose if you would remain in the marriage or not.
If you feel your husband is becoming increasingly controlling, it is better to leave the relationship.
A healthy relationship is that in which there is an equal balance of power. Being in one where power and control are held by one partner makes it difficult for the other partner to feel in control of their life. However, by knowing how to deal with a controlling husband through effective open communication and professional help, the victim can regain a sense of control over their lives.
If you find yourself in such a relationship, ask for help, don’t let your husband weigh you down. Know that you can get through this and always choose your well-being above any other thing.
Can a controlling husband change?
Yes! Psychology tells us that every behaviour can be learned and unlearned. The same goes for controlling behaviour, with the help of a marriage and couple therapist, a controlling husband can unlearn his controlling behaviour and learn how to maintain an equal balance of power and control in his relationship.
How does a controlling husband affect me?
To gain absolute control, controlling husbands try to make you completely reliant on them for everything. They do this by isolating you from others, limiting you, and wearing down your self-esteem. This leads to self-doubt, low self-confidence, and helplessness which takes a toll on your mental health.
How do I communicate to my controlling husband?
It might be difficult to get a controlling husband to listen to your opinion. Nonetheless, expressing how they make you feel to them might let them know just how their behaviors hurt you as most controlling people do not know they are controlling.
You could also reach out to a professional to help your husband identify his controlling behavior and profer means to maintain a healthy relationship.
How do I set boundaries if he doesn’t listen to me?
Even when he doesn’t listen to your opinions, make your demands clear and explain the things you won’t take anymore. If he still ignores you, go ahead and set the boundaries and if he violates them, give him the consequence to let him know how serious you are about your boundaries.
When do I leave a controlling husband?
With the right professional intervention, the controlling behavior of a husband can be addressed. However, when the husband becomes increasingly controlling or emotionally abusive even after seeing a couple or marriage therapist, it is advised that you leave the relationship. Always put your well-being above any other thing.
by Musa Bala | Apr 30, 2022 | Relationships & Weddings
Maintaining the intimacy of marriage and other important relationships in our lives can prove to be a challenge, especially when it comes to friends of the opposite sex. Maintaining a same-sex friendship outside marriage might seem relatively easier when compared to the challenge it could be nurturing a close opposite-sex friendship. When your partner is close to someone of the opposite sex, here’s what to know. But first, let’s take a scenario:
“Every case is different, however, I do believe there must always be boundaries if you are in a committed relationship. For example, my wife dated this guy once and they knew it wasn’t going anywhere yet they remained friends before we met. After we started dating, she would want to go hang out with him at an event he invited her to b/c his buddy or another gal pal couldn’t make it. I had no problem with her going to an event with him it was a group thing, but her going by herself with him didn’t sit well with me at all. I believe this is a boundary line you shouldn’t cross. Am I insecure? Yes because my ex-wife cheated on me with someone who was a friend of ours. Affairs can start with seemingly innocent relationships. It always starts emotional before it gets physical. So in my opinion, your relationships with the opposite sex should be very guarded and you should value your husband’s opinion and respect his desires. Otherwise, you are creating tension and struggles for him”
If you are married, there’s a good chance that you’ve had a discussion with your spouse about a relationship between someone outside your marriage and one of you. You have to decide how you should approach other relationships because obviously, your marriage is the most important relationship to be protected.
However, this doesn’t mean that you have to end your relationships with other people outside your marriage. Such friendships with someone of the opposite sex are not generally a problem until when it becomes more intimate either emotionally or physically. This could make your spouse feel uncomfortable and find it difficult to trust you thereby developing into a problem in your marriage. This article will help you with changes you can make to prioritize your marriage.
When Your Partner Is Close to another Person of the Other Sex
There are conceivable circumstances under which your partner could be friends with someone of the opposite sex without any physical attraction or sexual compatibility. In such situations, having a friendship with someone of the opposite sex might not be an issue at all. An example is being friends with old women or men around where you live. Your partner can go to their house for chats, share their personal stuff and listen to their experiences as well, help them with certain tasks and you can be sure nothing is ever going to happen.
It is also important that you realize that many opposite-sex relationships involve people who in different circumstances would be potentially emotionally and sexually engaged. While married people need to stop considering alternatives, it is common for men to befriend women they have a certain degree of attraction. When you regard someone as a potential alternative, then that friendship has a great risk attached to it.
The major difference between these two aforementioned kinds of opposite-sex relationships Is fantasy. This is when your spouse starts wondering, “I wonder what it would be like to have sex with that person or married to”. Such thoughts degrade your spouse’s intimacy, commitment, and loyalty to your marriage, and it is called considering potential alternatives.
Look Out For Warning Signs
When you have any reason to think that your partner is close to someone of the opposite sex, here are signs to look out for so you can be sure before acting on what doesn’t exist.
- When you find your spouse consistently calling or texting with someone of the opposite sex, especially when their communication is not limited to work or other necessary responsibilities.
- If you observe their relationship is becoming more intimate either emotionally or physically. Like they share personal things they wouldn’t share with someone of the opposite sex normally, holding hands or always wanting to sit together, there’s a good chance they’re becoming too close.
- If your spouse tries to arrange more meetings or reasons to be together with their opposite-sex friend more time than usual. For example, if a friendship started at work but they now want to meet more often.
- If your spouse is hiding from you the details of their communication and time together with the other person, their relationship is too close.
- When you realize they think about the other person a lot. An example is when your spouse sees or hears something, they say it reminds them of the other person.
What You Should Do
1. Reflect On Your Feelings About Your Discovery
After discovering your partner is close to someone of the opposite sex, the first thing you should do is understand how the situation makes you feel. Do you feel bothered, threatened, ignored, insecure, disrespected, or even jealous?
Knowing where your feelings lie, will help you determine how you should handle the situation.
2. Reflect On Your Relationship With Your Partner
Understanding your relationship with your spouse can give you an idea about why your spouse enjoys the friend’s company, this can also give you directions towards handling the situation permanently with much ruckus.
Try to understand the state of your marriage, how well do you communicate? How is your intimacy? How much time do you spend together? Answers to such questions can clarify what you need to do.
3. Talk to Your Partner
The important thing you can do when your partner is close to another person of the opposite sex is to first talk to them, and let them know how it makes you feel and how they are hurting you. You need to let them understand that you can’t stand them being too close to another person of the opposite sex.
Listen to your spouse as they try to explain their behaviors toward the other person and be sure to let them know that you want to make your marriage work.
4. Encourage Your Partner to Set Boundaries
Setting up boundaries can help a lot to manage other opposite-sex relationships outside your marriage by prioritizing the relationship between you and your spouse. It also protects the trust between you and your spouse. When you and your spouse set boundaries on opposite-sex friendships, it will help keep the balance between your marriage and other relationships with the opposite sex. Some boundaries your spouse and you can look like:
a. Any friendship with someone of the opposite sex must be in the open.
b. Do not share details of your spouse with a friend of the opposite sex.
c. Don’t be alone with a friend of the opposite sex outside of work, unless when agreed by your spouse.
d. Don’t be friends with anyone your spouse does not feel comfortable with.
e. Build a shared social network with your spouse.
Related: Why Setting Boundaries in Relationships Is Important
When your partner is too close to someone of the opposite sex, it could lead to you feeling threatened, abandoned, and even lose trust in your them. Talk to your them, they might even know they were making you uncomfortable.
You could also prevent such “closeness” between your partner and someone outside your relationship by strengthening your union and cultivating a deep friendship with your partner.
When married, can opposite-sex friendships work?
Yes, it can, as long as your marriage is always prioritized above opposite-sex relationships. A relationship with someone of the opposite sex can work when it is not allowed to affect the trust, commitment, and intimacy you share with your spouse. A working relationship should be kept as such, there should be a limit which your relationship with someone of the opposite sex shouldn’t cross.
Should opposite-sex relationships be completely avoided?
Relationships with someone of the opposite sex can be harmless when there’s no fantasy, physical attraction, and sexual compatibility as explained earlier. In such a case, there’s no need to be alarmed.
However, some opposite-sex relationships can nurture sexual tension between a spouse and someone outside the marriage. This should be outrightly avoided.
Can opposite-sex relationships ruin a marriage?
When an opposite-sex relationship threatens your relationship with your spouse, such that you hide things from your spouse, you share intimate and personal details with your opposite-sex friend, you regard your friendship outside your marriage to the extent that you ignore the realities of your marriage, Yes!
Can men and women be just friends?
Men and women can be just friends when the friendship is practiced with self-awareness and boundaries. Without these boundaries, a man and a woman can’t just be friends. This is because it is common for men to befriend women they have a certain degree of attraction.
How do I balance my relationship with someone of the opposite sex and my marriage?
The first and most important thing to understand is that your marriage always comes first. Never allow your friendships to affect your marriage negatively. Listen to your spouse when they tell you how they feel about your relationship with someone of the opposite sex and together establish boundaries that will help protect the trust and commitment in your marriage.
by Abdulsalam Yunusa | Mar 26, 2022 | Relationships & Weddings
The Hausa language is the predominant language in the northern part of Nigeria, with a significant population of indigenous speakers in the Niger Republic, Ghana, Cameroon, Sudan as well as other African countries.
Hausa ladies are no doubt beautiful, soft-spoken and elegant. If you have been active on social media for the past few years, sights and sounds from the glamorous weddings of Hausa ladies are enough to make you wish to have one as a wife. Well, if you are curious and would like to know how to get married to a Hausa lady, you are at the right place. But before you start thinking of the numbers and colors of kaftan to sew, it is important for you to know these steps that I will share with you. Now, let’s go straight into it!
How to Get Married to a Hausa Lady
With a large percentage of Hausa people practicing the religion of Islam, marriage in Hausaland shares an intricate relationship with that of Islam. This involves laws that disallow any unnecessary communication and physical contact completely between prospective spouses until they become officially pronounced as husband and wife.
That being said, what will you do when you finally see the Hausa lady that captures your heart?
The first thing you need to do after seeing the lady of your dreams is to do a little background check, after which you will send your relatives or other respected members of the society to meet her parents, inform them of your intention and seek permission to initiate communication between you two. The lady will then be called upon by her parents – usually the mother – and be asked whether she loves you. If she does, then the proposal will be accepted and investigations regarding you and your family will begin almost immediately. Some families will only accept your proposal if they are satisfied with the results of the background check they have conducted. While a lot of youths now skip this step and go straight to letting the lady know of their intentions, it still remains the ideal.
Now that you have been accepted as a prospective son-in-law, you will be formally allowed to go see their daughter from time to time and discuss future plans. Don’t forget to be going along with gifts though — ladies love gifts.
READ ALSO: Why Hausa Societies Don’t Perform Anymore Baiko During Marriages
Hada Kayan Lefe
After fixing a date for the wedding, this is where your savings will play a part. You will start buying Kayan Lefe. This includes a set of boxes containing jewelry, cosmetics, shoes, bags, undies, and any other clothing material that your future wife will use in your house after marriage. These items are bought based on the list that the lady will provide; you sure wouldn’t want to spend your money buying things that she won’t need. The quantity and quality of items depend on your financial status and that of the lady’s family, so you should be mindful of the family you are planning to marry from.
READ ALSO: The Average Cost of Kayan Lefe
Na Gani Ina So
After seeking permission to start seeing their daughter, some female members of your family are to meet with the lady’s family to present them with gifts. The gifts can be in form of a box containing clothes, jewelry, shoes, bags, and even some cash, depending on your financial strength.
A little later after being accepted as a prospective in-law, what comes next is to officially go and greet your in-laws-to-be. Here, you will go well-dressed along with your siblings, close friends, or relatives to greet the parents of your future bride as well as their close relatives and friends. You might want to carry some cash with you and give it out after every greeting.
Fixing of Wedding Date (Sa Rana)
As you start getting along with your future wife, you will be expected to start making more moves towards making it official. This is where kayan sa rana comes in; these are items your family will present to the lady’s family so as to fix a date for the wedding. The two families will negotiate and finally agree on a date that will be most convenient for both sides, nevertheless, the lady’s family usually has the upper hand in making the decision. Kayan sa rana usually includes packs or cartons of sweets, chewing gums and kolanut, and some money. For a Fulani lady, you will need to add some bags of salt too.
Shelter and Kayan Daki
Providing shelter is your sole responsibility as the prospective husband. If you cannot build a house, you should rent or get a comfortable apartment before the marriage. While getting the apartment is your responsibility, the lady usually will furnish the house with furniture, kitchen items, etc. Notwithstanding, there is nothing wrong with you doing it by yourself, especially if her family will find it difficult to do it. After all, you are interested in knowing how to get married to a Hausa lady and you want her to leave her parents’ house and move to yours.
Pre Wedding Events
Several pre-wedding events are sometimes held. While events like Kamu, Kunshi/Sa Lalle, and the likes have been practiced for quite a while in Hausaland, many events, earlier unknown to Hausas have been borrowed from other cultures. This includes bridal shower, mother’s eve, Arabian night, and lots more. So, depending on the family you are marrying from, you could end up with a wedding without a single pre- or post-wedding event, or one with several.
ALSO READ: The Evolution of Kamu Tradition in Hausa Land
Kai Kayan Lefe
Delegated female members of your family will take the kayan lefe you have bought to the lady’s family. This is usually done about a week before the wedding. The lady’s family will prepare a small feast that day, and your delegates will be given some tips, known as tukwuici.
A few days to the wedding, female members of both families will go to the house you have prepared for your bride and arrange the kayan daki brought by her family, and the lefe brought by you.
These are food items that the lady’s family will bring to you usually in large quantities. It is either brought during the jere, along with the amarya after the Wedding Fatiha or after the wedding celebrations. If you have spent all your savings and even borrowed additional money to meet up with the marriage expenses, this will help you to recover for a while, before you continue with your responsibility of providing food for the family.
Unlike in some foreign cultures e.g. in India, where the bride’s family is obliged to give out the bride alongside the bride price, it is not the same in Hausaland. Here, the man is expected to give this obligatory gift to his prospective wife, or at least make a promise to pay it at a later time if he cannot afford it at the moment. This is an expression of the man’s desire to marry her and shoulder her responsibilities. It can be as little as agreed by the prospective couples or as much as they can afford, without however going to the extremes. Nevertheless, if the lady is of Fulani origin, you might be expected to give some cows as dowry or a mixture of cash and cows. It is advised that you consult people from the same community as your prospective wife, to know the range of amount in cash or its equivalence in-kind usually given there.
This is the day you have been waiting for. The Wedding Fatiha is officiated by Islamic scholars or other respected members of the society. The lady’s guardian, ‘waliyyi’ will formally announce to have given out his daughter in marriage to you, and your representative, ‘wakili’ will accept her on your behalf in the presence of witnesses. This is done to involve elders in the union, so that whenever the couples are facing a problem, they will be able to intervene and provide solutions. The amount of dowry paid before or on this day is also announced to the hearing of those present.
Conveyance of the Bride (Kai Amarya)
After the Wedding Fatiha, and all other events that will follow, the next thing is to convey the bride (amarya) to her new home. This is the time when most brides cry, not because they are not happy getting married, but because of how sad it is to finally leave the home they’ve known all their lives, for a completely new one. The bride is escorted by her friends and close relatives to the new house, and sometimes one or two might spend the night in the house.
Now that you know how to get married to a Hausa lady, we hope you will take the necessary steps and invite us to your wedding soon. Do you have more to tell us about Hausa weddings or how it differs with your tribe’s, please do tell us about it in the comments section below. We are eager to hear from you!
How do Hausa people marry?
This starts from seeking permission from the parents, followed by some pre-wedding rites and events, and officially concluded during the Wedding Fatiha with representatives from both families and witnesses.
How long will it take to marry a Hausa lady?
This depends on several factors, including financial readiness and parents from both sides being satisfied with their prospective in-law.
Can I marry a Hausa lady in four weeks?
Yes, you can. For some families, the whole wedding process can be concluded in much less time.
How much is Hausa Bride Price?
There is no fixed amount for bride price in Hausa land. It can be as low or as high as the two families agree on. However, moderation is advised, so, always consult with people from the same community ad your prospective wife.
Is Hausa wedding expensive?
This depends on the family you are marrying from. You will definitely spend a lot if you are planning to marry someone from a rich family, but overall, Hausa weddings aren’t expensive.
Can a non-Hausa man marry a Hausa lady?
Yes. A significant example is the marriage of Idris Ajimobi, son of Oyo state governor, Abiola Ajimobi, and Fatima Ganduje, daughter of Kano State governor.
by Precious Alex-Toji | Jan 29, 2022 | Relationships & Weddings
Have you ever met someone and instinctively knew that such person was married? Like judging from the vibes they give off and their actions? Or you’re entering into the dating scene and want to ensure you are not interested in someone who is married? In this article, I’d be showing signs to know if someone is married.
Now, how this article came to be is quite interesting. I was talking to one of my bosses at work and he told me he was married and I was partly shocked. I already suspected it was true because he was giving me “married man” vibes.
Turns out he was only pulling my legs, but he was curious to know what signs I was talking about to know if someone is married. And that was how this article was birthed.
Now that I have you curious also, here are some signs to know if someone is married.
Signs to Know If Someone is Married
1. Look Out For the Wedding Ring
Okay, this is probably the most visible feature of a married person. You can know if someone is married through the wedding finger- is it occupied or empty?Women are particular about this piece of jewelry. They see wedding rings as a sign of affection which is why women rarely take off their wedding rings in public. For men, the story is not the same.
While some men may have their wedding rings on, most men (unintentionally though) forget to wear their rings or just refuse to put them on. In this case, instead of a ring on the finger, what you’d most probably see, is the ring’s tagline + that circle tight rings leaves on the finger.
The ring finger is located between the middle finger and the little finger. Any tagline you see signifies that the person is either married or recently divorced. I know girls who wear rings on that finger to stop men from making advances.
When next you’re relating with someone and unsure of their marital status, keep an eye on the ring finger.
2. The Type of Car They Drive
In my life spent on earth (I lived on Mars once), I have never seen a single person want to buy a family car for personal use. I’m pretty sure when you saw this heading, you know the type of car associated with family people.
This is a hack. If you want to know if a person’s married, check the type of car they drive and how they drive it. Most family men drive family cars that can take the family conveniently.
I mean, why would you be single and need a Toyota Sienna or a Honda Odyssey? Who are you carrying about? Except such a person is a public transport driver, single people do not need family cars.
I had a friend that refused to learn how to drive using his father’s Sienna. He complained that it made him look older than he wanted.
If you see your crush that you think is single driving in a family car, you might want to do extra research, darling.
3. Their Mode of Dressing
I don’t know if it’s just me, but there’s something about how a person dresses that gives of either single vibes or marriage vibes. I remember growing up and seeing my dad and uncles’ clothing and knowing that this is not what I want to wear.
Today, the rate at which young people are getting married is very high. I am convinced that last year December, there were only three single people left in Nigeria- I am the first person, the last two are teenagers. Considering these statistics, it might be difficult to identify that young chap or lady as married.
Still, the following wears are pretty common to married people:
- Baggy Clothing: Baggy clothing is slowly seeping into our fashion of today but never forget the people to whom this belongs -married people. Do you think a married man with a family to feed would want to go through the stress of pulling slim-fit trousers after closing from work 5 times a week?
- Traditional Wears: My boss falls under this category. I have never seen him in English wear. He walks confidently in trads and I can’t help but imagine how he’d look in English. Married couples love trads a lot. There is nothing that gets to them like a matching traditional outfit.
- Veils: In the northern part of Nigeria, it is common for married women to wear veils that cover their hair and neck and is usually long. On the other hand, single ladies prefer shorter veils that cover just their necks.
4. Married Couples Have Strict Socializing Habits
The freedom that comes with being single is not affordable to married ones. While you can stay out late and have drinks with friends, a married person has to think about family first.
Being single gives you time to socialize to your desire. You can decide to hang out late with friends or go for a swim in the middle of the night. For married people, they have to think about their significant other and family duties.
Rule one in a Nigerian home- As a married person, never stay out late without a solid reason.
Don’t get me wrong. Being married does not stop you from having a good time with your circle. Being married means that whatever way you choose to socialize, you must be accountable to your partner.
When next you’re out for a drink and someone keeps requesting to go home early, check the ring finger and the car they drive.
Bonus tip- if they pronounce WhatsApp as “whatsup”, that person is married and should be expecting grandchildren.
5. You Can Know If Someone is Married Through Their Behaviour
Naturally, married people tend to be reserved and are conscious of their behaviour in public. They tend to act maturely because they have a marriage to protect.
For example, in my first few years in the north, I realized that most married women turn down handshakes from men. Single ladies are freer with these advances from men.
A person who is married cannot be free with advances from any member of the opposite sex. Their behaviour towards such advances would be harsher than how a single person would react.
These signs may not apply to everyone. It is a general observable character I have noticed from married people. I feel more signs might have skipped my mind. Let me know in the comment section if you’ve observed one.
In case you’re unsure about a person’s status, all you need to do is ask. Jumping to conclusions will not answer your questions though.
You could also check: This is How You Find The Right Partner.
by Editorial Staff | Jan 15, 2022 | Relationships & Weddings
Don’t believe the rumours that the sole thing women find attractive about guys is abs, a fair face an incredibly white smile. Most qualities women find attractive aren’t even all the way down to physical appearances, so don’t kill yourself in the gym. Attraction isn’t purely physical. Such a large amount of relationships that were based on physical looks then, have crumbled after a while. Now, what what makes a guy attractive?
Because there are so many other ways for men to be attractive. So, buckle up let’s take you through 15 things that make men instantly attractive.
15 Things That Make a Guy Instantly Attractive
1. A Nice Low Deep Voice
You don’t have to be like Morgan Freeman or even Vin Diezel, but a pleasant and rich baritone can make a guy’s less attractive traits vanish in a second. Ladies! You know what I mean. We associate a husky voice with testosterone.
2. When Men Look Into Our Eyes
Maintain that eye contact. Most ladies will look away but in spite of her appearance just went “pow pow pow”.
3. Personal Hygiene
For many girls, I do know, the primary thing they notice about a guy is his hygiene. I was at the mall with my friend and an extremely attractive guy walked by, like Idris Elba attractive. My friend and I immediately gave each other that look. You know the one that says “Did you see that?”
As we were conveying this message to each other, he happened to walk right past me and… Oh My God!, he smelled! He smelled so bad, it took all my might not to gag right there. Every single little bit of attraction I had flown away. Whoosh. Gone. Nada. Finite.
In other words, being clean and well-kept makes a man instantly hot. Hygiene is superbly important. Keep your clothes clean, don’t forget to take care of your hair, beard (if you have any), nails, and everything else clean. We ladies adore very hygienic people. Even an average-looking person can go far on the attractiveness level just by looking clean!
4. Dressing Nicely
A man that can clean up nice and not look homeless is a major factor. A man who can have a sense of style, you don’t have to be dramatic about your outfit, but just wear some nice jeans, a shirt with a nice shoe or maybe a very beautiful kaftan. The goal is not to look homeless!
5. The Ability to Fix Things
There’s just something about a man who can get his hands dirty. It’s definitely attractive when a man knows his way around a toolbox if I need to have some shelves that require assembling or a malfunction around the house.
It’s not that we don’t want to be self-reliant, but a man which will sort things out for you is incredibly nice, not to mention economical.
6. A Guy With Sense of Purpose
Having a sense of purpose in life is very important. Women find it attractive when men have something to do and dedicate their time and energy to that. It may well be your career, volunteering work you’re very passionate about, and so on.
If you don’t have a purpose, it’s a turn-off because it will seem to be you’re looking to your partner to rely upon for all the answers.
7. Rolled-Up Sleeves
You got forearms? Baby, flaunt them! I’ve got no idea why just seeing it causes such a reaction, but I believe it has something of the sort to do with looking like a man is about to get some work done. Which is simply is attractive.
8. A Guy With Goals and Dreams
There’s nothing more attractive than a man who knows what he wants in life and does everything to get it. Let’s be honest, if you don’t have goals, then what are you looking forward to in this life?
9. A Man With Chivalry
Chivalry is not dead. A man that has class – not swag is totally stunning. Simply because women are being independent now doesn’t mean we don’t appreciate some old-fashioned chivalry.
Feel free to hold the door open for us, compliment us, give up your seat, wear your trouser at the waist and do anything that’s totally gentlemanly,
There’s just something very attractive about a guy who offers to assist women, with a smile on his face and not expecting any favours reciprocally.
10. A Man That Isn’t Afraid to Communicate How He Truly Feels
Women don’t really need the strong, silent type; No one wants a man who is simply too afraid to open up and share what’s on their mind What women find attractive in a man can tell us exactly what he needs and wants, and the way he is feeling – A man who can be vulnerable and share their feelings with us.
11. A Man With Manners
Knowing a way to address the elderly and children, behave properly around our parents, eat without resembling a troll, saying please and thanks, is usually appealing for a lady.
Women really appreciate a man who knows his manners and remains polite even in frustrating situations. If he’s someone we would want to bring around our friends and family then the rude persona cannot work.
12. A Man That Is Confident, But Not Cocky
Confidence is sexy, but a man with a Kanye-sized ego is not – confidence that some guys possess once they walk into a space, their aura or energy is simply powerful and strong. The type that makes heads turn. The kind of confidence that shows you’re comfortable in your own element and doesn’t feel the need to point that you are better than anyone.
13. A Guy With Intelligence
My sapiosexuals know what I am talking about! A Ph.D. isn’t necessary, but a man that can be confident and eloquent in whatever topic he is passionate about is so attractive. A man that is well versatile in numerous niches, reads books, speaks eloquently. Ahhh! Just kill us.
14. A Man That Can Cook
I’m not going to lie but a man that can cook is just amazing! You don’t have to deliver Chef Gordon Ramsy dishes, but just know how to whoop up a meal or two. Being able to do that gives you higher points.
Let’s not pretend here, but money does make a guy attractive. Money provides security and this is why it is closely linked to attraction.
The above-mentioned points are things that we ladies look out for in guys and the things that make a guy instantly attractive. Guys, try and attribute yourselves to these points or tips and you will woo any lady of your choice. All things being equal.
Let me know in the comments section if you think there’s any point that I missed out.
You could also check out 17 Marriage Preparation Tips for Every Intending Couple