by Maryam Idris Bappa | Dec 12, 2021 | Family & Parenting
Ever looked at a child and wondered what was going on in his or mind; or more interestingly, observed a child deeply engrossed in an activity that he/she is unaware of the surroundings? If yes, then at a point, we must have shared thoughts that the child was simply a mindless individual without a worry in the world and that was it!
I had that thought for quite a long time until I came across a quote by chance saying:
Play is often talked about as if it were a relief from learning, but for children, play is serious learning, Play is really the work of childhood.Fred Rogers
The above quote somehow stuck to my mind that each time I saw a child deeply engrossed in a playful activity, I looked on with newfound interest. This saying kept bugging my mind and with time, it started changing my perspective.
My mind got curious and I tasked myself to find out why children got engaged in such activities and what they hoped to achieve in doing so. Although, I did not have many tools to discover why. It kept dawning on me that there could be an end goal in sight as I continued to observe him. Perhaps, there was another reason why a child spends hours making sandcastles other than the fact that he/she simply just has much free time.
So was there a way to unfold mysteries behind a child’s mind in ways we can understand them as unique intelligent beings rather than mindless individuals? And what is the need to find an answer to this rising question?
While pondering over the latter, I came across another quote by Jess lair saying
Children are not things to be molded but are people to be unfolded
It then dawned on me how as mothers, we owed it to them to learn how to understand, encourage and guide them to explore their inner potentials. This is essential considering how the home is the first school of a child.
We must, first of all, understand that every child is unique; can learn and develop in different ways and at different rates in enabling environments, and also every child can learn to be strong and independent through positive relationships.
Although it bugs me that some mothers do not pay attention to these similarities and differences, one thing that is clear is we cannot continue to pretend as if children no matter how young, lack thoughts and feelings of their own and that a wrong move could form long-lasting damage to their mental health and more.
This made me visit and explore the concept of Montessori education to aid me to view the world through the lens of a child.
What is Montessori Education?
Founded by Italian doctor, Dr. Maria Montessori and named after her, Montessori education is a child-centered philosophy that developed through scientific observation of children in mental health facilities in 1897 Rome. Maria’s careful observation and experimentation of children, their environment, and methods of learning led her to develop her educational philosophy which she described as a ‘Model of human development. There were two principles guiding this theory.
The first was that children and developing adults engaged in self-constructed psychological development through interaction with the environment. The second emphasized children especially those under the age of six as having an ‘innate path’ of psychological development. Based on this theory, Maria Montessori saw that for a child, the freedom to choose and act freely within a prepared environment would make the child act spontaneously for optimal development.
In other words, the Montessori Method attempts to develop children physically socially, emotionally, and cognitively by regarding the child as the initiator of learning and describing him as one who is eager to learn in a prepared learning environment.
Montessori Education in Northern Nigeria
The Montessori system of education in schools has generally found a wide range of applications in Nigeria from daycare programs, kindergartens, and elementary schools. From the early 2000s, Nigeria has successfully implemented Montessori teacher-training programs as well as applied the concept of a safe environment and curriculum.
However, the existence of issues ranging from lack of sufficient training in self-acclaimed teachers to overcrowding of classrooms has proven to pose a stunt in its growth. This shows that a well-learned individual on a one-on-one relationship such as the one between a mother and child on a daily basis could revolutionalise its existence.
As such, many countries have adopted Montessori methods in their homes.
Montessori in Nigerian Homes
Most schools guided by the Montessori curriculum are schools that are located in the southern regions of Nigeria. These include states like Lagos, Port Harcourt, Ondo, and only a few in Northern Nigeria which are mostly located in the Federal Capital Territory in the North-Central. Its knowledge and application seem to be limited as northerners are generally more conservative.
However, we need not wait for its widespread in schools located in Northern Nigeria before we can apply it in our homes. Women in many regions within and outside Nigeria have already adopted Montessori education at home.
Similarly, the lifestyle of Northern Nigerian women in Nigeria proves to be especially suitable for the application of Montessori methods in the home for the following reasons:
Montessori years begin at pre-school or homeschooling age, that is from 0-3 years as in Northern Nigeria.
Most northern Nigerian women especially housewives would have ample time to spend with their children.
The one-on-one relationship gives a mother the mentorship advantage.
Northern Nigerian mothers can conveniently create a personalized learning environment for the children for learning and development using local materials and methods.
How to Implement Montessori in Your Home Using These 5 Steps
How does a woman begin implementing Montessori at home? Does she jump to the first video tutorial she sees on YouTube?
A woman needs to understand that there are a variety of ways of implementing Montessori at home that needs to tally with the individual needs of the child. When it comes to Montessori, the one-size-fits-all is not advisable. These five steps will guide a woman on ways to start implementing Montessori in her home;
Step 1: Assess Personal Discipline Style
The Montessori Method gives wide room for the child to do what he wants. A mother might consider coming up with a positive rather than a negative approach to maintaining discipline.
Step 2: Assess Your Space
Look around your home and include your child’s needs in the space. For example, provide a low bed he can climb up and down on his own, or provide his very own low utensil cabinet in the kitchen.
By doing things on his own, it will enable him to achieve confidence, independence, and self-sufficiency.
Step 3: Follow Your Child
This step is the most important when implementing Montessori at home. Observe your child’s most minimal behaviours like how he twists his fingers, eats, and communicates. This will enable you to find out where your child is developmental as an individual. It is more recommended than comparing him to his age mates or siblings since every child is unique.
You also need to know;
What motivates your child?
Consider his sensitive periods
Find out which schema he belongs to
Some of these will be explained more in detail as we progress.
Step 4: Prepare the Environment
Make the environment safe for your child. Constantly buy or recycle his toys when he begins to show disinterest in the ones he is using.
Also, allow him to choose which toy he wishes to use. In this step, make sure you remove yourself and try not to influence his choices with your personal thoughts or actions.
Step 5: Practical Life
Involving your child in your every day will make him feel like a valued member of the family. Talk to your child constantly, ask them questions even if it means providing the answer yourself. Engage him in formal practical life activities like helping to wipe the table or doing the dishes. This will give him an added sense of belonging and responsibility.
Be careful not to overburden him though, such that he won’t feel like it is a chore and lose interest. In that case, don’t force your child as that will only make him lose interest more.
What to Know Before Implementing Montessori at Home
Incidentally, there are mental tools the northern Nigerian mother needs to equip herself with before embarking on the journey of becoming a Montessori mentor to her child. Concepts that need to be explored will better inform her of the choices she will make in the future.
1. Child Development Ages and Stages
The growth and development of a child may occur at different paces for children, but generally, they usually exhibit similar characteristics within a stipulated time. These have been categorized into six stages with each exhibiting mean characteristics. The period between 0-3 years are outlined as follows:
- Birth to three months: Behavioral characteristics of babies in this time include kicking, stretching, responding to loud noises, and grasping at things like your finger.
- Four to six months: At this time, babies are more social and interested in their surroundings. They grab toys, grab hair or hold toys, laugh and squeal more, blow bubbles, and generally sleep longer.
- Seven to twelve months: Babies engage in mobile activities like rolling over, crawling, standing, and strength testing.
- One to two years: A child becomes more conscious of behaviors of himself and others. He is eager to learn and starts communicating through words and facial expressions.
- Two to three and a half years: Toddler begins developing a distinct personality and changes in his social, intellectual, and emotional activities. He is constantly exploring so safety is paramount and needs a lot of attention
2. Principles of Montessori Education.
There are many principles guiding Montessori education but whether at home or in school, these five principles are key in practising the Montessori Method:
- Children are shown respect and taught kindness through demonstration by the mentor
- Children have absorbent minds and as such, are always eager to learn from their environment
- Sensitive periods for children are critical for heightened learning. Mentors should seize this to provide resources and opportunities for optimal learning
- Children learn best in a prepared environment: Provide a variety of materials and organise resources for individual selection of the child in a safe and free environment
- Children can teach themselves through auto-education by active exploration: Encourage them by introducing new materials in a prepared environment.
3. Sensitive Periods of Development of a Child
This is a period of a child’s natural burning interest in something. Maria Montessori recognized eleven basic sensitive periods of development of children regarding them as windows of opportunity. They include movement, math patterns, emotional control, order, interest in small objects vocabulary, sensations, letters shapes and sounds, music, and writing.
- Movement: Born with limited movement control, children develop cognitive abilities as they learn to use their bodies.
- Math patterns: Montessori informs us that babies are born with mathematical minds
- Need for order: Children, (six months to three years) desire order and throw tantrums if the order is disrupted.
- Interest in small objects: Leads to development of fine motor control and the pincer grasp essential for writing and other important skills
- Vocabulary: Children (under the age of six) are hardwired for language acquisition
- Sensation: Children (between two and a half to five years) are drawn to tracing textured letters with their fingers while matching the sound of a letter to its shape
- Letters, shapes, and sounds: Children becoming sensitive and interested in these
- Music: Children (three years) experience a sensitive period for learning rhythm, pitch, and more. It develops their brain and leads to academic, social, and emotional growth.
- Writing and Reading: Children are open to the right information at the right time. When ready for them, learning is a natural continuous process.
4. The Concept of a Schema
An important aspect of Montessori education is the concept of schema. A schema is a set of instructions one creates through repetitive trial and error. This proves to find the best and efficient ways of completing tasks.
There are eight schemas outlined by Montessori which children may use varyingly at different periods including connecting, orientation, Transporting, trajectory, positioning, enveloping, enclosing, and rotation.
- Connecting: a child may connect and disconnect a tower of blocks in an effort to understand how things come together and fall apart. By doing this, he understands, strength, stickiness, purchase, and slippiness,
- Orientation: A child may swing upside down to discover seeing things from a different point of view. This builds their confidence in physical activities when anticipating how a player might move.
- Transporting: A child may move items from point A to B to see something happen as a result of their hard work and gain pleasure from it.
- Trajectory: A child may drop food from his chair or watch a pendulum in action. These develop into throwing, catching, kicking, and driving skills.
- Positioning: A child may arrange toys or create scenes and displays. This will help later in maintaining neat works in school books or placing shoes under pegs.
- Enveloping: A child may enjoy filling empty boxes to discover what happens if they hide or wrap an object.
- Enclosing: A child may want to create an enclosure for his toys in an effort to learn how to create boundaries. Eventually, enclosing skills leads to learning letter formation.
- Rotating: A child may twirl round or watch the washing machine that eventually leads to understanding rotational symmetry in mathematics.
In this article we have journeyed through and learned the following:
- Children begin their developmental and cognitive journey from a young age (0-3 years) which compels us to understand and guide them.
- Montessori is a befitting guide to raising and educating our children because of its child-centered nature which assists us in understanding our child.
- The northern Nigerian mother is the best person to begin a Montessori child’s journey before school due to her domestic lifestyle and position which gives her a mentorship advantage.
- The northern Nigerian mother needs to understand every child is different and equip herself with basic child development knowledge and Montessori concepts before jumping into implementing Montessori at home.
Also, the write-up also advises the future or already practising Montessori mother to:
- Treat every child as a separate individual and realize his needs are dynamic.
- Prepare the child’s environment and space based on the child’s existing schema and seize a child’s sensitive period to educate him.
- Keep constantly researching about Montessori methods.
Thank you for your time and I hope you enjoyed the read.
by Maryam Idris Bappa | Oct 26, 2021 | Family & Parenting
Did I just hear you say sexually molesting a helpless child/baby is a mental disorder? Does that mean that very soon, child sexual offenders will happily roam the streets free, after being fully acquitted from a non-guilty plea, on the cushioned grounds of insanity?
No, I don’t want to believe that our world today is agreeing with this gruesome misconduct and grievous rebellion against the laws of nature. After being termed with a ‘fancy name’ to legitimize its birth, “Paedophilia” went further to being baptized as a ‘Psychiatric disorder’; subconsciously assisting its so-called sufferers to get away with their acts.
Whatever complicated theory the world may choose to weave about ‘Paedophilia” today, the simple fact is, we need to reject this mental slavery the second it lands on our runway; starting from protecting our children from these walking monsters.
What Is Paedophilia?
Before we can protect our children from paedophiles, we need to first and foremost understand what it is, its extent, and its limits. Therefore, we will look at its basic history/evolution, definition, and signs of a paedophile/paedophilia.
History/Evolution of Paedophilia
Formally recognised and named in the late 19th century, the term ‘Paedophilia’ comes from Greek words; ‘Paidos’ and ‘Philia’, meaning ‘Child’ and ‘Friendship/friendly love’ respectively.
This term was used to describe sexual interest in mostly male adults, to feel sexual urges or engage in sexual acts in prepubescent children; that is children who have not attained puberty.
However, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders replaced the term ‘Paedophilia’ with ‘Paedophilic Disorder’ arguing that a paedophilic desire, practice, or behaviour in itself does not constitute a mental illness and that it is only a disorder when it is mentally or socially affects the concerned individual and also exerts harm to unwilling persons or victims.
Warning Signs of a Paedophile
There are no outward signs of a paedophile. In fact, they look and act very normal just like you and me. The only difference is that they are sexually attracted to children and you are not.
However, below are ten warning signs you should look out for in a paedophile; gathered from their criminal profiles and psychological studies. Remember, they do not make one automatically a paedophile, but should be enough to make you as a guardian be cautious:
- He is a victim of molestation before himself
- He is most times someone close to you; a relative, friend, co-worker, neighbour, and so on.
- He is always around children or has work related to children.
- His environment is decorated in childlike décor that will appeal to the age and sex of the child he desires and not scare them away.
- He is very patient. He spends time as much as possible with your child, constantly giving them gifts, prolonged hugs, and attention. In other words, he grooms both you and the child to trust him.
- He watches or masturbates to child pornography.
- He talks to or treats children like adults.
- Also, he is mostly friends with single mothers or women who lack sufficient male support in their lives.
- He has an impeccable reputation and good manners or a mental illness such as a mood or personality disorder.
- He is always on online platforms popular among young adolescents.
How to Protect Your Child from Paedophiles
We have understood the concept of paedophilia and looked into the warning signs of a potential paedophile. Now this will help us in delving head-on into ways we can protect our children from falling victims to their traps. Ways you can protect your child from a paedophile include:
1. Educate Yourself about Them
You need to be aware of the traits and behaviours of a paedophile before you can be able to protect your child. Most criminals like rapists, armed robbers, serial murderers have similar patterns of behaviour and regularly devise new ways of achieving their aims.
Arm yourself with regular updates about the latest trends in use by these sexual predators so that you will not be taken by surprise.
2. Educate Your Child to Keep Private Parts Private
Distinguish appropriate and inappropriate touching for your child. Let him know that there are good touches and there are bad touches. Your child should know that a high five or a pat on the back is different from a butt squeeze or a kiss on the lips or tongue.
Also, do not stigmatise teaching your child from an early age about the concept of private parts. Let your children understand that certain places in their bodies are not for the public. Go further to protect those places for them from view from people when bathing or dressing them up. This includes family members also.
In addition, constantly remind them by saying things like; “Listen to me sweetheart, do not allow anyone to see or touch you here and here. Whoever asks you to show or touch it, run straight to me and tell me”.
This will keep your child alert and inform them that there is something wrong when someone tries to see or touch their privates.
3. Teach Your Child to Not Talk to Strangers or Follow Them to Places
Paedophiles usually observe a child they are interested in and work tirelessly to isolate them from their peers. They appear where they usually play and talk to them until they become a familiar face even if the child doesn’t know them. When they establish familiarity, they lure them to isolated places, have their way, and later disappear without a trace.
Discourage your child as much as possible to feel at home with strangers.
4. Teach Your Child to Inform You about Gifts
One of the popular ways paedophiles get to children is by giving them gifts. Generally, discourage your child from accepting gifts all the time. “I will give you a packet of sweets if you let me see or touch you in this place” is an example of phrases a paedophile uses. For the average child, this feels like a relatively fair deal if they don’t know that these are not things to bargain with.
Also, whenever someone presents your child with a gift, encourage them to first show you before accepting or consuming it. If you notice any abnormal way in the gifts or manner which they are given, ask your child questions like “Did he ask you to give him a gift in return?” Questions like this will help you understand the true intentions of the giver.
5. Supervise Your Child Regularly
Whether your child is alone or not, engaged in a playful activity or another; make sure you regularly show up in places where your child spends long hours on their own or with other people. Be positive that there are no short or long-term disappearances from where your child is engaged in an activity.
If left with a friend, family member, co-worker, or nanny, take breaks from work or what you are doing to check up on them regularly through phone calls or visits.
6. Do Not Leave Your Children Alone At Public Places
At a birthday party, wedding, or shopping mall, keep your eye on your child at all times. Sexual molesters use these gatherings to snatch children away and force them. Also, watch out for onlookers who are always present at children’s gatherings without having an actual reason to be there.
Also, refuse to send children to open doors when the door rings or send them on errands where they have to pass secluded places. These sexual predators are everywhere waiting for the perfect opportunity to snatch your child.
7. Be Your Child’s Friend
Build an environment that is emotionally conducive for your child. Listen to their concerns and do not make them feel judged or ashamed. Remember, child molesters often use threats to keep your child quiet about the atrocities they constantly do to them.
Your children can only overcome that threat or fear instilled in them if they feel you can protect their interests after they disclose their secrets to you. Typically, child molesters target children who do not get much attention from their parents and act only after gaining their trust and friendship.
Be friends with your child; share your own thoughts and feelings, have open and honest conversations and they will never feel threatened or afraid to tell you their secrets.
8. Notice When Your Child Is Acting Differently
Is your child behaving in a withdrawn manner around a certain person or cringes when you brush past their privates during bath time? Try to know your children’s regular pattern of behaviour and watch out for any changes. Do not ignore them.
Constantly ask your children how their day was at school, how the outing with an adult went, or why they are not playing with their friends. “Did you fall and hurt your buttocks?” Asking these questions regularly will keep the lines of communication open to bring up any answers to such matters.
9. Trust Your Child’s Instincts
Do not dismiss your child’s claims about not wanting to be around someone simply because you feel that someone is too virtuous. Children have the best instincts and if they do not feel comfortable around someone, do not force them.
10. Monitor Your Child’s Internet Activity
Children at a very young age these days are allowed to handle and operate gadgets. Alas, this has proven a favourable decision for paedophiles online who stalk social platforms and chatrooms popular among children; sending them pictures to entice them before finally luring them into an open meeting.
As a guardian, establish internet rules; regularly monitor your children’s online activity by asking them about people they meet and by checking it out on your own.
We must do our best to protect our children from harm at all costs. Say again that molesting a helpless child/baby is a ‘mental disorder’ and we will echo in unison the death of those who deservingly need to be punished for their acts.
Sexually molesting a child is a crime against mother nature. They wish to speak up for the rights of mental health of people that engage in these gruesome acts – acts of sexually molesting children including babies of only three weeks old. Meanwhile;
Who is standing up for the mental health rights of children sexually molested every day?
by Happiness Hassan | Aug 25, 2021 | Family & Parenting
A life without balance will crash. That’s why most parents, especially single parents raising a child, are prone to nervous breakdowns, mental and emotional stress. The reason is that they struggle at balancing work and family. Oftentimes, various aspects of their lives get abandoned— either their children or their personal lives get to suffer the grievous heat of these imbalances.
Consider the below story.
Awaken by the beep of their alarm after several times of pressing the snooze bottom. Mr. and Mrs. Amed hurried out of bed, behold it was already 6:50 am. In a haste, Mr Amed rushed into the bathroom trying not to miss his bus by 7:15 am. Similarly, his wife dashed into their kid’s room, unsure of what to do first; either fixing breakfast, preparing the kids for school, and making it to her office on time.
The previous day, they had returned exhausted from work by 5 pm. So, while she tried fixing dinner her husband assisted their kids in their school assignment—in a bit to enhance their academic performance. In addition, there was piled-up laundry to be done, yard work to do, and foodstuff to buy from the market. This couple had no personal time and always ended up going to bed tired. For Mr. and Mrs. Amed balancing work and family appear unachievable.
Similarly, there are numerous parents out there whose lives are turned into chaos and even worse compared to the family illustrated above. However, this article is designed to provide you with effective methods for balancing work and family.
7 Ways to Balance Full-time Work and Parenting
1. Plan Ahead to Achieve Balance
Don’t wait until the last minute of an event before you begin planning how to carry it out. Oftentimes, this attitude subjects an individual to extreme stress as they attempt to achieve a whole lot of things within a little time frame. Therefore, To balance work and family begin by having a mapped out plan of your daily activities, weekly and also monthly. This is achievable using a calendar that serves as a reminder. As a parent, become disciplined enough and stick to your set routine.
Furthermore, planning will require that you have a plan B should in case things don’t work out as planned. For instance, you woke up late as a mom, unfortunately, in the next few minutes your kid’s school bus will leave. At such an instance, it’s unproductive to prepare breakfast that would take up to an hour. In contrast, you can avert such by applying your plan B. This could be preserving cooked meals in the fridge the day you were opportune or having snacks in the house. This saves you and your kids from going late to school and work respectively.
2. To Balance Work and Parenting, Create Boundaries.
Setting boundaries is the act of knowing your limit without exceeding it. Perhaps, if you go beyond your limit, another aspect of your life will suffer from it. Therefore, at work be committed to doing your best at the activities you excel at. Avoid going for tasks that aren’t within your skills or ability. Having set boundaries prevents you from burning out before you return from work. In other words, you still have the strength to attend to your family when you return home.
Similarly, at home set boundaries to the activities, you can carry out. Perhaps, you’re disturbed about how to go about the rest of the home chores, relax as it will be discussed later.
3. To Attain Balance Learn The Attitude Of Time Management
All humans have 24hours in a day and that’s a constant factor that can’t be altered. Irrespective of your status; a full-time working parent or a part-time working parent. However, what matters most is your ability to utilize it properly. Therefore, time management Is the ability to utilize one’s time effectively doing the needful while bringing the needless to a standstill. It’s advisable to assign time length to your activities—valuable activities. To achieve this, begin by arranging your order of priority when it comes to your activities. Furthermore, your kids must be among your top priorities — it enhances the love bond between you and your kids. In addition, most of your weekends should be spent together with your kids.
Subsequently, as you plan, important events must always come first with a larger time range. Also, eliminate distractions to the minimum level and suspend other activities with little or no value. This principle makes it easier to balance work and family together as it applies to both.
4. Apply The Principle Of Division Of Labour
A common cliché “ One tree can not make a forest” is manifest in a family where only one parent attempts to carry out the whole home activities. Sooner or later that person will burn out. Therefore, if you’re wondering who would do the rest of the work when you set your boundaries? Worry less! The application of division of labor in the family makes work easier and faster. This implies that every member of the household must be assigned a task—including the kids. How? By assigning the household chores suitable for kids to your children, while you do the ones you can and assign the remains to the next agent to be discussed below.
5. Balancing Work and Family Requires an Assisting Hand
Your working schedule won’t give you the luxury of time for other activities. Therefore, hire someone to take care of those other things for you. Most especially household chores and looking after your kids while away— this should be a reliable person. However, This isn’t a weakness or portrays you as an irresponsible parent. Rather, it’s a way of preventing you from undergoing stress and managing your time most effectively. Therefore, don’t give in to self-guilt.
6. Be Bold to Discuss Your Routine With Your Children
Oftentimes, kids begin to feel abandoned when you aren’t there for them. Hence, they keep what’s bothering them secret. This attitude makes them vulnerable to bad influences from others. However, you can prevent this by discussing your work schedule with your children. Also, instruct them on how to behave while away most especially regulating their screen time. This makes them understand you better and put on good manners. If this process seems difficult for you to do then learn about the 7C’s of communication which enables you to relate better.
7. To Effectively Balance Your Work and Family Create a Me-Time
What Is Me-Time? This is the time set aside for yourself away from disturbances— a time for relaxation, reflection, and meditation. This routine is pivotal to your health because without sound health your work is unproductive. Therefore, to actualize this, be disciplined to abide by the listed principles outlined above.
Furthermore, let your work assignment end at work. For no reason should you bring them home? It hampers the flow of your me-time. However, you should fix your me-time during the weekend. Perhaps, your work deprives you of your weekend then you need to have a second thought if it’s worth it.
Balancing work and family is a gradual process not instantaneous. Therefore, it’s fine to miss it one or two times. With patience, you will learn the art. However, as a parent becomes too focused on a given task in time. Avoid doing multiple jobs at a time. Likewise, feel free to share with others how you’re coping. It provides you with encouragement and advice. Furthermore, eradicate the feeling of depression and ease frustration.
If you’re a parent who has struggled at balancing work and family and has overcome or is still struggling. Don’t hesitate to share your own experience in the comment section below.
by Happiness Hassan | May 24, 2021 | Family & Parenting
The act of spanking children for behaving badly is stored up in the subconscious mind of most parents. Therefore, beating, scolding, spanking and its sorts come like a reflex action. It seems to be the fastest and effective tactic to show disapproval over a child’s wrong deed. However, as a parent, these are negative modes of disciplining your child. These methods are effective for a short period and cause long-term damages to a child.
Discipline is all about guiding, instructing, and training a child about the Dos and Don’ts of behaviour. In essence, teaching them to comply with the right code of conduct. However, when kids go against these rules they are being forced to face the consequences of their actions through punishment.
It’s disastrous to beat your child without stating their wrong, It passes the wrong message of cruelty to them. Besides, this creates more tendency of repeating that same wrong. Therefore, in this post, we shall be evaluating other alternatives to beating your child.
What are the Effects Of Beating Your Kids?
1. Beating imbibes Fear in Your Child
Violence towards kids ignites fear in their hearts. They begin to view you as a taskmaster instead of a loving parent. Subsequently, your presence starts terrifying them. These sets of kids wouldn’t love to try anything new or explore with their peers. Due to fear of being spanked by their parents if they do something wrong.
2. Poor Cognitive Abilities
Victims of negative discipline lose touch with their minds and brains. They experience difficulty thinking through logical questions or manage their emotions. The danger is this since such a child no longer reason appropriately they indulge in wrong behaviour innocently and get punished. This circle continues and eventually, the child’s mental health becomes deteriorated.
3. Physical Injury
Mostly, beating a child results in physical injury. Due to uncontrollable anger, parents go the extra mile in ensuring that children sustain injuries to serve as a reminder. However, this is the wrong way to discipline your child. The physical scars might heal, although the internal scars last longer.
Recently, there have been cases whereby in the act of disciplining a child, the object used gets in contact with delicate organs of the body such as the eyes. Resulting in further intense damages. Hence, to avoid regrets, learn to apply the alternative method of disciplining your child.
4. Decreases The Love Bond
All parents desire to be closely connected to their kids and would search out activities that can increase the love bond. However, they fail to realize that beating a child makes their initial desires fruitless. It makes no sense telling your kids how much you love them and the next minute you’re spanking them. In essence, beating detached you from your kids.
5. Low Self-esteem is Often a Result of treating a Child Violently
Beating makes a child think less of themselves, and call themselves failures. They begin to feel it’s because they aren’t good enough that they get punished frequently. Gradually they become antisocial. These kids are prone to negative self-talk and suicidal thoughts since their self-esteem is damaged.
The more you spank a child, you’re indirectly telling that child that beating is the standard way of showing disapproval when someone does something wrong. Therefore, when offended by their peers, immediately they retaliate by displaying aggressive behaviours.
This is The Correct Way to Discipline Your Child
1. Give Your Child Proper Training
Don’t expect your kids to do the right thing when you haven’t told them what’s expected of them. As a parent don’t allow your kids to guess their way through. Create time to teach them the Dos and Don’ts of behaviour. They deserve to know! Failure to do this makes your child feel hated when beaten for what they had little or no knowledge about. Furthermore, ensure they are cognizant of the needful skills that help in regulating their behaviours such as effective communication skills and tolerance etiquette.
2. Teach Your Child About Consequences, Instead of Beating
In addition to knowing the right way to behave, your kids still deserve to learn about the consequences of negative and positive behavioural patterns. Let them know what punishments are attached to being disobedient. Likewise, the rewards for being obedient. This will guide them in doing the right thing and save you the stress of beating your child whenever they go wrong.
3. Withdraw Privilege When Your Kids Go Wrong
This method is based on the privilege enjoyed by your kids. Therefore, when disciplining your child, don’t hesitate to withdraw certain privileges enjoyed by your kids when they go astray. This method teaches them that what they had done was wrong.
For instance, if they are caught fighting, instead of beating them, insist they stay away from TV, video games, or outing with friends for a period of time. Oftentimes, you need to take back their pocket money for grown-up kids for some time. In addition, add up to their normal home chores as a way of showing disapproval over their manner. However, don’t go extreme with this method.
4. Reward Good Behavior to Encourage Positive Manners
Kids are motivated to do their best next time when they are being rewarded for behaving right. Rewarding them with gifts gives them a reason to continue on that same behavioural path that earns them those rewards. And shy away from negative behaviours. Let them know which of their behaviours was commended. In addition, you can make disciplining your child a fun activity to do by keeping score sheets and giving stars. Whereby, showcasing a well-mannered behaviour earns them stars and points.
5. Talking Often Resolve the Issues Between You and Your Child Compared to scolding
To succeed at disciplining your kids there will be a time when you need to sit with them and talk. Talk about why he or she misbehaved, while they talk, listen attentively. Whenever kids give genuine reasons for their actions or show remorse, as a parent your anger gets to subside. Besides, No one is above mistakes, therefore, even with the rules and consequences they can still go astray. Hence, when they make mistakes, sit them down and tell them how disappointed you’re about their behaviours. Likewise, how you expected more from them. Applying this alternative shows them how much you love them.
6. Reasoning Techniques is an Advantageous Punishment for Kids
You can discipline your child and at the same time improve their intelligence IQ through reasoning techniques. Instead of beating your kids for doing the wrong thing, give them reasoning punishment.
For instance, when your kids go wrong, ask them to write a letter stating what they did, why they did it, and a letter of apology with a specific word count. Two copies for you and two copies for themselves. It’s wise to request that they rewrite if the letters are poorly written.
7. Be A Role Model
Kids are uniquely designed to watch and learn from their parents. Therefore, almost every behaviour they exhibit is copied from what they see their parents doing. This is another indicator to help you in disciplining your child. First, ensure that those things you beat your kids for are not evident in your life. Perhaps, you behave like that unconsciously. Make amends! Be a good role model for your child to emulate.
Parenting isn’t an easy route to trail on. In essence, patience is a vital ingredient in parenting. This helps you not to go extreme when disciplining your child. However, If as a parent you still struggle to manage your emotions such as anger it would be difficult not to retaliate when your kid’s misbehaviour. Therefore, work on that temperament. Keep them under control.
Finally, ensure to share your views in the comment section.