Over the years I’ve had people ask me this question. Why are you always single? I’ve heard the “Do you want to be a nun”, “Why are you so picky” questions. Although my reason for being single may be totally different from others, I’ve found out that there are some reasons that are more common than others. While some people are single because they have no interest in romantic relationships, others are for a whole variety of reasons. Here is a list of some reasons why people remain single.
10 Reasons Why Some People Remain Single
1. Fear of Heartbreak
One of the reasons why some people remain single falls in the line of defence. People have been in relationships that broke them so badly and their reaction to that hurt is to make sure they never get hurt again. There’s always that fear of getting committed again and being treated the same way. Some of these painful experiences can build up to bitterness and force us to build up walls. It’s sort of a defence mechanism to protect ourselves.
There’s no relationship that will thrive without trust and vulnerability and some people never get to the point where they completely trust again so they rather stay single.
2. Being Stuck in a Fantasy
As young children, especially females, we already had a big picture of what we wanted our lives to be. Fall in love with prince charming and live happily ever after. We could blame that on Disney. Some people never really outgrow these fantasies and this is why some people remain single. There’s a picture they have of the kind of relationship they want and when they put themselves out there and can’t find what they pictured, they’d rather stay single and daydreaming than undream and accept that there’s no perfect relationship. Until you are open-minded when looking for a partner, you’ll always be disappointed.
Hardly is there anyone that can meet those unrealistic expectations you have. If you do not want to die single, then you should try living in the present rather than in your fantasy.
3. Busy Schedules
I know a lot of people who say they are too busy to pursue a romantic relationship. You may have heard some people make statements like
“I don’t have time for girls; I’m trying to make money”
“I can’t deal with relationship drama. I don’t have the time”.
“Relationships are distractions”
“My job sustains and fulfills me. I don’t need a partner”.
Whether it’s school, work, or raising kids, some people work so hard and so many hours of the day, they never get the time to go on dates. They are career-focused and have tight schedules; they think having a partner will be a burden. Some people have no social lives outside work. It’s just work, work, and more work. The only people they meet daily are colleagues and with some companies’ policy that says no office romance, colleagues are off-limits.
For single parents who have to raise their children all by themselves, from changing diapers to attending PTA meetings, some never get the time to pursue romantic relationships. If building your life around your career makes you happy, why not. If you want a relationship but can’t find the time, then you have to intentionally make time and make it part of your priorities.
Self-discovery is a common reason why some people remain single. As we mature and grow as individuals, we begin to ask important questions about ourselves like “What’s my purpose for being here”, “Who Am I?” and some deep questions to know ourselves fully. while some people don’t mind finding themselves when they are in a relationship, some others are strong believers that you can’t effectively search deep into your soul to find out who you are until you take time away and be by yourself.
They embrace the solitude and peace that singleness affords and take time to focus on their inner self, their preferences, and their wellbeing.
5. Negative Feelings towards Relationships
There is no denying that the rate of divorce has skyrocketed and it’s starting to seem those romantic relationships take more from you than it benefits you. For this reason, some people have negative feelings towards relationships. Why even try when it’ll end up in divorce or worse- destroying your life. Failed marriages and relationships project relationships as stress and ultimately a fight you can’t win. This is why some people remain single.
6. Low Self-Esteem
Some people want a romantic relationship but they don’t believe anyone will want them.
They have low self-esteem and a negative image of themselves that even when someone shows genuine interest, they never believe they genuinely love them. They make statements like:
“I’m too fat, too short, too skinny, or too ugly”
“He’s way out of my league”,
“She’ll grow tired of me”,
“He’ll be settling with me”.
Some people run away from people they have an interest in. They’ll rather stay away from them in fear of rejection. This may be due to some childhood trauma or past relationships that left them feeling unworthy and rejected. I may not know so much but I know that there is someone out there for everyone.
If your reason for being single is this, I want you to know that you are worthy. Don’t write off your relationships before they’ve even started. Put yourself out there and give yourself the chance to love and be loved.
In the process of finding the right one, some people become too picky. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you should settle for just anybody but when your reason for rejecting suitors is lame and unbecoming, you just may be picky. Bad experiences and unrealistic expectations can make us pickier and automatically write off potential partners.
There are still good people out there, you have to stop pinpointing their weaknesses and see the best in them. Sometimes we think we are settling for less but the truth is we haven’t even given them the chance to show us who they really are. We may find out that they are good people.
People dread change and factors that force them to leave their comfort zone. I also have this problem. I remember one time when I was introduced to someone over the phone. The conversation was going nice until he asked to meet. I bailed on the nigga. I would be lying if I say it happened only once. When people ask me out on a date, I become stressed. All I want to do on weekends is to curl up under my blanket, watch dumb movies till I fall asleep. Having to dress up and go out into this uncertain and anxiety-provoking world is not something I’m used to doing. I prefer staying single than compromising my routine to accommodate another person.
The funny thing is I enjoy my own company so I never feel lonely or unhappy. If you are interested in a relationship but have a problem with leaving your comfort zone, I recommend that you make an effort to get out into the world; go on dates, meet new people and try new activities. Challenge the inner voice in you that keeps making you choose your comfort zone over taking the risk of putting yourself out there. Yes, you may get hurt but not trying at all reduces your chances of finding love.
9. Sexual Dysfunctions
It may sound a little bit strange but this is in fact another reason why some people remain single. Some people have sexual dysfunctions and due to the knowledge of that, refrain from entering romantic relationships. They don’t believe anyone will want them after knowing their problem. The truth is not everyone is open to dating people that are disabled or have one disorder or the other. In order to save themselves from rejection, they choose to stay single. Choosing to be single is a way of self-protection.
10. Peace of Mind
We can all attest to the fact that relationships come with ups and downs and while some people have accepted that it is part of the package, others can’t deal with the unnecessary drama. They feel relationships temper with their peace of mind and negatively affect their mental health. The fact that they have to be answerable to someone doesn’t sit well.
Others don’t have time for fight and chaos. Singleness affords them the peace that a relationship doesn’t. This is one reason why some people remain single.
Whatever your reason for being single is, whether by choice or by circumstances, the most important thing is to make sure you are happy with your choice and maximize your singleness. While some people tag singleness as a bad thing, it’s not always the case. You can fully embrace and enjoy your life as a single person. At the end of the day, your choice to be in a relationship or your choice to remain single should bring out the best in you.
In addition, if your previous experiences or that of people around you is the limiting factor, just remember that holding back won’t make the pain go away. It’ll only stop you from experiencing better in the future. So free yourself from the bitterness and when you are healed and ready, allow yourself to love again. With love, there are no guarantees but it is a battle that is always worth fighting for.