I’m sure you’ll agree with me that Nigerian parents do an amazing job raising their children. As a result of the funny things Nigerian parents say to their children while raising them, one would say that they are the funniest parents on the planet. When a person utters such funny things, it’s a sign they were brought up by Nigerian parents.

One thing that fascinates me is how they all tell their children the same thing. It’s as if they all went to the same school where they learned what to say to their children at various times. If you think I’m being sarcastic, give a few Nigerian youngsters some of these phrases (the funniest thing Nigerian mothers say to their children) and see if they can’t connect.

Without wasting any time, let’s dive it them, shall we?

Funny Things Nigerian Parents Say

1. “How many times did I call you?”

This is one of the most preposterous questions that always come from my mother when she called my name, mostly three times; for an important conversation. She would be like ‘Ibraheem! Ibraheem!, Ibraheem! How many times did I call you? And as the crook that I was then, I would say ‘sorry I lost count’ (case close). However, as time passed, I got to realize that it might seem funny, but it was more of a strategy used to make sure that your attention is with her hundred percent.

2. “I did not kill my mother. I will not allow you to kill me!”

This is also one of the funniest things I grew up hearing from my mother. Oftentimes when I engage in rough play and she’s been calling on me to stop from the roar of her voice; like she would vomit her intestine out. Then the next thing would be, “I did not kill my mother, so I will not allow you to kill me”.

3. “Does the person that took first have two heads?”

This mostly was from my dad. Funny enough, it wasn’t as if I came last in the class oo. At times, I went home with a third or fourth position, feeling on top of the world. After showing the result sheet to him, expecting a pat on the back, ironically, I would be spatted on the face with;  “How come you came fourth, and from your result, you are about twenty in the class, (then the almighty word) does the person that took first has two heads!”. Even though he would later praise and encourage me, I will not escape those words.

4. “Come and eat me”|

The first day that particular word oozed out from my mother’s mouth, I almost fell for it. On a misty morning when I was about five years old, I woke up famished, then I walked to the backyard where she was making the morning meal. However, with a change of face, I said unto her that I was hungry. As if she was expecting that from me, she stretched forward her arm and said, “Come and eat me”. But I should have known that she was only being sarcastic, hence I was so naive to understand. But as funny as it might sound, I moved close to her, held her arm, and was about to tug my teeth onto it when she yanked me a knock on the head.

E don do, I was about 5 years old then.

5. “Put it on my head”

This is another one of the funny things Nigerian parents say to their children. At first, I thought it was only my mother that used that word, but not until one day I was in one of my friend’s house, not long, his father returned from work and instructed my friend to go pack the foodstuff he had in his car. A few minutes later, he returned with some tubers of yam in his hands. Afterward, he asked his father where he should keep them. Where I was, I was already thinking what kind of question that was, until his father responded by saying, “Put it on my head, mehh!”

6. “Sorry for yourself”

Nigerian parents are highly amusing individuals whom we admire. They often suggest that we apologize when we wrong someone, but when you wrong them, and you say sorry, they respond by saying, “Sorry for yourself”.

7. “It is not me you are doing o, you are doing yourself!”

I remember when I was in High School, a few weeks before my external exam, I got myself a girlfriend which was taboo for our parents to know about. Then this particular night, I was having a phone conversation with her, so engrossed in it to the point I was caught off-guard by my father. However, he started yelling at me, reminding me of how unserious I was, that I would be having my external exam in a couple of weeks, and all I thought was left in my life was chasing girls around. Then there came the word; “It is not me you are doing oo, you are doing yourself, but know that if you fail this exam, that is the end for you, as I don’t have another money for another exam”. But unfortunately, I didn’t make my result, twice. So when he registered me for the GCE exam, I knew I didn’t do myself alone.

8. “Shey you want to beat me? Oya beat me na!”

Most times when your parents are beating you and you held on to their cane, they would leave the cane to you and would be like, ‘Shey you want to beat me ni, oya beat me na.’

9. “When I was your age, I was…”

They say, “When I was your age, I used to wake up at 4: 00. When I was your age, I was the best in my set. When I was your age, I did not think about having a girlfriend, all I think of was my studies; I only faced what my father sent me to school to do”. Those were the words of my father. But he will never tell me that he met my mother in his second year in college, my mother would.

Conclusion

A wave of nostalgia swept me back while penning the funny things my parents said to me then, as those have helped in shaping me into a disciplined being, and to a great length reminds me of the child of whom I am, which I believe it’s the same as others that were brought up by typical Nigerian parents.

Those were the little I could remember about the funny things my parents said to me, which is also common among our Nigerian parents. It would be nice you share a few of yours with us in the comment section below.  

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