by Precious Alex-Toji | May 28, 2022 | Relationships & Weddings
There are subtle signs on how to know when someone is flirting with you, even if they do not want to show it and try so hard to hide it. Most of these signs can be noticed through their body language. But some like these women’s body language are mostly misread.
You’ve probably been there before. When you think they are flirting and it’s all just normal friends’ behavior. And then you shoot your shot that goes right down the drain.
Or when you are being given the signs but you can’t tell if they are flirting or not because you don’t seem to know when someone is flirting with you.
Oops! I have been there, so, trust me when I say I can relate.
Here are 12 signs on how to know when someone is flirting with you.
Continuous eye contact is a sign on how to know when someone is flirting with you. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, they say.
When you like something, you’d automatically admire it. The same thing goes for someone who is flirting.
Now, this doesn’t mean everyone who stares at you is trying to flirt with you. No! Someone who is flirting with you will stare with a smile.
And there’s always something about that smile that leaves you thinking. And if you’re into that person, your heart would do gbim gbim.
Don’t ask me how I know.
2. They Constantly Remind You They are Single
I mean, if I am trying to have something with you, I’d have to let you know I am available.
That the coast is clear. That you shouldn’t be deceived by my fine face.
If someone keeps talking about how single they are, that’s a pretty good sign on how to know when someone is flirting with you.
I mean, think about it. How would you let someone you are interested in know that there is no one in your life, and that you sleep alone every night with no “good morning (inserts love emoji)” text to wake up to?
3. They Behave Different Around You
One time, I was with my friends in class and you know, normal boys’ argument. We were banting on Barcelona’s loss of form at the top of our voice when one of our coursemates walked in. A girl!
Lo and behold, Umar that was blowing pidgin at the top of his lungs quickly switched to one of the most advanced use of English I have ever seen in two seconds. All because Chu walked in.
When you notice a person’s behavior changes around you, when they make you feel special around them, that’s a sign they are flirting with you.
The easiest way to know is, to notice how they act around others and compare it with how they behave around you.
4. They Always Find an Excuse to Talk to You
Someone who is trying to flirt with you would always want to talk to you, every time there’s an opportunity to.
And each opportunity is a means to have a conversation with you!
“Hi, Fatima, are you by any chance going to the market today. I could walk you through” Ah! Brother Fatai, inside Keke, you still want to escort Fatima to the market.
It is okay if people find you easy to talk to. But when someone keeps coming to you for something they can easily get elsewhere or do not really need, that should send signals to you.
5. They Act Clingy Around You
I mean, aside from eye contact, this sign right here is a very obvious one.
A good sign on how to know when someone is flirting with you is how touchy they get around you. Are they constantly trying to hold your hands?
Or putting hands over your shoulders?
Or always reaching out for hugs?
Or trying to get your legs touching each other when you sit?
These subtle signs are inevitable when someone’s flirting with you.
A warm handshake or hug from your friends would mean no harm. However, a handshake that lingers for too long…
6. Their Body Language
People are very good at reading body language until it’s the person that likes them and then they turn blind.
Aunty, I don’t like to sit at the back, it’s because of you o!
Pay attention to the body language of the person you think is flirting with you. When they sit, are they constantly tilting towards you?
Is their arm constantly moving towards you, trying to catch your attention?
The goal of every flirt is to catch your attention and though, they may try to hide it, their body language always gives them away.
7. They Casually Compliment You
Ah! This right here is the ace card of every flirt. In fact, there are some compliments you’d casually throw around that would come off as you flirting.
The good thing about compliments is they help you “stir the waters”. In other words, compliments are a great way to build conversations.
I mean, if I am trying to get your attention, I’d start with a compliment preferably one that has nothing to do with appearance.
“Not to come off as corny, I hope I’d fit you as this dress looks on you”.
8. They would want to be The First to React to Your Social Posts
Ever heard of digital flirting? It occurs when someone flirts with you over the internet. And yes, it is a predominant feature of the 21st century.
In other words, distance does not matter when it comes to being a flirt.
A person who is flirting with you would always want to be the first to like or comment on your social media posts.
I remember when I just joined Twitter and turned on post notifications for her. So anytime she posts, I’d get notified immediately. Those were pretty dark times.
It is a good thing I forgot the password to that account.
Someone reacting to your post is a friendly gesture. Someone bomb reacting to all of your posts is definitely trying to get your attention.
9. They Keep Showering You with a Lot of Attention
The reason a person will flirt with you is for your attention. Naturally, to get your attention, they’d need to give you theirs.
Do you have anyone, among your friends who seem to give you more attention than normal?
Someone flirting with you would give a lot of attention. Not even a notification from their phone or an event happening across the room can beat that attention.
They’d want to focus on you and you alone!
10. They Let You Notice Them Staring at You
A noticeable sign of how to know when someone is flirting with you is how frequently you catch them looking at you because they want you to see that.
There’s this spider-tingle you get when someone has been looking at you for a while. And when you do turn around to see who, boom! They have your attention.
And a person who is flirting with you would realize you’ve caught them and instead of shying away, a cute smile would well upon their face.
11. They Try to Know More About You
Imagine you are at a friend’s wedding and just opposite your table, you’ve noticed this guy throwing quick glances at you.
When you excuse yourself to get a drink, he gets up to grab a drink too and he goes, “Hey hello, so just to be clear, I was wondering what was shining so bright and it dawned on me, it was you in the pretty red dress”.
After exchanging contacts, you both get talking and he begins to ask personal questions, like what you do for a living, if you have a boyfriend or not, and the likes.
This is just a way to show he is interested in you and is measuring how well you fit in his lifestyle. And the same thing goes for the ladies.
12. They Seem to Be Everywhere
Flirts would strategically position themselves in places they know you would be. And this happens especially among friends.
Being everywhere you make them visible to you. In other words, it makes you notice them. And the more you notice, the easier it is to catch your attention.
Conclusion
There is a thin line between being friendly and flirting. These 12 signs can help you know when someone is flirting with you, even if they are just a “friend”.
The goal of every flirt is to get your attention. Once they have your attention, it is easier to make their moves, and depending on how tactical they are, you would find yourself in love.
Be careful though. Not every flirt is your friend.
What flirting experience have you had before? Drop some gist for me in the comment section.
FAQs
What are the signs someone is flirting with you over a text?
When someone is flirting with you over a text, they tend to reply quickly, double text, hint at hanging out, and may not want the conversation to stop.
What are the signs a guy is flirting with you?
A guy who is flirting with you will always make effort to get your attention, compliment you frequently, shoot you glances and act differently around you.
What are the signs of flirting from a woman?
A woman who is flirting with you will try to touch you casually, maintains eye contact with you, and would want to walk with you regularly.
What are some workplace flirting signs?
Someone who is flirting with you at work would always take lunch breaks with you, text you frequently outside working hours, and give you attention in group meetings.
by Aisha Zakari | Feb 12, 2022 | Relationships & Weddings
How do you express love without saying “I love you”? People find it a bit hard to say those words but they show their feelings, love, and affection more by using actions and love language. A relationship should always have more twists; couples should spice things up a little bit. Why not use something different to get your partner to blush and have butterflies in their tummy?
I’ll be telling you the love languages your partner may be showing you without necessarily saying “I love you” and how to say “I love you” without saying it. These languages and words are indeed uplifting as it makes them feel special, loved, and appreciated. Let’s get right to it!!
Things You Could Do Instead of ‘Saying I Love You’
1. Shower Them with Words of Affirmation
A relationship works with affirmation and reassurances. Both parties want to be assured that they are loved and appreciated. Words like;
“I never get tired of you”
“I’m so lucky to have you, babe”
“You complete me, in and out”
are reassuring. You should tell your partner how much you love and appreciate them in this way or other ways they make you feel without saying “I love you”
2. Spend Time Together
Relationship comes with commitments every step of the way. Some partner prefers spending quality time with you rather than saying “I love you” over the phone. They take the next flight or bus to get to you just to share their feelings, thoughts with you and to be with you. This is an effort that says I love you without saying it and is most appreciated and a love language if you ask me.
3. Spoil Each Other with Gifts
Some people’s love language is to get their partner’s gifts. Now don’t get me wrong because I don’t mean expensive gifts, being materialistic, and extravagant lifestyle but by how important this gift will mean to them.
It could be a key holder for instance because you know how much your partner has been struggling with a bunch of keys. Getting them this will mean a lot as you’ve eased the struggles they go through.
“The thought counts” in this situation, don’t forget in this little way is how to say I love you without saying it.
4. Be Thoughtful
I’m a great lover. How do I know? I’ll tell you…
Being with a partner means being there for them, in their health and sickness, good or bad. I’ve found myself cooking most of the time for my partner. Like the adage goes “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach” Yes, I love cooking and when it comes to him, I do it with more love, effort, energy, and warm thoughts. We all know men have a huge appetite. I know.
Why do I cook? I know he will like it, appreciate it and I’m also expressing my affection towards him and how I say I love you without saying it. Little things they say matter. Trust me, they do.
Having your partner do this or any other thing (say cutting your nails, helping with the trash, sharing the bills) for you means they are expressing how much they love and appreciate you without using words.
5. Flirt All The Time
This sparks the relationship. Some partners like to flirt even after they already have you and this is quite important. It shows they still find you just as attractive as they did from day one. If your partner does this, you have to understand their love language to appreciate them more.
6. Engage in Public Display of Affection (PDA)
Public display of affection has to be my biggest love language. A slight peck on the cheek, a kiss, or even holding hands. This sends adrenaline and has butterflies in your tummy in a blink of an eye.
They are small efforts but they hold huge and vast volumes. If your partner does this, this is a love language and how to say I love you without saying it.
Now for the words, you can use to say “I love you” without saying “I love you” in a relationship, we have:
7. “You’re my girl”
8. “I love your annoying-ass snore”
9. “I love how you make me feel”
10. “I like spending time with you, no, I love it”
11. “I love your crazy, playful self”
12. “I love how your eyes lit when you talk’
13. “I can’t imagine life without you”
14. “I feel blessed and lucky to have you”
15. “I think about you and I smile”
16. “You make my heart smile and warm”
17. “I miss you”
18. “I’m here for you”
19. “I want to grow with you”
20. “I enjoy your company”
21. “How can I live without you?”
22. “There’s no one, absolutely no one I’d rather be with”
23. “Your laugh is my favourite sound”
24. “I’m crazy about you”
25. “I lost my heart to you”
26. “You turn me on”
27. ‘I’m addicted to you”
28. “You’re always on my mind”
29. “You’re my ride or die”
30. “I love your awkward loud laugh”
31. “I love waking up next to you”
32. “I love the warmth in your eyes”
33. “I love kissing you weird to annoy you”
34. ‘I love picking what to wear for you”
35. “You’re my baby, baby”
36. “I’m all yours”
37. “I’m infatuated with you, over and over”
38. “I’m smitten”
39. “You’re my world. I’ll always run back to you”
40. “I’m fond of you, always”
Sometimes, it’s best to be funny. Use other words that tell “I love you” without saying it. Here’s the twist:
41. “Je t’aime” means “I love you” in French
42. “Te quiero” means “I want you” in Spanish
43. “Te amo” means “I love you” in Spanish
44. “I feel loved looking at you”
45. “I love your eyes”
46. “I love your smile”
47. “This reminded me of you” (This is the best of all. It shows that you remembered your partner in something that you saw or did and it is sweet to get such messages every now and then.)
48, “You’re my favorite”
49. ‘You’re the one”
50. “You’re worth it”
51. “My heart lit up thinking about you”
52. “You complete me”
53. “You’re beautiful”
54. “You are my superman/superwoman”
55. “You make me want to achieve more”
56. “I’m proud of who you’re becoming”
Conclusion
Express your love, feelings, and affections by communicating in words and non-verbal ways. Saying “I love you” is essential in a relationship but saying it at the end of every phone call or text might become boring as it is already expected of you to say it as you always do.
Some people aren’t always moved by those words because they have a love language. There are tons of ways of expressing how you feel and how to say I love you without saying it to your partner which I’ve given you some.
Now go ahead, use them and spice up that relationship! Don’t forget to drop a comment in the comments section below. Thank you.
by Precious Alex-Toji | Nov 29, 2021 | Personal Growth
Making a good first impression happens within seconds. How you’re dressed, the way you talk and act are some of the ways to make a good impression.
Making a good impression matters. Whether you’re trying to network, attending a seminar, or meeting your crush on a date, leaving a good impression creates a good name for yourself.
According to a study, the first seven seconds of meeting with people is all you have when trying to make a good impression of yourself. Just seven seconds? You should see my shock too! This is because we tend to judge people almost immediately by their appearance and decide if they are worth our time or not.
Knowing you and I have less than seven seconds to leave a good impression, what are the ways to make a good impression?
Ways to Make A Good Impression
1. Dressing Appropriately is the First Way to Make a Good First Impression
I remember while growing up, my mum would always dress me up for school with the phrase “dress the way you want to be addressed”. I was always fond of not combing my hair which made me look like a mini-thug.
When meeting a person for the first time, dressing appropriately is one way to make a good first impression. How you’re dressed is usually the first impression you give off and determines how you’d be perceived. If you’re met randomly by someone wearing a lab coat, it is natural to conclude that such a person works in the medical field. When meeting people, you should be dressed in a way that you’re perceived as decent.
Physical appearance is not limited to just how you’re dressed. It also includes how you smell. If you’re dressed appropriately but you give off a weird smell, you inevitably become a turn-off to the people you’re meeting, which brings us to personal hygiene.
Are your clothes clean?
Have you brushed?
Do you have your hair well-combed or well packed?
Do you smell nice?
You may not know this but while trying to smell nice, make sure your perfume is one of great smell quality. I have attended workshops where I’ve had to switch seats because the perfume my seatmate was wearing was choking.
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You should also dress for the occasion. You do not want to be dressed in lawyer’s regalia for a wedding. For a business meeting, you are either to be in suits or blazers.
A traditional occasion requires you to be adorned in your native wear.
2. Keeping a Smiling Face Creates a Good First Impression
You have seven seconds to make a good impression and you intend to begin with a frowning face? Comrade, you’re off to a bad start! A frowning face carries the impression that you’re angry, sad, or disturbed, and trust me, no one wants that.
So if a frowning face creates a negative aura, what better way to make a good first impression than by smiling? Smiling leaves a positive impression on you. In fact, people are naturally attracted to those who smile. Putting up a hard face doesn’t speak well about you. When meeting with people, smiling is the first memorable feature people notice about you.
In addition, smiling makes people comfortable around you. It also has numerous health benefits such as reducing stress hormones, boosting mental health well-being, and contributing positively to your physical health. Plus smiling has a contagious effect. You can light up a room with a smile.
Also, you do not want to have a fake grin plastered all over your face. Your smile has to be authentic and sincere. If you’re having a hard time smiling, here’s my life hack 101- try remembering a special moment in your life, an event, or an occasion – like when she said yes or when he proposed.
A smile is all takes to make a good first impression!
3. Use Good Proper Language to Express Yourself
You are probably familiar with words like “I like your vibe”, “You give off good energy”. All these are positive expressions of good body language and it is one of the ways to make a good first impression.
My Dad taught me the power of a handshake. He said and I quote;
When shaking hands with people, be confident and shake firmly with your full hands. Never leave people’s hands hanging.
Your body language communicates a lot about you without you even speaking. It tells how confident you’re if you’re nervous or not and if people can be at ease around you.
Simple things like shaking hands, going around greeting people, and smiling are positive body language. Avoid turning your back on people in meetings or gatherings. Make appropriate eye contact when communicating instead of looking down.
Work on nervous habits such as biting your nails, playing with your fingers, or putting your hands in your pockets.
4. Speaking Eloquently Can Make a Good First Impression
When meeting people, especially for the first time, the possibility of your brain going blank and your tongue failing you is very high. Remember when you tried to approach your crush and your village people pulled your shy switch?
Jack loves meeting new people but every time he tries to strike a conversation, he feels shy and his confidence fails him. I used to be Jack, Jack was me. I found out, the hard way, that not being able to speak clearly is one way to leave a wrong impression.
Meeting new people should build a desire in you to leave a good impression. You would want to make sure the person you’re meeting has a reason to want to listen to you. To achieve this, be gentle when you speak and think! Do not just greet because you have to. Ensure your greeting is calm and precise. Also, address the person politely and avoid talking loudly. For example, if you go to an event, you could always address a person like this:
“Good evening, Sir/Ma (say the name of the person if you know who you’re addressing), what a lovely event we’re having here”.
Then you can proceed with a confident handshake.
5. Be a Good Active Listener
One mistake you can make when trying to make a good impression is failing to pay attention to whom you’re talking to. The truth is, we want to be heard and end up not hearing what others are saying.
Active listening is one of the ways the make a good impression. It allows you to hear the thoughts of others and gives them the feeling that their thoughts are being heard and understood. Most times, you’re always planning what you’re going to say next while another person is talking. This probably means you were not listening closely.
Therefore, pay attention to what others are saying and be ready to ask questions so that they can elaborate on their thoughts. This way, you present yourself as a good conversationist and leave a good impression on your speaker.
Conclusion
Making a good first impression happens within the first few seconds of meeting someone. Some of the ways to make a good first impression include appropriately presenting yourself, keeping a smiling face, shaking hands, maintaining eye contact, and speaking fluently. These methods can be applied to any situation – whether you’re going on a date, attending a seminar or workshop, or preparing for a business meeting.
The festive season is fast approaching and you’re definitely going to be meeting new people. Let me know in the comments section how you’d put these tips to use.
by Fatima Sheikh | Mar 6, 2021 | Personal Growth
Are we born public speakers or do we have to work on building our public speaking skills? This is the question, many ask. This is also the excuse introverts like me use to hide in their shell. In one of my posts, I wrote briefly about my leadership journey and how leadership roles helped me with my public speaking phobia. Have I become extroverted and less nervous during a public speaking session? The answer is No… But I have learned to build strategies and techniques that help me act more confident and relaxed during public speaking. In this article, I will be sharing with you the best tips for public speaking.
Important Skills that Can Help You Learn How to Become an Effective Speaker
1. Practice More Often
When it comes to public speaking, there are never many times enough for practice. Make it a habit to always practice before any public presentation. Never assume you are good to go. Overconfidence is always the biggest cause of public speaking mishaps.
When practicing my speech, I will stand in front of a mirror and assume I am in front of an audience. Before your next speech, watch pre-recordings of your speeches or practice with a friend or family. Practicing is always the shortcut to a successful public speech.
2. Know Your Audience
One of the biggest blunders speakers always make is to assume different audiences to be the same, thereby using similar speaking strategies for all talk situations. Your speech is about them, not you. Make extensive research on your audience, their age group, ethnics, environment, believes, and laws.
You should not use the same speech technique on elementary school kids with working-class adults who might probably know more than you do. Don’t give a talk on the importance of beef in India. Be lucky if you make it out alive.
3. The Act of Public Speaking Demands You Discover Your Style
In my post on leadership, I emphasized the importance of having a mentor or a guide you aspire to be like. Regardless, ensure you discover your style before emulating a role model. Are you a calm soft-spoken person or an outspoken person with a burst of energy? Make your public speaking style in a manner that goes with that flow. Either way, don’t forget to share some stories and jokes with your audience, this keeps them listening with all attention.
Do what you know will make your speech stand out and feel natural.
4. Be Calm, Don’t Be Afraid to Fail
The one who falls and gets up is stronger than the one who never tried. Do not fear failure but rather fear not trying.
Roy T. Bennett
As weird as it might sound, I have built the habit of loving failure because failure is the biggest teacher you can ever have. The word Glossophobia was not invented due to your error, and it simply means the fear of public speaking. This condition affects four out of 10 people. Calm down and don’t beat yourself up for making a mistake, you are not alone on this journey.
Learn from your mistakes and do better the next time. Act calm and confident anytime you miss a word or stutter.
5. Listen to Your Body Language
The stage is all yours and yours alone. Don’t stand still, move around the stage at a calm confident pace. Use your voice and hands naturally. Don’t give out nervous gestures. Don’t stand at the corner of the stage like a wet scared bird, that won’t look good on you. Stand straight, articulate your speech accurately and win over the crowd.
This is one of the tips for public speaking worth noting.
6. Ask for Feedback
During my public speaking sessions at the toastmaster club, the feedback always helped me in my next presentation. The format was Commend-Recommend-Commend style. Constructive feedback and recommendation by your audience will be a great advantage to you to prepare better for your upcoming public speaking sessions.
The audience always sees and observes things you probably missed during your rehearsal.
Conclusion
Consistency is always the key to perfection. There is no easy way out of public speaking. Discipline yourself and make it a habit to practice, learn from books, videos, and great public speakers. Don’t be afraid to fail, practice with friends and families or join public speaking clubs in your town.
These tips I shared will not only change your personality but help you build the unique public speaking techniques that will make you stand out and act confident during a public speaking session.
Finally, were there times you were afraid of speaking in public? If yes, tell us about it and how you overcome it.
