by Amina Lawal | Oct 16, 2021 | Relationships & Weddings
So many of us spend a good chunk of our lives looking for “the one”. But what happens when we find someone? How do we know if they are the person who is right to spend the rest of our lives with? Or even if starting a relationship with them is the right choice? How do you know the signs if you are not compatible with your partner?
While compatibility is no guarantee of longevity, studies show that it is directly related to the quality and satisfaction of our relationships. Simply put, the more compatible you are with your partner and the happier you are likely to be with them.
Everyone has their ideas about what qualities and traits their dream partner should have, but rarely do we ever find someone who’s a perfect match. Instead, we learn to compromise where we can and grow to love people despite their flaws and imperfections. However, it can be hard to differentiate normal differences from incompatibility.
So, if you are wondering whether or not you and your partner are incompatible, there are signs that you are not compatible with your partner.
7 Signs That Show You Are Not Compatible with Your Partner
1. Not Getting Each Other Is A Sign that You’re Not Compatible with Your Partner
Right from the get-go, this can tell you a great deal about how good of a match you and your partner make. If you have a hard time understanding how they are feeling, what they are thinking or what they need, then they might not be the one for you and vice-versa. It is better to be with someone you can be in sync with. Someone who picks up and understands your nonverbal cues and discerns the tone of your voice, and ‘gets’ what you try to tell them.
Otherwise, miscommunication and misunderstanding can pile up in your relationship.
2. Being Too Different from Each Other Is One of The Signs That You’re Not Compatible with Your Partner
While it’s technically true that opposites do attract, every solid healthy couple should share at least a few similarities with their partner. This doesn’t mean having to like all the same music or movies that they do or even sharing the same hobbies as them. It can even be refreshing to be in a relationship with someone radically different from yourself.
Sadly, though the excitement won’t last forever if the similarities are too scarce or non-existent, once the “new and shiny effect” wears off, you are both left with someone who doesn’t share the same humour, interest, value, ideals, or principles, making it difficult to relate to one another in any meaningful way, which makes you and your partner incompatible.
3. When They Try to Change You, Instead of Growing Together
The hallmark of a strong and healthy relationship is having a partner who gives you the drive and motivation to change for the better. That’s the whole point. It must be something you want for yourself, your idea, not theirs alone. Despite your partner expressing irritation or dissatisfaction with you, it is generally ineffective and not sustainable. If you are forcing change on yourself solely because they want it and you don’t.
You have to want it for yourself and this goes for many things, whether it’s the way you speak, dress, or who you hang out with, only you have the right to decide who you want to be. If you don’t feel comfortable showing your true colours to your significant other, even in a private setting, this is a definite red flag and a sign of incompatibility.
4. When There is Constant Argument
It’s perfectly normal and healthy to disagree with your partner about something from time to time, especially if it’s over something important to the two of you. We didn’t choose this person so we can be with a clone of ourselves. disagreements become a problem, however when the arguing is constant and over even the tiniest of things.
This is even unhealthier if the fighting is dirty- shouting, name-calling, humiliating each other, holding grudges, and emotional blackmail.
Being in a relationship with a partner who tends to bring out mostly the ugliest side of you is never good.
5. When You Attain Peace by Avoiding All Problems, It’s a Sign You Are Not Compatible
It’s all about moderation. While constant fighting is not ideal, it’s also not good for a couple to never disagree about anything. You need to be honest and communicate openly with one another about how you feel even if it is not in agreement with the other person.
Constantly pretending everything is “ok” or “blind agreements” to the wants of the other person, does not make the relationship stronger and may result in catastrophe and blow up later. Conflict can be a positive one-building event if it can be given and taken constructively, which in turn, can lead to personal group and a deeper mutual understanding.
This is one of the considerable signs that you’re not compatible with your partner.
6. When You Are Isolated From Friends and Family
Do you find that when you and your partner go out it is nearly always only with each other, no friends, no parties or group hang out? Do you never spend time with your friends? Have you ever met their friends? Is their family still a group of mystery people you never met? You’ve never been introduced to even though you have been together for a while? If you answered yes to any of these, this could be a potential problem.
You must spend time with your partner’s loved ones and get to know them better. Couples who make the effort to be close with other important people in their partner’s lives tend to have longer and happier relationships.
7. When You Are Not Attracted to Them, It is a Sign That You’re Not Compatible with Your Partner
Lastly and most importantly even if everything seems okay on paper if you don’t have any romance or chemistry, it’s simply not going to work. Without even an inkling of these factors, you might have a best friend but not necessarily a significant other.
The result is that you will naturally be drawn to people you have that “more than friends attraction to”. If you have not even an ounce of attraction, this is one of the definite signs that you are not compatible with your partner.
Conclusion
In the end, there’s no such thing as a perfect relationship. Everyone has doubts or disagreements at times with the person they love. A strong healthy relationship takes ongoing effort, dedication, and also time for it to grow.
What is important is finding that someone who to you is worth that effort, dedication, and time. First impressions and initial choices do not seal your fate. A lot of people stay in incompatible relationships because we’ve been conditioned to believe breaking up with someone is wrong, or just insensitive, but the reality is relationships don’t work out and that’s okay. It’s now up to you to know and recognize compatibility versus incompatibility. It will save you much heartbreak and possibly avoid more serious scarring.
Don’t ignore the red flags and get stuck in an entanglement. So take your time to evaluate your relationship with these key points in mind and honestly ask yourself “Is my partner right for me?”, tell me in the comment section, if you’ve noticed any of these signs in your relationship.
You should also check out these signs to find out if you found your soulmate and 10 things to do at the start of every relationship.
by Amina Lawal | Oct 8, 2021 | Health & Wellness
Blood is the most treasured gift that anyone can give to a person – the gift of life. Deciding to donate your blood can save not only a life but several. Your blood can be divided into its different components – red cells, platelets, and plasma – which can individually be used for different conditions. Do you want to know the benefits of donating blood? Stay with me.
Blood donation may be a great gesture to assist needy people or those that require blood. There are many health issues, which remain silent until it’s in a very late stage. We don’t easily notice the first warning signs of health conditions like hypertension, cancer, diabetes, kidney problems, and so on.
But did you know that patients aren’t the sole ones benefiting from blood donations? Donating blood regularly also presents a mass of health benefits for you – the donor.
Here are 6 benefits of donating blood as part of your health routine.
1. Donating Blood Gives You the Benefit of a Free Health Checkup
Before the donation, you will receive a mini-physical test before the blood draw. This shed light on issues you didn’t even know about and keep an eye fixed on your cardiovascular health.
During the check-up, you may answer questions referring to your case background history and undergo health examining procedures to test your temperature, pressure level, and blood count employing a pathology test – all these are free. This type of free medical test is certainly something you want to make the most of.
2. Blood Donation Is Beneficial in Reducing the Risk of Heart and Liver Ailments
It is caused by iron overload in the body as liver failure, damage to the pancreas, and heart abnormalities like irregular heart rhythms.
3. Blood Donation Reduces the Risk of Developing Cancer
Excess iron has also been associated with cancer. After menopause, it’s harder for women to eliminate excess iron since their body no longer has a way to do so, this increases their risk of cancer.
Among women, cancer risk increases after menopause since their body no longer has a way of eliminating excess iron. By donating blood, the iron stores in the body are maintained at healthy levels and your risk for various cancers reduces.
4. Blood donation Provides the Benefit of Weight Loss
Regular blood donation reduces the weight of donors. This is helpful to those who are obese and are at higher risk of cardiovascular diseases and other health disorders.
Whenever you donate blood, you’re losing up to 650 calories of your body fat. This is because your body must replace your blood cells.
Note that this calorie burn doesn’t mean that you should use blood donation as a means to lose weight.
5. The Benefit of New Blood Cells
There are roughly 10 pints of blood within the body of an average adult. After you donate blood, you merely use about 1 pint of your blood supply.
After donating blood the body works to replenish the blood loss. This stimulates the production of new blood cells and in turn, helps in maintaining good health.
6. Lower Cholesterol Level
When you donate blood, you’re also getting rid of a surplus amount of lipids or fatty substances in your blood. This is crucial so that fat residues don’t accumulate in your arteries, reducing your cholesterol level and your risk for heart disease.
7. Giving Blood Can Help Improve Your Mental Health State
While there are numerous physical benefits to donating blood, the most effective health benefit is arguably in the psychological world. Donating blood means that somebody (or many people) somewhere will be getting the help they desperately require.
Donating blood, particularly regularly, can be identical to volunteer work. You give of your time (and your literal blood) to help strangers in need. If you go to a particular blood donation location each time, you’ll get to know some of the staff who are also dedicating themselves to the cause of saving lives.
8. The Benefit of Saving Lives
Donating blood is often the best sort of humanitarian action. Without blood donation, patients can’t undergo surgeries, recover from illnesses, or simply function daily. You may not be able to help cure someone from life-threatening diseases like cancer, but you’ll help someone stay alive after you donate blood.
Donate Blood Today
Whenever you donate blood, you’re giving someone the chance to have a new lease on life, not to mention that you’re also giving your overall health a great boost of benefits.
Donating blood is quite a simple process, which only takes about an hour or two of your time. Just visit blood donation centers, where medical professionals will evaluate your eligibility to become a donor. The main thing is for you to be healthy, and if you meet this requirement, you’ll be able to start donating blood every three (3) months.
If you find this article helpful, please leave a comment on the comments section. Thank you.
by Amina Lawal | Mar 20, 2021 | Personal Growth
Society in this day and age focuses so much on looks and how women should dress and present themselves – a large number of the people we are supposed to look up to and idolize. Do you ever stop to give a thought about how many times we are told to change our looks or appearances in magazines, TV, or any outlet of social media? They constantly offer tips on how to lose weight “in so days”, appear slimmer “instantly”, get that curvy body “in a night” and hide our imperfections without actually knowing anything about us, much less our appearance. This is one example of body shaming, and it is everywhere.
Body shaming or fat/thin shaming is the same as bullying, whether it be in person, or online. It is the act or practice of negatively judging someone based on their typical appearance. Typically, people are body shamed when they appear overweight/underweight or don’t fit into society’s view of “thin and beautiful”. Our culture loves the ideology of the perfect body, whether it be in print, movies, television, or online. Seeing someone who doesn’t fit the mould isn’t considered acceptable to some.
Ways in Which Body-Shaming Manifests
1. Criticizing your own appearance through judgment or comparison to another person. (like saying… “I’m so ugly compared to her.” “Look at how big my legs are.”)
2. Criticizing another person’s appearance in front of them, (like saying… “With those thighs, you’re never going to find a man.”)
3. Criticizing another person’s appearance without their knowledge. (like saying… “Did you see what she was wearing today? Not flattering.” “At least you don’t look like her!”)
No matter how this manifests, it often leads to comparison and shame and perpetuates the idea that people should be judged mainly for their physical features.
Making anyone feel ashamed of their body won’t motivate them to lose or gain weight. On the contrary, it will produce a boomerang effect. There is no middle ground with body shaming and this needs to stop ASAP!
We are witnesses to body shaming on social media. Most contents suggest that you are far from the slim magazine-cover-type. From the perspective of social media, you are always going to be either too skinny, chubby, too hairy, or busty.
Sadly, a great deal of us get the message we are never going to be accepted, desirable or beautiful, if we don’t fit into the mould, we are going to become an object of verbal abuse and bullying. Being aware of the harmful effects this is causing will make you never, ever scoff at anyone for the way they look again and help you accept yourself just the way you are, for the sake of your mental health.
Effects of Body-Shaming
1. A Total Crush of Self-Esteem and Confidence
Most obese people experience verbal abuse due to their physical appearance. People mock their food choices, make presumptions, etc. Don’t buy their ‘’health activism” attitude as it’s nothing but bullying. Listening to hurtful words about oneself can feed the self-hatred obese people feel already. On the other hand, we can apply this to anorexic people, too. Patters are the same, as well as the responses.
Thinking negative comments about one’s physical appearance would end once this person makes a change is completely wrong, instead the reality is totally opposite. The list of attributes one has to meet in order to be perfect is endless. Spinning in this circle makes you feel like you are never enough. The more you try, the more of your flaws come to the forefront. This crushes one’s confidence to the point it’s almost impossible to take back.
No matter what you do, you are never going to meet everyone’s expectations. Yet, even if you would be able to, would it be worth all the trauma that follows? If you are a victim of this, you can learn how to overcome low self-esteem.
2. Poorer Overall Health
Weight discrimination and fat-shaming can cause stress, which further leads to gaining/losing weight. Yet, more importantly, massive weight loss or gain can trigger other health issues, mostly Chronic Diseases.
Increased cortisol levels, diabetes, high cholesterol, hypertension, cardiac conditions, and myocardial infection are just a few risks people going through stress due to body shaming are exposed to. We live in a hectic world where stressful life events occur on daily basis. Any additional stress can trigger worsen our condition, especially with people that are already facing verbal abuse.
These conditions can only get worse under the pressure of unrealistic, cruel beauty standards and, body shaming on social media.
3. Denying Oneself Leads to Mental Illness
You have people struggling with exercise bulimia (excessive, compulsive exercising that negatively affects their health) and anorexia, eating disorders that have to do a lot with one’s mental health. Body-shaming a person who deals with these conditions can cause them to feel worse about themselves.
Treating a person with exercise bulimia terribly convicting is just an extremely rude act towards someone who is coping with a disease that has taken over their body and mind. Anorexia nervosa is an already life-threatening condition so why would anyone contribute to making this person feel even worse?
Bullying contributes to sticking to unhealthy behaviours even more. In some cases, it makes the person think they have little to no control over their body or life. On the other hand, there is BED – Binge Eating. It is characterized by eating a huge amount of food in a short time span even if a person doesn’t feel the urge to eat. The major trigger to BED is emotional stress, one tries to suffocate by eating uncontrollably.
Yet, what follows is even worse. One can feel ashamed, lost like they have no control over themselves, similar to what happens with exercise bulimia.
Why Body Shaming Needs to Stop
- It is not a way of expressing concern or encouragement. Is it tough love or helpful? It is often judgmental health advice.
- Studies show in the last couple of years proved that the constant mention of one’s physical appearance causes stress and denial in that person.
- We all should accept one’s right to live a life they want without humiliating them for their choices on their body image.
- There is no such thing as an ideal body or ideal weight.
- Shamers aren’t comfortable in their skin either and thus, need to show more social acceptance towards others while accepting themselves too.
- Not to mention, body shaming keeps alive stigmas and social division in society. This draws a line between people who count and who don’t count, the lovable and the unlovable.
- Discriminating anyone due to their weight can cause depression (especially people with severe obesity) and trigger a whole list of mental issues. What is more? Obese people are up to 12 times more likely to commit suicide and 21 times more prone to suicidal behaviour than other categories.
Conclusion
Shaming someone based on their healthy/unhealthy choices is unacceptable. We can never know what someone is going through, thus we should not judge but offer compassion. Who gave us the right to make comments on how people look? After all, doing so speaks for our own insecurities. Body shaming needs to stop, now! Let’s try to be more comfortable, in peace with our bodies, and show more kindness towards each other. Allow yourselves to let your guards down and embrace yourself and other people regardless of their shapes and sizes.
by Amina Lawal | Oct 6, 2020 | Who Is Who
The academic branch of Nothern Nigeria in 1933 organized a competition for educators who were interested in writing books in the Hausa language. Among the competitions were Abubakar Imam, who wrote the fabled Ruwan Bagaja and his brother Malam Bello Kagara. The competition was the first of its kind in the region, and it succeeded in bringing out some great erudition works in the North. Sadly enough, no woman took part in this competition.
Some 30 years later, in the 1970s, another writing competition was organized by the Nothern Nigerian Publishing Company (NNPC) in Zaria. This time around an 18-year-old teenager decided to enter. She entered a book she originally wrote in Hausa and only translated it to English when she heard of the competition. The book – So Aljannar Duniya (love is heaven on earth) – came second in the contest. The name of the author is Hafsat Abdul Waheed. She was the first female love novelist from Nothern Nigeria.
Who is Hafsat Abdulwaheed?
Hafsat Abdulwaheed was born on May 5, 1952 in Kofar Mata quaters, Kano. She did her primary education at Shahuci Primary School and secondary school at Provincial Girls School currently known as Shekara Girls Secondary School, both in Kano State.
Hafsat Abdulwaheed started writing when she was in primary school, where she wrote folk tales for which she received awards. By the time she has started attending school, she developed writing skills from the assignments she was given. She wrote her first published novel when she was in primary five. She has written more than 30 books, many of which have remained unpublished. Her famous book remains So Aljannar Duniya.
So Aljannar Duniya
The masterpiece—So Aljannar Duniya (love is heaven on earth)— came second in the contest. It was published in 1972 and republished in 1980. It became the first novel to be written by a female author in Nothern Nigeria. The theme of the book revolved around love and forced marriages, a subject that was considered taboo in society and was underrepresented in books written by male writers in the region. The book was inspired by the experiences of her elder sister who at that time married a Libyan and the cultural differences began to generate friction in the marriage.
The book has been translated into English, Arabic, and fulfude due to the demand. So Aljannar Duniya was later adopted by several schools and institutions as a study text in the curriculum.
Hafsat Abdulwaheed’s Other Books
Though “So Aljannar Duniya” was her was Hafsat’s first love novel, it was also her last. She wrote 6 more books exploring so many topics including two nonfiction, stories that teach morals and could be read to children, and one poetry book in English.
Some of Hafsat’s published books include;
Yar Dubu mai Tambosai (“Yardubu the Possessed” – fiction)
Nasiha ga Ma’aurata (Admonition for the Married Couple – non-fiction)
Namijin Maza Tauraron Annabawa (non-fiction on the life of Prophet Muhammad)
Tauraron Annaba (The Courageous Man: The seal of the Prophets)
She is now focused on writing Islamic books. Authors who have influenced her the most include; Abubakar Imam and Sai’du Ahmad Daura author of Tauraruwar Hamada.
Achivements
The emergence of the first female author from Nothern Nigeria, threading on uncharted territories changed the dynamics of writing in Nothern Nigeria. This led to the rise of popular female authors of the so-called Kano market literature popularised in the 1990s. It won’t be an exaggeration if it is said that she paved way for authors like Zainab Alkali, Bilkisu Ahmad Funtua, Talattu Wada Ahmad, Balaraba Ramat Yusuf, and others in the region.
Political Activities
Along, with being a writer she’s also a women’s rights activist and politician. She has an NGO which assists women from Nothern Nigeria in dealing with domestic violence. Her journey into politics was spurred by the lack of inclusion of females in Zamfara state’s cabinet. The Governor of Zamfara at that time felt no female was educated enough to be in his cabinet, which Hafsat felt was an insult because in her house alone all her daughters were very educated.
She decided to contest the gubernatorial elections herself. Even though she ended up being denied the ticket by her party based on cultural and religious reasons, her courage to challenge the incumbency resulted in more women being appointed to the cabinet subsequently.
Hafsat Abdulwaheed’s Family
Through her efforts to contribute to society were truncated, she got to achieve that through her children. This includes Kadaria Ahmad, a prolific journalist and Zainab Ahmad, the wife of the current Governor of Kaduna State, Nasir El-rufai.
She had ten children, seven of whom are alive. She is happily married to her husband, Muhammed Ahmed Abdulwaheed, with whom she lives with in Zamfara state.
by Amina Lawal | Aug 31, 2020 | Family & Parenting
If all of these stats scared you off from having kids for a while… well, it might be for the better. But don’t worry. Part of the expenses included in the estimates is for nonessential items. You probably noticed that parents with higher incomes reported spending more on their kids than those with lower incomes. Really, it depends on the status of the family.
Before having a baby, there are some things you can do to get a rough estimate of what your costs will be. And then, you can start saving!
So, here is one way to budget:
1. Housing
If there is room for a new member of your family, then awesome! All you need to figure out is how much your utilities and food costs will go up. But, if you need to move, try to save away the difference in rent. That way you can figure out if paying that much for housing is feasible.
2. Medical Costs
You can’t plan your delivery date, but you can estimate your delivery costs. The hospital bills vary; if you decide to go to a government clinic, which they accept delivery for free, all you have to do is bring materials for the delivery (e.g. hand gloves, bandage, cord clamp, etc.) Or you can choose a private clinic which costs an estimate of (50k – 70k).
3. Maternity Clothes and Food
For the pregnant woman, you can buy some extra-wide, stretchy, and baggy clothes. But after a while, you may need to add some items to your wardrobe. You can thrift for them, shop for them – whatever is in your budget. And, you also need to determine whether you will be making any changes to your diet. Pregnant women require more nutrients and an additional 300 calories per day. Fortunately, some of the healthiest foods are cheap and can be bought in bulk (like veggies).
4. Baby Gear and Food
Diapers, clothes… all these add up. While college and university education is usually considered the highest expenses for parents, the new costs start right away. Figure out how much baby gear costs in your area and make a list of everything you need. The good thing is, most of this stuff can be reused for the second child. Speaking of which, don’t be afraid to use hand-me-downs! Babies grow out of things so fast, and these clothes are usually left as good as new. This would cost an estimate (100k-200k), depending on your budget or how much you saved up.
5. Naming Ceremony
The naming ceremony is a celebration of family and life. It is the celebration of the birth of a child. As Muslims, you are going to slaughter an animal for the newborn baby according to the Sunnah (Teaching of the Prophet Muhammad S.A.W). You have to save up for the cost of the ceremony. From the animal to be slaughtered to the food which will be eaten
I hope you find this article helpful. If you do, kindly drop a comment on the comments section. Thank you.
