He’s AS and so?

These are the exact words the voice inside me keeps chanting when I’m forced to make a decision to either allow a fine ass man to go because of incompatibility or enjoy a risky relationship. Sometimes this is the hardest point for any sickle cell carrier. There were times when I wanted to say ‘ I’ll just date him, the rest is my children’s problem’. But half the time I knew that it would be a great mistake to be in a relationship with someone I’m not compatible with.

Read: 10 Things You Must Do at the Start of Every Relationship

I’ve asked myself severally;

“Why do I have to choose between him and having children that are SS?”

“Can’t I just be in love without stressing over genotypes?”

After searching for answers for a while, I discovered that the answer to this problem is making sure I don’t fall in love with an AS guy ever again. You may want to ask, how is that even possible? Well, I’ve come up with tips to make sure love doesn’t catch me unawares again. If you are like me, who is tired of being in the position where you have to choose between an AS lover and your future children, then you should pay attention to these tips.

Always Ask for The Genotype

The moment you are already physically attracted to someone, the next point of introduction should be your name, followed by your genotype. I remember telling my family that I’m adding my genotype to my name. “I’m Bala Rebecca AS” and they all thought I was crazy. Crazy or not, it is better to be safe than sorry.

Sometimes we say, let me wait and see where it goes and before you know it, boom! You are already attached or worse case- in love. To avoid stories that touch the heart, always ask for genotype.  It is never too early to ask.

Don’t Bestie Zone Them

The next resort after finding out you can’t date them is to turn them into besties. The moment you get close to someone in a way that you can do anything for them, be vulnerable around them, talk to them about your deepest secrets, let them see you ‘naked’, flaws and all. There’s very little you can do to separate your heart from such a friendship. I don’t know how people say they can be best friends with the opposite sex without falling in love. If you both are compatible, why not but when you are both AS simply don’t.

You can be friends but limit your attachment. Don’t say I did not warn you.

Know Your Friends’ Genotype

If you have any friends of the opposite sex, ask them their genotype. E get why. I never saw the need to do this until I fell in love with one of my friends. The friendship blossomed so well, I just couldn’t separate my heart from it. He too was already feeling me so we had a conversation about it. My biggest concern was not the genotype; it didn’t even come to my mind. My biggest concern at the time was the friendship that I might lose. It was when I was ready to give it a try that I remembered that I didn’t even know his genotype. I asked him and he was AS. That was one careless mistake I didn’t see coming.

Trust me it was one of the hardest truths I’ve had to accept. So now, I’m adding ‘what is your genotype’ to the list of questions I’m asking when we are getting to know each other and you should too. So that cupid will be shooting a love arrow in the right direction.

Don’t Do Recreational Dating

Just catch cruise with him.

Many people are dating for fun.

Just date him and forget genotype.

The relationship may not even last long enough till marriage.

I’ve heard these words clearly from well-meaning friends. The big question is what if this relationship thrives well enough to end in marriage. What do I do then? Do I wait till I’m far gone before I make the decision to leave?

Stop dating people that you are incompatible with for fun. It may start as a cruise but you can’t tell how it will end. Don’t take the risk.

Don’t Get Physically Intimate

Before you start making out with someone be sure to know their genotype first. You are supposed to be running away from getting attached to people that are AS. Don’t put yourself in the position where you get physically intimate. Two things can happen, you either fall in love and end up making the tough decision or you have a baby and you end up making an even tougher decision.

Always make sure that before you start shoving your tongue down someone’s throat, you know their genotype. You may want to add hepatitis status to that list too.

On a Final Note…

People may think you are crazy when you go about asking them their genotype but I’d rather be called crazy than put myself in the position where I have to give up on a good relationship because of genotype incompatibility. I’ve had someone reply the question ‘what is your genotype’ with “are you trying to marry me”. The truth is we never can tell. I always say that “every date is a potential mate”. If you Date him, it’s because you think he may be good enough to marry. It’s a maybe and it can go both ways. So it’s better you know his genotype and cancel the spirit of attraction on time or you fall in love and be left with tough choices. You decide.

Having to give up on someone I love has been one of the most demoralizing parts of being AS and I never ever want to be in that position again. Do you?