by Happiness Hassan | May 24, 2021 | Family & Parenting
The act of spanking children for behaving badly is stored up in the subconscious mind of most parents. Therefore, beating, scolding, spanking and its sorts come like a reflex action. It seems to be the fastest and effective tactic to show disapproval over a child’s wrong deed. However, as a parent, these are negative modes of disciplining your child. These methods are effective for a short period and cause long-term damages to a child.
Discipline is all about guiding, instructing, and training a child about the Dos and Don’ts of behaviour. In essence, teaching them to comply with the right code of conduct. However, when kids go against these rules they are being forced to face the consequences of their actions through punishment.
It’s disastrous to beat your child without stating their wrong, It passes the wrong message of cruelty to them. Besides, this creates more tendency of repeating that same wrong. Therefore, in this post, we shall be evaluating other alternatives to beating your child.
What are the Effects Of Beating Your Kids?
1. Beating imbibes Fear in Your Child
Violence towards kids ignites fear in their hearts. They begin to view you as a taskmaster instead of a loving parent. Subsequently, your presence starts terrifying them. These sets of kids wouldn’t love to try anything new or explore with their peers. Due to fear of being spanked by their parents if they do something wrong.
2. Poor Cognitive Abilities
Victims of negative discipline lose touch with their minds and brains. They experience difficulty thinking through logical questions or manage their emotions. The danger is this since such a child no longer reason appropriately they indulge in wrong behaviour innocently and get punished. This circle continues and eventually, the child’s mental health becomes deteriorated.
3. Physical Injury
Mostly, beating a child results in physical injury. Due to uncontrollable anger, parents go the extra mile in ensuring that children sustain injuries to serve as a reminder. However, this is the wrong way to discipline your child. The physical scars might heal, although the internal scars last longer.
Recently, there have been cases whereby in the act of disciplining a child, the object used gets in contact with delicate organs of the body such as the eyes. Resulting in further intense damages. Hence, to avoid regrets, learn to apply the alternative method of disciplining your child.
4. Decreases The Love Bond
All parents desire to be closely connected to their kids and would search out activities that can increase the love bond. However, they fail to realize that beating a child makes their initial desires fruitless. It makes no sense telling your kids how much you love them and the next minute you’re spanking them. In essence, beating detached you from your kids.
5. Low Self-esteem is Often a Result of treating a Child Violently
Beating makes a child think less of themselves, and call themselves failures. They begin to feel it’s because they aren’t good enough that they get punished frequently. Gradually they become antisocial. These kids are prone to negative self-talk and suicidal thoughts since their self-esteem is damaged.
6. Violence/Anger
The more you spank a child, you’re indirectly telling that child that beating is the standard way of showing disapproval when someone does something wrong. Therefore, when offended by their peers, immediately they retaliate by displaying aggressive behaviours.
This is The Correct Way to Discipline Your Child
1. Give Your Child Proper Training
Don’t expect your kids to do the right thing when you haven’t told them what’s expected of them. As a parent don’t allow your kids to guess their way through. Create time to teach them the Dos and Don’ts of behaviour. They deserve to know! Failure to do this makes your child feel hated when beaten for what they had little or no knowledge about. Furthermore, ensure they are cognizant of the needful skills that help in regulating their behaviours such as effective communication skills and tolerance etiquette.
2. Teach Your Child About Consequences, Instead of Beating
In addition to knowing the right way to behave, your kids still deserve to learn about the consequences of negative and positive behavioural patterns. Let them know what punishments are attached to being disobedient. Likewise, the rewards for being obedient. This will guide them in doing the right thing and save you the stress of beating your child whenever they go wrong.
3. Withdraw Privilege When Your Kids Go Wrong
This method is based on the privilege enjoyed by your kids. Therefore, when disciplining your child, don’t hesitate to withdraw certain privileges enjoyed by your kids when they go astray. This method teaches them that what they had done was wrong.
For instance, if they are caught fighting, instead of beating them, insist they stay away from TV, video games, or outing with friends for a period of time. Oftentimes, you need to take back their pocket money for grown-up kids for some time. In addition, add up to their normal home chores as a way of showing disapproval over their manner. However, don’t go extreme with this method.
4. Reward Good Behavior to Encourage Positive Manners
Kids are motivated to do their best next time when they are being rewarded for behaving right. Rewarding them with gifts gives them a reason to continue on that same behavioural path that earns them those rewards. And shy away from negative behaviours. Let them know which of their behaviours was commended. In addition, you can make disciplining your child a fun activity to do by keeping score sheets and giving stars. Whereby, showcasing a well-mannered behaviour earns them stars and points.
5. Talking Often Resolve the Issues Between You and Your Child Compared to scolding
To succeed at disciplining your kids there will be a time when you need to sit with them and talk. Talk about why he or she misbehaved, while they talk, listen attentively. Whenever kids give genuine reasons for their actions or show remorse, as a parent your anger gets to subside. Besides, No one is above mistakes, therefore, even with the rules and consequences they can still go astray. Hence, when they make mistakes, sit them down and tell them how disappointed you’re about their behaviours. Likewise, how you expected more from them. Applying this alternative shows them how much you love them.
6. Reasoning Techniques is an Advantageous Punishment for Kids
You can discipline your child and at the same time improve their intelligence IQ through reasoning techniques. Instead of beating your kids for doing the wrong thing, give them reasoning punishment.
For instance, when your kids go wrong, ask them to write a letter stating what they did, why they did it, and a letter of apology with a specific word count. Two copies for you and two copies for themselves. It’s wise to request that they rewrite if the letters are poorly written.
7. Be A Role Model
Kids are uniquely designed to watch and learn from their parents. Therefore, almost every behaviour they exhibit is copied from what they see their parents doing. This is another indicator to help you in disciplining your child. First, ensure that those things you beat your kids for are not evident in your life. Perhaps, you behave like that unconsciously. Make amends! Be a good role model for your child to emulate.
Conclusion
Parenting isn’t an easy route to trail on. In essence, patience is a vital ingredient in parenting. This helps you not to go extreme when disciplining your child. However, If as a parent you still struggle to manage your emotions such as anger it would be difficult not to retaliate when your kid’s misbehaviour. Therefore, work on that temperament. Keep them under control.
Finally, ensure to share your views in the comment section.
by Happiness Hassan | May 12, 2021 | Family & Parenting, Personal Life
Child bullying at school has been in existence for over centuries. However, during the last two decades, it has evolved into different forms. So, while parents, guidance, and teachers are on the watch-out for physical signs of bullying there seem to be rare cases of their search. The reason has been that bullying goes beyond physical attacks and has other unnoticeable signs.
I was a victim of bullying in grade 3. I still recall the pain I went through as a new student who had no friends. Furthermore, I was alone, therefore vulnerable to bullies. It began from verbal bullying due to my small feeble body stature. Then it resulted in stealing my belongings, I was inferior and kept everything to myself.
This continued for weeks. My mom noticed my insecure appearance, low self-esteem, and sudden dislike for school, although she wasn’t sure what was going on she kept monitoring me. One day, After school, the usual bully gangs who termed themselves tough kids seized my bag while I retaliated. I got pushed off the stairs. It became obvious that I was bullied at school when I returned home with a series of bruises on my body. My parents took fierce action when they discovered what was going on.
I hate child bullying at school because I was a victim and can relate to all other kids going through similar or worse cases of bullying. Therefore, in this post, I will be sharing everything you need to know about bullying and how I overcame bullying.
What is Bullying?
This is an abuse of power over others by the virtue of being superior to them using verbal and physical means to intimidate others. This behaviour is dangerous and leads to psychological and physical harm.
What are the Forms of Bullying?
1. Physical Bullying
This is the most common type of child bullying at school because its effects can’t be hidden. Therefore, physical bullying is the use of physical strength to humiliate and hurt others who are less defensive.
Usually, physical bullies are stronger and bigger than their peers. It could be in the form of kicking, punching, slapping, pushing, hitting, and slamming.
2. Emotional Bullying
This form of bullying involves a behavioral attempt to make others feel left behind. These are tactics employed to exclude someone out of a particular clique, creating a feeling of loneliness and isolation in the victim. Oftentimes, parents and teachers overlook this form of bullying and advise kids to get over it. But that won’t solve the problem as it affects their emotional coordination.
This form includes spreading lies, disclosing secrets, ganging up with others to tarnish someone else’s reputations and breakage of trust. Common among the female gender.
3. Verbal Bullying
This takes the form of name-calling to embarrass someone. Also, the use of hurting/hideous languages and words to humiliate another. Verbal bullies use the weaknesses and physical challenges of their victims to attack them.
These effects are not seen physically but lead to internal injuries and destroy the self-esteem of their victims.
4. Sexual Bullying
Hurting someone sexually, either physical or non-physical. It’s also an attempt to reduce someone’s reputation by using sexual language, gestures, and violence.
In addition, It involves inappropriate touching without consent, forcing the victim into sex texting, indulge in promiscuous acts, and exposing something about their sexual life.
5. Cyberbullying
This is becoming predominant in our tech-savvy generation. Cyberbullies go under cover of the screen on various social media platforms to degrade others through hurtful comments, slander, the spread of rumours, sharing embarrassing images, threaten and harass their victims.
6. Prejudicial Bullying
This form of child bullying at school is carried out to humiliate others because of their race, religion, skin colour, background, weaknesses, health challenges, and sexual orientation. This usually results in restrictions and isolation of the victim. For instance, the segregation of new kids or kids from poor homes who are less privileged.
How to Tell if Your Kids are Being bullied
- Mood swing
- Self-isolation
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Lack of confidence
- Lost of interest in studies
- Unexplainable bruises
- Secretiveness
- Unnecesary Anger
- Aggressiveness
- Poor academic performance
- Appear insecure
- Missing and damaged belongings
- Changes in eating pattern
- Withdrawl from normal lifestyle
- Adiction to alcohol or drugs
What Can Be Done?
To eliminate child bullying at school there is a need for cooperation between parents, their kids, and teachers.
1. Keep A Close Watch On Your Kids
Victims of bullying are secretive about what they’re experiencing due to fear of the unknown. Therefore, as a parent be quick to detect the signs of bullying. In addition, don’t be carried away by your career, goals, and business while your kids suffer secretly.
Furthermore, keep a check on their behaviours, social life, friends, social media handles, and also their academic performance.
2. Alert the School if You Noticed Anything Strange About Your Child
Peradventure, you notice your kids have been bullied at school. Let the school authority know about it. This helps the school management to enforce rules against bullying. Oftentimes, parents prefer to change their kid’s school instead of speaking up thinking it will solve the issues. However, that won’t solve the problem rather alert the school management.
3. Listen to Your Kids
Create a conducive atmosphere where your kids can open up their deepest feelings and secrets to you. Don’t also shut them out with a strict mood. Make yourself approachable, so your kids can walk up to you confidently if they are experiencing any form of bullying.
4. Teach Your Kids to be Bold
Exercising boldness when faced with a bullying situation will scare away bullies. This is one of the practical techniques my mom taught me. The next day at school, my bullies forcefully took my bag expecting me to retaliate. Instead, I spoke back with boldness, ordering them to hand my bag over, or I go report a teacher. Seeing the boldness in me, they knew they had lost grip on their victim.
5. Teach Your Kids Not to Stay Alone
Kids become victims of bullying when they isolate themselves from others. Advise your kids to move around open spaces with lots of people at school. In short, they should sit at the front in class. In addition, let them make trusted friends who can look out for them.
6. Teach Your Kids How to Seek Help
Furthermore, When away from your kids, encourage them to tell a trusted adult when they have been threatened by bullies. They should trust their teachers to help if they don’t feel comfortable around certain persons.
7. Teach Your Kids About Social Media Platforms
Social media has its benefits. however, there are disadvantages such as exposure to cyberbullying. Hence, give your kids guidelines to follow on social media, chat rooms to avoid, and sites not to visit. Ensuring your kids are safe online is one of the tactics in combating child bullying at school.
8. Set Rules and Policy
As school management, it’s your responsibility to set rules regulating the behaviours and activities of students. Moreover, those caught in the act must face the consequences for their actions to serve as an example for others.
9. Active Guidance and Counseling is Needed to curtail Bullying
Regularly, students should be counselled on the right conduct of behaviour and how to relate with their fellow students. Also, It’s the responsibility of the school to teach the students disadvantages of negative behaviour and also the advantages of positive behaviour.
10. Teachers Should Get Involved in Eradicating Bullying
As a teacher, you need to monitor your students and look out for any act of bullying among them. You should separate their seats to avoid close contact. If there is any who is physically deformed or appears weak in your class, you need to move their seat forward and keep a close eye on them.
Conclusion
The above-mentioned ways are tactics to combat child bullying at school. However, those who are bullies come from homes which means they might have learned such behaviour from their respective families. In essence, give your kids a proper upbringing, so they portray decent behaviour when outside the home. In addition, be a role model for your kids to imitate.
Furthermore, don’t hesitate to share your views in the comment section below.
