Romance is a feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love: It is that feeling that a person feels for their partner that keeps the relationship going smoothly. Why Hausa men are not romantic? Consider this story:

Shafiu’s fiancé was having difficulty trying to get something done over the internet which she needed so badly. Though, he was very sick, still got up and went straight to her place because it has to be done in her presence. On his arrival, he received no proper appreciation but still went on to accomplish the task. After finishing the task, still no proper appreciation – just a normal ‘thank you’. She just acted like it was a normal thing, without properly acknowledging his efforts. Initially, he wanted to stay with her for a few more minutes to enjoy her company, but her actions made him upset, so he left almost immediately.

Why Hausa men are not romantic could be as a result of some factors – some obvious, some not. However, some Hausa men are on the opposite side of the coin. Here are some reasons worth noting:

9 Reasons Why Hausa Men Are Not Romantic

1. Environmental Influence

The theory of determinism states that “the environment has a great role to play in the way a human thinks, behaves or acts”.

Frankly speaking, in the northern part of Nigeria particularly among the Hausa, most Hausa men have little or no regard for women. They see women as too cheap and vulnerable, thereby, treat them badly. This is contrary to the teachings of the two most practiced religions (Islam and Christianity) in that part of the country.

You only value or be romantic to someone you cherish and see their worth. One that was born and brought up, or grew up in that kind of environment, will tend to exhibit that without seeing any wrong in it.

2. Poverty

Poverty is the state of not having enough material possessions or income for a person’s basic needs. Absolute poverty is the complete lack of the means necessary to meet basic personal needs such as food, clothing, and shelter.

It is very evident that Northern Nigeria is the most poverty-stricken part of the country, and Hausas are the most affected. Hausa men are the poorest people in that part of the country. As the saying goes, “a hungry man is an angry man” and when one is angry, being romantic is the last thing on their mind.

In Aisha’s words:

Any day my husband comes back from work with no money, I hardly understand him because he becomes very unfriendly. 

3. Wives’ Behaviour

The love that one may have for you depends greatly on your attitude, mostly. With love, comes romance. The reason why Hausa men are unromantic owes to the behaviour and attitude of some Hausa women. Hausa women’s attitude towards their husbands can be unbearable; they are short in manners of approach, hardly assist their husbands financially, and are mostly ungrateful.

Refer to my article on 8 Things to Know Before You Marry a Hausa Lady.

Their husbands’ behaviour is a mirror of their behaviours.

4. Unromantic Female Partners

A typical Hausa lady is very unromantic. This is because they are socially and educationally backward. It is so unfortunate that some parents in the North still believe that education is just for men and women are restricted to their parents’ homes or husbands’ houses. Their little or no exposure to the outside world is a major cause.

Some of them despise putting on sexy outfits for their partners to see and admire. They see it as immorality. How backward can that thinking be socially and religiously?

Now, when you are not romantic to your boyfriend or husband, how do you expect them to reciprocate?

5. Pride

Pride is a common thing in men but that of the Hausas is way beyond your imaginations. Why Hausa men are not romantic stems from the pride in them and little regard for women (except for the very religious ones amongst them).

The pride is so great that some of them can’t remember the last time they said “I love you” to their wives or girlfriends, they don’t hug her for no reason or celebrate her for her success.

Some of them only smile at their wives when they want to get to second base. A very close friend of mine is like that. Maryam has this to say about her husband:

I love it when my husband tells me he loves me, but he hardly does. The only thing he does when I make him happy is smile sheepishly at me or pat my back if he is close. That’s it!

6. Unnecessarily Having More Than a Wife

This also answers the question ‘why Hausa men are not romantic”. Polygamy is a very common practice in Northern Nigeria. Contrary to what people normally say, polygamy isn’t a bad practice; it’s not about a man marrying more than a wife, but about every woman having a husband.

An average Hausa man has the proclivity of taking more than a wife. Co-wives, if not properly handled, can be a truck of trouble. Misunderstandings will spring up a lot and only the husband can settle or mediate in situations like this, mostly.

Constant mediation can be very tiring as women can be very aggressive and stubborn when upset. A man coming back from work only to meet his wives fighting themselves, turning his abode into a boxing field, can’t be a happy man and so, shouldn’t be expected to be romantic.

7. Too Much Workload

Aside from poverty, too much responsibility could be a reason why Hausa men a not romantic. As the breadwinner of a family, you not only take care of your immediate family, you also have your parents, siblings, some needy relatives, and some orphans left by your siblings to take care of. This is a common practice in Hausaland. Are you picturing what I’m trying to depict?

The aftereffect of Covid-19 is serious in the North. Prices of things in the market are skyrocketing by the day, so also utility bills, and you have such a huge family to take care of. How can you be romantic? Quite impossible you will agree with me.

8. Environmental Influence

The environment is also a reason why Hausa men are not romantic. Like we all know, the environment plays an important role in the way a man thinks, acts, talks, relates with others, and of course, loves among others.

In a typical Hausaland, display of love is something usually restricted to homes, I repeat, restricted to homes. Public Displays of Affection (PDA) is something prohibited by tradition. As a woman probably from the East or West dating a Hausa man and expecting PDA, sorry dear, very sorry. It’s not done in this part of Nigeria. If that’s one of the things you call being romantic, you had better scrap it off your mind today because you aren’t getting that, sis.

9. Their Parents’ Relationship

A worth noting reason why Hausa men are not romantic is as a result of the kind of family they were brought up in. Every parent needs to know that how they relate with their partners and children in their home has a great impact on how their children will see ‘relationship’ or ‘family’ as. If you share so much love for instance, like hugging your partner or pecking them, hugging your son (as a mother), or hugging your daughter (as a father), your children will most likely do the same in their families, and vice-versa

Most Hausa men see that as a taboo which isn’t. Now how do you expect someone from that kind of family to be romantic in that kind of way?

Conclusion

Been romantic is highly dependent on how you feel about someone or how worthy they are to you. Sometimes, one’s attitude or mindset plays a significant role in their romantic life.

Why Hausa men are not romantic cannot be overemphasized. Some of these reasons like poverty and environmental influence are usually pre-determined and therefore, one has little or no say in them. On the other hand, pride and unnecessarily taking more than a wife can be avoided.

I hope you find this article useful. If you do, drop a comment in the comments section. Thank you.

Related: 8 Signs and Actions of Unromantic Men and How to Deal With an Unromantic Relationship.