by Abu Hafsah | Jan 23, 2022 | Food & Kitchen
Faten Wake, otherwise known as Beans Porridge in the English language, is a food consumed basically by almost all tribes in Nigeria. I seriously don’t know any tribe that doesn’t. To be more specific, the Yorubas are the major consumers of this type of recipe. This article seeks to walk you through how to prepare bean porridge (faten wake).
The primary ingredient for this delicacy is beans. Of course, it has to be because the name of the recipe implies that.
What are we waiting for? Let’s get started on how to prepare bean porridge!
Equipment for Making Beans Porridge
Ingredients for Making Beans Porridge
2 cups of beans
Spices (maggi, curry powder, etc.)
Vegetables like pepper, onions, tomatoes, etc.
A small bunch of spinach (optional)
½ cup of vegetable or palm oil
Boiled or fried meat or fish (optional)
Salt to taste
Procedure for Making Faten Wake
STEP 1: Pick the dirt out of the beans
STEP 2: Wash the beans well. Then;
STEP 3: Over medium heat, put the washed beans in a pot and allow them to cook. Do this for 30 minutes. If you wish, you could add kanwa (potash) to it to speed up the process.
STEP 4: By now, the beans are soft. Wash the beans well with clean water and put them in a bowl. Set this aside.
STEP 5: Put a clean pot over medium and pour in your vegetable or palm oil.
STEP 6: Slice your onions, tomatoes, and pepper and put them into the pot in STEP 5. Allow to fry for 10 minutes. Ensure you stir gently from time to time to avoid sticking to the bottom of the pot.
STEP 7: Now, add a little water to the pot and pour in your meat or fish. Remember, adding meat or fish is optional. Allow it to boil for 5 minutes.
STEP 8: Add your boiled beans to the pot and stir gently. Leave to cook for another five minutes.
STEP 9: Now slice your spinach and wash thoroughly before you add it to the pot. Allow to simmer.
STEP 10: Add in your salt, Maggi, and other spices like curry powder. Allow it to cook for 5 minutes too.
STEP 11: Taste the meal and add spices if need be. Turn off the cooker, and your Faten Wake is done.
How to Serve Faten Wake
Faten Wake recipe is served with soaked or raw garri (soak the garri and eat with the beans or pour the raw garri on the recipe and stir, then eat), bread, water, etc. You could also eat it with fried plantains, fried chips, boiled or fried eggs, and lots more.
Don’t forget to serve it hot, as it tastes better when hot.
Occasions to Serve Faten Wake
Faten Wake can be eaten as breakfast, lunch, or dinner. Yorubas even serve it at naming ceremonies, weddings, festivals, etc. Basically, Faten Wake is for all occasions.
How to Store Faten Wake
Beans have a high tendency to spoil; as a result, ensure you make just enough for immediate consumption. However, if it is more than enough, you can store it in a refrigerator, and that will make it last for days to the detriment of its delicious taste.
Nutritional Value of Faten Wake
Because the major constituent is beans, Faten Wake helps in repairing the body as it contains protein; it helps in making healthy red blood cells, and it helps in preventing neural tube defects in a fetus during pregnancy.
In addition, people who consume beans on a regular basis are less likely to die of heart attacks or other cardiovascular illnesses. It also helps in reducing the risk of cancer, stabilizing blood glucose or even preventing diabetes, preventing fatty liver, and lots more.
Conclusion
As you have seen, how to prepare Beans Porridge (Faten Wake) is like a walk in the park if you follow the above-mentioned steps. If this recipe is new to you, I hope you try making it soon so as not to miss out on its amazing taste.
If you find this article helpful, please leave a comment in the comments section below.
You are always welcome to visit Northpad Nigeria for more local Northern Nigerian delicacies.
by Abu Hafsah | Jan 23, 2022 | Local Delicacies
As the name implies in Hausa, Kunun Gyada is derived from Kunu (meaning pap) and Gyada (meaning groundnut); when you put the two words together, you will have Kunu Gyada, meaning Groundnut Pap. It is a pap that is very popular in northern Nigeria, most especially among the Fulanis, whom you cannot wait to add to your meals, especially breakfast, although Hausas are beginning to embrace the consumption of this recipe too.
There are two ways to prepare the Kunun Gyada: one with rice and one without. In this article, I will take you through the process of making the two. There are two major ingredients for preparing Kunun Gyada that need processing before usage: groundnut and guinea corn. It is paramount that you know how to go about processing the two. Let’s see how:
How to Process the Groundnut for Kunun Gyada
STEP 1: Get your groundnut (preferably the one with the red back because it contains less oil) and pick the dirt from it.
STEP 2: Over high heat, put a frying pan (the size of the frying pan should depend on the quantity of groundnut) and pour sharp sand (sandy soil) into it. Then;
STEP 3: When the sand gets very hot, pour in your groundnut and stir at regular intervals—say, 5 seconds of waiting time in between stirs. Roast for 20 minutes
STEP 4: When roasted, put the frying pan down and spread on a hard surface so as to cool faster.
STEP 5: Pick out the groundnut from the sandy soil. Then;
STEP 6: Peel the back of the groundnut.
STEP 7: If the groundnut isn’t much, you can use a blender by adding a little water to it and blending until it turns into a paste. However, if it is in large quantity, take it to a commercial grinding machine.
How to Process the Guinea Corn for Kunun Gyada
For the guinea corn, well, there are two ways you can have it: either in powdered form or in the form of a paste. For the one in paste form:
STEP 1: Pick the dirt from the guinea corn and wash it well.
STEP 2: Soak in water for 6 hours. You could do that overnight if you intend to make it in the morning.
STEP 3: By now, the grains are already soft. Good.
STEP 4: Wash the grain again and add ginger and kaninfari (cloves).
STEP 5: If it is in small quantity, you can use a blender. Blend it until it turns to paste. If it is a large quantity, I will advise you to take it to a commercial grinding machine.
For the powdered form:
STEP 1: Pick the dirt from the guinea corn and wash it well.
STEP 2: After washing, drain it well and spread it on a mat outside to dry. Then;
STEP 3: Add ginger and kaninfari (cloves) to it.
STEP 4: Use a blender to grind it if it is in small quantities. Resort to a commercial grinding machine if it is in large quantity.
STEP 5: Use a sieve to sieve it well.
Well, to save you all the stress, both the groundnut and guinea corn (paste or powered) have already been sold in the markets.
Having known all this, let’s get cooking!
How to Make Kunun Gyada (with Rice)
Ingredients
You will need the following ingredients to make Kunun Gyada with rice:
1 cup of roasted groundnut
Tamarind (tsamiya)
2 cups of powdered guinea corn, or the desired quantity if using the paste form.
Short-grain rice
Sugar
Procedure for Preparing Kunun Gyada (with Rice)
STEP 1: Soak the short-grain rice with hot water for 30 minutes and set aside.
STEP 2: Soak the tamarind (tsamiya) for 10 minutes with hot water and set aside. Then;
STEP 3: Get your powered guinea corn; pour water into it until it turns into something like a paste, but more watery. If you are using the one in paste, just add a little water and mix well. Set aside, too.
STEP 4: Get a clean bowl and pour in the roasted groundnut paste. Stir it gently, and it is properly mixed. Then add more water to it until it turns very watery for sieving ease.
NB: For the next 4 steps, ensure you have the exact quantity of Kunun Gyada that you want at the end of the day in the back of your mind, and consider that as you are ‘adding’.
STEP 5: Get a sieve and sieve it into a clean pot. You can repeat the sieving if you feel it is not smooth enough for you.
STEP 6: Put the pot over medium heat and add STEP 1 (soaked rice)
STEP 7: In the same pot, sieve STEP 2 (soaked tamarind). Then;
STEP 8: Allow the contents of the pot to boil. However, before it starts boiling, you need to be close to it to avoid spilling by stirring it regularly. Allow it to cook for 5 minutes.
STEP 9: Switch off the heat and allow it to cool for 5 minutes. This is very important, as it helps prevent lumps.
STEP 10: Now, get STEP 3 and add the content to the pot. Stir gently as you pour.
STEP 11: Tada! Your Kunun Gyada with rice is ready!
How to Make Kunun Gyada (without Rice)
Ingredients
Same with the ingredients used in making the one with rice except for the rice.
Procedure for Preparing Kunun Gyada (without Rice)
Repeat every step above, except that you will take out the steps that include rice.
How to Serve Kunun Gyada
This recipe can be served with Kosai, Fried Yam, Fried Sweet Potato, Fried Irish Potato, bread, Kuli-Kuli (Groundnut Cake), Moi Moi and various types of snacks.
Don’t forget to serve hot, but not too hot.
Occasions to Serve Kunun Gyada
For the core Fulanis, most especially those in Adamawa and Gombe, this recipe is a meal for any day, any time, and any event. As such, it can be served in naming ceremonies, wedding ceremonies, condolence waits, Eids, special occasions, breakfast, lunch, dinner, etc.
How to Store Kunun Gyada
This delicacy can be stored in a food flask or any warmer of your choice. However, to avoid hardening the surface of the Kunu in your warmer, sprinkle a little water on top of the Kunu before closing.
Kunun Gyada lasts for 24 hours in its best form. It is also important to know that it cannot be stored in a refrigerator.
Nutritional Value of Kunun Gyada
The nutritional value of Kunun Gyada cannot be overemphasized, as it is a good source of vitamins and minerals such as vitamin E, Magnesium, Folate, Copper, and Arginine. Again, the protein-rich composition of the groundnut in Kunun Gyada makes it great for people who are either trying to lose weight or trying to gain muscle strength. It also improves brain functioning, reduces cholesterol, and so much more.
You could also check out 8 weight loss exercises you can do at home.
Conclusion
Avoid taking this delicacy while it is very hot. You could hurt yourself because of the groundnut in it, which helps retain heat. Now that you know how to make Kunun Gyada, I believe you have another choice among the choices that you have to make for meals, most especially breakfast. Tell me in the comments section when you will be making this change.
If you find this article helpful, please leave a comment in the comments section below.
You are always welcome to visit Northpad Nigeria for more local Northern Nigerian delicacies.
by Abu Hafsah | Dec 20, 2021 | Personal Growth
Nowadays, respect is something that has become scarce in our society. One tends to lose respect in the eyes of people around him/her without even realizing so. Well, some make deliberate efforts to lose respect in the eyes of people due to their nonchalant attitudes. And some, on the other hand, lose it because they fail to understand the core values and attitude that needs to be inculcated to help keep his/her respect in the sight of people. If you are by any chance worrying about how to get people to respect you, then worry no more as I have to your aid.
Treat people the way you want to be treated. Talk to people the way you want to be talked to. Respect is earned, not given.
Hussein Nishah
It is important to note that to have people respect you, you have to earn it and not demand it. Demanding for it only brings about more hatred on you by the people you are asking that from. Below are some of the ways or attributes that one needs to have to be respected by people around him/her and even far away.
13 Ways to Get People to Respect You
1. Be Yourself
Being oneself entails one to be in their most natural, sincere, comfortable, and ingenious state of mind. I will advise that you should always try to be yourself around people wherever you find yourself. As tempting as it may be to be what you are not because you do not want to feel inferior among people or in a crowd, do not.
The repercussion of not being yourself is that there will surely come a time that people will find out the real you no matter how good an actor you are. Of course, you know what that means to your integrity. However, if you have an attitude generally not acceptable in society or the people around you, quit it. For instance, theft lies, and the likes are habits that one shouldn’t be associated with.
So, if you want to be respected by people, always be yourself.
2. Be Independent
One of the fastest and surest ways of getting people to respect you is by being independent, most especially being financially independent. If you want to lose your respect in the eyes of people within a short period of time, be financially dependent.
Therefore, do not beg people to survive. Be able to fend for your needs and that of your family without asking anyone, if not, people, even your family will see you as a liability and do not even want to see you close to them or associate themselves with you.
This is where hard work comes into play. You can’t skip this hurdle if you are lazy. Find something to do to earn a living no matter how little it is and give in your all to it, then wait for God’s blessing as His blessings cover and surround everything.
3. Respect People Too
Respect is a two-way street, if you want to get it, you’ve got to give it.
R.G. Risch
If want to get people to respect you, respect them too – it is should be a two-way thing. Do not look down on anyone simply because you are wealthier than they are, educated, privileged, and the likes. Respect people regardless of their status. Everyone feels good and honoured when you show them respect. This will make them reciprocate that gesture by respecting you too.
4. Always Mind Your Business
Looking for how to get people to respect you? Do not meddle in peoples’ affairs. Stop interfering in matters that do not concern you. As such, do not gossip, backbite, blackmail, and eavesdrop on and about people. Also, asking people married couples who haven’t had a child the reason why they haven’t is not minding your business, so also asking someone why he/she is lean. These are matters that do not concern you. You will just end up opening their old wounds.
Remember, you have lots of things to worry or care about regarding yourself. Why don’t just focus on them and try to see ways you can be better as a person?
5. Care for Your Friends and Family
This is the unwavering and unconditional support you give to your friends and family. In other words, it means going above and beyond to care for them out of genuine concern for their health, happiness, and wellbeing and not out of obligation.
Always know that people have eyes and can see. They will surely respect you for that, not only them but people around who notice.
6. Empower People
Do you want people to respect you? It’s simple, just empower them. Empower them in any way that you can. Do not just concentrate on yourself, your family, and your friends. No. Go out there and seek people who need your help and make their lives better. Be the reason that made them not give up in life. Make their lives meaningful.
You don’t only empower people when you give them money, No. As a matter of fact, there are different ways to empower a person.
Take, for instance, you have the opportunity to help someone get a job, then make it happen without asking for a penny in return; you have the opportunity to smoosh someone to help another get assistance – say a promotion or get selected in a programme that means so much to them, then do it. This will surely earn you respect in the eyes of the people.
6. Acknowledge and Respect People’s Opinions and Feelings
Respect other people’s feelings. It might mean nothing to you, but it could mean everything to them.
Roy T. Bennett
We are all humans but different in a number of ways and of course, have different ways of seeing things. You may choose to see Tuwon Masara as a delicious delicacy for instance, but I see it as trash! Sometimes, we may agree on certain things or issues.
In other to earn the respect of people, learn to respect their opinion. Try and see things from their own perspective as that will help you acknowledge and respect whatever it is they have to say or do.
We don’t need to share the same opinions as others, but we need to be respectful.
Taylor Swift
7. You Want to Know How to Get People to Respect You? Dress Modestly
As the saying goes,
Dress the way you want to be addressed.
Modesty entails you dressing in a way that appeals to the majority of the people around you or the place you live in or where you are going. In the northern part of Nigeria for instance, modesty is something that is very common as people hardly dress half-naked. You can’t be respected if you live in environments like that and not dress in that way.
In addition, nobody takes you seriously if you are not modestly dressed. For instance, you can’t be having a hairstyle like the head of a rooster and expect people you meet for the first time to respect you. As a matter of fact, the first attribute they will associate you with is irresponsibility.
8. Say ‘No’ to Social Vices
Knowledge will give you power, but character will give you respect.
Bruce Lee
Social vices are bad traits or behaviours such as drug addiction, illicit sex, evil or immoral behaviours such as examination malpractice, murder, thuggery, and other criminal tendencies. Whatever status or respect you have, even if it is as high as a mountain, engaging in social vices can bring it down in no time.
If unfortunately, you happen to be a perpetrator of such acts, now is the right time for you to stop associating yourself with them; there is no better time than now. Nonetheless, if you haven’t, do not embrace it. You have clearly seen how some people have gone insane as a result of drug abuse, or got pregnant out of wedlock, or were expelled from school as a result of examination malpractice.
So, if you want to be respected by people, say no to social vices and do not perpetuate them in whatever form.
9. Be Educated Enough
There is something about an educated person that tends to attract people and gain respect from them without even trying. Of course, as an educated person, the way you talk, listen, reason, think, analyze, walk, and the likes is different your counterpart’s. All these positive attributes about you are what people are looking for to respect you.
On this note, I urge you to be educated. Get up and dust that lazy ass of yours and seek knowledge.
10. Be Trustworthy
Being trustworthy is when one is deserving of trust and confidence and is also dependable and reliable. As a matter of fact, this is something almost gone missing amongst many people nowadays as against what we have a few decades back.
Be someone who people can rely on when your testimony is needed anywhere, any time; be someone who when money or a valuable item is given to, will be available as it is without damage or misplacement or theft; also, be someone who people can entrust anything to and be rest assured.
All these trustworthy attributes should be seen in you to attract respect from people.
11. Settle Down
Settling down is one of the fastest ways of attracting respect from people, most especially in this part of the country that we are – Northern Nigeria. It is not surprising that it does because of the sense of responsibility that you have for your partner or kids. You tend to be a more responsible person compared to when you were single.
So if you want to attract respect from people, quickly tie the knot with someone – someone deserving though.
12. Always be Courteous
You are said to be courteous when your good manners show friendliness and concern for others. Be willing to hold the door for people entering a building with you; be willing to speak politely to a person below you in terms of social status and literacy; also, be willing to help the aged lift or move stuff even without being asked to – this is actually one of the signs you were raised by Nigerian parents.
In addition, courteous behaviour is a reminder of the value of good manners. So if you want to be respected by people, try the habit of courteousness.
13. Give In Your All to Make Money
I saved the best for the last – make money. How to get people to respect you? Try hard to get something doing to fetch you money legally. It could be hobbies that bring in good money or a side hustle while working full time. I know you are smiling now. People naturally have the proclivity to respect people who spend like they don’t care.
With money, you can buy respect I tell you. Furthermore, people will listen and obey you way more than they will for people in authority most especially when you have the giving hands. With money, you can even have your in-laws bow before you.
That’s the power of money!
Conclusion
Being respected is something every normal person wants to be attributed to. It gives you that sense of importance in the eyes of your friends, family, spouse, children, community, and society at large. On the other hand, lacking the respect attribute makes you less important in society.
How to get people to respect you is an easy goal if you attribute yourself to the above-mentioned ways.
If you find this article worthwhile, kindly leave a comment in the comments section.
The next step after getting respect is to make a good impression on people.
by Abu Hafsah | Oct 26, 2021 | Personal Life
Life can be trickish. It’s not always how you want it to be. Things happen – some you are proud of and some you aren’t; some are mistakes on your part while some, you have no control over. In this article, I have come to share with you some of the things I learned late in life. Relax and enjoy your read.
8 Things I have Learned Late in Life
1. Certification Doesn’t Guarantee a Job
Na this one dey vex me pass, aswear.
When this country was actually a country one can proudly call his own, everything seems to be normal. Everything was available at a platter of gold. Nothing was too difficult to accomplish or get as long as you follow the proper channel of achieving it.
Back then, as soon as you are done studying at the University, an automatic job awaits you, and probably a car and a crib. Because of that, my parents thought certification was the ultimate way of securing a job in this country and that there was little or no need to teach me trading or any other skill aside from education.
Nowadays, the reverse is the case. You need luck and/or connections to seek a job. I graduated in the year 2012. Well, we thank God for what the certificate has got us so far, but it’s nothing to write home about because it isn’t commensurate with the efforts I have put in while studying. I then realized that had it been I had a skill earlier other than only education, my life now would’ve never been the same. I realized the best possible way to survive in this country isn’t only by studying, but having a skill.
Don’t just have the skill; be so good at it that you can’t be ignored.
2. I Should Have Married Earlier
Marriage is something one engages in life. It’s a union consisting of a husband, a wife, and their child(ren). I used to have this feeling that I’m still young and I should at least enjoy my life before I take in a responsibility; that my head is not yet ripe to settle down (which I know to be very untrue). I kept on lying to myself in that manner until now that I’m in remorse.
I’m not comparing my life to that of others but I can’t help it when I see my friends and age mates with their beautiful kids, I wish I’m in their shoes. Well, it won’t be for long before I join them.
3. I Never Should Have Shown I Was a Workaholic
I used to work in a private school some years back. Initially, I was employed as an Administrative Officer but eventually, I became the Accountant, Bursar, Store Officer, and the Secretary of the school. Initially, I was complimented a lot. We all know how private schools are. Once you show them you are competent or a workaholic, they will drain the last blood in you. I kept on complaining about the workload and they kept making empty promises. None of my records was 100% okay because of the workload and they are financially buoyant to get people to work on those positions.
The worse is that they stopped showing appreciation. I became so lean as if they were paying me with electric shock. Because of my diligence, I became so available whenever they needed me. Basically, I had no weekends!
God so kind, I got another job so I tendered my resignation. It came to the management as a surprise. The founder of the school – who was the number one in complaining called me and talked to me in a manner he had never before, trying to convince me. He was even saying my future in the school is far better than the job I got. How absurd! That was when I realized I was an asset to the school unknowingly.
Nevertheless, I still left the school. Now and then, when they are behind schedules on certain school activities, they seek my help. From then henceforth, I have become a normal employee anywhere I find myself.
An wuce wurin!
4. Never Believe Anything Your Partner Says, Verify First
Never believing anything your partner tells you until you verify is one of the things i learned late in life. I was dating this beautiful girl back in 2014. We met online. It all started as a friendship. I only see it like that, but she was on the opposite side of the coin. I made it clear to her that I’m not interested in any relationship until I’m ready to settle down. One thing led to another, she changed my intention. We started dating. During the course of dating, I made mention that I will never marry a woman older than I am.
Long story short, we dated for 3 years and even considered forming a marriage union. Four months to the proposed wedding date, we fell apart. Do you know why? I had a feeling she lied about her age to me. I got to know that when I asked her for her certificates so my brother could submit a job proposal for her in his workplace.
She initially agreed but later called and said her dad took it there already. It got me thinking. I know I’m not dumb not to have seen her certificates even once, but surprisingly, something took my mind off it; I guess that four-letter word was responsible.
So I asked my bro to help check the submissions they have. To my guess, hers wasn’t there. Then I began recalling some instances that their dots weren’t connecting. I pressurized her into letting me see her certificates so I could verify, but she adamantly refused and kept on giving me flimsy excuses.
After 2 weeks of grace, I bailed out of the relationship without a word. Since then, even if I see a nose in between a lady’s eyes and mouth, I ask if it’s really a nose. Call me crazy all you want, but once beaten, twice shy.
5. I Wish I Started Content Writing Earlier
Content writing is something entirely new in my life. It is one of the things I learned late in life; this is why.
I could remember during the Covid-19 Pandemic in 2020, my brother, the Founder of this blog asked if I would like to be one of his writers. I didn’t say no but wasn’t really interested. So I just kept it aside. He also asked me a couple of times too, but my attitude towards it was the same; nothing changed.
In July 2021, he asked again if I can be one of his Editors not Writers anymore and I said yes. That was how my content writing journey kick-started. While editing content on the blog, I realized… hey Abu Hafsah, why don’t you give this a trial? And that was it!
The first article to my credit was 9 Things to Know Before You Marry a Hausa Lady which was published on the 15 of August 2021. And guess what? It ranked well on the google search engine.
Now, this is where my regret is. Of recent, I saw an advert on Upwork for a content writer. I decided to apply and I was interviewed that same day. The pay was very good. Unfortunately, they needed someone with 20 articles and above. Only if I had started writing earlier, would I have gotten the offer.
6. Mere Assisting a Lady in Need or Showing Her Care Could Mean to Her You Are Interested
Women are very special beings. They are different from us men and so, react differently to situations. I noticed that when you give most ladies a helping hand when they need you or give your shoulder to them to cry on, they easily mistake it for love.
If you are a woman, you need to understand that that’s not how some of us think. We just saw a woman in need and decided to help, shikenan!
I’m the kind of person who has so much respect for women. Yeah, ask people around me to verify. I believe a lady is a special being that needs to be cared for and not be allowed to do anything stressful like hard labour. Their body system isn’t like ours. Assist them whenever they need you and treat them right. However, there is an exception to this; arrogant women, toxic women, and women who don’t know they are woman.
Because of that soft spot in me for ladies, I have had many cases like this. They were so many that I had to start caring and assisting less. Now, a lady has to be very very much in need before I assist. Though, sometimes, I can’t help but give them what (help) they need. Lolz. It’s already a part of me.
7. I Wish I Had Memorized the Holy Qur’an
This is also one of the things i learned late in life. The Holy Qur’an is a book we Muslims believe in. It was revealed by God to His beloved Prophet (Muhammad PBUH) bit by bit over the course of 23 years. Memorizing all of it has its special reward according to Islamic teachings.
Back when I was very young, I use to have a retentive memory and can assimilate a lot without even trying so hard. I can remember in 1997 when this song “I’ll Be Missing You” was released; one of my brothers wanted to memorize the song and so decided to write it down. It wasn’t easy to get the lyrics of a song because we weren’t exposed to the internet and there are no sophisticated phones either. If you want to get the lyrics, you will have to play the song on a radio, listen carefully, and write it down. It is very tedious as you need to be rewinding over and over again, using a BIC pen if your radio has no rewind button. Kai jama’a, an sha bakar wuya da.
To his greatest surprise, before he could even memorize the song, I already have and I wasn’t even the one writing! In addition, most of the Surahs or Verses in the Holy Qur’an I have memorized were just by mere listening.
I wished that talent in me was harnessed and channelled towards memorizing the Holy Qur’an. Now I want to, seriously want to but the hayaniya of this country won’t let me, and my memory retention ability isn’t as good as it used to be back then.
8. I Wish I Wasn’t a Nigerian, Lols
Last but not the least is this. As much as I love my country and try to be patriotic to it, I’m not happy living in it. With the recent insecurity challenges and the prices of goods skyrocketing, and a couple of other malfunctions, no patriotic Nigerian is.
Nothing one can do in Nigeria without fear; travelling, strolling, farming, spending, praying (in churches and mosques), even sleeping in your house for fear of bandits or kidnappers.
Haba! E too much na.
I know this is something predetermined by the Almighty so, one has no control over it. Amma da a wani kasa aka haifan, ko ina ne, da tuni na ware.
Conclusion
The above-mentioned are some of the things I learned late in life that I wish I knew earlier. I hope you enjoyed having a taste of some parts of my life.
What’s yours?
by Abu Hafsah | Oct 10, 2021 | Personal Growth, Relationships & Weddings
Perhaps, you have been asked out by someone, proposed to by someone, invited to join a team, or someone is wanting to be friends with you. In life, you can’t escape situations like these. Now, do you wish to know how to turn down someone politely, and probably still be friends? If your answer is positive, then this post is for you.
Let me be your tour guide on how to reject that girl/boy nicely, how to turn down someone politely and how to reject any offer in general, politely.
9 Ways to Turn Down Someone Politely
1. Prepare Yourself to It
As easy as you may see it as do not think of confronting the person in question without actually making a plan on how you want everything to go about. “Failure to plan is planning to fail” phrase cannot be more right.
First, the approach you will use depends on the individual. Therefore, ensure you know the individual well. If you already do, then that’s fine. Now, think of what to say and the gestures you should use while saying it. Please, do not give a long speech, you may begin to sound unserious, childish, or boring if you do.
So, be as brief as possible except in a situation where they keep interrupting, only then should it be long. Even at that, try to break any conversation short – in a nice way the moment you sense it.
2. Be Honest about It
How to turn down someone politely can be achieved successfully if you’re honest about it. There is this special attraction people feel for honest people, even the dishonest ones. Ensure that whatever you say is true and nothing but the truth. Saying things that are false is the wrong way to go about turning down someone. This is because since they already know you, sometimes very well, chances are they will spot a false statement from you.
This will make you look rather unserious. They may even begin to question themselves “What was I even thinking when I decided to profess my love/friendship/marriage proposal to this jerk? He/she doesn’t even worth me”. You wouldn’t what that, would you?
3. Do it Face-to-Face
For me, breaking up or rejecting someone by doing it face to face is the best. It tells or shows them that you have regard for them. This will make it easier for them to accept your rejection.
However, you could send them a sweet text message conveying your intention. A text message like:
“Hello there. Good day and I hope this message meets you in a good mood and sound health. I just texted to let you know I have thought well about your offer for love/marriage/friendship well, and this is the decision I have come up with. There is no better way to say this, but I believe you deserve better – someone way better than me…”
As good as the above message may seem, saying it physically sounds way better than saying it over a text message.
4. Do it Yourself
As tempting as it is to send someone else because you’re not confident, say a member of your family, or friend, do it yourself. Be bold, be confident, and most importantly, be nice while conveying your message.
The benefit of doing it yourself to them is that they see you as a person worth their time and space even though they obviously know you aren’t interested or available. In addition, they will respect you as someone with courtesy and a sense of humour. Moreover, you get to benefit from doing the rejection yourself by them seeing you in whatever nice way they see you.
5. Avoid Giving False Hope
Always put it at the back of your mind that you are doing this because you do not have the time, space, or heart to accommodate them. Stick to that. Therefore, be straightforward.
All your statements and actions should be tailored in that direction and not anything contrary. For instance, they like seeing messages from you, they like to sit close to you always, they like being with you – just the two of you, they like you assisting them in doing some stuff, do not avail them the opportunity of having all of those all the time. Reduce it significantly or do not do it again if you genuinely know you do not want them.
Well, that doesn’t stop you from being nice to them, but not in a way that will send them a wrong signal.
6. Don’t Mention Their Flaws
As you begin to talk, remember, avoid mentioning their flaws. For instance, you are turning down a girl/guy for reason been that they smell terribly bad always, can’t cook, dress badly, are unreligious etcetera. Do not say that to them. Avoid mentioning any attribute about them that is negative. Remember, the aim is to be seen as nice after the show.
However, look for positive attributes and say a little about them. Do not concentrate on that though. For instance, you could say:
“… you are beautiful/handsome, I envy your intellect and I love how honest you are to me by seeing me worthy of being a part of your life…”
This will make you sound nice and good.
7. Be More Focused on Your Needs
We humans have our individual needs as regards whom we want to be friends with, have a relationship with, teamwork with, marry, etc. Here, concentrate more on your needs as a person. For instance, if you are that kind of person who focuses or gives more attention to your carrier and have little or no time for love, you could say:
“I’m grateful and thrilled by your offer and I can’t be happier than I already am by it. However, I’m in a moment where my career is my top priority. I do not mean to sound rude but the truth needs to be told. The time I’m needed most by my carrier is now and I spend a lot of time attending to it. Putting you now in the equation will only worsen my situation because I will be having less time for you, and truly, you deserve better…”
Please, do not mention any of their needs. That could mess up all the things you have said or will say.
8. Don’t Make Them Wait for Long
Sometimes, turning down someone could be scary most especially if you are heavily indebted to that person. The best way to avoid being in that kind of position is by refusing gratitude from anyone except when it becomes highly necessary.
Nevertheless, do not be scared, do not feel ungrateful, and do not hesitate. In other words, do not make them wait for long. Do it the moment you find a suitable opportunity to.
9. Do It at the Right Time
Just because you do not want them and you have prepared for it and gathered the courage to meet them, shouldn’t make you selfish. Endeavour to do it at the appropriate time. For instance, you do not want to turn down someone even if it is politely while they are in a bad mood, or when they are ill, lost a dear one, did badly in an examination or interview, or the likes. I guess no. You will want to reject them while they are somewhere in between being happy and sad.
Timing is very key whenever you want to do something in life, not only turning down someone. So, target the right time.
Conclusion
Nobody wants to be rejected in any way, but because we don’t always get what we want or need, there is bound to be rejection here and there. You may want someone but they may not want you back. That’s life for you. Nonetheless, if you have to turn down someone politely, you could use the above-mentioned ways to accomplish that.
If you find this article helpful, kindly share with us what you think in the comments section. More so, you could also tell us how you got to turn down someone politely as well. Meanwhile, if you tried to get someone to forgive you and they didn’t, try these ways.
