by Maryam Idris Bappa | Oct 26, 2021 | Family & Parenting
Did I just hear you say sexually molesting a helpless child/baby is a mental disorder? Does that mean that very soon, child sexual offenders will happily roam the streets free, after being fully acquitted from a non-guilty plea, on the cushioned grounds of insanity?
No, I don’t want to believe that our world today is agreeing with this gruesome misconduct and grievous rebellion against the laws of nature. After being termed with a ‘fancy name’ to legitimize its birth, “Paedophilia” went further to being baptized as a ‘Psychiatric disorder’; subconsciously assisting its so-called sufferers to get away with their acts.
Whatever complicated theory the world may choose to weave about ‘Paedophilia” today, the simple fact is, we need to reject this mental slavery the second it lands on our runway; starting from protecting our children from these walking monsters.
What Is Paedophilia?
Before we can protect our children from paedophiles, we need to first and foremost understand what it is, its extent, and its limits. Therefore, we will look at its basic history/evolution, definition, and signs of a paedophile/paedophilia.
History/Evolution of Paedophilia
Formally recognised and named in the late 19th century, the term ‘Paedophilia’ comes from Greek words; ‘Paidos’ and ‘Philia’, meaning ‘Child’ and ‘Friendship/friendly love’ respectively.
This term was used to describe sexual interest in mostly male adults, to feel sexual urges or engage in sexual acts in prepubescent children; that is children who have not attained puberty.
However, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders replaced the term ‘Paedophilia’ with ‘Paedophilic Disorder’ arguing that a paedophilic desire, practice, or behaviour in itself does not constitute a mental illness and that it is only a disorder when it is mentally or socially affects the concerned individual and also exerts harm to unwilling persons or victims.
Warning Signs of a Paedophile
There are no outward signs of a paedophile. In fact, they look and act very normal just like you and me. The only difference is that they are sexually attracted to children and you are not.
However, below are ten warning signs you should look out for in a paedophile; gathered from their criminal profiles and psychological studies. Remember, they do not make one automatically a paedophile, but should be enough to make you as a guardian be cautious:
- He is a victim of molestation before himself
- He is most times someone close to you; a relative, friend, co-worker, neighbour, and so on.
- He is always around children or has work related to children.
- His environment is decorated in childlike décor that will appeal to the age and sex of the child he desires and not scare them away.
- He is very patient. He spends time as much as possible with your child, constantly giving them gifts, prolonged hugs, and attention. In other words, he grooms both you and the child to trust him.
- He watches or masturbates to child pornography.
- He talks to or treats children like adults.
- Also, he is mostly friends with single mothers or women who lack sufficient male support in their lives.
- He has an impeccable reputation and good manners or a mental illness such as a mood or personality disorder.
- He is always on online platforms popular among young adolescents.
How to Protect Your Child from Paedophiles
We have understood the concept of paedophilia and looked into the warning signs of a potential paedophile. Now this will help us in delving head-on into ways we can protect our children from falling victims to their traps. Ways you can protect your child from a paedophile include:
1. Educate Yourself about Them
You need to be aware of the traits and behaviours of a paedophile before you can be able to protect your child. Most criminals like rapists, armed robbers, serial murderers have similar patterns of behaviour and regularly devise new ways of achieving their aims.
Arm yourself with regular updates about the latest trends in use by these sexual predators so that you will not be taken by surprise.
2. Educate Your Child to Keep Private Parts Private
Distinguish appropriate and inappropriate touching for your child. Let him know that there are good touches and there are bad touches. Your child should know that a high five or a pat on the back is different from a butt squeeze or a kiss on the lips or tongue.
Also, do not stigmatise teaching your child from an early age about the concept of private parts. Let your children understand that certain places in their bodies are not for the public. Go further to protect those places for them from view from people when bathing or dressing them up. This includes family members also.
In addition, constantly remind them by saying things like; “Listen to me sweetheart, do not allow anyone to see or touch you here and here. Whoever asks you to show or touch it, run straight to me and tell me”.
This will keep your child alert and inform them that there is something wrong when someone tries to see or touch their privates.
3. Teach Your Child to Not Talk to Strangers or Follow Them to Places
Paedophiles usually observe a child they are interested in and work tirelessly to isolate them from their peers. They appear where they usually play and talk to them until they become a familiar face even if the child doesn’t know them. When they establish familiarity, they lure them to isolated places, have their way, and later disappear without a trace.
Discourage your child as much as possible to feel at home with strangers.
One of the popular ways paedophiles get to children is by giving them gifts. Generally, discourage your child from accepting gifts all the time. “I will give you a packet of sweets if you let me see or touch you in this place” is an example of phrases a paedophile uses. For the average child, this feels like a relatively fair deal if they don’t know that these are not things to bargain with.
Also, whenever someone presents your child with a gift, encourage them to first show you before accepting or consuming it. If you notice any abnormal way in the gifts or manner which they are given, ask your child questions like “Did he ask you to give him a gift in return?” Questions like this will help you understand the true intentions of the giver.
5. Supervise Your Child Regularly
Whether your child is alone or not, engaged in a playful activity or another; make sure you regularly show up in places where your child spends long hours on their own or with other people. Be positive that there are no short or long-term disappearances from where your child is engaged in an activity.
If left with a friend, family member, co-worker, or nanny, take breaks from work or what you are doing to check up on them regularly through phone calls or visits.
6. Do Not Leave Your Children Alone At Public Places
At a birthday party, wedding, or shopping mall, keep your eye on your child at all times. Sexual molesters use these gatherings to snatch children away and force them. Also, watch out for onlookers who are always present at children’s gatherings without having an actual reason to be there.
Also, refuse to send children to open doors when the door rings or send them on errands where they have to pass secluded places. These sexual predators are everywhere waiting for the perfect opportunity to snatch your child.
7. Be Your Child’s Friend
Build an environment that is emotionally conducive for your child. Listen to their concerns and do not make them feel judged or ashamed. Remember, child molesters often use threats to keep your child quiet about the atrocities they constantly do to them.
Your children can only overcome that threat or fear instilled in them if they feel you can protect their interests after they disclose their secrets to you. Typically, child molesters target children who do not get much attention from their parents and act only after gaining their trust and friendship.
Be friends with your child; share your own thoughts and feelings, have open and honest conversations and they will never feel threatened or afraid to tell you their secrets.
8. Notice When Your Child Is Acting Differently
Is your child behaving in a withdrawn manner around a certain person or cringes when you brush past their privates during bath time? Try to know your children’s regular pattern of behaviour and watch out for any changes. Do not ignore them.
Constantly ask your children how their day was at school, how the outing with an adult went, or why they are not playing with their friends. “Did you fall and hurt your buttocks?” Asking these questions regularly will keep the lines of communication open to bring up any answers to such matters.
9. Trust Your Child’s Instincts
Do not dismiss your child’s claims about not wanting to be around someone simply because you feel that someone is too virtuous. Children have the best instincts and if they do not feel comfortable around someone, do not force them.
10. Monitor Your Child’s Internet Activity
Children at a very young age these days are allowed to handle and operate gadgets. Alas, this has proven a favourable decision for paedophiles online who stalk social platforms and chatrooms popular among children; sending them pictures to entice them before finally luring them into an open meeting.
As a guardian, establish internet rules; regularly monitor your children’s online activity by asking them about people they meet and by checking it out on your own.
Conclusion
We must do our best to protect our children from harm at all costs. Say again that molesting a helpless child/baby is a ‘mental disorder’ and we will echo in unison the death of those who deservingly need to be punished for their acts.
Sexually molesting a child is a crime against mother nature. They wish to speak up for the rights of mental health of people that engage in these gruesome acts – acts of sexually molesting children including babies of only three weeks old. Meanwhile;
Who is standing up for the mental health rights of children sexually molested every day?
by Maryam Idris Bappa | Dec 15, 2020 | Relationships & Weddings
A red flag can be a character trait, a certain habit, behaviour, or any kind of beliefs or core values of someone else that makes your intuition sound off. This can be an issue in the present moment or something that you may see as a potential problem down the line.
If you struggle with low self-esteem, abandonment issues, and disease to please, any sign of smoke will make you feel like you have to work that much harder to prove you are “enough” for it to clear.
And when you eventually get locked in the vicious cycle of investigation opening, truth chasing, instinct prosecuting, and reality questioning…
You will know that you got burned.
When it comes to red flags in a relationship, in dating, and even in your friendships…
Have you ever heard the saying “where there’s smoke, there’s fire”?
A red flag is a cloud of smoke that no matter how much you try to fan away, choose to identify as fog, or spray with the air freshener of denial and keep walking through, will always lead you to fire.
When you first make it official with your new partner, it can be easy to ignore any red flags in your relationship and focus on the positives, pushing every doubt about your compatibility to the back of your mind because there’s that hope behind your mind, that they might change. And while it might be fun to stay ignorant for a while, there are some red flags that you should never ignore.
Red Flags You Should Watch Out for in Your Relationships
1. Nasty Comments about Random Strangers
The way people talk about others is always a clue to who they (truly) are. No one is above dropping the odd critical remark but it’s especially telling when someone takes aim at an innocent stranger. I recall a friend saying when took his new partner to the movies she made nasty comments in passing about the appearance of other women. “It stuck with me because I just thought it was really mean,” he said.
Here’s the thing if they can talk nasty about a stranger, who says they can’t talk like that about you or your family?
If your partner thinks something is hilarious and you find it disturbing, or you feel is disrespectful and it does not coincide with YOUR own relational value system and moral code… You need to identify it as the smoke that it is and stop investing.
2. Pay A Close Look at How They Talk About Family, Friends & Exes
Pay very close attention to how they talk about their family, Friends and Exes. Listen to how they speak about family, if they talk about their sisters in a way that doesn’t sit well you, take notice. If they are quick to judge insult their exes or say degrading words towards the opposite gender or notice if they act like a different person, seek their validation, or get off to being a fixer/rescuer for them.
If they have a relationship with a family member, a friend (Bestie and Co), or an ex that at best, makes your stomach turn and at worst, have you questioning your place in his life, your relationship with him, your value, his values and your reality, keep your antennas up because the most deal-breaking red flags hide in these dynamics.
3. They Label Themselves
People cannot help but communicate who they are through their actions and patterns but sometimes, it’s their direct words.
If they straight up tell you that they are immature, indecisive, keeping their options open, too good for you, can’t give you want, is a commitment-foe, etc.
That’s not your cue to try to be the exception to a rule that is so deeply branded in their being, they have no problem communicating it and don’t want to work on it.
It’s your cue to fold.
4. When They Are Too Defensive
If you casually and respectfully ask them a question and their defensiveness seems very strange, unnecessary, theatrical, and disproportionate to the question and energy with which you asked, this is one of the major red flags in a relationship.
Especially if they deflect and makes you feel immature, accusatory, or “mean” for asking.
Sometimes you try to confront them over a simple issue, but before you finish your statement they have already gone to war with you. Their defence is up, they have their weapon ready to dismiss whatever you say.
5. Being Selfish is A Red Flag They Should Ignore
Do they show little interest in your life (but expect you to be their on-demand cheerleader, motivational coach, and armchair psychologist)? Or the only time they show any interest in whatever you have going on is prior to getting a need met?
Or, if there’s something in it for them?
My dear, run.
6. They Always Get You Jealous
Because you never feel like you have “all” of them, you are in a constant state of trying to get all of them. If you feel like you have to compete with other women or men, their ex, their family, job, etc…
This unfairly de-pedestals you, obnoxiously pedestals him and redefines your definition of a relationship as something that you have to compete for to experience.
No thanks.
7. They Repeatedly Say, “I’m Just Kidding” to Hurtful “Jokes”
“Joking” in this manner is such a joke. As long as they’re “joking” and you have an adverse reaction to it, you just “can’t take a joke.”
As long as they’re kidding, they can be cruel and get away with it because “it’s just a joke.”
They are the joke here and you need to be done.
8. When They Have an Allergic Reaction to Your Success
If your success requires you to give them more attention during your moment, that’s a huge red flag in the relationship.
If you’re made to feel bad and apologize for your success, this is because your success shines a light on his lack of it. And anyone who can only amplify their light by dimming yours is not worth your time.
9. When All of Their Friends are of The Opposite Sex
15Friendships can add good and positive influences to our lives and to our relationships. But be informed: opposite-sex friendships will destroy your relationship if it goes too far, too close and unchecked. However, it can be a challenge to balance the intimacy of our relationships with the other important friendships in our lives.
And if you’re the jealous type, and you are in a relationship like this. I can’t help but say, you’re planning to give yourself a stroke.
10. They are Extremely Moody
One minute they are pissed off at you for making a minor mistake, and the next minute they want to take cute photos and post them to Facebook. This is one of the red flags in a relationship.
11. When Their Definition of Love, Monogamy, Honesty, and Respect Are Not the Same as Yours
There are stages in Love. Compatibility is the most important. If you have no problem raising your kids in a different way and they want them to be raised in another way…and they are not willing to compromise their thoughts, or if you have different goals, ambitions, likes and dislikes, you both are not compatible at all
And if you decide to keep on moving, thinking they might change…AH! Sorry for you in advance.
You deserve someone who defines these things in the same (or an even better way) than you do. Think of how you would advise someone you care about and do the same for yourself.
Walk away from this red flag.
12. If Their family Don’t Like You
If their family doesn’t respect you even acknowledge you or doesn’t think you’re the one, you’re just wasting your time.
Even if they promise to stick by you through thin and thick…is that really something you wanna compromise? Your happiness?
Once their family loathes you, my brother/sister, YOU ARE ON YOUR OWN.
13. When You Don’t Even Recognise Them After the Honeymoon Phase is Over
Everyone is a little overly soft in the first month or few weeks of dating. Once you get through that, you start to see the real person.
How much they change will set the course for what they’ll be like in the future.
14. They Become Angry when Discussing Their Mistakes
It’s not alright when they become angry about discussing anything they don’t like, don’t agree with, or don’t want to talk about.
Your partner shouldn’t lose their handle and try to suppress your communication at times when they know they are wrong. Their inability to talk about things that annoy them or strike a nerve is going to cause communication obstacles in your relationship further down the road.
Conclusion
If you see 4-5 of the following red flags in your relationship, you might want to reconsider the relationship. However, if you see 7 more of these red flags in your relationship.
RUN!
by Maryam Idris Bappa | Nov 4, 2020 | Health & Wellness
Fenugreek is an annual herb that belongs to the Fabaceae family, the same family as soy. It is a leafy green legume native to Eurasia and Africa that is widely used for its nutritional and aromatic value, with India reported to account for its major products throughout the world.
The leaves of Fenugreek are rich in folic acid, vitamin A, vitamin C, and vitamin K. It is also a storehouse of minerals such as potassium, calcium, and iron. Adding fenugreek to your diet in the required dosage is safe and provides beneficial nutrients, mucilage, and fibre. The benefits of this herb are so much that many are yet to be scientifically proven. For instance, fenugreek is used for beauty and health purposes all around the world.
Below are 16 benefits of fenugreek which can be obtained from its seeds and leaves.
Benefits of Fenugreek
1. Fenugreek Is Good for the Skin
Salicylic acid present in fenugreek helps to unclogs pores while potassium, carotene, and vitamin C in the seeds boost skin elasticity. The oil made from the seeds which contain mucilage help in moisturizing, softening, and hydrating skin without irritating it.
Apply the paste made from fenugreek leaves preferably at night to prevent a fresh breakout of acne. You can also apply fenugreek oil directly to the skin.
2. It Is Important For the Hair
Fenugreek seeds and leaves contain a variety of nutrients that promote hair growth as well as prevent dandruff. The paste made from the leaves promotes and preserves the natural hair colour and silky texture. Due to the high mucilage content of fenugreek seeds, it possesses hair conditioning properties that can treat dry scalp by moisturizing it.
Apply Fenugreek leaf paste to the scalp and rinse with water to improve your hair quality. Also, blend the seeds of fenugreek into powder, add into a hair mask or a conditioner in order to accentuate its benefits and soften hair.
3. Fenugreek Can be Used as a Spice
The fresh and dried seeds of this plant have been used as a spice and flavouring agent for ages. The seeds have been described to have a natural sweet nutty flavour like maple syrup or burnt sugar. Fenugreek seeds when combined with other spices will give your saucy dishes a certain sweetness and flavour.
In addition, throw in fenugreek powder to your fry or add it to your soup to obtain its unique flavour.
4. The Plant Aids Digestion and Relieve Constipation
One of the benefits of fenugreek is that it aids digestion and relieves constipation. Fenugreek can improve digestion and prevents stomach disorders by acting as a laxative.
This is typical of foods containing large amounts of soluble fibre known as bulk-forming laxatives. When fenugreek seeds absorb water in the intestines, they expand and the volume increases. This will trigger a reflex muscular contraction in response to this pressure, thereby stimulating bowel movement. However, mucilage contained in fenugreek seeds when ingested will soften the mucus membranes to ease constipation.
Take fenugreek tea or drink water in which fenugreek seeds have been soaked to ease digestion. You can also mix about a teaspoon of fenugreek powder in a cup of water strain and drink it up.
5. Fenugreek Helps Fights Inflammation
Certain acids and substantial levels of antioxidants in fenugreek seeds make it a good anti-inflammation agent. Mucilage extracted from its seeds also contributes to its anti-inflammatory properties.
Use fenugreek seed oil extract on inflamed places directly on the skin to ease inflammation.
6. Do you Know Fenugreek Treats Heartburn
One of the benefits of fenugreek is that it treats heartburn cases. Fenugreek is an effective treatment for gastritis. More so, it reduces the severity of heartburn by forming a shield over the intestinal lining to soothe gastrointestinal inflammation and prevent heartburn.
In addition, intake of a fenugreek fibre product, 30 minutes before two meals in a day will reduce the severity of heartburn.
7. It Helps with Weight Loss
Fenugreek contains fibre that promotes a feeling of fullness and keeps people from overeating. If you want to lose weight, adding fenugreek seeds to your diet is a must. Furthermore, fenugreek seeds aid in reducing fat accumulation and enhance the metabolism of lipids and glucose which help in weight loss.
That is to say, fenugreek will help with energy extraction and also increase overall energy consumption. Therefore, it is going to increase calories burned daily and thus, increase weight loss
Chew fenugreek seeds twice or thrice a day to promote a feeling of fullness and satiation without having to eat much.
8. Fenugreek Also Helps with Weight Gain
Although fenugreek seeds in themselves do not make you gain weight they can boost your appetite. Also, with the intake of the right foods, fenugreek makes you gain weight. Furthermore, taking fenugreek seeds with a glass of water will help in absorbing the saponins found in fenugreek, which will increase your appetite.
More so, take a total of four teaspoons daily of ground fenugreek seeds or otherwise known as fenugreek powder with two cups of water after having some bites of bread or an apple. Then eat foods that are rich in calories and nutrients rather than fat.
This will help you gain healthy weight.
9. An Important Benefit of Fenugreek It Improves Breast Milk Production
More so, one of the benefits of fenugreek is that it increases breast milk production. Fenugreek may help stimulate milk production and flow in lactating mothers. Women use the seed to increase their breast milk production across Asia. This herb also contains phytoestrogen that boosts milk production in lactating mothers.
Moreover, drinking fenugreek tea seems to increase the supply of breast milk in mothers, which also promotes weight gain in infants.
10. Fenugreek Also Increase Breast Size
Fenugreek contains Phyto oestrogen which builds the level of prolactin in your body and also helps increase the size of your breasts by encouraging the development of breast tissue. Massage your breasts daily with warm water which has been brought to a boil with fenugreek powder.
You can also apply the oil on the breast directly and firm it up with a bra for better effect.
11. Acts As an Aphrodisiac for Men and Women
Fenugreek was one of the foods used as aphrodisiacs by ancient people in Rome, Egypt, and Greek. It has been used as an aphrodisiac used for centuries by men and women to increase sex drive. This is because the herb contains compounds that the body can use to make sex hormones like oestrogen and progesterone.
Fenugreek also boosts testosterone levels, a hormone that plays a vital role in many bodily functions in males.
12. Fenugreek Alleviate Menstrual Cramps
In addition, fenugreek seeds have anti-inflammatory and analgesic properties. Ingesting fenugreek seed powder reduces pain associated with menstrual cramps and other symptoms such as fatigue, headache, and nausea.
This is one of the numerous benefits of fenugreek.
13. It Also Serves as Remedy for Fever and Sore Throat
The mucilage found in fenugreek seeds has a soothing effect on the throat. The seeds are said to provide relief for fever when taken with a tablespoon of lemon and honey.
14. Fenugreek Also Lowers Cholesterol Level
Fenugreek seeds are rich sources of steroidal saponins which intercept the absorption of cholesterol and triglycerides. The seeds discourage the production of cholesterol in the liver and stimulate the production of good cholesterol.
15. You Can Use Fenugreek to Treat Diabtes
The fibre in fenugreek forms a thick and sticky gel in the intestine, which makes it harder to digest excess sugars and bad fats. In addition, fenugreek seeds help control blood sugar and decrease insulin resistance.
Aiding diabetes treatment is definitely one of the benefits of fenugreek.
16. This Herb Reduces Aluminum Toxicity
Furthermore, fenugreek seed powder reduces aluminium toxicity by offering protection to the brain, bones, and kidneys.
Conclusion
Side effects of ingesting fenugreek may include diarrhoea, stomach upset, and other allergic reactions. People with chronic health conditions or lactating women should speak with a doctor before ingesting Fenugreek supplements.
