by Editorial Staff | Jan 15, 2022 | Relationships & Weddings
Don’t believe the rumours that the sole thing women find attractive about guys is abs, a fair face an incredibly white smile. Most qualities women find attractive aren’t even all the way down to physical appearances, so don’t kill yourself in the gym. Attraction isn’t purely physical. Such a large amount of relationships that were based on physical looks then, have crumbled after a while. Now, what what makes a guy attractive?
Because there are so many other ways for men to be attractive. So, buckle up let’s take you through 15 things that make men instantly attractive.
15 Things That Make a Guy Instantly Attractive
1. A Nice Low Deep Voice
You don’t have to be like Morgan Freeman or even Vin Diezel, but a pleasant and rich baritone can make a guy’s less attractive traits vanish in a second. Ladies! You know what I mean. We associate a husky voice with testosterone.
2. When Men Look Into Our Eyes
Maintain that eye contact. Most ladies will look away but in spite of her appearance just went “pow pow pow”.
3. Personal Hygiene
For many girls, I do know, the primary thing they notice about a guy is his hygiene. I was at the mall with my friend and an extremely attractive guy walked by, like Idris Elba attractive. My friend and I immediately gave each other that look. You know the one that says “Did you see that?”
As we were conveying this message to each other, he happened to walk right past me and… Oh My God!, he smelled! He smelled so bad, it took all my might not to gag right there. Every single little bit of attraction I had flown away. Whoosh. Gone. Nada. Finite.
In other words, being clean and well-kept makes a man instantly hot. Hygiene is superbly important. Keep your clothes clean, don’t forget to take care of your hair, beard (if you have any), nails, and everything else clean. We ladies adore very hygienic people. Even an average-looking person can go far on the attractiveness level just by looking clean!
4. Dressing Nicely
A man that can clean up nice and not look homeless is a major factor. A man who can have a sense of style, you don’t have to be dramatic about your outfit, but just wear some nice jeans, a shirt with a nice shoe or maybe a very beautiful kaftan. The goal is not to look homeless!
5. The Ability to Fix Things
There’s just something about a man who can get his hands dirty. It’s definitely attractive when a man knows his way around a toolbox if I need to have some shelves that require assembling or a malfunction around the house.
It’s not that we don’t want to be self-reliant, but a man which will sort things out for you is incredibly nice, not to mention economical.
6. A Guy With Sense of Purpose
Having a sense of purpose in life is very important. Women find it attractive when men have something to do and dedicate their time and energy to that. It may well be your career, volunteering work you’re very passionate about, and so on.
If you don’t have a purpose, it’s a turn-off because it will seem to be you’re looking to your partner to rely upon for all the answers.
7. Rolled-Up Sleeves
You got forearms? Baby, flaunt them! I’ve got no idea why just seeing it causes such a reaction, but I believe it has something of the sort to do with looking like a man is about to get some work done. Which is simply is attractive.
8. A Guy With Goals and Dreams
There’s nothing more attractive than a man who knows what he wants in life and does everything to get it. Let’s be honest, if you don’t have goals, then what are you looking forward to in this life?
9. A Man With Chivalry
Chivalry is not dead. A man that has class – not swag is totally stunning. Simply because women are being independent now doesn’t mean we don’t appreciate some old-fashioned chivalry.
Feel free to hold the door open for us, compliment us, give up your seat, wear your trouser at the waist and do anything that’s totally gentlemanly,
There’s just something very attractive about a guy who offers to assist women, with a smile on his face and not expecting any favours reciprocally.
10. A Man That Isn’t Afraid to Communicate How He Truly Feels
Women don’t really need the strong, silent type; No one wants a man who is simply too afraid to open up and share what’s on their mind What women find attractive in a man can tell us exactly what he needs and wants, and the way he is feeling – A man who can be vulnerable and share their feelings with us.
11. A Man With Manners
Knowing a way to address the elderly and children, behave properly around our parents, eat without resembling a troll, saying please and thanks, is usually appealing for a lady.
Women really appreciate a man who knows his manners and remains polite even in frustrating situations. If he’s someone we would want to bring around our friends and family then the rude persona cannot work.
12. A Man That Is Confident, But Not Cocky
Confidence is sexy, but a man with a Kanye-sized ego is not – confidence that some guys possess once they walk into a space, their aura or energy is simply powerful and strong. The type that makes heads turn. The kind of confidence that shows you’re comfortable in your own element and doesn’t feel the need to point that you are better than anyone.
13. A Guy With Intelligence
My sapiosexuals know what I am talking about! A Ph.D. isn’t necessary, but a man that can be confident and eloquent in whatever topic he is passionate about is so attractive. A man that is well versatile in numerous niches, reads books, speaks eloquently. Ahhh! Just kill us.
14. A Man That Can Cook
I’m not going to lie but a man that can cook is just amazing! You don’t have to deliver Chef Gordon Ramsy dishes, but just know how to whoop up a meal or two. Being able to do that gives you higher points.
15. Money
Let’s not pretend here, but money does make a guy attractive. Money provides security and this is why it is closely linked to attraction.
Conclusion
The above-mentioned points are things that we ladies look out for in guys and the things that make a guy instantly attractive. Guys, try and attribute yourselves to these points or tips and you will woo any lady of your choice. All things being equal.
Let me know in the comments section if you think there’s any point that I missed out.
You could also check out 17 Marriage Preparation Tips for Every Intending Couple
by Ajibike Maryam Olaitan | Jan 15, 2022 | Relationships & Weddings
It is a thing of joy to finally move from singlehood to the married hood. That extraordinary happiness you derive when you find your soulmate, who would make you embark on the “for better for worse, till death do us part” journey, someone who turns “micasa (my home) to sucasa (our home)”. While growing up, we learned that marriage is the union between two individuals in love, who have decided to spend the rest of their lives together, basic mathematics; “1+1= you and I”.
We also learned the conventional things every marriage needs, like commitment, compatibility, love, trust, loyalty, time, communication, endurance, perseverance, and so on. But no one ever taught us to think beyond all these conventional needs. We usually act like there is an imaginary box governing the marriage affairs, but what if we break the box, what if we act like there was no box to even begin with?
You probably stopped to think a bit, not to worry. I have come up with a list of things containing what every marriage needs. Trust me, you can add yours too, depending on how much spice you want to add to your marriage.
10 Things Every Marriage Needs
1. Be Best of Friends With Your Spouse
You might ask how friendship falls under unconventional needs. The truth is, some people skip the friendship stage and jump right into love, without realizing that friendship helps you develop tolerance, helps you build compatibility, trust, loyalty, and so on.
2. Love Notes
What every marriage needs are that little spark you get from love notes from your spouse. Remember back in school when you were trying to woo her or back at a gathering when you were trying to get his attention, remember what you did? Why stop because you are married? It doesn’t end there. You need to constantly woo her, constantly remind him of how much you love him, by sticking tiny letters in his bag or on the mirror. You can also text, whichever works for you.
3. Take Them to That Special Place
Every marriage needs a special place, be it a restaurant, a beach, a gallery, where they first met, that one place that reminds you of why you decided to be with your partner. Take them there once in a while and have fun.
4. Be of Good Manners to Your Spouse
We shouldn’t only teach children good manners. As adults, we also need to learn good manners like, saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you’, picking up after ourselves, not inviting anyone into our home without asking our spouse first, continuing the act of opening the door that started while you were dating, saying ‘excuse me’, saying ‘I am sorry’ and every other good manner you can think you. This is will increase the bond between you two. Looking for what every marriage needs, try this.
5. Let the Compliments Keep Coming
Compliments are essential in a marriage as it helps a couple to communicate the admiration, gratitude, and appreciation they feel towards each other. Compliments make us feel good, whether we are receiving or giving them. It also makes us want to do more.
6. Show Respect to Each Other
Respect is an essential need in every marriage. Respect means that you acknowledge that your partner is not just a means to get something you want, that your partner has a different perspective and that is ok with you. You don’t always have to agree on things, but you know how to respect his or her opinions without making a fuss about it.
Respect also means that you put aside every societal norm and value and you treat your partner like a whole person.
7. Little Arguments
What every marriage needs are those little arguments. No relationship or marriage is complete without little arguments or quarrels. Arguments spring up to show the different opinions and perspectives that exist between a husband and a wife. Your ability to prevent little arguments from turning into huge ones will show how strong your marriage will turn out to be.
8. Prioritization of Each Other
Every couple needs to learn how to prioritize each other. This can be achieved by spending quality time together, understanding each other’s love language, being affectionate (saying I love you every day), and so on.
9. Understanding the Emotional Needs of Each Other
Finally, a husband and wife need to understand each other’s emotional needs and how unequal they can be. Emotional needs can be in form of sexual fulfilment, intimate conversations, honesty, openness, affection, and so on.
10. Every Marriage Needs Strength
I would like to add STRENGTH to the list. Call it conventional or unconventional, the point is, we never acknowledge the fact that it is important. Every marriage needs strength to make whatever you bring to the table work. And you can only acquire strength by building each other.
Conclusion
The above-mentioned points are what every marriage needs. Do not take them lightly as they help increase the bond between you and your spouse. Furthermore, I bet you will want your marriage to be a successful one. If that’s the case, you will need to focus on every point mentioned in this piece. Good luck with having a happy home.
If you find this article worthwhile, please leave a comment in the comments section. Did I miss any point? Let me know. Thank you.
You could also check: Things You Should Tell Your Daughter Intending to Get Married
by Aisha Zakari | Jan 8, 2022 | Relationships & Weddings
When it comes to relationships, stages are met – talking, friendship, getting to know each other, and finally dating. Along the stages, there are things that could ruin your relationship with this other person. In this post, we’ll run you through these things. Let’s get right to it.
Things That Could Ruin Your Relationship
1. Having Disrespect towards Each Other
A common reason why most relationships go sour is by being disrespectful towards your partner. Remember, the basis of any relationship is ‘respect’ and to hold your partner in high esteem.
Being disrespectful to them can do more harm than good. This act inevitably leads to a bridge in a relationship you’ve put in time and effort into. Of course, respect is earned and not demanded the same way it is reciprocal. Respect should be given to your partner and in the same way, you get your respect from them.
2. Bridge in Communication
Before I proceed, take the time to read on this:
Not communicating with your partner is a thing that could ruin your relationship.
Communication is key in everything, remember? Communication is not only key in a relationship but also at work, friendship, and family. It is vital to communicate effectively with your other half. This makes the relationship work and of course not only breaks that bridge but also strengthens the foundation of the relationship.
3. Holding Grudges
“Let bygones be bygones,” they say. I’ve always heard this one since my secondary school days whenever my colleagues or are is one way or another involved in a quarrel. This saying is also applicable in relationships too and life in general.
No one is perfect, yes? We all make mistakes and as such, we should learn the habit of letting things go and forgiving too.
When you hold grudges with your partner, you’re not only ruining it but also creating a bridge between you two. This also takes away the peace of mind in your heart.
4. Not Spending Quality Time for Your Partner
Relationships come with giving time, undivided attention, devotion, effective communication, commitment, and of course many others. But the first two: time and undivided attention are the main factors that keep a relationship from going sour.
“The little things matter” we always say. The little things you do, the little time you spend with your other half is vital for the relationship to keep going forward. Just merely taking some minutes off work to call your other or taking the next flight to surprise them is always worth it. This puts a smile in their heart and also reassures them how much you feel and think about them.
This is surely one of the things that could ruin your relationship.
5. Saying Rude Remarks or Sentences to Your Partner
There are always going to be ups and downs in relationships. No relationship is perfect, it gets bumpy but there are things one needs to do to keep them going forward. If these things are not done and taken care of, it leads to bigger problems and arguments.
When arguments come, one tends to say things they actually don’t mean. But when words are said, they can’t be taken back, okay?
If you have this issue in your relationship, treat it with caution and have self-tolerance towards uttering some hurtful words to your partner, most especially during arguments.
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6. Making Attempts to Change Your Other Half
Relationships are about complete acceptance of flaws and all, maybe more. If you can’t seem to accept each other for who you are, it’s best you accept you aren’t many for each other and move on to the next phase. I mean, thank you, next? Am I right?
“Yes, people change” but this happens on their accord and because they want to out of their own free will. This change shouldn’t be forced onto them with insults, recommendations, and suggestions.
7. Taking Your Partner for Granted
“We’ve been together for years, where can he go to? Who will understand him as I do?”
Sometimes, people begin to feel entitled towards their partner due to the years put into the relationship, the attachment, and the commitment. Inevitably, without even knowing, we begin taking our partners for granted. We begin to feel no one will love and understand them as we do and this is disheartening.
Sometimes, we measure relationships by the years of togetherness and tolerance of some characters and the bumpy rides. When you begin to think this way, you tend to not see the importance, qualities, and personalities you fell in love with at first and this is definitely a thing that could ruin your relationship.
For an effective relationship, you need to keep showing appreciation towards each other and not get tired of each other.
8. Neglecting Sacrifices, Compromises, and Commitments
It takes two to tango, right? A relationship is like a tango, it takes two to make it work. A relationship can never work if the other person is selfish and not ready to sacrifice, commit, and compromise to make the other half happy.
A successful relationship revolves around sacrifice, commitment, and compromise. A partner should always consider the needs and wants of his other half and place them ahead in other to make them happy, cared for, and loved.
9. Cheating on Your Partner
Cheating, infidelity – whatever you call it is a thing to never do to your significant other for any reason at all because it could ruin your relationship. A relationship where you don’t pledge loyalty to your partner is baseless and useless. If you’re having problems with your partner, the most logical thing to do is talk and fix the problem, not finding solace in the arms of another man or woman.
Remember I said relationships get bumpy but that is not reason enough to cheat on your partner, no one can tolerate that.
Cheating leads to bigger problems and as such, it is really important to stay loyal to your partner and with your partner. Do you get what I’m saying? Body, heart, mind, and soul. Complete pledging of loyalty towards them.
10. Not Saying or Showing How Much You Love Your Partner
Different strokes for different folks, yeah? I’m talking about body language here.
People are into words of assurances, others gifts, surprises, etc. Which is your partner’s?
Saying I love you to your partner in any way you can not only send butterflies to their stomach but also strengthen your bond. Most often, people stop showing how much they love their partner once they are in the relationship and this is wrong in every language.
Remind your partner and let them know that you still love them even when you already have them. You can even tell them how you love them, without saying it.
11. Blaming Your Partner
Nobody is perfect, remember everyone is with flaws. As this is true, it’s not reason enough to blame your partner for any tragedy that happens in your relationship. Shit happens, tender an apology, and accept their apology. Forgive and forget it and move on from it.
Remember number 3? Don’t hold grudges. We know sometimes, it tends to be very hard to find ways to get someone to forgive you, but it’s still worth giving it your all.
12. Not Opening Up To Your Significant Other
Avoiding difficult conversations or not opening up to your partner about awkward situations or a problem you’re going through will create problems in your relationship. This act of not opening up will lead to lingering issues and make every communication a mess as you will keep having a hard time getting through to them.
Remember the start of the relationship where you couldn’t go a day without sharing what you ate or what you did? Those hours of good talk and no sleep? Keep that same energy going.
Oops I’ve said too much.
Conclusion
In general, relationships get better when both parties are willing to avoid things that could ruin the relationship. There is always hope, especially when you both recognize the problem and decide on ways to fix and make the relationship grow again.
You can always pick up a relationship where it was left off, only if you’re willing to. It takes two to tango, remember? I must have missed one or two, feel free to let me know in the comment section. Thank you.
by UmmuSalma Ahmad | Dec 6, 2021 | Northy Letter
It’s December, It’s Christmas, and it’s all celebration. Did I mention that winter is coming? Yeah, Jon Snow has been in touch lately so get your coats and socks because it is the season. Here is what I have for this week’s newsletter.
Monday
For Monday, I dove into You! You have not been taking care of yourself, but I will give you 14 Smart Ways to Invest in Yourself because I see you, and I care. You may not know this but everything I do is for you because I love you.
I see that I have your attention now, are you flirting with me? You obviously are because how couldn’t you when I am armed with the 5 Stunning Ways to Make a Good First Impression. I can’t just walk up to you dressed up anyhow. I have to prepare for you and this is what people don’t understand – that for you to catch a person’s attention, you have to do it well. And you are not making it easy for me.
I started a small business a month ago but I can’t for the life of me understand how I am always broke. I know that I have sold so many of my products but I can’t account for the money so I started looking for ways to solve this problem. Luckily for you and me, Umar Farouk Kabir gave us How Manage Cashflow For Your Business to Succeed.
Tuesday
Brought to you on Tuesday are 10 Interesting Facts about First Borns You Should Know. I don’t know about you but most of the comments I have heard that are being made about first children are not flattering at all. I don’t know why people fail to acknowledge the several great attributes they have. They are after all like our second parents. I know mine is.
Wednesday
Isn’t it nuts that nuts are part of the 8 Foods That Will Help Boost Your Memory? Pun fiercely intended. I used to remember everything I was told or taught but now I struggle to remember the smallest things. I won’t be deterred by this and neither should you, so read this with me.
Did you know that having a negative Rh Factor could endanger your baby? I did not know either. This is What You Need to Know about Rh-Factor and how to keep your little angel alive while it’s still in your tummy.
Thursday
It’s not death that bothers me, it’s living a painful life. And what’s more painful than people pointing fingers at you and acting like you carry a contagious disease? Read the story of Malama Sa’adatu and find out how HIV AIDS Didn’t Kill Her, The Stigma Did. It’s sad that despite all the awareness about this disease, people choose to stigmatize.
On our wedding agenda this week is How Kamu Tradition is Done in Hausa Land. I may not agree with some traditions but I can’t do away with fun – significant ones like this. Come and watch the Hausa culture flourish.
Friday
As much as the Hausa culture is interesting, the Yoruba people like gbedu more than we do, and where best to experience it if not Kwara State? These are the 12 Interesting Places to Visit Kwara State to get the best experience.
Saturday
One of my favorite sayings in Yoruba language is “ati lo ati de” which means “we have gone, we have come” it signifies a lack of progress in an activity. Don’t you just get tired of being served breakfast in relationships? If You See These 10 Signs in Your Relationship, You Are Dating Yourself. Spot the red flags and flee while you can.
Sunday
As usual, I’ll sign with my favorite thing – food. Learn How to Make Gullisuwa (Milk Balls) and How to Prepare Miyan Kubewa (Okro Soup). I’m guessing Okro soup learnt of my little rant against it last week.
Thanks for reading. I can’t wait to write to you next week. It has become the highlight of my week. Cheers!
by Maryam Idris Bappa | Nov 14, 2021 | Relationships & Weddings
‘Bazawara’, a term in the Hausa language used to represent a woman who has married before and is no longer with her husband, as a result of death or divorce. Yet, it is a word carrying so much identity and stigma. It could almost be seen drawn on the faces of ‘Zaurawa’. Even worse, in Northern Nigeria, the way divorce is ultimately pinned to be the fault of women, while the men are given a thousand excuses, is simply unfair.
Divorce in Nigeria
In Nigeria, according to the National Bureau of statistics, very few percentages of married men and women get divorced legally, excluding traditional marriages which are more popular. These divorces are triggered by early marriages, sexual-related issues, change in lifestyles, fantastical ideology of women about marriage, career, and also married couples living apart for more than 2 years.
Still, reasons and requests for divorce could result from either man or woman, sometimes over a ridiculous issue. In one instance, a woman asked her husband for divorce because he mistook the toilet for her cooking pot. In another instance, a man divorced his wife because he felt deceived over her beauty.
These and more have led to more than sufficient reasons to get divorced in Nigeria.
Divorce in Northern Nigeria
In Northern Nigeria, divorce trends in places like Kano, Katsina, Zaria, and Bauchi, with reasons originating from toxic masculinity, early marriages due to parents’ financial incapabilities, lack of counselling, lack of psychological preparations, and the build-up of a false psychological state of negative expectations.
Right from when a woman is to be married, the phrase “Ayi hakuri” meaning marriage is all about patience is chanted to the woman until the day she dies. This makes her go into marriage with the worst possible painted scenarios in her head, also trapping her in a long unhappy marriage of physical, emotional, psychological, and financial abuse.
She feels it is her responsibility to have patience and keep the marriage going until when she is not able to. Then, the fault is pinned on her and the man is acquitted.
Addressing The Stigma towards Divorced Women
Whatever be the reason for divorce, women are always at the negative stigmatic receiving end of it, with their children caught at traumatizing middles. Anger, depression, hopelessness, and poverty are some of the few impacts divorces has on women.
As a result, more and more women end up in drugs, violence, feminism, kidnapping, and human trafficking. The men, on the other hand, go on with their lives marrying as many more wives as fit for their practice.
However, it is time we stop pointing societally manicured fingers and accept that what has happened cannot be reversed. Therefore, instead of blaming each other for the past, let us allow women divorcees to breathe and live life without dooming tattoos.
Below are ways we can make life less difficult for divorced women and help them get through their struggles.
10 Ways to Make the Life of a Divorced Woman Less Difficult
1. Give Women Freedom to Make a Choice
When people divorce, it can be such a tragedy. At the same time, if people stay together, it can even be worse.
Monica Belluci
The first step to helping divorced women is by NOT making them stay in unhappy marriages. Parents especially fathers, giving out their daughters in marriage should know that by giving their daughters a chance to make a healthy exit out of a toxic marriage, they are saving them a lot of physical and emotional damages in the marriage and afterwards.
Rather than a warning and threatening their daughters that under no circumstances should they leave their husband’s house, with strict penalties outlined in place for them, they should advise them accordingly and trust them to make the right decisions.
Many women have gone into and stayed through disastrous marriages with fear of their parents that when the marriage eventually ends, they are left already physically and emotionally drained beyond help.
2. Know That It Could Be You
This goes to people especially women that look down on other women that are divorced. Show some empathy! Yes. There is nothing special about you that puts you above divorced women. Nothing that guarantees that you, your friend, or your family will not fall into the same situation.
As bitter as it may sound, you need to open your eyes, read some books, then get off your high horse and show these women some understanding. Or at least, don’t try to judge them based on your pure ignorance.
3. Don’t Punish Them At Home
Don’t spend time beating on a wall hoping it will transform into a door.
Coco Chanel
The idea that a divorced woman should become a glorified maid of the house upon her return from her husband’s house needs to stop right this moment!
Don’t punish and frustrate divorced women at their parents’ or guardians’ homes into regret or returning to their husbands’ homes’, this ill tradition promoted by poverty and ignorance has successfully been transferred from generation to generation. Surely, it may have been seen to work and set women straight in some instances, but a piece of advice,
You never know what these frustrated women might return and end up doing. Instead, show empathy and give these women the emotional support they need. That way, they can think straight and begin to focus on the next step of action.
Also, it will enable both the husband and other members of the society to see them with respect and treat them as the humans that they are.
4. Accept Them Back in the Society
The northern society becomes like thorns on a chair for divorced women to sit on after a long day’s work. Everywhere they go, lips murmur and fingers point at them. At weddings and gatherings, especially of women, the divorcees can be seen grouping themselves into a subconscious mental club where they feel less rejected.
Women openly gossip about whose marriage just ended and whose is about to. In short, the public becomes an unfavourable atmosphere for divorced women and those who care about them.
These displays of ignorance happen as a result of a lack of knowledge and empathy by society, forcing divorced women who cannot withstand the pressure to fall back into depression and self-hatred.
5. Offer Them Professional Counselling
Take a step back, reflect and look at the bigger picture. As divorce experiences differ in different marriages, most times, when women come out of a marriage, they are in need of intense counselling in order to make peace with their past and move on.
It may also help them rebuild themselves for their next marriages. So instead of jumping from one marriage to the other, know that as a divorced woman,
Freeing yourself was one thing, claiming ownership of that freed self was another.
Toni Morrison
Understanding why certain things happened in your marriage and why you and your partner felt the way you felt and reacted the way you reacted will enable you to understand yourselves and make a closure. It will also free you from self-blame and enable you to take the next step of action.
Although such programs are not popular in Northern Nigeria, famed online ‘Divorce Diaries’ have gone a long way in giving structure and support groups to divorced women in Northern Nigeria.
6. Empower Them Financially
Divorced women should be equipped with skills such that they can earn enough to feed, clothe, and school their children. Many women prefer to stay in draining marriages solely because they have no way of taking care of the financial needs of themselves and their children if they choose to leave.
Caught in a dilemma to choose between the devil and the deep blue sea, those who choose divorce are immediately abandoned by the husband, who is already busy with his other wives or looking for ways of replacing the woman with another.
As such, divorced women can be seen doing menial jobs like housekeeping, hawking, and others to cater for themselves and their children’s wellbeing. But that alone will not suffice as the wages they receive cannot go past feeding and clothing. Therefore, organizations should provide jobs or empowerment for divorced women.
7. Don’t Make Them Feel Inferior to Other Women
A woman should not be disqualified for her next marriage simply because she has been married before and gotten divorced.
I am talking particularly to women who feel divorced women are at the bottom of the compatibility chain of marriages. The sad truth is that this is common among mothers. A northern Nigerian mother will hardly allow her unmarried son to marry a lady who was divorced before. On the other hand, people hardly care whether a man is a divorcee when he is in search of marriage.
Why all these stigmas and preferential treatment? If a divorced woman is considered a bad person and not marriageable to a bachelor, then it is only fair that the same should apply for a divorced man searching for a spinster’s hand in marriage.
Rather than make divorced women feel inferior to spinsters because of their previous marital status, judge them for who they are fairly and give equal chances to both parties.
8. Celebrate Their Remarriages With Enthusiasm (Grand Remarriages)
There is nothing wrong with gathering a merry crowd to celebrate a divorced woman’s remarriage like it was done the first time she got married. However, this is not so, the remarriages are done so low key that one will begin to wonder if it is a thief being smuggled out of the house, or even a funeral.
For most women, they are quite content with that; the low bride price, the few ‘Kayan daki’, the small or no gathering, the absence of ‘Lefe’, and many others. The women are most of the time just grateful to be remarried and lack all manner of enthusiasm.
But there is nothing wrong with sharing in the celebration of a divorced woman’s remarriage to show them that they are loved. Attend such remarriages, give them gifts, grant them good wishes, and make them enter with a positive mindset.
9. Support Their Children
No woman should be forced to live apart from her children if it can be helped. This goes mainly to the new husband. When you marry a divorced woman who already has children, try as much as you can to support her children.
Mother and child separation has happened many times because the new husband refuses to take in her children as his. Hence, she has no choice but to leave her children with relatives or with the family of her old husband where they might end up getting maltreated. In other times, divorced women often simply refuse to remarry for fear of child separation.
In another context, husbands who divorce their wives should try their possible best to cater for her and her children and not abandon them. This will keep the mother of your children and also your children off the streets and away from suffering.
10. Don’t Rub It on Their Faces
Marry her, show her life can be different and don’t rub it on her face! If as a new husband, you cannot cater for the emotional needs of your previously divorced new wife, then don’t marry her!
Too many men have married divorced women only to rub salts on their wounds. They constantly use her previous marital status to rain insults and abuses on her and her children as they like. Desperate to not go into divorce number two, these women are forced to live with monsters as husbands.
Do yourself the honour of not disgracing your manhood and leave these women alone. They are doing very fine and do not need someone like you to marry them and practice your childishness on their misfortune.
Conclusion
We have looked at ten ways in which we as a community of people with humanity can make life easier for divorced women. However, as a saying goes;
Be the heroine of your life, not the victim.
Nora Ephron
To the divorced women out there, divorce is a chance for self-reflection and growth. It is not for the public to decide where you are spiritually or morally but for yourself to decide where you are and what to do with your life. That way, you can turn a blind eye to the negativity of people.
To the remaining people out there, know that divorce is like a road accident waiting to happen to anybody at any time. Some are more severe than others. Some people will escape with barely a scratch while others will become temporarily or permanently disabled or even lose their lives. The fact that it skips you doesn’t make you a better driver or pedestrian than others. Some people are just in the wrong place at the wrong time.
When bringing out an accident victim, we do it cautiously not knowing which part of the victim is hurt internally. Likewise, we also need to tread cautiously with divorced people, for we don’t know which bone in their body is about to break!
