In a family system, opposition and competition among siblings can’t be avoided. This is due to individual differences and the desire to be the best at the expense of another person’s well-being. Siblings rivalry may be inevitable, however, certain principles make managing sibling rivalry achievable.
Irrespective of the love and unity among siblings, there always comes a point of disagreement, when not curtailed can tear the home apart. Therefore, it’s your responsibility as a parent to be able to understand each child’s perspective when opposition arises. Most importantly, solve the issue without being biased.
Effective Ways to Manage Siblings Rivalry
1. Think Before Acting When Rivalry Surfaces
Whenever there seems to be friction between your kids, your first line of action is to calm yourself down. This prevents you from acting out of anger or siding one child over the other. Most importantly, you’re able to understand what exactly is the root cause of the problem, who is at fault, and what solution is best.
In addition, learn to discipline your kids in love and avoid correcting them through violence. In other words, disciplining in love makes your kids see their faults and make amends or improve their character. However, violence makes their character grow worse, decreases the love bondbetween you and that child, and causes them to become violent with other siblings and peers. Also, that child begins to develop enmity towards you as a parent.
2. Treating all Siblings Equally Minimizes Rivalry
Managing sibling rivalry demands that all kids be treated equally—no discrimination. Sincerely, everyone is unique in their way. However, don’t let one child’s weakness or strength influence how you relate with your children. Remember your kids are good observers, once they notice you have a favourite, the rivalry begins to surface as a means of expressing their emotional neglect.
This reminds me of my childhood experience. One faithful day my mom returned home and brought presents for me and my brother. Innocently, she gave me a pair of shoes and gave my brother the same with the addition of a football. I had no need for football but at the same time felt cheated and unloved— immediately, my mood changed. My mom noticed and began questioning, when the cause of my mood change was discovered, without much time wastage it was corrected.
In other words, as a parent, it’s expected of you to love and relate with all your kids equally. Most importantly, gender should not dictate how you treat your kids. Female children are entitled to all rights and benefits just like male children. Discrimination is one of the parenting mistakes to avoid as a parent. Also, discrimination affects both academic performances, social ability, emotional intelligence, physical and moral behavior of a child.
3. Celebrate Your Kids Uniqueness and Differences
Siblings begin to compete with each other when they think less of themselves—low self-esteem. Hence, managing sibling rivalry requires creating time to acknowledge and celebrate your kid’s uniqueness. This act helps them see the best in themselves and erase the feeling that another is better than them. Also, while doing this don’t exalt one child highly in the midst of another, this often stirs up hatred towards that child from the rest of the siblings.
Amazingly, the more you celebrate your kids, they begin to embrace each other in love, seeing the need for each other. Gradually, it becomes clear to them that teamwork is the fastest route to arrive at their destination, not rivalry.
4. Study Your Kids Temperament
To a large extent one’s thinking, behaviour and reactions are influenced by our temperament. Therefore, managing sibling rivalry demands that you should learn about your kid’s temperament. So you can create a conducive atmosphere for each child to avoid feuds that may result from temperament clashing. The major temperament types include sanguine—outspoken, choleric—leadership incline, melancholy—creative innovators, and phlegmatic—easy going.
Studying your kids’ temperament enlightens you the most on how to group your kids to an assignment. For instance,
the choleric me and my immediate brother who is more of a phlegmatic can’t be on the same team, because a choleric who is activity-driven will be irritated by the nonchalant attitude of a phlegmatic.
Whereas, the reverse is the case when paired with my other siblings who are more of a melancholy temperament. Likewise, a creative melancholy will be annoyed by the playful, unserious sanguine attitude.
5. Practice and Emphasis the Act of Love overall
An atmosphere of love reduces rivalry among siblings. Furthermore, boost the attitude of understanding and unity. In essence, siblings can relate friendly with each other and cooperate to achieve a given task. It’s wrong to assume that your kids know and understand how much you care and value them. Therefore, take a step further by professing your love to your kids—say it; I love you!
Also, your actions should portray love, this includes buying them gifts, allowing them to make their own decisions—stop imposing your will on your kids, remember they have a mind of their own. Most importantly, let your reaction show love like being happy when they do something great and disciplining in love among others.
6. Assign Creative Punishment when Necessary
Having understood the reason behind the opposition between siblings and detecting who is at fault. What comes next, is your ability to allocate reasonable punishment to prevent such reoccurrence. However, punishment in this context doesn’t mean violence; using sharp objects to flog a child or withdrawal of certain benefits.
7. Rewarding Good Behaviour Reduces Siblings Rivalry
One of the ways to show approval over your kid’s behaviour is by rewarding and commending their good behaviours. In essence, whenever they relate with each other unitedly and show a great deal of understanding, they deserve to be rewarded. Ensure you let them know why they are being rewarded so they can continue on that path.
8. Ensure Your Kids are Occupied with the Needful
Oftentimes, idleness leads to opposition and hatred towards those that seem to be busy chasing their own goals. Hence, managing sibling rivalry requires that you get all your kids occupied with the needful—valuable activities. This includes developing their passion, learning soft skills, or assisting with the home chores.
Conclusion
To effectively learn the act of managing sibling rivalry, create a time when the family can come together and discuss matters. The more often this is done, everyone gets to express how they feel, understand how their other siblings think, feel, and the drive behind their behaviours. In addition, what’s your best method in managing sibling rivalry?
“Otukpo main market.” He flinched while pointing in a direction. I barely heard the driver say due to the heavy rain hitting hard the vehicle, causing a great momentum of noise in the middle of the night.
“Can we make it to Markudi by morning?” I couldn’t help but ask.
“We will if I drive”.
Samuel, the bus driver who had been at the wheel for long and was driving with just the edge of his mind, responded.
I don’t know if I should call it a high level of aberration or I and my friend had gone wacko when we both left Kwara state, my hometown to hunt for this lady I barely know, which by chance only popped into each other on social media. From friendship, it metamorphosed into assumed love. Furthermore, to refute her skepticism about the feelings I had for her, I decided to have my first visit to Benue state, where she lives.
A wave of nostalgia swept over me remembering my bittersweet experience in the wandering land I found myself. It was distasteful to the mind on getting to Benue state only to realize that my means of communicating with the lady, had been stolen. This shattered the dream of meeting with my small Juliet.
Seeing this, i and Joshua decided to lodge in Apa gate hotel. I could say this gave us a great opportunity not only to explore the scenery of the food basket of the nation, Benue but also get to know about the people of the place.
With the presence of Joshua, it wasn’t hard to explore the beautiful state of Benue, because he often visit the place, and knew every bend and curve of the roads and cities.
Some Things You Should Know About Benue State
During my first visit to Benue state, I got to know Benue State to be one of the North Central states in Nigeria that had around 4,253,641 people as of 2006. The state has four major tribes; which are the: Idoma, Tiv, Igede, and Etulo. The state derives its name from the Benue River which is the second largest river in Nigeria after the river Niger and has a length of 1400 km. It is located at the North bank part of Markudi.
The people of the place are predominately farmers, cultivating sesame seed, yam, rice, cotton, shea butter, soya beans, cassava, etc. which has earned the state what is popularly known for in Nigeria as the ‘food basket of the nation’. This no doubt answered my question about the meaning of the beautiful basket sculpture of food, sandwiched in the centre of Wurukum Roundabout, which welcomed us to Markudi. Such a wonderful scenery.
The Wurukum Food Basket Roundabout in Markudi
The people living by the riverside are mostly fishermen.
Okay, back to my first visit to Benue.
My Experience in Benue State
One place we visited was the Ange factory in Markudi, a few kilometres away from River Benue, an interesting and exciting place Joshua gallivanted me to. Trust me, it is an interesting place you won’t want to miss during your visit to Markudi, Benue state.
The visit to Ange fabric factory was a bit late, with what looked like many had closed for the day, we only met one person in the factory, making the fabric. With much satisfaction, the man gleefully showed us around the workshop and made our observation keen to us.
In the factory, there is about four major attire that is produced regularly, which are:
The attire enmesh in blue, black, and white colour is for the Igede people, the white and black attire is for the Tiv, the black and wine colour is for the Idoma’s, and another which represents all the tribes in Benue state is the attire with: white, black, blue, green and red (color mix). He said most Benues usually like the attire in form of headgear accompanying it with a white shirt or blouse or had it placed across their shoulder.
Some of the traditional colors for attires used in Benue state
On our way back to the hotel the same day on bikes, the most rampant form of Benue’s means of transportation, we caught glimpse of bush bars, which the bike man told us is a very profitable business because the people in the locality don’t joke with their palm wine, bush meat, and beers, which made the business so common and lucrative.
The Food Basket of the Nation…
As the food basket of the nation, we thought it would be peachy to tour the state market to see their rich agricultural produce. Therefore, we set out to the state’s main market which is the Wurukum market not too far from the Wurukum roundabout. It happens to be the largest market in Markurdi, which houses different shops and kiosks where provisions and foodstuff are sold. If not for the reason of not having enough left with us to spend, we would surely have bought a great deal of food and fruit items, because they are so cheap and affordable.
In the busy market furthermore, are different activities were ongoing as at the time of visitation. When we were about to exit the market, Joshua drew my attention to a noise level predictor. That was the first time I was seeing something of such. It was said to be built for roadside traders at an open market area of the market.
Leaving the market, we were supposed to visit the airport but were told it was at the naval base and we wouldn’t be able to have access to it, because it was not functional and opened to the public. Hence, we resolved to visit the most popular Tito gate restaurant, which is the oldest and the most popular restaurant when it comes to fast food. While in my state, I have heard so much about the restaurant being the most popular in Benue.
The End of Our Journey
After spending much time on the street of Markudi, at around 5 pm noon, we retired to the hotel, to get prepared to leave Benue for my state the next day. Even though I was not able to actualize my main objective and aim of visiting the beautiful state of Benue, I was no doubt able to explore and visit new places and also get to know a few things about another culture and their ways of life.
For the adventure of travellers, there are chill spots, hotels, roadside restaurants, along the road to the rest of the drive. I honestly feel Benue has huge tourist potentials that are yet to be exploited.
Did you know that the first mayor of Enugu city was a Fulani man? Enugu is the capital of old Eastern Nigeria with a majority of Igbo speaking people; therefore it is imperative to explore and understand how a Fulani politician became the mayor of the city. He held this post till 1958.
Who Is Malam Umaru Altine?
Mallam Umaru Altine was an ethnic Fulani cattle dealer from the Old Sokoto Province of defunct Northern Nigeria. His kids were raised in the house of the late Sultan of Sokoto. He grew up under the reign of Sultan Siddiq Abubakar III who was the Sultan for 50 good years and one of the longest-reigning Emirs ever innorthern Nigeria.
As a descendant of Uthman Dan Fodio, he could have been Sultan of Sokoto. But he preferred the world of trading, travel, adventure (he joined the army and worked with the railways) and politics (one account says he first contested an election in Tambuwal, Sokoto state), and he carved a niche for himself in these respects. He was handsome, was always well dressed, and people were magnetically drawn to him.
He later migrated southwards where he came under the heavy influence of the late nationalist, Dr Nnamdi Azikiwe who was his mentor. Azikiwe gave Altine immense support and played a very significant role in his emergence as the Mayor of Enugu. Nnamdi Azikiwe’s political machine made it possible for Alhaji Umaru Altine to become the mayor of Enugu.
Dr Nnamdi Azikiwe, the first Governor-General and first President of Nigeria was by no means perfect in his political career but his faith in one Nigeria was unshakable, unquestionable and his quest for unity and indivisible Nigeria was never in doubt.
How Umaru Altine Became The Mayor of Enugu
It will interest you to know that Malam Umaru Altine was not appointed. He was elected Mayor of Enugu two times. Malam Umaru Altine was the Vice Chairman of the NCNC Youth Association at Enugu. He identified with the NCNC as a political party. During elections, NCNC decided to nominate him at Coal Camp where he lived. He contested and won the election.
When Altine won the election, it was decided that this man did not see himself as a Fulani man but a nationalist. And the NCNC believed in one Nigeria. So, they let him be the Mayor of Enugu.
Before he was elected the Mayor by fellow councillors, he was President of the Enugu Branch of the National Council of Nigeria and the Cameroons (NCNC) Youth Association, a post to which he was elected in May 1953 with the support of the Igbo middle class who were mainly businessmen, civil servants and professionals.
He contested twice for the post of Mayor of Enugu against Igbo opponents and won both times The second election was even more significant in the sense that NCNC had asked him to step down for somebody else and he refused. Instead, he resigned from NCNC, ran as an Independent candidate and beat the NCNC candidate.
On the 10th of November, 1956, at a meeting of the NCNC, Umaru Altine was elected as President of the party branch without any opposition.
By the April of 1957, Altine’s support had dropped and the leadership of the Enugu Municipal Council had to be taken over by Mr LBC Ezechi, a trader from Udi.
His Style As Mayor
In Enugu, he wore the Babban Riga, as well as a Turban. On other occasions, he wore suits as the event demanded. He went to Church in Enugu if his duties as Mayor called for it, and went to do the kick-off at the stadium when occasion demanded. He was willing to adjust while retaining his identity.
Mallam Umaru Altine was fluent in Fulfulde and, to cap it all, he married an Igbo Lady. A noble, free and simple spirit is in evidence here.
Umaru Altne’s Death and Legacy
Malam Umaru Altine died in 1996, in his house in Kaduna. He was survived by his wife and children, including Abdulkareem Balarabe Umaru Altine. He was widely regarded as a detribalized Nigerian. A street in Enugu has been named after him.
What do you think about this great man? Do you think this is possible currently? Tell me in the comments.
The mysterious and beautiful Dutsen Amare rock is located in Gwarzo Local Government of Kano State, some 3km North of Karaye town. The rock consists of nine clusters of different rock formations. The nature of the rocks provides a valuable stone crushing opportunity for the residents of the town, as almost everyone is involved in it.
Dutsen Amare remains a mystery. The rock is not rocks but a depository of humans and embodiment of history. In Gwarzo, even a small boy won’t dare crush the rock or even stomp on it because of its history.
History of Dutsen Amare
It was reported that a newly wedded bride was once accompanied to her home by family members and well-wishers. On their way, however, they got trapped in the middle of a war. They prayed to God to protect them from the incoming army. When they realized the army was fast approaching, they prayed to God to transform them into rocks. Their prayers were then granted.
The bride, who was riding on the back of a horse, was elevated over the rest of the entourage. The rock perfectly describes her body. When one of her breasts was reportedly chopped off by a Fulani herder, he died mysteriously a few days later.
Each of the nine stretched rock formations has been named to correspond to the team as they move. These include Amarya, Gunki, Bauraina, Tsamiya, Fyadi, Shato, Nalare, Baja, and Ungulu.
The brides’ plates, calabash, pots and other wares
Current State of Dutsen Amare Rock
The items brought along with the bride were also transformed into rocks. The calabashes, pots, and plates are pictured above. The sound of calabashes can be heard when the rock is beaten instead of the usual sound accompanied by rocks. At the top of the rock, there are some holes indicating plate, pot, and other things and there are parts of the rock indicating the drums used by singers accompanying the bride.
Also, it was observed that every Friday morning, traces of urine can be found all over the rock along with some kola nuts and perfume just beside the bride.
Conclusion
Dutsen Amare remains another mysterious and ancient site of wonder. There is, therefore, a need for the preservation and protection of this ancient place which can be utilized for tourism attraction.
Talatu was perfect in every way to the outsiders unlike her friend Hassatu with her undergraduate degree and MBA from Stanford University. She had a wonderful job, a beautiful house in an estate in Jabi, Abuja. She was very successful and in her thirties, loved taking sodas, grape juices, and eating peanuts.
Outsiders envied her success but only her family knew her struggles and sickness. She was always having asthma attacks day in, day out. A portable nebulizer was always with her wherever she goes. There is nothing in this life that Talatu wants like living a life without the fear of when will the attack begin – the weakness, chest and back pain she experiences or the nebulizer she had to carry all the time. She wished for a normal life.
Little did she know that the problem lies in what she eats!
Asthma symptoms are a result of spasms and bronchial tubes inflammation caused by an allergic reaction. Certain foods can cause mild to life-threatening reactions which are due to dust, stress, or pollution in the environment. One of the foods that aid in triggering asthma is salt as it worsens respiratory function and reduces the effectiveness of anti-asthmatic medications, wines, and drinks that contain sulfites and brewer’s yeast. Food additives that aid in triggering asthma. Fish that contain histamine leads to allergic reactions, eggs, milk or nuts especially peanuts or walnuts that cause allergic reactions and asthma in children with low immunity.
Some foods may increase asthma symptoms but not cause asthma attacks due to allergic reactions. Such foods are foods with sulfites, dried foods, beans, frozen foods, and artificial ingredients. You should find out foods that you are allergic to or foods that your body has a low tolerance to as they might cause severe allergic reactions triggering asthma attacks. Such foods should be avoided as they are considered foods that trigger asthma.
List of Foods That Trigger Asthma
1. Dried Fruits
Fruits like oranges and apples are good and important to the health of an asthma person. This is because they help improve lung function, helping you to control your asthma symptoms. Dried fruits are dangerous to asthma patients as they are preservatives used in sulfites.
They might be healthy if eaten in adequate proportions and have no added sugar or sweetened with fruits juices. This can lead to gastrointestinal problems, increased calorie count, and tooth decay when the preservative (sulfites) used to keep it in good condition when dried is higher.
Try to avoid dried shrimps, pickled vegetables, dried cherries or lemon juice as they contain sulfites when bottled.
2. Beans
This food can give you gas and bloat your stomach which can trigger asthma as it is a little hard to breathe when bloated or constipated. As beneficial as beans are, they can harm some people in certain ways. It can lead to gas, causes migraine in certain people. It is a form of an incomplete protein hence, shouldn’t be relied upon as your only source of protein.
If you are a fan of beans, try soaking them in water for some hours to reduce the effect.
3. Peanuts
Peanuts allergies are deadly for asthma patients. People allergic to peanuts and who happen to be asthmatic develop allergies for cats, grass, and dust. Such allergies can trigger asthma symptoms and can be fatal.
Eggs could be one of the foods that trigger asthma attacks in patients. Even though eggs are a delicacy in this part of the country, they can be bad for asthma patients if they have egg allergies.
Egg allergies are common in children but can also be found in adults and it is best to avoid eating eggs or foods containing eggs or egg products.
5. Ice Creams
Ever notice the white smoky thing when buying ice cream from joints or malls? Or from frozen desserts in restaurants? Or from frozen cocktails? That white smoky thing is very dangerous to you. This is even worse if you happen to be asthmatic. This will cause you to have breathing problems and later attacks, worsening your asthma symptoms along the way.
The breathing problem is not the only danger of consuming foods frozen with liquid Nitrogen. It causes skin burns and when consumed severe health issues and in severe cases, it can lead to death. As an asthmatic patient, it is best to avoid frozen foods to limit the chances of eating foods with liquid Nitrogen in them or even frozen foods since people have complained that they are the foods that trigger asthma symptoms for them.
6. Foods with Artificial Ingredients
Aspartame, a food additives sweetener used in sodas causes allergic reactions in some people. It is believed that food allergy symptoms can worsen asthma symptoms. Food spices also have the ability to cause asthma symptoms as a form of allergic reaction.
In addition, artificial ingredients most especially those found in processed and fast foods such as flavouring, colouring, and chemicals preservatives that can cause allergic reactions should be avoided by asthmatic patients. This is because processed foods have preservatives that worsen lung inflammation hence, worsening asthma symptoms in patients.
The allergic reactions that occur due to food additives are cough, rhinitis, anaphylaxis, asthma symptoms, skin reaction, or gastrointestinal reactions. If you are not sure which food additive you are allergic to, eat more amount of the suspected food while being supervised by an allergist.
These sulfite allergies are found in people with asthma as they are sensitive to sulfite hence triggering asthma symptoms. If you are sensitive to sulfite, you should avoid dried fruits, wine, grape juices, lemon, lime juices, molasses and sauerkraut as they have the highest level of sulfites in them. Also, constant or frequent consumption of such foods can trigger asthma symptoms in patients.
It is important to know if you are asthmatic and happen to be experiencing asthma symptoms after eating or drinking a product containing sulfites. This will enable you to know if you are sulfite-sensitive and you should do well to avoid sulfur dioxide in sulfite-containing foods that trigger asthma as this will increase your chances of having more asthma symptoms that are not normal.
Bonus: Eating too Much Food
Food is an essential part of life. It is the process we refuel our energies, gain essential nutrients and vitamins that are important for growth, repair, and immunity that our body needs. But, what if we eat too much without paying attention to how full we are or how much we serve ourselves? Eating too many foods is the easiest way to get sick. You add unnecessary weight, be nauseous all the time, gain excess fat in organs that will be dangerous for you. And, you tend to be at higher risk of several illnesses.
The foods that trigger asthma are foods that trigger bad lung conditions, increase inflammation or chest tightness, hence, increasing your chances of asthma attacks. It is important as an asthmatic patient you keep your body healthy, eat balanced foods, and afford foods that can trigger your asthma symptoms.
What are the worst foods for you as an asthmatic person? Kindly leave your comments below to let us know what foods trigger your asthma symptoms. Thank you.
