by Musa Bala | Apr 30, 2022 | Relationships & Weddings
Maintaining the intimacy of marriage and other important relationships in our lives can prove to be a challenge, especially when it comes to friends of the opposite sex. Maintaining a same-sex friendship outside marriage might seem relatively easier when compared to the challenge it could be nurturing a close opposite-sex friendship. When your partner is close to someone of the opposite sex, here’s what to know. But first, let’s take a scenario:
“Every case is different, however, I do believe there must always be boundaries if you are in a committed relationship. For example, my wife dated this guy once and they knew it wasn’t going anywhere yet they remained friends before we met. After we started dating, she would want to go hang out with him at an event he invited her to b/c his buddy or another gal pal couldn’t make it. I had no problem with her going to an event with him it was a group thing, but her going by herself with him didn’t sit well with me at all. I believe this is a boundary line you shouldn’t cross. Am I insecure? Yes because my ex-wife cheated on me with someone who was a friend of ours. Affairs can start with seemingly innocent relationships. It always starts emotional before it gets physical. So in my opinion, your relationships with the opposite sex should be very guarded and you should value your husband’s opinion and respect his desires. Otherwise, you are creating tension and struggles for him”
If you are married, there’s a good chance that you’ve had a discussion with your spouse about a relationship between someone outside your marriage and one of you. You have to decide how you should approach other relationships because obviously, your marriage is the most important relationship to be protected.
However, this doesn’t mean that you have to end your relationships with other people outside your marriage. Such friendships with someone of the opposite sex are not generally a problem until when it becomes more intimate either emotionally or physically. This could make your spouse feel uncomfortable and find it difficult to trust you thereby developing into a problem in your marriage. This article will help you with changes you can make to prioritize your marriage.
When Your Partner Is Close to another Person of the Other Sex
There are conceivable circumstances under which your partner could be friends with someone of the opposite sex without any physical attraction or sexual compatibility. In such situations, having a friendship with someone of the opposite sex might not be an issue at all. An example is being friends with old women or men around where you live. Your partner can go to their house for chats, share their personal stuff and listen to their experiences as well, help them with certain tasks and you can be sure nothing is ever going to happen.
It is also important that you realize that many opposite-sex relationships involve people who in different circumstances would be potentially emotionally and sexually engaged. While married people need to stop considering alternatives, it is common for men to befriend women they have a certain degree of attraction. When you regard someone as a potential alternative, then that friendship has a great risk attached to it.
The major difference between these two aforementioned kinds of opposite-sex relationships Is fantasy. This is when your spouse starts wondering, “I wonder what it would be like to have sex with that person or married to”. Such thoughts degrade your spouse’s intimacy, commitment, and loyalty to your marriage, and it is called considering potential alternatives.
Look Out For Warning Signs
When you have any reason to think that your partner is close to someone of the opposite sex, here are signs to look out for so you can be sure before acting on what doesn’t exist.
- When you find your spouse consistently calling or texting with someone of the opposite sex, especially when their communication is not limited to work or other necessary responsibilities.
- If you observe their relationship is becoming more intimate either emotionally or physically. Like they share personal things they wouldn’t share with someone of the opposite sex normally, holding hands or always wanting to sit together, there’s a good chance they’re becoming too close.
- If your spouse tries to arrange more meetings or reasons to be together with their opposite-sex friend more time than usual. For example, if a friendship started at work but they now want to meet more often.
- If your spouse is hiding from you the details of their communication and time together with the other person, their relationship is too close.
- When you realize they think about the other person a lot. An example is when your spouse sees or hears something, they say it reminds them of the other person.
What You Should Do
1. Reflect On Your Feelings About Your Discovery
After discovering your partner is close to someone of the opposite sex, the first thing you should do is understand how the situation makes you feel. Do you feel bothered, threatened, ignored, insecure, disrespected, or even jealous?
Knowing where your feelings lie, will help you determine how you should handle the situation.
2. Reflect On Your Relationship With Your Partner
Understanding your relationship with your spouse can give you an idea about why your spouse enjoys the friend’s company, this can also give you directions towards handling the situation permanently with much ruckus.
Try to understand the state of your marriage, how well do you communicate? How is your intimacy? How much time do you spend together? Answers to such questions can clarify what you need to do.
3. Talk to Your Partner
The important thing you can do when your partner is close to another person of the opposite sex is to first talk to them, and let them know how it makes you feel and how they are hurting you. You need to let them understand that you can’t stand them being too close to another person of the opposite sex.
Listen to your spouse as they try to explain their behaviors toward the other person and be sure to let them know that you want to make your marriage work.
4. Encourage Your Partner to Set Boundaries
Setting up boundaries can help a lot to manage other opposite-sex relationships outside your marriage by prioritizing the relationship between you and your spouse. It also protects the trust between you and your spouse. When you and your spouse set boundaries on opposite-sex friendships, it will help keep the balance between your marriage and other relationships with the opposite sex. Some boundaries your spouse and you can look like:
a. Any friendship with someone of the opposite sex must be in the open.
b. Do not share details of your spouse with a friend of the opposite sex.
c. Don’t be alone with a friend of the opposite sex outside of work, unless when agreed by your spouse.
d. Don’t be friends with anyone your spouse does not feel comfortable with.
e. Build a shared social network with your spouse.
Related: Why Setting Boundaries in Relationships Is Important
Conclusion
When your partner is too close to someone of the opposite sex, it could lead to you feeling threatened, abandoned, and even lose trust in your them. Talk to your them, they might even know they were making you uncomfortable.
You could also prevent such “closeness” between your partner and someone outside your relationship by strengthening your union and cultivating a deep friendship with your partner.
FAQs
When married, can opposite-sex friendships work?
Yes, it can, as long as your marriage is always prioritized above opposite-sex relationships. A relationship with someone of the opposite sex can work when it is not allowed to affect the trust, commitment, and intimacy you share with your spouse. A working relationship should be kept as such, there should be a limit which your relationship with someone of the opposite sex shouldn’t cross.
Should opposite-sex relationships be completely avoided?
Relationships with someone of the opposite sex can be harmless when there’s no fantasy, physical attraction, and sexual compatibility as explained earlier. In such a case, there’s no need to be alarmed.
However, some opposite-sex relationships can nurture sexual tension between a spouse and someone outside the marriage. This should be outrightly avoided.
Can opposite-sex relationships ruin a marriage?
When an opposite-sex relationship threatens your relationship with your spouse, such that you hide things from your spouse, you share intimate and personal details with your opposite-sex friend, you regard your friendship outside your marriage to the extent that you ignore the realities of your marriage, Yes!
Can men and women be just friends?
Men and women can be just friends when the friendship is practiced with self-awareness and boundaries. Without these boundaries, a man and a woman can’t just be friends. This is because it is common for men to befriend women they have a certain degree of attraction.
How do I balance my relationship with someone of the opposite sex and my marriage?
The first and most important thing to understand is that your marriage always comes first. Never allow your friendships to affect your marriage negatively. Listen to your spouse when they tell you how they feel about your relationship with someone of the opposite sex and together establish boundaries that will help protect the trust and commitment in your marriage.
by Precious Alex-Toji | Mar 12, 2022 | Relationships & Weddings
The early stages of relationships are beautiful to behold. With time, there are common relationship mistakes that partners make that affects their chemistry.
Relationships are not as rosy as Netflix makes them seem. Truth be told, it takes more work than people realize. It requires a combination of understanding and patience to keep the fire burning.
Do you know what makes relationships harder?
It’s the fact that there are no relationship manuals in the market to guide you on how to have a ‘perfect’ relationship. Every relationship has its ups and downs. It takes the effort of both partners to make it work.
Alright! Enough of this talking stage. Here are common relationship mistakes people make.
Common Relationship Mistakes
1. Over-Dependence on Your Partner
Being too dependent on your partner without having a life for yourself is a pretty big mistake people in relationships make.
People tend to get lost over heels in love and then lose who they truly are because they halted life outside their relationship. Yes, it is good to find partners who can mutually depend on each other but being in a relationship should not stop you from having a life of your own.
It is healthy for you and your partner to do things on your own once in a while. Go out with your friends and family, spend quality time alone, attend an art exhibition, visit the Emir’s palace.
You do not have to spend all your time with your partner. If you do, you would eventually get used to each other, familiarity sets in, and the relationship becomes “boring”.
2. Expecting Your Partner to Be Perfect
Lovers in the building, hear me out!
Nobody is perfect!
Naturally, as humans, we are built with flaws. This imperfection is what makes us unique as individuals. The beauty of having flaws is having to work through each other’s flaws as partners.
We tend to have these high expectations of what being in a relationship feels like that we overlook the beauty of having flaws.
I remember having an idea of what a perfect relationship should be like at 16. Now I revisit those ideas and I cringe at how naïve I was.
A relationship works well when both partners are willing to work on each other’s imperfections. Some of these flaws can be corrected within days, while some would require time and patience. The goal is to help each other grow as individuals and partners.
Besides, perfection is boring. If you don’t agree, let me know in the comment section.
3. Lack of Boundaries in a Relationship
This should definitely top the list of common mistakes people in relationships make.
Setting boundaries in a relationship is very important because boundaries help your partner know how you want to be treated, your likes and dislikes, and what you can and cannot condone. If you do not set boundaries in your relationship, you are bound to step on each other’s toes.
It is good to note that boundaries define how your relationship goes. If you’re constantly letting down your boundaries for your partner, you’d eventually lose who you are and you’d be building a toxic relationship.
Think of a house without a fence. It is open to trespassers and intruders. Build a fence and that house becomes private and secured. This is exactly what boundaries do.
Boundaries protect your relationships from being toxic. Your partner is not a magician. They do not automatically know what you like and don’t. It is in your best interest to speak out during the early stages of your relationship or while at the talking stage.
4. Not Showing Enough Appreciation to Your Partner’s Love Gestures
At the early stage of the relationship, partners are observant of the actions of their partners, even to the smallest detail. It is so easy to notice the love note they sent through texts or the flowers by the door.
As time goes on, you start getting used to these love gestures and they begin to seem pretty normal to you. At this point, overfamiliarity begins to set in. The moment you get used to saying “I love you” without feeling it, your relationship is approaching its endgame.
Getting too familiar with your partner’s show of affection is a common relationship mistake. It is the little things that matter.
Learn to be appreciative and say “thank you” when you notice these gestures. Being appreciated is a powerful tool in getting people to do more.
Yes! I know you deserve these affections. But show appreciation when you receive these affections.
5. Avoiding Confrontations with Your partner
I am pretty sure that there are people like me that dislike arguments or confrontations. I’d rather avoid whatever the issue is or push addressing it to another day.
This, however, is not healthy for relationships.
Remember earlier, I said we all have differences. These differences shape our actions, thoughts, and behavior. It can also shape your behaviour toward your partner.
When conflicts arise as a result of these differences, do not avoid talking it out with your partner. Confrontations are needed in relationships to help partners resolve their differences.
When you avoid sorting out differences with your partner, you are building little bricks of tension that would one day backfire. Think of it like laying bricks gently on each other. The more you avoid resolving differences, the more bricks pile up. All it takes is a nudge and it all comes crashing down.
The best way to resolve conflict is not by avoiding them but by confronting them. Talk things out with your partner. Find ways to resolve whatever it is that is causing a rift between you and your partner.
6. Improper Communication of Feelings
Being in a relationship is a two-way thing that requires appropriate expression of feelings such that your partner can know exactly how you are feeling.
Not communicating your feelings well is a common relationship mistake people make. That “hard guy” persona would do more harm than good to your relationship.
If you feel hurt by your partner’s actions, say it.
If your partner makes you happy, say it.
Also, if your partner has done something that makes you sad, say it.
Your partner does not have a mind reader to detect how you are feeling. It all depends on how well you can express your feelings appropriately so they know how to react or respond.
Conclusion
There is no step-by-step guide to having a perfect relationship. These points are carefully observed common relationship mistakes people make.
It all lies in the willingness of both partners to put in the work to make it work.
Communication is key to resolving most of these mistakes. Setting boundaries also allows partners to know what is right and what isn’t allowed. This way the proneness to conflicts can be reduced.
FAQs
Is it oK to make mistakes in relationships?
It is okay to make mistakes in a relationship. Nobody can be perfect. We all get better by making mistakes and learning from them.
What is the biggest mistake in a relationship?
The biggest mistake people make in a relationship is refusing to learn from their flaws. When you do something that your partner does not like, it is expected that you learn from this and work on making things right.
It goes beyond apologizing. If your woman doesn’t put the pot cover left opened after dishing your food, learn to be conscious about closing the pot after you’ve taken your food. Learn to work on your flaws and it goes for both genders.
Working on your flaws means you both get to make each other better. This builds bonds between couples and strengthens that chemistry you covet from Netflix dramas.
Things to avoid in a relationship
- Avoid telling everyone you know about the issues in your relationship. If you’re having issues with your partner, work it out together or get a reliable friend to step in.
- Lack of affection between partners can cause the relationship to fail. Avoid getting too familiar with your partner that you lose touch on how affectionate they can be.
- Avoid keeping secrets. Secrets have a way of breaking the bond between partners when they come to light.
by Amina Lawal | Feb 5, 2022 | Relationships & Weddings
So many of us spend a good chunk of our lives looking for “the one”, but what happens when we find someone? How do we know if they are the person who is right to spend the rest of our lives with? Or even if starting a relationship with them is the right choice? This article seeks to give you signs you are not compatible with your partner.
While compatibility is no guarantee of longevity, studies show that it is directly related to the quality and satisfaction of our relationships. Simply put, the more compatible you are with your partner, the happier you are likely to be with them.
Everyone has their ideas about what qualities and traits their dream partner should have, but rarely do we ever find someone who’s a perfect match. Instead, we learn to compromise where we can and grow to love people despite their flaws and imperfections. However, it can be hard to differentiate normal differences from incompatibility.
So, if you are wondering whether or not you and your partner are incompatible, worry no more. Here are some tips:
7 Signs That Show You Are Not Compatible With Your Partner
1) You Are Not Compatible When You Don’t Understand Each Other
Right from the get-go, this can tell you a great deal about how good of a match you and your partner make. If you have a hard time understanding how they are feeling, what they are thinking, or what they need, then they might not be the one for you and vice-versa.
It is better to be with someone you can be in sync with – someone who picks up and understands your nonverbal cues and discerns the tone of your voice, and ‘gets’ what you try to tell them. Otherwise, miscommunication and misunderstanding can pile up in your relationship.
2. When You Two Are Polar (Different)
While it’s technically true that opposites do attract, every solid healthy couple should share at least a few similarities with their partner. This doesn’t mean having to like all the same music or movies that they do or even sharing the same hobbies as them. It can even be refreshing to be in a relationship with someone radically different from yourself.
Sadly, though the excitement won’t last forever if the similarities are too scarce or non-existent. Once the “new and shiny effect” wears off, you are both left with someone who doesn’t share the same humour, interest, value, ideals, or principles, making it difficult to relate to one another in any meaningful way. This is one of the signs you are not compatible with your partner.
3. When You Try to Change Each Other and Not Grow and Learn Together
The hallmark of a strong and healthy relationship is having a partner who gives you the drive and motivation to change for the better. That’s the whole point. It must be something you want for yourself, your idea, not theirs alone. Despite your partner expressing irritation or dissatisfaction with you, it is generally ineffective and not sustainable, if you are forcing change on yourself solely because they want it and you don’t. You have to want it for yourself and this goes for many things, whether it’s the way you speak, dress, or who you hang out with; only you have the right to decide who you want to be.
If you don’t feel comfortable showing your true colours to your significant other, even in a private setting, this is a definite red flag and a sign of incompatibility.
4. When You Are Constantly Having Arguments
It’s perfectly normal and healthy to disagree with your partner about something from time to time, especially if it’s over something important to the two of you. We didn’t choose this person so we can be with a clone of ourselves. Disagreements become a problem, however when the arguing is constant and over even the tiniest of things. Even unhealthier if the fighting is dirty- shouting, name-calling, humiliating each other, holding grudges, and emotional blackmail.
Being in a relationship with a partner who tends to bring out mostly the ugliest side of you is never good.
5. You Are Not Compatible When You Don’t Have Different Opinions on Everything
It’s all about moderation. While constant fighting is not ideal, it’s also not good for a couple to never disagree about anything. You need to be honest and communicate openly with one another about how you feel even if it is not in agreement with the other person. Constantly pretending everything is “ok” or “blind agreements” to the wants of the other person, does not make the relationship stronger and may result in catastrophe and blow up later. Conflict can be a positive one-building event if it can be given and taken constructively, which in turn, can lead to personal group and a deeper mutual understanding. This is a considerable sign that you’re not compatible with your partner.
This is surely one of the signs you are not compatible with your partner.
6. Your Socializing Is Isolated From Everyone Else
Do you find that when you and your partner go out, it is nearly always only with each other; no friends, no parties, or group hang out? Do you never spend time with their friends? Have you ever met their friends? Is their family still a group of mystery people you never met? You’ve never been introduced to even though you have been together for a while? If you answered yes to any of these, this could be a potential problem. You must spend time with your partner’s loved ones and get to know them better. Couples who make the effort to be close with other important people in their partner’s lives tend to have longer and happier relationships.
7. You Are Not Attracted to Them Is a Sign That You’re Not Compatible With Your Partner
Lastly and most importantly, one of the signs you are not compatible with your partner is when you are not attracted to them. Even if everything seems okay on paper if you don’t have any romance or chemistry, it’s simply not going to work. Without even an inkling of these factors, you might have a best friend but not necessarily a significant other. The result is that you will naturally be drawn to people you have that ‘more than friend’ attraction to. If you have not even an ounce of attraction, this is a definite sign that you and your partner are not compatible.
Conclusion
In the end, there’s no such thing as a perfect relationship. Everyone has doubts or disagreements at times with the person they love. A strong healthy relationship takes ongoing effort, dedication, and also time for it to grow.
What is important is finding that someone who to you is worth that effort, dedication, and time. First impressions and initial choices do not seal your fate. A lot of people stay in incompatible relationships because they’ve been conditioned to believe breaking up with someone is wrong, or just insensitive, but the reality is, relationships don’t work out and that’s okay. It’s now up to you to know and recognize compatibility versus incompatibility. It will save you much heartbreak and possibly avoid more serious scarring.
Don’t ignore the red flags and get stuck in an entanglement. So take your time to evaluate your relationship with these key points in mind and honestly ask yourself “Is my partner right for me?” Tell me in the comment section, if you’ve noticed any of these signs in your relationship.
You could also read on: If You Notice These Signs, You Are Not Compatible with Your Partner.
by Aisha Zakari | Jan 8, 2022 | Relationships & Weddings
When it comes to relationships, stages are met – talking, friendship, getting to know each other, and finally dating. Along the stages, there are things that could ruin your relationship with this other person. In this post, we’ll run you through these things. Let’s get right to it.
Things That Could Ruin Your Relationship
1. Having Disrespect towards Each Other
A common reason why most relationships go sour is by being disrespectful towards your partner. Remember, the basis of any relationship is ‘respect’ and to hold your partner in high esteem.
Being disrespectful to them can do more harm than good. This act inevitably leads to a bridge in a relationship you’ve put in time and effort into. Of course, respect is earned and not demanded the same way it is reciprocal. Respect should be given to your partner and in the same way, you get your respect from them.
2. Bridge in Communication
Before I proceed, take the time to read on this:
Not communicating with your partner is a thing that could ruin your relationship.
Communication is key in everything, remember? Communication is not only key in a relationship but also at work, friendship, and family. It is vital to communicate effectively with your other half. This makes the relationship work and of course not only breaks that bridge but also strengthens the foundation of the relationship.
3. Holding Grudges
“Let bygones be bygones,” they say. I’ve always heard this one since my secondary school days whenever my colleagues or are is one way or another involved in a quarrel. This saying is also applicable in relationships too and life in general.
No one is perfect, yes? We all make mistakes and as such, we should learn the habit of letting things go and forgiving too.
When you hold grudges with your partner, you’re not only ruining it but also creating a bridge between you two. This also takes away the peace of mind in your heart.
4. Not Spending Quality Time for Your Partner
Relationships come with giving time, undivided attention, devotion, effective communication, commitment, and of course many others. But the first two: time and undivided attention are the main factors that keep a relationship from going sour.
“The little things matter” we always say. The little things you do, the little time you spend with your other half is vital for the relationship to keep going forward. Just merely taking some minutes off work to call your other or taking the next flight to surprise them is always worth it. This puts a smile in their heart and also reassures them how much you feel and think about them.
This is surely one of the things that could ruin your relationship.
5. Saying Rude Remarks or Sentences to Your Partner
There are always going to be ups and downs in relationships. No relationship is perfect, it gets bumpy but there are things one needs to do to keep them going forward. If these things are not done and taken care of, it leads to bigger problems and arguments.
When arguments come, one tends to say things they actually don’t mean. But when words are said, they can’t be taken back, okay?
If you have this issue in your relationship, treat it with caution and have self-tolerance towards uttering some hurtful words to your partner, most especially during arguments.
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6. Making Attempts to Change Your Other Half
Relationships are about complete acceptance of flaws and all, maybe more. If you can’t seem to accept each other for who you are, it’s best you accept you aren’t many for each other and move on to the next phase. I mean, thank you, next? Am I right?
“Yes, people change” but this happens on their accord and because they want to out of their own free will. This change shouldn’t be forced onto them with insults, recommendations, and suggestions.
7. Taking Your Partner for Granted
“We’ve been together for years, where can he go to? Who will understand him as I do?”
Sometimes, people begin to feel entitled towards their partner due to the years put into the relationship, the attachment, and the commitment. Inevitably, without even knowing, we begin taking our partners for granted. We begin to feel no one will love and understand them as we do and this is disheartening.
Sometimes, we measure relationships by the years of togetherness and tolerance of some characters and the bumpy rides. When you begin to think this way, you tend to not see the importance, qualities, and personalities you fell in love with at first and this is definitely a thing that could ruin your relationship.
For an effective relationship, you need to keep showing appreciation towards each other and not get tired of each other.
8. Neglecting Sacrifices, Compromises, and Commitments
It takes two to tango, right? A relationship is like a tango, it takes two to make it work. A relationship can never work if the other person is selfish and not ready to sacrifice, commit, and compromise to make the other half happy.
A successful relationship revolves around sacrifice, commitment, and compromise. A partner should always consider the needs and wants of his other half and place them ahead in other to make them happy, cared for, and loved.
9. Cheating on Your Partner
Cheating, infidelity – whatever you call it is a thing to never do to your significant other for any reason at all because it could ruin your relationship. A relationship where you don’t pledge loyalty to your partner is baseless and useless. If you’re having problems with your partner, the most logical thing to do is talk and fix the problem, not finding solace in the arms of another man or woman.
Remember I said relationships get bumpy but that is not reason enough to cheat on your partner, no one can tolerate that.
Cheating leads to bigger problems and as such, it is really important to stay loyal to your partner and with your partner. Do you get what I’m saying? Body, heart, mind, and soul. Complete pledging of loyalty towards them.
10. Not Saying or Showing How Much You Love Your Partner
Different strokes for different folks, yeah? I’m talking about body language here.
People are into words of assurances, others gifts, surprises, etc. Which is your partner’s?
Saying I love you to your partner in any way you can not only send butterflies to their stomach but also strengthen your bond. Most often, people stop showing how much they love their partner once they are in the relationship and this is wrong in every language.
Remind your partner and let them know that you still love them even when you already have them. You can even tell them how you love them, without saying it.
11. Blaming Your Partner
Nobody is perfect, remember everyone is with flaws. As this is true, it’s not reason enough to blame your partner for any tragedy that happens in your relationship. Shit happens, tender an apology, and accept their apology. Forgive and forget it and move on from it.
Remember number 3? Don’t hold grudges. We know sometimes, it tends to be very hard to find ways to get someone to forgive you, but it’s still worth giving it your all.
12. Not Opening Up To Your Significant Other
Avoiding difficult conversations or not opening up to your partner about awkward situations or a problem you’re going through will create problems in your relationship. This act of not opening up will lead to lingering issues and make every communication a mess as you will keep having a hard time getting through to them.
Remember the start of the relationship where you couldn’t go a day without sharing what you ate or what you did? Those hours of good talk and no sleep? Keep that same energy going.
Oops I’ve said too much.
Conclusion
In general, relationships get better when both parties are willing to avoid things that could ruin the relationship. There is always hope, especially when you both recognize the problem and decide on ways to fix and make the relationship grow again.
You can always pick up a relationship where it was left off, only if you’re willing to. It takes two to tango, remember? I must have missed one or two, feel free to let me know in the comment section. Thank you.
by Ajibike Maryam Olaitan | Nov 14, 2021 | Relationships & Weddings
Choosing a life partner is not as easy as going to the market to get foodstuffs. It is as hard as it gets. You need to ask yourself if you are ready to look beyond his or her flaws if you are ready to not just think about yourself if you are ready to spend the rest of your life with him or her, when things are smooth or not. Selecting a partner for life is one of the most critical decisions you have to make but it can be easy by following the right steps. Below is a list of factors to consider when choosing a life partner:
12 Factors to Consider When Choosing a Life Partner
1. Family Background
Before deciding to spend the rest of your life with someone, it is imperative to know the persons’ family background and traditions that might exist, the persons’ family language, system, and behaviour. It is also important to know the person’s relationship with his or her family members as knowing this will enable you to know how the person will relate with your family members.
2. Know If They Have Any Health Issue(s)
Before choosing a life partner, you need to know the health background of the person in order to know the health issues the person might have. You need to know the persons’ genotype, blood group, and other health-related issues. This would help you decide whether to continue or let go.
3. Make Sure They Are Hardworking
Nobody wants a lazy partner. We all want someone who is hardworking in all aspects; females should be able to take care of the house and also the children, while the men should be strong enough to be able to fend for the family needs. Therefore, it is important to know if the person is lazy or hardworking.
4. Choose Someone You Can Rely On
You need to choose someone who you can rely on at all times. Someone you can trust to catch you when you fall.
5. They Should Have the Ability to Forgive
Another factor to consider when choosing a life partner is their ability to forgive. Everyone makes mistakes and the ability to look past the mistakes makes your relationship strong. No relationship is without quarrels, because we were not all brought up the same way, which makes us have different opinions. Choosing a partner who knows how to say “I forgive you” and mean it is very important.
Related: How to Get Someone to Forgive You
6. They Should Be of Good Character
In choosing a partner, their character is one of the most important factors to look into. This is because their character is what defines a person. It is the replica or the mirror that reflects the persons’ worth. You automatically know how a person would turn out in the next 10 years, by the character they portray.
7. Check Out Their Level of Maturity
Age is not an indication of maturity. Actually, it is nothing but a number like it is often said. Someone who is mature physically, emotionally, and intellectually must know how to handle issues without bringing a third party into the relationship.
8. Ascertain Whether They Have A Sense of Humour
You need to choose a partner who knows how to make you laugh after a very annoying day at work, someone who knows how to change your sour mood, by bringing up funny conversations.
9. Sexual Attraction
In my own opinion, choosing a partner who doesn’t believe that sex in a marriage is important, means that there would be an unfulfilled desire in the marriage. You must choose a partner you are sexually attracted to and also someone who is sexually attracted to you. Trust me, there must be an absolute desire to satisfy each others’ sexual needs in order not to feel cheated.
10. Choose Someone Who Likes You
Love is not the only factor in a relationship; friendship is also a factor you need to consider. When you are at that point in your life when you have to choose a partner, you need to choose someone who likes you for the imperfect being you are. You also need to choose someone you like and can tolerate.
11. There Should Be Mutual Respect Between You Two
You obviously do not want to spend the rest of your life with someone who doesn’t acknowledge and respect you. You need to choose a partner who would respect you at all times and also acknowledge your decisions, goals, and dreams.
12. God Fearing
One of the most important factors to consider when choosing a life partner is, choosing someone who loves God. This is important because only then can the person love you too.
Conclusion
I am sure that at some point we have all said to ourselves “she is the one or he is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with”, but then, we get disappointed along the road. Disappointments spring up because we don’t try to get to know the person we want to be with, we just fall in love and think that is enough to sustain a relationship. Finding that one person, choosing a life partner is a full-time job, it is not a school course you pick and just drop because it is hard. No, it is a decision you make to stay put no matter how hard it gets, a ‘together for worse, for richer or poorer, till death do you part’ decision, and trust me, you don’t want to be wrong.
The list is unending, you don’t just make use of the above factors, which is why I need you to add your factors to consider when choosing a life partner in the comment section below. Thank you.
