Love. The burning sensation you feel whenever you see that person. The sense of deep and tender attachment. The mortal yet physically beautiful feeling (It's Shakespeare oo, not me). The most stubborn yet persistent illusion. Oops, sorry, I got carried away. That was...
6 Common Mistakes That Will Kill off Your Relationship
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The early stages of relationships are beautiful to behold. With time, there are common relationship mistakes that partners make that affects their chemistry.
Relationships are not as rosy as Netflix makes them seem. Truth be told, it takes more work than people realize. It requires a combination of understanding and patience to keep the fire burning.
Do you know what makes relationships harder?
It’s the fact that there are no relationship manuals in the market to guide you on how to have a ‘perfect’ relationship. Every relationship has its ups and downs. It takes the effort of both partners to make it work.
Alright! Enough of this talking stage. Here are common relationship mistakes people make.
Common Relationship Mistakes
1. Over-Dependence on Your Partner
Being too dependent on your partner without having a life for yourself is a pretty big mistake people in relationships make.
People tend to get lost over heels in love and then lose who they truly are because they halted life outside their relationship. Yes, it is good to find partners who can mutually depend on each other but being in a relationship should not stop you from having a life of your own.
It is healthy for you and your partner to do things on your own once in a while. Go out with your friends and family, spend quality time alone, attend an art exhibition, visit the Emir’s palace.
You do not have to spend all your time with your partner. If you do, you would eventually get used to each other, familiarity sets in, and the relationship becomes “boring”.
2. Expecting Your Partner to Be Perfect
Lovers in the building, hear me out!
Nobody is perfect!
Naturally, as humans, we are built with flaws. This imperfection is what makes us unique as individuals. The beauty of having flaws is having to work through each other’s flaws as partners.
We tend to have these high expectations of what being in a relationship feels like that we overlook the beauty of having flaws.
I remember having an idea of what a perfect relationship should be like at 16. Now I revisit those ideas and I cringe at how naïve I was.
A relationship works well when both partners are willing to work on each other’s imperfections. Some of these flaws can be corrected within days, while some would require time and patience. The goal is to help each other grow as individuals and partners.
Besides, perfection is boring. If you don’t agree, let me know in the comment section.
3. Lack of Boundaries in a Relationship
This should definitely top the list of common mistakes people in relationships make.
Setting boundaries in a relationship is very important because boundaries help your partner know how you want to be treated, your likes and dislikes, and what you can and cannot condone. If you do not set boundaries in your relationship, you are bound to step on each other’s toes.
It is good to note that boundaries define how your relationship goes. If you’re constantly letting down your boundaries for your partner, you’d eventually lose who you are and you’d be building a toxic relationship.
Think of a house without a fence. It is open to trespassers and intruders. Build a fence and that house becomes private and secured. This is exactly what boundaries do.
Boundaries protect your relationships from being toxic. Your partner is not a magician. They do not automatically know what you like and don’t. It is in your best interest to speak out during the early stages of your relationship or while at the talking stage.
4. Not Showing Enough Appreciation to Your Partner’s Love Gestures
At the early stage of the relationship, partners are observant of the actions of their partners, even to the smallest detail. It is so easy to notice the love note they sent through texts or the flowers by the door.
As time goes on, you start getting used to these love gestures and they begin to seem pretty normal to you. At this point, overfamiliarity begins to set in. The moment you get used to saying “I love you” without feeling it, your relationship is approaching its endgame.
Getting too familiar with your partner’s show of affection is a common relationship mistake. It is the little things that matter.
Learn to be appreciative and say “thank you” when you notice these gestures. Being appreciated is a powerful tool in getting people to do more.
Yes! I know you deserve these affections. But show appreciation when you receive these affections.
5. Avoiding Confrontations with Your partner
I am pretty sure that there are people like me that dislike arguments or confrontations. I’d rather avoid whatever the issue is or push addressing it to another day.
This, however, is not healthy for relationships.
Remember earlier, I said we all have differences. These differences shape our actions, thoughts, and behavior. It can also shape your behaviour toward your partner.
When conflicts arise as a result of these differences, do not avoid talking it out with your partner. Confrontations are needed in relationships to help partners resolve their differences.
When you avoid sorting out differences with your partner, you are building little bricks of tension that would one day backfire. Think of it like laying bricks gently on each other. The more you avoid resolving differences, the more bricks pile up. All it takes is a nudge and it all comes crashing down.
The best way to resolve conflict is not by avoiding them but by confronting them. Talk things out with your partner. Find ways to resolve whatever it is that is causing a rift between you and your partner.
6. Improper Communication of Feelings
Being in a relationship is a two-way thing that requires appropriate expression of feelings such that your partner can know exactly how you are feeling.
Not communicating your feelings well is a common relationship mistake people make. That “hard guy” persona would do more harm than good to your relationship.
If you feel hurt by your partner’s actions, say it.
If your partner makes you happy, say it.
Also, if your partner has done something that makes you sad, say it.
Your partner does not have a mind reader to detect how you are feeling. It all depends on how well you can express your feelings appropriately so they know how to react or respond.
There is no step-by-step guide to having a perfect relationship. These points are carefully observed common relationship mistakes people make.
It all lies in the willingness of both partners to put in the work to make it work.
Communication is key to resolving most of these mistakes. Setting boundaries also allows partners to know what is right and what isn’t allowed. This way the proneness to conflicts can be reduced.
Is it oK to make mistakes in relationships?
It is okay to make mistakes in a relationship. Nobody can be perfect. We all get better by making mistakes and learning from them.
What is the biggest mistake in a relationship?
The biggest mistake people make in a relationship is refusing to learn from their flaws. When you do something that your partner does not like, it is expected that you learn from this and work on making things right.
It goes beyond apologizing. If your woman doesn’t put the pot cover left opened after dishing your food, learn to be conscious about closing the pot after you’ve taken your food. Learn to work on your flaws and it goes for both genders.
Working on your flaws means you both get to make each other better. This builds bonds between couples and strengthens that chemistry you covet from Netflix dramas.
Things to avoid in a relationship
- Avoid telling everyone you know about the issues in your relationship. If you’re having issues with your partner, work it out together or get a reliable friend to step in.
- Lack of affection between partners can cause the relationship to fail. Avoid getting too familiar with your partner that you lose touch on how affectionate they can be.
- Avoid keeping secrets. Secrets have a way of breaking the bond between partners when they come to light.
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