by Musa Bala | Apr 30, 2022 | Relationships & Weddings
Maintaining the intimacy of marriage and other important relationships in our lives can prove to be a challenge, especially when it comes to friends of the opposite sex. Maintaining a same-sex friendship outside marriage might seem relatively easier when compared to the challenge it could be nurturing a close opposite-sex friendship. When your partner is close to someone of the opposite sex, here’s what to know. But first, let’s take a scenario:
“Every case is different, however, I do believe there must always be boundaries if you are in a committed relationship. For example, my wife dated this guy once and they knew it wasn’t going anywhere yet they remained friends before we met. After we started dating, she would want to go hang out with him at an event he invited her to b/c his buddy or another gal pal couldn’t make it. I had no problem with her going to an event with him it was a group thing, but her going by herself with him didn’t sit well with me at all. I believe this is a boundary line you shouldn’t cross. Am I insecure? Yes because my ex-wife cheated on me with someone who was a friend of ours. Affairs can start with seemingly innocent relationships. It always starts emotional before it gets physical. So in my opinion, your relationships with the opposite sex should be very guarded and you should value your husband’s opinion and respect his desires. Otherwise, you are creating tension and struggles for him”
If you are married, there’s a good chance that you’ve had a discussion with your spouse about a relationship between someone outside your marriage and one of you. You have to decide how you should approach other relationships because obviously, your marriage is the most important relationship to be protected.
However, this doesn’t mean that you have to end your relationships with other people outside your marriage. Such friendships with someone of the opposite sex are not generally a problem until when it becomes more intimate either emotionally or physically. This could make your spouse feel uncomfortable and find it difficult to trust you thereby developing into a problem in your marriage. This article will help you with changes you can make to prioritize your marriage.
When Your Partner Is Close to another Person of the Other Sex
There are conceivable circumstances under which your partner could be friends with someone of the opposite sex without any physical attraction or sexual compatibility. In such situations, having a friendship with someone of the opposite sex might not be an issue at all. An example is being friends with old women or men around where you live. Your partner can go to their house for chats, share their personal stuff and listen to their experiences as well, help them with certain tasks and you can be sure nothing is ever going to happen.
It is also important that you realize that many opposite-sex relationships involve people who in different circumstances would be potentially emotionally and sexually engaged. While married people need to stop considering alternatives, it is common for men to befriend women they have a certain degree of attraction. When you regard someone as a potential alternative, then that friendship has a great risk attached to it.
The major difference between these two aforementioned kinds of opposite-sex relationships Is fantasy. This is when your spouse starts wondering, “I wonder what it would be like to have sex with that person or married to”. Such thoughts degrade your spouse’s intimacy, commitment, and loyalty to your marriage, and it is called considering potential alternatives.
Look Out For Warning Signs
When you have any reason to think that your partner is close to someone of the opposite sex, here are signs to look out for so you can be sure before acting on what doesn’t exist.
- When you find your spouse consistently calling or texting with someone of the opposite sex, especially when their communication is not limited to work or other necessary responsibilities.
- If you observe their relationship is becoming more intimate either emotionally or physically. Like they share personal things they wouldn’t share with someone of the opposite sex normally, holding hands or always wanting to sit together, there’s a good chance they’re becoming too close.
- If your spouse tries to arrange more meetings or reasons to be together with their opposite-sex friend more time than usual. For example, if a friendship started at work but they now want to meet more often.
- If your spouse is hiding from you the details of their communication and time together with the other person, their relationship is too close.
- When you realize they think about the other person a lot. An example is when your spouse sees or hears something, they say it reminds them of the other person.
What You Should Do
1. Reflect On Your Feelings About Your Discovery
After discovering your partner is close to someone of the opposite sex, the first thing you should do is understand how the situation makes you feel. Do you feel bothered, threatened, ignored, insecure, disrespected, or even jealous?
Knowing where your feelings lie, will help you determine how you should handle the situation.
2. Reflect On Your Relationship With Your Partner
Understanding your relationship with your spouse can give you an idea about why your spouse enjoys the friend’s company, this can also give you directions towards handling the situation permanently with much ruckus.
Try to understand the state of your marriage, how well do you communicate? How is your intimacy? How much time do you spend together? Answers to such questions can clarify what you need to do.
3. Talk to Your Partner
The important thing you can do when your partner is close to another person of the opposite sex is to first talk to them, and let them know how it makes you feel and how they are hurting you. You need to let them understand that you can’t stand them being too close to another person of the opposite sex.
Listen to your spouse as they try to explain their behaviors toward the other person and be sure to let them know that you want to make your marriage work.
4. Encourage Your Partner to Set Boundaries
Setting up boundaries can help a lot to manage other opposite-sex relationships outside your marriage by prioritizing the relationship between you and your spouse. It also protects the trust between you and your spouse. When you and your spouse set boundaries on opposite-sex friendships, it will help keep the balance between your marriage and other relationships with the opposite sex. Some boundaries your spouse and you can look like:
a. Any friendship with someone of the opposite sex must be in the open.
b. Do not share details of your spouse with a friend of the opposite sex.
c. Don’t be alone with a friend of the opposite sex outside of work, unless when agreed by your spouse.
d. Don’t be friends with anyone your spouse does not feel comfortable with.
e. Build a shared social network with your spouse.
Related: Why Setting Boundaries in Relationships Is Important
Conclusion
When your partner is too close to someone of the opposite sex, it could lead to you feeling threatened, abandoned, and even lose trust in your them. Talk to your them, they might even know they were making you uncomfortable.
You could also prevent such “closeness” between your partner and someone outside your relationship by strengthening your union and cultivating a deep friendship with your partner.
FAQs
When married, can opposite-sex friendships work?
Yes, it can, as long as your marriage is always prioritized above opposite-sex relationships. A relationship with someone of the opposite sex can work when it is not allowed to affect the trust, commitment, and intimacy you share with your spouse. A working relationship should be kept as such, there should be a limit which your relationship with someone of the opposite sex shouldn’t cross.
Should opposite-sex relationships be completely avoided?
Relationships with someone of the opposite sex can be harmless when there’s no fantasy, physical attraction, and sexual compatibility as explained earlier. In such a case, there’s no need to be alarmed.
However, some opposite-sex relationships can nurture sexual tension between a spouse and someone outside the marriage. This should be outrightly avoided.
Can opposite-sex relationships ruin a marriage?
When an opposite-sex relationship threatens your relationship with your spouse, such that you hide things from your spouse, you share intimate and personal details with your opposite-sex friend, you regard your friendship outside your marriage to the extent that you ignore the realities of your marriage, Yes!
Can men and women be just friends?
Men and women can be just friends when the friendship is practiced with self-awareness and boundaries. Without these boundaries, a man and a woman can’t just be friends. This is because it is common for men to befriend women they have a certain degree of attraction.
How do I balance my relationship with someone of the opposite sex and my marriage?
The first and most important thing to understand is that your marriage always comes first. Never allow your friendships to affect your marriage negatively. Listen to your spouse when they tell you how they feel about your relationship with someone of the opposite sex and together establish boundaries that will help protect the trust and commitment in your marriage.
by Musa Bala | Apr 23, 2022 | Health & Wellness
Emotional Abuse, unlike physical abuse, can be complicated to identify. While physical abuse often comes with obvious signs, emotional abuse isn’t that obvious especially when you are the victim as you must be in some kind of relationship with the abuser. Emotional abuse can lead to serious mental health conditions such as low self-esteem and confidence and depression. This is why understanding how to recognize emotional abuse could help you overcome this negative behavior on your mental health.
Emotional Abuse is described as the use of emotions to criticize, embarrass, shame, and/or blame others as a way to manipulate and control them.
While emotional abuse is prevalent in married and dating relationships, it can also exist in common relationships amongst family members, friends, and co-workers. A relationship is said to be emotionally abusive when there is consistent emotional bullying and the use of abusive words which derail the victim’s self-esteem and mental health, in extension.
Hardly identified, emotional abuse is a form of domestic violence that goes undetected and should be given much more consideration as a form of abuse. It is degrading, humiliating, and terrifying and leads to a long-lasting feeling of helplessness and worthlessness completely messing with the victim’s mental health.
How to Recognize Emotional Abuse
As stated earlier that emotional abuse can happen in any kind of relationship, it can also happen across all ages, people of any age or gender can abuse or be abused. Nonetheless, it is not your fault and you do not deserve to experience it.
Some behaviors you experience every day can be normal in a relationship but when it happens consistently and with intensity, they can be tools for emotional abuse.
1. They Always Want to Control You
Emotional Abusers use abusive behaviors and sometimes shame in an attempt to control. When you have someone who is overly interested in your social life, trying to limit who you engage with, they want you to do what they want without regard for your desires, then you might just have an emotional abuser.
They mostly try to control you by making threats, monitoring your whereabouts, and depriving you of making your own choices either overtly or covertly.
2. They Isolate You
In their effort to manipulate their victims’ lives easily, emotional abusers often isolate their victims. Isolation keeps the victim dependent on the abuser and prevents them from getting support from their loved ones that could help them recognize emotional abuse. Emotional abusers may isolate you by limiting your access to people who would support you such as family and friends. Also, they often tell you that they are the only ones who care about or can put up with you.
Signs that someone is isolating you could be that they become angry when you contact a loved one, they restrict your social life and they insist on going everywhere with you.
3. They Yell At You
Yelling at someone might seem normal in certain situations but when it becomes often and with great intensity, it can be the early signs of an emotionally abusive relationship. Emotional abusers use yelling as a tactic to create or display an unequal power dynamic, where the person whose voice is essentially louder and more aggressive has more power and can instill fear in the other. The abusers use this fear to control their victims.
When your partner, parent, or boss often yells at you as a way to get you to do something they want, then there’s a great chance you are a victim of emotional abuse.
4. You Are Always In the Defensive
Another way to recognize emotional abuse is that the abusers always feel superior to their victims and try to show the victims that they can’t do anything without them. They seem to always want to find faults in any action or decision the victims make without them in the bid to keep their victims dependent on them, so they question everything the victims do.
As a result of this excessive questioning, you always feel the need to defend yourself and everything you do.
5. They Gaslight You
Another common tactic emotional abusers use is gaslighting. Emotional abusers deny that events their victims talk about have happened to make their victims doubt themselves, and their judgments and question their perception of reality. This helps the abuser maintain control because their word becomes more realistic than the victim’s own beliefs, memory, or experience.
An emotional abuser might use some of these phrases to gaslight you; “I never said that”, “You’re crazy for thinking that” and “You’re making a bid deal out of nothing”.
6. They Use Insulting Language at You
To attack your self-esteem and worth, self-confidence, and value as a person, emotional abusers use insults and name-calling to degrade you. They might say things to you like “I’m the only one that can love you”, “You’re too stupid to earn a degree” and “you’ll never get a job”.
When such phrases are repeatedly said to the victims they might start to believe them, and this can affect the victim’s mental health. This tactic wears down the victim’s self-esteem and value.
7. They Are Extreme Jealousy
In addition, extreme jealousy is another way to recognize an emotional abuse. While jealousy is common in relationships, it is important to know that they are positive and negative levels. When jealousy leads to intense anger or controlling behaviors, it can be a warning sign of emotional abuse.
Such extreme jealousy stems from the abuser not feeling like they have power or control over you and your decisions. Some controlling behaviors the abuser may use are; monitoring your calls, texts, or emails, constantly accusing you of cheating, excessively calling you when you are not together, and controlling your appearance, including what you wear.
What To Do When Someone Is Abusing You Emotionally
The most important step in dealing with emotional abuse is identifying and acknowledging the abuse. By being honest to yourself about what you are experiencing you can begin to take back control of your life. Below are practicable steps to reclaim control of your life.
1. Prioritize Yourself
Always put yourself first when it comes to your physical and mental health. Take care of yourself, and stop worrying about pleasing the person abusing you. Be sure to practice self-care by exercising, eating, and resting appropriately. It is also important that you realize you are not to blame for the decisions and behavior of the abuser.
2. Establish Boundaries
Establish achievable boundaries by firmly letting the abuser know that you can’t tolerate their yelling, name-calling, insults, and so on. Also, let them know the consequence if they should choose to re-engage in their abusive behaviors. For example, anytime they call you names, you’ll leave the conversation.
3. Understand You Can’t Fix Them
Remind yourself that the abuser decided to behave in an abusive way and you are not to blame for their decisions. Also, understand that you cannot control their actions but you can control your response.
4. Build a Support Network
Sharing your experience with someone can be difficult but it could also be if great help. Talk to friends and family or even a therapist about your relationship with the abuser. Stay away from the abuser for some time and spend some time with loved ones who will provide you with the support you need. This network of friends and family will help you feel less isolated and their truths can help you put things into perspective.
5. Develop an Exit Plan
If the abuser has no intention of changing or stopping their abusive behavior, know that you can’t stay in this unhealthy relationship forever. You may need to take steps to end the relationship.
Each situation is different, so discuss your exit plan with trusted friends, family, or a therapist. Also, understand that such abuse often escalates when the abused decides to leave the relationship, so make plans for a safety net. You’ll need help from trusted friends, family, and a therapist to heal from the abuse you’ve experienced.
Conclusion
Emotional abuse may not leave scars and scratches but it can be as harmful as physical abuse or even more. How to recognize emotional abuse is important in understanding and addressing emotional abuse. Signs such as gaslighting, yelling, isolation, and others explained above, can be experienced in relationships with partners, family members, or coworkers.
Emotional abuse can be self-consuming, leading to a range of mental health issues. Reaching out to a mental health professional can be lifesaving.
FAQs
What are the effects of emotional abuse?
Emotional abuse directly affects the mental well-being of the victims. The criticism, verbal abuse, gaslighting, and name-calling degrades the victim’s self-esteem, and self-confidence and amplifies self-doubt and feelings of worthlessness and helplessness.
Emotional abuse also leads to health problems like depression and anxiety, stomach ulcers, eating disorders, rapid and irregular heartbeat, and insomnia.
How do I deal with emotional abuse?
Emotional abuse unlike physical abuse is difficult to identify, but when you do, here are some tips to address it; make yourself and how you feel a priority, stop blaming yourself, establish boundaries, work on an exit plan and reach out for support.
Why is emotional abuse difficult to identify?
Most victims of emotional abuse do not know they are being abused because they believe that everything they experience is common in a relationship. They believe everything the abuser says to them as such agreeing that they are being abused is extremely difficult and most times takes the help of a friend or family to recognize the abuse.
When is the right time to leave an abusive relationship?
Once you’ve been able to realize that you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, imagine the kind of relationship you want and compare them with the abusive one. Knowing what you want in a relationship will help you decide when to leave.
How do I help someone in an emotionally abusive relationship?
If you suspect a loved one or friend is in an emotionally abusive relationship, try to be supportive without judging or blaming them for staying. Educate yourself about emotional abuse about what they are going through, you can gently push them towards available resources or professionals that can help, and lastly, know that the decision to leave the relationship isn’t yours.
by Precious Alex-Toji | Mar 26, 2022 | Relationships & Weddings
The best Pick up line for guys whether they are meant to make your crush laugh or get you the girl you desire can be a reason she’d take your date offer or not.
Girls love smooth talkers. As a guy, chipping in a little bit of a cheesy pick up line for guys in your conversation can brighten her mood, spark her interest, and is an excellent conversation starter.
The success of these pick up line for guys working for you depends on your craftiness in using them. I watched a Tik-Tok video where the guy had attempted to use a pickup line for a girl, a stranger.
Let’s just say he ended up being aired like the north in harmattan.
If you are looking for the best pick up line fo ra guy, search no further. I bring you 40 carefully selected pickup lines ranging from the funny to the cheesiest lines to exist.
Funny Pick up Lines for a Guy
These pick up lines for guys are effective in creating a lively atmosphere when talking to your date or crush. And it’s no news that girls love funny guys.
Before you use these lines though, make sure your crush has a good sense of humor. You don’t want to drop a fire line and end up having to explain yourself.
- Know what’s on the menu? Me-N-U.
- Go ahead, feel my shirt. It’s made of boyfriend material!
- You look so familiar. Didn’t we take a class together? I could’ve sworn we had chemistry.
- Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk past you again?
- Are you a parking ticket? Cause you’ve got fine written all over you!
- I’m learning about important dates in history. Wanna be one of them?
- If you were a burger at McDonald’s, you’d be the McGorgeous.
- Are you a loan? Cause you’ve got my interest!
- I’m good at algebra; I can replace your X and you wouldn’t need to figure out Y.
- If I had to rate you from 1 to 10, I’d give you a 9, because I’m the 1 you’re missing.
- Have you been covered in bees recently? I just assumed because you look sweeter than honey.
- Remember me? Oh, that’s right, I’ve only met you in my dreams.
- I’m no mathematician, but I’m pretty good with numbers. Tell you what, give me yours and watch what I can do with it.
- I’ve got 1-ply, I’ve got 2-ply, but all I really want is your re-ply.
- I hope you know CPR because you are taking my breath away!
- Do you know what you would look really beautiful in? My arms.
- I think there’s something wrong with my phone. Could you try calling it to see if it works?
- Are you an electrician? Because you’re definitely lighting up my day/night
- If you were a Transformer, you’d be ‘Optimus Fine.’
- Want to go outside and get some fresh air with me? You just took my breath away.
Cheesy Pickup Lines
Oh, how I love cheesy lines! I like pick up line for guys that make people cringe and scream “Ah! Alex stop it!”
Well, I know my friends and I know how and when to use these lines. If you’re picking any of pick up line for guys, do well to use it correctly and with pinpoint accuracy so it doesn’t backfire.
- Are you a cat? Because you look purrrfect!
- I’m not a photographer, but I can picture me and you together.”
- I was going to call you beautiful, but then I realized I don’t have your number yet.
- I’m surprised that the restaurant/bar/etc. hasn’t asked you to leave yet. You’re so beautiful you’re making all the other girls look bad.
- Excuse me, I don’t mean to intrude, but you owe me a drink (pause) because when I saw you, I dropped mine.
- If you were a triangle, you’d be a-cute one!
- I think you are suffering from a lack of Vitamin me.
- I wish I’d paid more attention to science in high school because you and I have got chemistry and I want to know all about it.
- On a scale of 1 to 10, you’re a 9 and I’m the 1 you lack.
- Hey, do you mind if we take a picture together? I just want to show my mom what my next girlfriend looks like.
- Your lips look lonely. Would they like to meet mine?
- I’m not currently an organ donor, but I’d be happy to give you my heart.
- Your body is 65% water and I’m thirsty
- When I text you goodnight later, what phone number should I use?
- They say Disneyland is the happiest place on earth. Well apparently, no one has ever been standing next to you.
- Kiss me if I’m wrong but, dinosaurs still exist, right?
- I’m not a photographer, but I can definitely picture us together.
- Did your license get suspended for driving all these guys crazy?
- I would say God bless you, but it looks like he already did.
- Life without you would be like a broken pencil… pointless.
Best Pickup Lines
And now, for the crème da la crème of all pick up line for guys. These lines are such to make her stare and wonder what creative mind you’ve got.
- Even if there wasn’t gravity on earth, I’d still fall for you.
- I need to complain to Spotify for you not being named this week’s hottest single
- Do you have a band-aid? Cause I hurt my knee falling for you!
- Are you my phone charger? Because without you, I’d die.
- I never believed in love at first sight, but that was before I saw you.
- Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven.
- I didn’t know what I wanted in a woman until I saw you.
- Your hands look heavy. Do you mind if I hold ‘em for you?
- You’ve got everything I’ve been searching for, and believe me—I’ve been looking a long time
- Of all the beautiful curves on your body, your smile is my favorite.
- I was wondering if you’re an artist because you were so good at drawing me in.
- Let me tie your shoes, cause I don’t want you falling for anyone else.
- Do you have a map? I just got lost in your eyes.
- Are you a florist? Cause ever since I met you, my life has been rosy.
- Can I take your picture to prove to all my friends that angels do exist?
- Are you a magician? It’s the strangest thing, but every time I look at you, everyone else disappears.
- I always thought happiness started with an ‘h,’ but it turns out mine starts with ‘u.’
- Hi, I’m writing a project on the finer things in life, and I was wondering if I could interview you?
- If I had a star for every time you brightened my day, I’d have a galaxy in my hand.
Conclusion
The success of whatever pick up line for guys you choose depends on how classy you are in using them. This boils down to knowing how to add a bit of humour and wittiness to your conversations so you don’t sound all boring.
Whether they admit it or not, girls love guys that can make them laugh and smile. Adding a pickup line to your conversation might just be the ingredient you need to spice up your advances.
FAQs
What are pickup lines?
Think of pick-up lines as conversation starters with the intent of getting your crush to talk to you or go on a date with you.
Do girls like pick up lines?
Yes, they do! Well, it depends on how clever or creative you are when using a pick up line.
Do pick up lines for guys work?
The success of a pick up line depends on how creative you are when using it. If it makes her laugh, then you have her attention. Girls love funny guys.
What is the best pick up line to use on a girl?
There is no “best” pick up line for guys to use n your crush. Pick anyone you love above and use it with such wittiness, she’d hardly resist.
by Precious Alex-Toji | Mar 19, 2022 | Relationships & Weddings
If you’re in a relationship and you want to know when your partner is jealous, there are few signs of jealousy in a guy that you can use to find out.
Getting jealous in a relationship is pretty common and normal. If you love someone very much, you would naturally not want that person to have the same affection with someone else that isn’t you. Seeing your partner being too affectionate with someone will definitely make you jealous.
Jealousy comes as a result of fear or insecurity about losing someone. I was reading a post in a daily newspaper, and strangely, I found out that guys get more jealous than girls in a relationship.
Losing someone special can trigger more negative feelings, like anger and resentment. Therefore, knowing these signs of jealousy in a guy can help you identify when your man is getting envious, because, honestly, we won’t tell you.
Signs of Jealousy in a Guy
1. He Stalks Your Social Media
When a guy is jealous, he would want to know what you have been up to. Especially when you go out with friends, and he feels you have told him the details enough.
And what better place to verify, if not your social media posts?
One sign of jealousy in a guy is, he is always checking your social media pages to keep a tab on you. This might be as a result of him wanting to know who you’ve been hanging out with and what you’ve been doing.
You might be telling him about your day and he’d say “So why was his hands over your shoulders” and you’d be wondering where or how he saw it. My sister, you have been stalked online.
You can reassure him by being more open and letting him know the boundaries you have with your friends. It’s left to him to work on his insecurities.
2. He Gets Mood Swings When You Talk About Another Guy
You know how much men love their pride? If you have no idea, go to a football viewing center on a champions league night and observe the men whose team bottled the trophy. There is always an invisible competition between men.
It’s the reason why I don’t like muscular men. All those muscles won’t take them to heaven.
Another sign of jealousy in a guy is his reaction whenever you talk about another guy. For clarity, never compare your man with another, except you are about to praise your man.
Your man can feel uncomfortable when you’re talking about another guy, even if it’s telling him how you were helped to cross the highway. It’s okay if he feels jealous. I mean, if I had a girl, I would want to be her Captain America and Thanos.
What you should look out for, is your man’s reaction when you are telling him about another guy. Does he suddenly sound unbothered? Tries to downplay the conversation? Or shrugs it off?
3. He is Suddenly Overtexting
I love to text my girl a lot, and I mean a lot. (Ha! Alex, you have a girl?)
It is pretty normal to receive 5, 6 text messages from me at once. However, not every man is like me. Some find texting very inconvenient and would prefer to message in short form.
When your man, who does not fancy texting, begins to blow your phone with messages, I’m glad to tell you, my sister, you have a jealous man on your hands.
Receiving multiple texts from a guy you know doesn’t text much is a sign that he’s jealous. I mean, it’d feel weird on your part as a girl to receive a lot of text from someone you know doesn’t like texting.
He suddenly wants to know what you’re doing at that moment, if you’re at the office or at the shopping mall in need of an abaya. I have seen this happen to my friends in class, and it can be so funny.
4. He Begins to Question Your Friends and Family
You can identify the signs of jealousy in a guy by how far he’s ready to get to find out more about what you’ve been up to.
A jealous guy who wants to know what you’ve been up to and who you interact with would go as far as asking questions from your friends and family.
Sometimes, he might even want to win them over to his side. He suddenly becomes an undercover FBI agent and goes around asking about your activities from your friends.
This can happen because he’s probably not convinced about his trust in you.
5. He Begins to Act Very Possessively
A jealous guy would naturally be a possessive guy. He’d definitely not want to share what belongs to him with others.
You know how children have a special toy they wouldn’t release to anybody, not even their parents? That’s just the type of possessiveness a jealous guy would exhibit.
When your man begins to dictate who you should talk to, the kind of places he doesn’t want you to go and the companies you interact with, then you should look out for actions that show his jealousy.
I have had friends who wouldn’t want their girl to go for an outing because she was too pretty. I find it funny because if I have a beauty, why would I want to hide her?
6. He Gets Too Clingy
I am putting this out there now. I am a clingy guy, and I get very attached to my girl. I like to hold her tight. But I also want my girl to have a life of her own outside our relationship.
A jealous guy would act more needy than usual. He would want to spend more time with you than necessary and that would hinder you from having your personal space. If you can’t boast of having your own space in a relationship, check out the boundaries you’ve set.
Most times, he’s probably not spending time with you because he wants to. He’s trying to avoid you spending that time with someone else that’s not him.
Look out for the kind of conversations he brings up when you’re together. Is he comparing himself with someone you know? Probably someone you’ve talked about before?
7. He Gets Very Reactionary
All it takes to let out emotions that have been suppressed for a long time is a simple issue. As simple as you forgetting the remote on the chair when it should be on the table.
When a guy is jealous, he would react way out of proportion over things you might consider flimsy. Say he’s trying to call and can’t reach you; he’d get upset when he does reach you because it’d leave him wondering what you were up to.
Overreacting is another signs of jealousy in a guy. If he begins to drag issues or flare up at the slightest provocation, there might be underlying emotions waiting for expressions that you both might have to talk about.
Conclusion
It is natural to be jealous when you have a partner. It shows you actually love the person you’re with.
What is unhealthy is when you do not address reasons why you are jealous and allow it to affect the beauty of your relationship. If you notice some of these signs of jealousy in your man, a simple chat can take away his fears.
Guys are too proud to tell you how jealous they can be. We won’t admit it, but we feel it. If you’ve had scenarios with a jealous partner, let me know how you handled it in the comment section.
Maybe, just maybe, when I get jealous too, I would know how to handle it.
by Rebecca Bala | Mar 12, 2022 | Relationships & Weddings
Over the years I’ve had people ask me this question. Why are you always single? I’ve heard the “Do you want to be a nun”, “Why are you so picky” questions. Although my reason for being single may be totally different from others, I’ve found out that there are some reasons that are more common than others. While some people are single because they have no interest in romantic relationships, others are for a whole variety of reasons. Here is a list of some reasons why people remain single.
10 Reasons Why Some People Remain Single
1. Fear of Heartbreak
One of the reasons why some people remain single falls in the line of defence. People have been in relationships that broke them so badly and their reaction to that hurt is to make sure they never get hurt again. There’s always that fear of getting committed again and being treated the same way. Some of these painful experiences can build up to bitterness and force us to build up walls. It’s sort of a defence mechanism to protect ourselves.
There’s no relationship that will thrive without trust and vulnerability and some people never get to the point where they completely trust again so they rather stay single.
2. Being Stuck in a Fantasy
As young children, especially females, we already had a big picture of what we wanted our lives to be. Fall in love with prince charming and live happily ever after. We could blame that on Disney. Some people never really outgrow these fantasies and this is why some people remain single. There’s a picture they have of the kind of relationship they want and when they put themselves out there and can’t find what they pictured, they’d rather stay single and daydreaming than undream and accept that there’s no perfect relationship. Until you are open-minded when looking for a partner, you’ll always be disappointed.
Hardly is there anyone that can meet those unrealistic expectations you have. If you do not want to die single, then you should try living in the present rather than in your fantasy.
3. Busy Schedules
I know a lot of people who say they are too busy to pursue a romantic relationship. You may have heard some people make statements like
“I don’t have time for girls; I’m trying to make money”
“I can’t deal with relationship drama. I don’t have the time”.
“Relationships are distractions”
“My job sustains and fulfills me. I don’t need a partner”.
Whether it’s school, work, or raising kids, some people work so hard and so many hours of the day, they never get the time to go on dates. They are career-focused and have tight schedules; they think having a partner will be a burden. Some people have no social lives outside work. It’s just work, work, and more work. The only people they meet daily are colleagues and with some companies’ policy that says no office romance, colleagues are off-limits.
For single parents who have to raise their children all by themselves, from changing diapers to attending PTA meetings, some never get the time to pursue romantic relationships. If building your life around your career makes you happy, why not. If you want a relationship but can’t find the time, then you have to intentionally make time and make it part of your priorities.
4. Self-Discovery
Self-discovery is a common reason why some people remain single. As we mature and grow as individuals, we begin to ask important questions about ourselves like “What’s my purpose for being here”, “Who Am I?” and some deep questions to know ourselves fully. while some people don’t mind finding themselves when they are in a relationship, some others are strong believers that you can’t effectively search deep into your soul to find out who you are until you take time away and be by yourself.
They embrace the solitude and peace that singleness affords and take time to focus on their inner self, their preferences, and their wellbeing.
5. Negative Feelings towards Relationships
There is no denying that the rate of divorce has skyrocketed and it’s starting to seem those romantic relationships take more from you than it benefits you. For this reason, some people have negative feelings towards relationships. Why even try when it’ll end up in divorce or worse- destroying your life. Failed marriages and relationships project relationships as stress and ultimately a fight you can’t win. This is why some people remain single.
6. Low Self-Esteem
Some people want a romantic relationship but they don’t believe anyone will want them.
They have low self-esteem and a negative image of themselves that even when someone shows genuine interest, they never believe they genuinely love them. They make statements like:
“I’m too fat, too short, too skinny, or too ugly”
“He’s way out of my league”,
“She’ll grow tired of me”,
“He’ll be settling with me”.
Some people run away from people they have an interest in. They’ll rather stay away from them in fear of rejection. This may be due to some childhood trauma or past relationships that left them feeling unworthy and rejected. I may not know so much but I know that there is someone out there for everyone.
If your reason for being single is this, I want you to know that you are worthy. Don’t write off your relationships before they’ve even started. Put yourself out there and give yourself the chance to love and be loved.
7. Pickiness
In the process of finding the right one, some people become too picky. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you should settle for just anybody but when your reason for rejecting suitors is lame and unbecoming, you just may be picky. Bad experiences and unrealistic expectations can make us pickier and automatically write off potential partners.
There are still good people out there, you have to stop pinpointing their weaknesses and see the best in them. Sometimes we think we are settling for less but the truth is we haven’t even given them the chance to show us who they really are. We may find out that they are good people.
8. Routine
People dread change and factors that force them to leave their comfort zone. I also have this problem. I remember one time when I was introduced to someone over the phone. The conversation was going nice until he asked to meet. I bailed on the nigga. I would be lying if I say it happened only once. When people ask me out on a date, I become stressed. All I want to do on weekends is to curl up under my blanket, watch dumb movies till I fall asleep. Having to dress up and go out into this uncertain and anxiety-provoking world is not something I’m used to doing. I prefer staying single than compromising my routine to accommodate another person.
The funny thing is I enjoy my own company so I never feel lonely or unhappy. If you are interested in a relationship but have a problem with leaving your comfort zone, I recommend that you make an effort to get out into the world; go on dates, meet new people and try new activities. Challenge the inner voice in you that keeps making you choose your comfort zone over taking the risk of putting yourself out there. Yes, you may get hurt but not trying at all reduces your chances of finding love.
9. Sexual Dysfunctions
It may sound a little bit strange but this is in fact another reason why some people remain single. Some people have sexual dysfunctions and due to the knowledge of that, refrain from entering romantic relationships. They don’t believe anyone will want them after knowing their problem. The truth is not everyone is open to dating people that are disabled or have one disorder or the other. In order to save themselves from rejection, they choose to stay single. Choosing to be single is a way of self-protection.
10. Peace of Mind
We can all attest to the fact that relationships come with ups and downs and while some people have accepted that it is part of the package, others can’t deal with the unnecessary drama. They feel relationships temper with their peace of mind and negatively affect their mental health. The fact that they have to be answerable to someone doesn’t sit well.
Others don’t have time for fight and chaos. Singleness affords them the peace that a relationship doesn’t. This is one reason why some people remain single.
Conclusion
Whatever your reason for being single is, whether by choice or by circumstances, the most important thing is to make sure you are happy with your choice and maximize your singleness. While some people tag singleness as a bad thing, it’s not always the case. You can fully embrace and enjoy your life as a single person. At the end of the day, your choice to be in a relationship or your choice to remain single should bring out the best in you.
In addition, if your previous experiences or that of people around you is the limiting factor, just remember that holding back won’t make the pain go away. It’ll only stop you from experiencing better in the future. So free yourself from the bitterness and when you are healed and ready, allow yourself to love again. With love, there are no guarantees but it is a battle that is always worth fighting for.
